15th February

7 AM

I lay lazily in my bed as the zephyrs gusts into my room playing against the long yard curtains that now sways amongst each other. The soft morning rays fall on his face and I witness the serene view with my honey orbs capturing the moment on my canvas of heart.

My fingertips cease his bare chest slowly moving towards his heart involuntarily, a habit of mine I have grown used to in all these years. My fingertips halt their trail just near his tattoo, my eyes glistered as rays fall upon those. Slowly I let my fingers move against it, with extreme care.

For someone else, this would be one beautiful art, 'Cloud', his tribute to his passion for flying but me, it was the deadliest wound. Three superficial and two internal stitches even then this wound didn't stop bleeding that night.

Blood, and pain, I almost lost him because of this one. That night inside the Operation theatre I witnessed millions of emotion at once, above all was fear of losing him. I saw them stitching him once twice, his heart collapsed once and then I stepped in, choking the lump that was formed in my throat, that was my first time, and as I gave him that electric shock my heart creased, then the machines beeped again, his heart started beating again and that time I got my breath back.

They say we all had our written stories even before it started, mine and his were written with blood and scars.

I have seen him dying, I have seen him coming back to life, I have seen him broken beyond repair and I have seen him healed.

I have witnessed him lying in that hospital bed for weeks without moving a single digit, without batting his eyes.

"Do you think he will recover?"

"He will. People like him always do."

"People like him.?"

"People who fight till their last breath even if it is a lost cause. People like him who are born to fight who are born to fly." My voice used to be soft yet they held unknown confidence in them.

Then one day he blinked his lids and I knew, I am not leaving this case anytime soon. Slowly he recovered his wounds healed in three months but then again something stayed behind.

Reyansh Bakshi had long left the battlefield but the war didn't leave him anytime soon. I had seen him woke up drenched in sweats during my night shifts, nightmares of the war running inside his head. I had seen him staying up all night sitting straight in bed just to avoid those demons.

On those nights I just talk to him. He used to tell me about his life, his mother whom he lost in recent months, his father who was martyred and his dream of flying. A few months later when he was discharged I knew that would never be our last meeting.

When we started doing private sessions, many times I advised him to go for a professional Psychiatrist but he didn't. I was just a student but I knew he was healing with me, he was healing me.

A soft smile appears on my lips as I recall all those signs he used to give me. But there's always a difference between naive love and mature love. We had the latter kind.

"You are just like my dream." He told me that once sitting near the shore under the clouds.

"And sometimes dreams end the moment you wake up."

"Means?"

"Don't fall for me as I am not the easy one to love. Embracing me comes with my baggage of an emotionally messed up girl who can ruin everything in the blink of an eye.
Don't fall for me there will be days when I won't love you, there are days when I don't love myself when I don't even want to wake up.
Don't fall for me ever as I am just another broken girl who has lost many of its pieces and all I am holding now is hope and a shattered heart, so don't fall in love with this beautiful dream of yours which may never be your reality."

As those words left my lips a sudden pull makes me clashed with his hard chest. I saw a fire ignited in those dark brown eyes jaws clenched.

"And who told you I am looking for anything easy to handle. I want adventure in my, and with my job gone, I need more of that." He held me close his eyes spoke the truth of his raw words.

"About coming with baggage aren't we all carrying a piece of baggage of past and once in a while we have to let go of it, you just need a reason for that, I want to be that.
And for all those days when you can't love yourself, I want to love you even more and for all days when you don't want to wake up I want to cuddle back into the bed with you for days when you can't love me I promise I will love you even more.
And if you are broken I hadn't seen anyone stronger enough to hold their head high as you do, and Reyansh Bakshi never dreams of something which can't be a reality. You are my dream and my reality too.
I had fallen in love with you even before I know how you look, I have fallen in love with this girl who had every ounce of faith in me when I had none. I am in love with you and nothing can change that, take it or leave it."

He left my hand with a jerk and all of them was all empty, all cold void again. All the warmth was a lot as the storm had come and I was not even ready for rain.

I left him that day, I didn't open the doors of heart that night mayhem of the storm that surrounds us, for I was too scared to look his face in the shattered heart of mine, to give that, I had a heart to protect, a broken one.

His hold tightens around my waist as I came back to my presence where he snuggled inside my chest, I know what he is doing. A soft laugh left my lips.

"It's trickling Ansh."

"Ummm" he doesn't respond. He is too occupied grasping my essence in him, a habit of him.

I know he is still scared to sleep alone sometimes and it troubles him to let me go anywhere alone, yet he asked me to do that. One more thing I love about him, his selfless kind of love.

7.30 PM

Amidst the chaos of the city somewhence I have found a feeling of peace in the man that sits beside me behind the wheels. Someone who kept me sane amidst all mayhems.

"This traffic and Mumbai go hand in hand."

"As if you didn't know about it before."

"Well, I did maybe that's why I came to drop you just to have these few extra moments with you." I laughed at this, oh, how I love this when he talks when straight face saying the most romantic thing. An art he has mastered.

As I drew my black waves into a low bun I let my eyes roam towards his face letting me travel back to that day particular day when I decided to ran away for once and for all.

That summer night when I walked inside the airport and the entries close behind me I knew it was not only memories I am leaving behind, I was leaving a piece of my heart.

I had gotten my Degree and had decided to go back to a place people call my home. A home I have to go not because I want to. The closed gates behind me remind me of my closed heart how I didn't let my heart beats for him, how I chose not to have another chance in love, how I didn't open the doors of my heart when love knocked this time, hard.

The passengers travelling from Mumbai to Kolkata via Vistara 598 are requested to board the flights. Here the last announcements for the passengers... All the voice fades in the background as my mind for once becomes blank.

I close my eyes, gulping my tears, allowing the pain.

Love had ruined me enough I don't afford that again. But then a soft voice rings in the back of my mind, 'Why can't we forgive ourselves as we do to others? Why do we have to carry these mountains on our shoulders? Why can't we give our selves second chances when we have given thousands to others.'

By that time I had lost my sanity. I was standing on the broader one step ahead and I go back to the place I left, to a home that doesn't feel like one. To a place known to me yet will choke me to die sooner or later.

I was standing on the line where one step back is the adventure that will give a hope to live, an adrenaline rush with each passing day, a chance in happiness a chance in love one step back and I will let myself live again, let him live again.

That will raise chaos, a war between the realities and a hope of dawn after all these gloomy years. But above all I would be just taking another chance, a gamble, either I win or I lose, and this time the bait is not only my heart and it's pieces, it will my soul too.

Tears beam my honey orbs as I hear my heartbeats, yet I feel like losing my breath. And then I did it, I took a step back then another and then turned around towards the existing gates.

Taking a cab I went to the apartment, I barged through those brown doors, and there he stands, surprised shocked clad in trousers and a white t-shirt. "Welcome Home Baby," he whispered.

And I hugged him tight, at that moment I knew I was home. "I don't know whether you love me or not, but I can't lose this beautiful friendship I have....." He keeps on saying all those pieces of stuff half of which I don't even hear or made sense all I knew was that day I chose myself above all, that day I barged into his place and we made our home out of that.

That summer night petrichor touches the ground sending the message of peace in the air, the promise of hope that lingers amongst it as the breezes sway along with the tress mad in love, like us.

"..Khwab you alright?" Ansh's hold against my elbow brings me back from my wonderland.

"Huh?"

"I said we are here." His brows furrowed seeing my lost self.

"Oh, we reached." He smiled softly leaning towards me kissing my lips sealing the moment as if telling me everything will be fine.

"It's just a week and then you will be back here in my arms." I smiled.

"Yeah, I know. Listen have your meals on time don't skip them, go for the walk and yes all your stuff are in the left cabinet, left not the right one. And please don't make my home a mess when I return." He laughed at this, and that's been my favourite music for years now as I bid him a good-bye. A week without him, a week away from home.

11.11 PM, Kolkata

The moon is hidden behind the clouds as the soft breezes touch my face. A known smell touches my nostril as I smiled. The smell of the city, of the banks of Ganga. As I look out of the Uber window I see the serenity of the river. This had been my home for ages yet today when I step back here I miss Reyansh's hold.

I rested my head on the windowsill as my mind roams back to my childhood days. Then the cab takes the turn and crosses my school, I smiled at those memories.

The car crosses the next two blocks and my smile conquered on my lips as this time my breath didn't halt, I didn't feel anything crossing that alley two blocks away from my school. I smiled as I know, it's gone, it passed.

The winds smile along and I let them play with few bangs that cover my face as I receive the call I was waiting for.

"You have reached Khwab?"

"I have. And I love you Ansh."

For I know he loves me even more.

Kyuki kuch dard lafz banke hothon say baya nahi hote.