chapter thirty-four ;; locked doors
jeongguk's perspective
°☆.。.:*・°☆

I was convinced the world was cruel. You're only showed a string of light, a hope, a chance, just to let your fingertips touch the star before being crashed back down. My star had been seen, shining and waiting to be captured. It was so close, so bright and beautiful and promising. I got my hopes up. I thought my life was made, that it was put out in order for me to finally feel like I've done all to be happy. Apparently, my story wasn't over just yet.

One week, one week of no one, one week with only myself, and I was going mad. Human contact was no longer an option as my door was locked. After three years of my door being unlocked, I had finally gone against father's words. He made a strict rule to have no doors locked, for it was his money keeping this house, and it was his right to enter as he pleased. Not that he ever made an appearance, but I always kept my doors unlocked, just in case. And now the click had been heard, and there was no more chance for someone to touch my skin.

Everything was complete darkness. I was complete darkness. There were no more fairylights ready to dazzle all with glimmering beauty. There were no more plastic stars on my ceiling as their shine died out when mine did. They were forcefully yanked off of the white ceiling and took off some paint with their stickiness, but I didn't care. Some stars died off far too soon, just like I had. I was dead, a walking corpse with no set destination or life, only wandering and waiting for someone to find me like my star had done.

Sad poetry on crumbled paper littered my walls, held up by thumb tacks that I used to run across my fingertips. All monsters need a way to wake up. It was sad, but I compared my feelings to Jimin's and Hoseok's. They had been blind, and they had been crashed down, either by rejection or slipping up. I had slipped up. I was rejected. Taehyung didn't care anymore. I think he stopped caring when I did.

Seokjin called. I almost answered.

Jimin called. I almost answered.

Namjoon called. I almost answered.

Yoongi called. I almost answered.

Hoseok called. I almost answered.

Taehyung called. I did answer.

"Jeongguk?" His voice was faint and much lower than what I'd remembered, "I- Where have you been?" Taehyung was on the point of tears, but I had none to shed.

"Home."

"Your door's were locked. I couldn't get in." He says with a saddened tone, seeming to be occupied with something else.

"Because I locked it."

"B-But I need you, Gukkie. I- I did something stupid. Please, unlock your door."

I moved so much faster than expected, taking little time to process his words. Taehyung needed me, and it was my turn to prove my loyalty and care. For so long I neglected his feelings for my own, and now was a time for me to prove I could, in fact, care for him as he does to me.

Food had been forgotten for four days, and I was surprised I could have so much energy, although my entire body was tired and weak. My legs continued to stumble over each other, trying all I could to go down the stupid three flights of stairs to get to Taehyung who was presumably outside my door. The steps were quick and frantic, terrified of what the beautiful boy might've done in the time we were apart.

"I'm coming." My faint and croaky voice tells him with a reassuring tone, "Wait just a little longer." I didn't even realize that he began to cry. The sounds were muffled through the speaker but still clearly heard. It was evident he tried to hide them the best he could.

My feet almost didn't stop themselves when reaching the door, sliding across the slippery flooring for a moment before finally stopping. The click was heard as my dainty fingers lifted up. They were trembling, absolutely terrified to see the one person I was hiding from. Since the afternoon of shouting at everything, we couldn't stand the sight of each other, but here he was, begging for me to unlock my doors in a wavering tone.

"I'm so scared." He whispers across the line. It was obviously meant to be unheard, but it made my heart ache. I'm not the only one who's scared to no end.

"Taehyung." I breathe once he's seen in front of me.

A hood is pushed over his eyes, hiding them from my own sight. His body falls, gripping onto mine that instantly falls with him. There was no way for me to support his body weight, but I don't think he truly cared. We both didn't truly care, ravishing in the feeling of being with the other. I had told myself to never get attached to someone ever again, but I'd accidentally fallen for the one who's in my arms.

His knuckles were red- raw. Cuts littered the back of his hands as they turned white from gripping onto me so tightly. A mood blanket for gloominess crumpled and collapsed onto our two bodies sitting with each other on the wooden floor. I held him back with the same tightness I received, holding back the lump in my throat to stay just that through the sobs coming from Taehyung. His face was still concealed, but with the sight of his knuckles, I knew exactly why.

"I did wrong, Guk." He cries into my chest as my thin fingers run through his bangs.

"Calm down." I whisper back, hating to see someone as perfect as Taehyung break apart. He was crumbling in my arms, and it hurt to see such a sight, "Taehyung, I need you to look at me, p-please." Don't cry.

"You'll hate me."

"I...I could never hate you, Taehyung. I- I l-love you too much." It was a lousy way to confess, on the floor and nearly in tears, but Taehyung needed to hear the three words.

He had been neglected from my affection for far too long as I was always put first by him. A light shimmered between the two of us, a beacon of hope I stubbornly held onto for my life, with my fingers slowly pulling down Taehyung's hood. Even though he still hid his face the best he could, a prominent purple color was easy to spot. Even with the star shining with such a magnificent sheen, our two tears shined brighter against the lightning beginning to break lose.

"I...I-" He couldn't even speak, for the look on my face was too much. Taehyung fell silent, barely able to look at me with both eyes due to one being purple and swollen. The dried red on his lip matched that on his knuckles. The purple against his eye matched the bruises on the back of his hand and forearms.

"Shh." I whisper and lightly grab the sides of his face with hands that wouldn't stop shaking, "Don't overwork yourself." My soft words continue, placing a soft kiss onto his soddened cheek.

It felt different. I was the one comforting the elder for once. Taehyung was the one crying to no end with muffled sobs and salty dew trickling down like the rain from above. It was a twisted and somewhat beautiful sight, seeing a creature as sublime as him showing another side always hidden so well.

"I'm not overworking myself." He says with a sure tone, "I just...I'm sorry." It had become a regular occurrence to hear those two words, for there were no other ones to use, "I'm sorry for leaving you...again."

"You didn't leave me." I tell him, not wanting Taehyung to think about these things anymore. Right now was a time for rest, the both of us to rest, "I chose to leave."

"I didn't fight to make you stay." Taehyung cries out, "I told myself to not let you go and I did." A week felt like a month to us, a sad reality that we really couldn't live without the other. It seemed so cliche and stupid, a thing we always tried to fret away from, but it was true the real meanings are hidden behind the words that make others cringe.

"Tae?" I hesitantly say his name, searching across his face to observe all of the damage. It was like nothing had changed. We were still us, and I ravished in that feeling of familiarity, basking in it even. Taehyung's name was as easy to say as hello, turning into a reflex more than an action, "What did you do?"

He looks down, too afraid to look at me. Thunder clapped through the small townhouse like my words reaching Taehyung's ears, and lightning flashed across the walls. A sound of rain hammering into the high roof up above and slamming into the windows surrounding was were the only thing heard, mixed in with sniffs and light breathing, "I got in a fight."

"With who?"

"With Kim Seokjin...he was mad and so was I."

"Oh, Taehyung." I whine with a worried tone, drawing him closer towards me. It was awkward to hold someone four inches taller than you in your arms, but that wasn't the problem, "Come with me and I'll clean you up. You're staying with me tonight."

There was no evident clues to if our break was over, to where I became his boyfriend once more, to where it was two fools in love helping each other rather than a friend doing what any other would do. I hoped that it was the first option, for I couldn't stand seeing Taehyung in this state from only a friendly way. A reason for him and Seokjin to attack each other would be told in greater detail later. The only thing I cared about was the crumbling boy who was stumbling down the hallway with his hand in mine. Even with the cuts and bruises, Taehyung still somehow managed to make my heart flutter more than any other.

"You don't have to do this." He says once reaching my downstairs bathroom.

"You deserve to be taken cared of by me," I instantly turn, going on my tip toes to reach the very top shelf on my high rack, eventually grabbing onto the first aid kit, "and you can't tell me otherwise."

"Jeongguk, really-"

"You're my boyfriend. I'm supposed to take care of you." Taehyung does nothing more to protest as I kneel down while taking out a alcohol strip and wipe off the dried blood covering his knuckles.

It was a grim sight, my imagination being the only gateway to seeing how Seokjin ended up after the brawl. He must've been harmed too. Taehyung's hands showed it. The colors reminded me of the heart which had faded ages ago. A sight that was so beautiful gone so quickly, just like how Taehyung and I had such beautiful moments before it all fell apart. A shove from Yoongi made the whole world change. I wanted to doodle stars and planets with the bruises and dots of red running across his hands.

A hiss is heard from him once I run over a certain cut on a knuckle on his right hand that seemed to be deeper than the others, "Fuck." Taehyung seethes through clenched teeth.

"I know it hurts, but it'll help later on." It was the same motherly tone Seokjin used to give me, realizing the sound of it wasn't so motherly after all. I lift the white piece of fabric off of his knuckles and throw it into the trash can, now grabbing for small bandaids to cover the redder ones that bled more, "How long did the fight last?"

"Forty-seven seconds." I slowly nod while peeling off plastic and putting it into the garbage can too.

"Was anyone else there?"

"Namjoon and Hoseok pulled us apart. Everyone tried calling you, but you wouldn't answer, so that's why I came over." He explains in a quite tone, sounding blank. It was more like listening to someone read a nonfiction book rather than telling a story.

"Sorry for not answering my phone."

"Enough about the fight and sorry's." Taehyung states while pulling his coarse hands way after I finish bandaging them, "Have you been eating?"

"...No."

He sighs, "I'm cooking you food after this." I don't argue and instead dampen a cloth for dabbing his eye.

"Alright."

It was deja vu, although our roles were reversed. A fever didn't race through any of us, but one was still in pain. With all honesty, both of us were in pain. My stomach only began to roar for food once he had mentioned it, completely distracted before by the task at hand. The true pain was mental for me: a heartache if you must. Friends that used to be so close were breaking apart at my will. Never did I realize my own words and actions were a puppeteer rather than me being puppet. Even though I still followed Taehyung like a puppy, I and only I was truly in charge.

His face contorts once the fluffy cloth touches the skin around the eye mainly purple yet intertwined with so many other colors. The bruises matched the ones that used to show on my back and stomach, finally beginning to fade although some still remained. I thought they'd never leave, but it was noticeable my body was finally starting to properly heal.

Taehyung's eyes were prominently against my face once the cloth reached his lips covered in dried blood. There was a clear cut going down the middle, obviously inflicted by more than one punch to the face. I would ask about how many times he'd been hit, but Taehyung told me to stop talking about the fight, and I was going to listen like always.

"Did you say that you loved me earlier?" He quietly asks, causing me to slowly remove the rag away from his lips that were now cleaned.

"I did."

"Good."

"Why?"

"Because I finally know you return what I feel." A soft kiss for me, short lived but just enough to say everything that's unable to be spoken. Like what Taehyung always does, he speaks through his actions instead of words. A churlish scene turned into that of white roses dotted in red, unadulterated yet mature. Once again, we knew of the world around, and the fight that had sprung in my absence was sure to add to it all.

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thANK YOU FOR 20K!! (•⊙ω⊙•)

soz for this lame update that's kinda like bleh. v(ಥ ̯ ಥ)v
but my oh my i'm updating a crAp ton rn.

[yes, i'm in a kawaii emoticon mood xx]