chapter thirty-six ;; lace skirt
jeongguk's perspective
°☆.。.:*・°☆

"It looks so good." Taehyung beams, looking up at me from his seat on my bed.

Even though I wasn't supposed to, I still felt bad about what happened last night and decided to do whatever Taehyung wished. He wanted to see me cross dress, so my legs were currently on show while wearing a skirt and leg garters. Soft and white stockings held onto my legs and left little to the imagination as the white garters held them up so they wouldn't fall. Bruises in the size of fingertips littered my thighs, but we acted like those weren't there. The white skirt consisted of lace, my most favorite one hidden for far too long.

I'd been worried about him getting uncomfortable and weirded out at the sight of me in frilly skirt, swaying when I walked around with a slight jump. Two years had passed by, but nonetheless a feeling of a bubbly happiness remained. I'd never wear it in public, of course. This was only meant for Taehyung.

A bright smile was clear on his face, and a pink was running across mine. He beckoned me forward with a loose arm drawing out, the light markings of cherry blossoms running across bruises. I took his hand with my cream-sweater-covered one and accepted the light tug to sit down.

He was obviously aware of actions he should do and not do now, only holding onto me with a nod or an okay. Cautious and intended, like a baby fox. A fox and a bunny, that's what we are. Unattended and almost impossible to work out, but somehow still together with interlocked fingers as my back was to his stomach.

"Y-You really like it?" I quietly ask. An undeniable bliss was spreading throughout the room.

"I love the sweater." He informs me with his chin resting on my smaller shoulder. His coarse hands with the red and purple knuckles play with the oversized cuffs on the soft fabric covering half of my hands.

"Thank you." I smile and turn my head so I can look up at him. It was as if the world stood still, just for us, "I was worried that you would...y'know...not really be a big fan." My voice confesses, becoming softer and eyes looking down at hands.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know. Not many people have been a fan of this. Father wasn't very fond of it. He didn't want his only son to dress as a girl."

Taehyung rolls his eyes, "That man can go fuck himself." He angrily says with a protective tone, holding me closer, "You look good like this, and that's the only recognition you need. Now, enough about your dad. We shouldn't waste our energy on someone who doesn't deserve it." He announces with a proud voice, grabbing my hips and taking me off of his lap before standing up, putting his hand out for me to hold onto.

"Where are we going?" I cautiously ask once feeling the coarse skin and standing up from my bed.

"Nowhere, we're just going to put your stars back up. I miss them." Taehyung explains with a light and frothy tone, a small smile on his face. He was already dragging me over to the messy pile of plastic stacked on top of my desk, "I remember what you said last night, how you took them down because they died out just like you did, but I am pleased to announce that you," Taehyung grabs the first one on the stack, white specks of paint on the back from being peeled off and places it into the hand he held onto, "are very much alive." A sugary kiss for me, tasting of candy. It tasted as sweet as the boy who was currently stepping onto my bed with four stars in hand.

"You really like the stars that much?" I ask him with a questioning tone, grabbing two other ones before crawling onto the white comforter. My skirt was short to begin with, showing off quite a bit once bending down.

"They're the perfect metaphor for someone like you, so I want you to look at them while day dreaming in here." He explains and glances over at my struggling self that couldn't quite reach the ceiling, hopping up to only graze the surface. Taehyung chuckles at me, "Just hand me the stars, and I'll put them up." I nod, bending back down to get off the bed and scurrying once realizing the view Taehyung had. Another laugh from his beautiful mouth.

"Here." I whisper and place two more stars into his hand, where he reaches up and attaches them back to the places he remembered. Thankfully, Taehyung had a good memory, and there was no reason for me to fret about his ability to put the plastic back in its rightful place.

A beautiful silence fell after that moment. The light sound of plastic was heard as Taehyung continued to attach each star one at a time, making sure that they were in a good spot. He knew exactly how much the stars meant to me and didn't care about how childish it was. I was a childish person who enjoyed stuffed animals and fluffy blankets. It was amazing how pieces of plastic manufactured by some company made me so happy.

The breeze from my ceiling fan left the room cool and comfortable, adoring the sweet smell of freshly cut grass as the land lord decided today was a good day to cut it. In no way did it feel like fall but rather spring time where things were blooming instead of dying off. Fall was a time where death was beautiful, leaves turning shades of warm colors and annoying bugs leaving for now. A beacon of hope that maybe death could be a beautiful thing, that's what it was.

The next ten minutes were spent of fingertips brushing as stars with a new beginning were passed in between, and loving smiles were exchanged without a sound. My garters had to be fixed two times, and my baggy sweater sleeves had to be rolled because it became slightly warm. Nonetheless, we were happy and hiding from the chaos of the world outside. Our current and old friends were somewhere, doing their own things and possibly thinking about what we were up to. It was much more enjoyable to stay inside instead of finding out.

Seokjin and Namjoon were happily together in our own imagination as Taehyung hopped off of the bed and guided me to the crumbled papers of poetry.

Jimin and Yoongi were only ever friends as Taehyung lifts his hands up to take out blue thumbtacks from white walls.

Hoseok wasn't in pain as my own dainty fingers reached up to help.

Taehyung and I were happily and stupidly in love as we neatly folded up the pages of cursive and scribbles.

A fight never broke out as Taehyung beckons me to write new poetry, words of happiness and contentment instead of pain and torture.

I never cried as I take the same pen used to doodle on Taehyung's arm and write down new words to explain new found emotions, conjuring up new similes and metaphors.

Taehyung never shouted at me as his hands comfortably rest on my hips, running fingertips over the baggy sweater and mouthing the words that flew out in ink onto my marked neck.

Yoongi never drank and gave out everything as Taehyung takes away the papers that weren't crumbled in frustration and anger and puts them up with scotch tape instead of harmful blue thumbtacks.

I never brushed the thumbtacks across my fingertips without thought as Taehyung hands me the clear and plastic box, telling me with a firm and kind tone to throw them out, which I obey and do without thinking twice.

I never caused Taehyung the loss of his friends as he sits me down, taking out the baby blue nail polish he knew I loved and painting my nails for me.

Taehyung never lost the ones he loved most as he goes around, plugging every fairylight power box into the walls while I follow him like a lost bunny, my skirt ruffling around with each clueless step.

My mother never died as soft lips are felt against my own in such an innocent manner that my eyes dare to tear up.

Father never ran the broken liquor bottle across my unharmed skin, and I never sealed up the wounds myself with a scorching lighter because he wouldn't take me to a hospital for stitches as Taehyung says loving words with such a meaningful and powerful slur that was sober.

We never broke apart as the two of us lay in my bed, my head on a broad shoulder and eyes fluttering shut for a short nap of pure slumber.

Taehyung continued to play with my fingers, eyes in deep thought and mind somewhere else completely, where as mine was already drifting off into hopefully another dream of Mr. Tan. There was a world of pain and confrontation outside, making it so easy to simply stay inside forever and never leave the protective walls of my townhouse. It was so much easier to just live like this and pretend that there weren't people awaiting to be spoken to by me. It was so much easier to live like Taehyung and I were in the clear with no problems to face.

And so we pretended for that day, playing dress up and putting on fake smiles that needed to resurface sometime soon. We talked and smiled and kissed as any normal couple would do, enjoying playtime. My house was a playground and this day was recess, putting off the school work for an hour- a day -of fun and games. I enjoyed playing outside, but quickly brought myself up for preparation on what was bound to happen tomorrow.

Taehyung had called Yoongi, and all of us were set to meet up in the parking lot where we went to all those weeks ago. Since then, skateboarding still wasn't a skill I obtained, and Seokjin still had the baby pink polaroid. There was finally an answer as to why he focused on me so much while taking pictures and not his own lover. His eyes, for some reason, found me prettier to stare at than the one he called 'boyfriend'. It made an angry flame raise inside of me at the thought, but that flame was quickly cooled once feeling a familiar tan intertwine with my pale.

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i'm in such a happy nd bubbly mood, so take this happy nd bubbly update [*cough* filler *cough] that's literally just a mess of me wanting to picture jungkook in this outfit.

songs --
•love me by the 1975
•we're falling by snckpck

tHANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 30K HOLY HELL