"Why are you here?" I demanded.

  Dad blinked in surprise. "Lala, it's me! Dad! I wanted to see how you are-"

  "You don't get to be worried about us." I growled. "You left us so that means you're no longer apart of the family."

  Dad's face fell. "I know I made a lot of mistakes." He began as the door opened.

  "Isla? Why aren't you coming..." Pops's voice trailed off when he locked eyes with Dad. I could see it in his eyes. The pain. He's broken. Just like me.

  "What do you want?" He asked flatly.

"I know I hurt you, and I am so sorry but I just want to be apart of our children's lives." Dad said pleadingly.

  Pops was shaking, his breathes ragged. Aunt Helen must've heard what was going on and she shoved open the door wider so she could join in.

  "You made the decision to leave. You've made your bed, now you have to sleep in it. These empty apologies are just to make you feel better, to feel closure not to benefit your former family." Pops told him, his voice trembling.

  I can't believe this was happening. When he first left all I ever wanted was for him to come back. But right now I felt sick at his very presence was beside me. His expensive cologne let off a strong scent and he wore the stupid business suit he always did. He was older now, his darker hair streaked lightly with grey. Small wrinkles now formed under his eyes.

  But the familiar face brought back to many memories.

  "Pops?" Leif said softly. Peering around Aunt Helen. "What's going on?"

  "Hey buddy, you've gotten so big!" Dad said, smiling down at him. Pops clenched his fists but didn't say anything that wasn't appropriate for Leif to here.

  Leif's brow furrowed as he focused on the fade before him. Then his eyes widened with recognition. But instead of joy his face twisted into anger as tears streamed from his face.

  "You left me!" He screamed. "You said you'd always stay with me!" He suddenly screamed. My heart broke when I remembered that day. Leif was very little but he had been upset about something, Dad had made the empty promise of saying he'd always be there for Leif.

  "Leif, honey, why don't we go out hm?" Aunt Helen asked, fixing a glare on Dad. Leif struggled, kicking and screaming, causing neighbours to open their doors, voicing concern. I felt overwhelmed as Dad began talking again, his words blurring with Pops's responses and Aunt Helen's own angry shouts as she tried to soothe Leif. Tears were forming, I was never a cryer and I hadn't full on sobbed in a long time but suddenly that's what was happening.

  Aunt Helen wrapped an arm around me as the pain and aching in my heart seemed like knives. My perfect family had been split apart and my whole life was tearing bit by bit.

  "Isla." Aunt Helen said urgently.

  I could hardly comprehend her voice but a little hand grabbed at the bottom of my shirt and clenched it in his tiny fists. Leif. I had to stay strong for him. Just like I always have.

  I picked him up, holding the tearful child to my chest as I grabbed my bag and Aunt Helen handed me the keys. Dad was talking to me, trying to stop me.

  "Isla, don't leave, I'm sorry-"

  "I'm done with people being sorry!" I screamed. "I'm done with the pitying stares, the odd looks, the isolation! I'm done with the sad air and having to give up everything because of others mistakes! If you really cared about us you'd leave!"

  With that I pushed past him, letting the flood gates open as I ran down the stairs to the garage. I strapped the sobbing Leif into his car seat, trying to stop my hands from shaking  and the tears from flowing as I turned the key and hit the gas. I needed to get out of here. I needed to leave.

  I was barely aware of where I was going. I hardly knew what I was doing. Finally I couldn't see through the tears and I pulled over jerking to a stop that made Leif cry out.

  "I'm sorry sweetie." I cried, taking his hand as I fumbled for my phone. I dialled the number blindly before pressing the phone to my ear.

  It rang for awhile before a voice sounded.

  "Hey Isla."

  "Cecilia?" I hated that my tone wavered and was cracking into pieces as I swiped at my cheeks. "I need a favour."

******

   Cecilia didn't ask any questions when I arrived, eyes puffy and tear streaks down my cheeks. She didn't ask when I brought my drained brother inside or when I canceled a call from Kai. She showed me a room and told me to get Leif settled before telling me to come talk whenever I was ready.

  I put Leif in bed, handing him his old bear and tucking him into the clean crisp sheets. I kissed him on the forehead as he tiredly laid down and snuggled into the plush pillows.

  When I finally left I found Cecilia informing her parents that I was here on the phone before she hung up and looks expectantly at her. I broke down and told her everything. About each and every person who ever left me. I told her about Steve and about Savannah. I told her about how Dad cheated on Pops and the responsibilities I took on. I told her about how Aunt Helen gave up so much time for us and how Pops rarely have a real smile anymore. About how hard holidays were and how Pops had trouble moving on. I told her about my trust issues and at last I spilled about how Kai loved me and how I loved him but I couldn't let myself fall in love because I couldn't handle another heartbreak.

  When I finished I was so drained, my tears were dry, and I felt hysterical. I was a complete mess but I felt the weight I had been carrying for so long lift up. Just a little bit.

  "You're awesome." Was all Cecilia said, giving me a big hug. She didn't say I'm sorry or you'll get through this she said you're awesome. Though I didn't feel awesome those words somehow lit something within me as I sunk into the embrace .

*******

"I can't." Was all I said. I had thought I could for so long. Pretending had become a norm. Pretending I was good at school. Pretending I was okay with Dad staying the the house because he "didn't have a place to stay" (aka he just wouldn't and Pops was to nice to call the police on him). Pretending Cecilia's parents didn't give Leif and I sympathetic looks. Pretending Kai wasn't trying to talk every five seconds, pretending, pretending, pretending.

But I couldn't pretend that I could go to the play.

  Cecilia understood. Cecilia always understood. Even when my words seemed to jumble together, when I just sat there and stared outside all night, when I wondered when the empty hole in my chest would ever be filled ever again.

  But she also understood I couldn't run away any longer.

  "Is it because you're scared?" Cecilia asked. She was dressed in her dark grey cardigan a nice lighter grey jacket over top. Her hair had been straightened. I hated that I was going to make her late that I was wasting her time. But with Cecilia she always seemed to have all the time in the world for others.

  "Yeah." I never admitted that to anyone. But right now that hole was getting a little to big for me to be spreading lies.

  "Why are you scared?"

"I'm scared of seeing everyone there. I'm scared of seeing Kai there. I'm scared if I see Dad there." I replied, my hands shaking.

  Cecilia have a sad smile as she draped the multicoloured wrap over my shoulders.

  "I think Pops is ready to see you on stage, in your element, doing what you love. I think that you really love Kai and sometimes if you think someone is worth it you are ready to make the sacrifice. I think that if you're not ready to fully accept your Dad into your life he'll have to be okay with that." Cecilia was truly life smart.

  Giving myself a little shake I raised the star shades over my eyes. "Okay...I'm not ready. But I'm doing this."

*****

  Curtain was about to be going up. I was hanging in the background. I could feel my nerves zinging around. Everyone was lining up to go on stage. I was barely aware of Kai being there until he stopped my hands from twiddling the macaroni necklace I had on my neck.

  "Hey," he looked into my eyes. "You'll do great."

  I shook my head. "No I won't."

  Kai pressed his lips together. "Maybe this will help, I was going to give it to you earlier but..." He thrust something into my hands.

It was a paperback. Shiny and new. The familiar celestial cover was barely distinguishable in the dark backstage.

  "Stargazer." I breathed. The same book he had torn up by accident.

  "Look, I...haven't been a good best friend. I should've waited. And I am ready to wait as long as possible." Kai said. "Even if you never end up loving me."

  I bit my lip. The tears ready to form. "Kai I-"

  "You're on!" A freshman who had offered to be a stagehand whispered to the group as they quickly made their way on stage. I waited in the background. I took a deep breath, clearing my nerves and setting the book down as the lights went on.

  "Where's Ari? We need to start."

I watched as the play unfolded, something I loved about acting, how a scene could unfold, a story to life. Then my cue.

"Wow. This is hard work."

I stepped onstage, slightly adjusting my large poured up pigtails as I entered. "Sorry I'm late everyone." I spoke my first line.

"What are you wearing?" Kai asked, his brow furrowing. "Is the circus in town?"

The play went by quick, words quickly being said, funny lines hit well the with the crowd. I couldn't help smile myself at some of the lines.

"I like the word pool and I like the word party. But I don't like the word work, especially when it's attached to the word volunteer." Paul recited.

I smiled as I went backstage to get ready for my next scene picking up the book I had left.

"Nice book." Quinn grunted. "...straw girl?"

"Stargirl, it's Stargirl." Kai told her.

"Oh. That's really cute." She said in a monotone.

"It's not cute." Kai protested in perfect acting. "And it's not mine. It's a book about a star....and a girl." Then he hurried off stage as the crowd laughed.

It was near the end of the play when I finally saw my family in the crowd.

"Culture isn't normal, it's abnormal. We have this illusion that it's normal to be selfish and competitive. Normal was originally designed to be giving, loving positive, and encouraging. Our culture messed up that norm. And I'm trying to reclaim it."

The words coming from my mouth were powerful. Words I had never recited myself ever before, it inspired me. I stared into the audience and my breath caught when I saw Pops there in the crowd. He had tears in his eyes as he smiled, Aunt Helen waved wildly, bouncing Leif on her knee. And in the very background, near the door I could see Dad hanging in the shadows.

"You're never going to change everybody." Kai said his next line.

"You're right. That's why I'm starting with you. Read the book and you might get it." I said as I turned and walked off stage.

"I hate it when she makes sense." Kai recited. The funny thing was how close those words were to real life.

******

I grinned out into the crowd as we did our final bows, we hurried off stage to greet our families. Kai got body slammed by all the ninja, Cecilia was given flowers by her parents, I searched the crowd for my own family and smiled when a little figure came running, holding a rumpled Bouquet of dandelions.

"I'm so proud of you." Pops whispered as he pulled me in for a hug, his hand grazing over my head.

I smiled as Aunt Helen have me a huge hug that cracked ever one of my ribs. "Who wants ice cream? I found a fifty dollar bill on the ground back there and I'm planning on spending it!"

I laughed as Pops gave me a hair ruffle and led Leif away. I smiled as Harry gave me a wink but my eyes widened when he drew up beside my father and took his hand. My grin grew wider when Pops squeezed it as they worked through the people.

"Isla?" I turned to see Dad standing there.

"Hi." I said plainly.

"You did great." Dad told me softly.

There was a pause before he slowly continued, tears in his eyes. "I know I don't deserve a second chance...but I was lost and I made a mistake....I just want to be apart of your life again. If...if you don't want me to I'll go but..." He was sobbing now. "But I love you and I'm sorry I wasn't there for you with every thing....and I want to be better." He choked up again.

I stared at him. This was different from the put together man I remembered. That knew exactly what he wanted all the time.

"I forgive you." I breathed. He jerked his head up to look at me. "But...I'm not ready for you to be suddenly what you were before."

"I can...I can accept that." Dad said. He raised his hand hesitantly. "Can I hug you?"

I pressed my lips together and nodded. He wrapped his arms around me, crying a little into my hair. It felt good to be back in his arms. Even if they weren't one of my Dad's. I wasn't sure what we were anymore. But for once I didn't mind not knowing.

He gave me a wave when he left and I made my way to where my family was waiting. Music drifted from the speakers.

"Like a small boat on the ocean,"

A familiar face came up and I changed course, pushing past a surprised Savannah.

"Sending big waves into motion."

I ran up to where Kai was laughing with Cole. The broad shouldered boy saw me coming and excused himself as Kai turned to see who it was.

"Like how a single word can make a heart open."

"I love you." I blurted out. His eyes widened. "I'm still broken...I'm still fragile. But I ready to play with a little bit of fire for you."

"I might only have one match...."

Kai smiled.

"I've loved you since I met you." He said breathlessly. I slowly reached my hand up, cupping his chin. I stared into those same warm eyes.

"But I can make an explosion."

And I kissed him.

Reasons Why I Love Kai #1: He's perfect for me