......

........ Autumn had started to shed all those dried leaves from the trees... Moreover.... Their empty twigs got covered in snow........ Which would drizzle.... As the currents of cold air blew them.......

Dressed in mittens. And muffler and a jacket...... Jiya would often stay out for hours..... Playing  with rajveer......

Naina would quietly look at them...... Wiping the foggy window...... Her little one giggling and playing...... Snow covering all the  leaves..... Which would have to be shovelled from time to time to make the driveway clearer......

Darjeeling is indeed an enchanting place..... And moreover..... Its on an accessible distance from cancer research center.... In west bengal.... Where they would periodically travel without fail......

His home......... That was abandoned for seven years now..... He has bought them here.....

Jiya was overjoyed... As it had a room with her favourate colors..... And toys... And a lot of empty photoframes... To be filled with pictures of her and naina........

Teak cupboards... Which he perhaps painted himself.. With yellow and pink colours... And blue....two sets of toys.... And baby products...... Pink and blue.. As he didn't know..... It were a boy or a girl....

Naina entered her room... To witness it designed and maintained. Just as it was.... When they were married....

..........

"mamm..... Aap mera snowman dekhne kyu nai aaye..."

"jiya... Mamma ko thand he na.." rajveer reminds her....

"haan me to bhool gayi thi" she scratches her cute head.....

And comes to sit in her mother's lap..... Showing her pictures of the cute snowman she made outside......
While rajveer would feed both of them soup..... And while naina was being watched... She couldn't disagree as well...

He had come up with this smart strategy where he would be able to take care of mother and daughter at once...
............

A few days ago....

He tried to. Help her out of the bed..... As her fever spiked overnight....
Frequent infections.... Influenza.... And its counterparts hit you like crazy... When ur immune system is weakened

She was coughing violently. And the weather wasn't helping her either.....

"me apna khayal khud rakh lungi....." she protested as he came to help her. While she was barely able to make it up to the bathroom...

"naina... Tum abhi theek nahi ho.... U r skin is burning..... Let me help you" he offered as he came up with wet cloth and cold water.....

"Tumhara kaam sirf jiya ka khayal rakhna he.... Meri help karne ki zehmat mat uthao"she dismissed him.....curtly.....and made her way out to the bathroom....

While he was left with teary eyes.....
He would brew dinner for them..... And as he helped jiya with the food ... She would leave quietly to the bedroom.... Without even touching her plate  .....

"mamma bad manners" one day jiya pointed out.....

She looked at her.... Questioningly

"palak aur shimla mirch.... Strong banate he...   Mumma u need to eat them" she folds her hands like a school teacher asking her mom to finish veggies in her plate....

Naina left with no other option..... Gulps them quietly.... And also her medicines....
The phrase practice what you preach.... Is one of the most difficult things about Parenthood as it turns out...

After she stomps away to bed .... Jiya gives rajveer a high five...

"well done cadet jiya..."

"thank you major sheekhawat...." they laugh and giggle... While naina hears it all. And a sly smile creeps on her lips....

........

He restlessly hovers around her room whole night.... After tucking jiya to sleep...... Waiting for her to shift to a deep slumber... So that he can monitor her temperature ..... Check her skin for any bruises or bluish hue.... Due to some internal... bleeding..... Keeping wet napkins over her forehead......

He doesn't even blink...... As he nurses her.... Careful to maintain a  pindrop silence.... Not to wake either of them....

There would be a great hustle.... In mornings and evenings... At their home...... Whole some and full of life as it may seem.... As this little angel.... Would dance all her way from naina's room to the hallway... To her room...
Frequently calling rajveer inside..... Making him sit.....closer to. Them...

"friend.... Mene bola tha na.... Mamma ko bhi. Kahungi aap ka friend ban jao...." she chirped.... While rajveer worriedly nods his head....

"mamma..friend hamesha humare saath rahenge" she asks.

"haan jaan.... Aap hamesha friend ke saath reh sakte ho" she tells her with a smile....

"me nai... Hum....." she whines....

And naina sighs..
"haan hum... Theek he."

He would often stay out quietly watching mother and daughter giggle... And play rock paper scissors....and jiya tickling her mother...... Acting like a grandmom.... Their bond...
And in those moments.... He would sometimes see the glimpses of the old naina...... That innocence.... Those happy glittering eyes......
He would wait for hours relishing the site..... As jiya would curl up to sleep in her lap......
-------

Jiya was fast asleep.... Earlier that day.... As rajveer was out to get some groceries..... She got really scared..... Watching her mother struggling to breathe .......

Thankfully he came along just in time..... And called in the dr..

Checking   respiratory functions....
And other general findings......"abhi to koi tension ki baat nahi he..... Her lungs are being affected becuase of the chemo....... There are few doses of i. Had prescribed.... But its not affecting like it should...... I need to change those...." dr tells him... Reassuring him that its okaay... Putting her on 100%oxygen.....for a few hours....... As her airways aren't strong enough to diffuse it to her lungs.....

" you need to start another regime of drugs.... As these are no more affective...... We need to shift her to the hospital" dr informed..... While going away...

"i ll make arrangements to take you to. Kolkata... This week" rajveer tells her in a serous tone...

"i am. Not leaving for anywhere .... No need for that.... Just a few days of suffocation.... Aur ye sab khatam ho jayega......." she says coldly...........

"how can u give up just like that..... Don't you have a will to live......... What you are doing is suicide..... I know you throw those medicines in the sink..... I have seen you doing that" he howls at her.......

"they make me sick..... Besides.... You are right........ I really have no will to live........ So for one time sake..... Stop trying to bring corpses to life..... Leave me alone let me atleast die in peace......"

She howls back...... Crying....... While he is frozen.......

But jiya comes in running next moment.......

"mamma aap ko kya ho jata he baar baar" she asked... Worriedly.....naina... Who was until now howling gets scared a bit.... Wondering if her daughter has heard anything.....

"kuch nai beta... Mumma bilkul theek he..... Dr uncle ne kaha na" rajveer tries to console her... ..but the little one has witnessed some dreadful sight..... Earlier...ignoring him...she asks straight to her mother.... In a deep sad voice...

"aap mujhe chod ke ja rahe ho"
Naina holds her and starts crying....

"nai baccha.... Mamma jiya ko chod ke kese jaa sakti he......."

But that night.... No matter how much rajveer has assured her... She would not sleep....
Insisting... That she doesn't want to go anywhere leaving naina...

"me yahi soungi mumma ke pass" she insisted.
He tried to. Get up from the bed......
But she pulled her near

"friend... Aap bhi yahi. Pe so jao na..." she requested... While both naina and rajveer looked at her in a shock...

"nai beta.... Friend yaha kese so sakte. He...." naina tried to speak sense to her.... While her heart thumped louder at the thought....

"please na mamma...." she kept on insisting..... "meko.... Aap dono ke paas sona he" she added..
He was about to dismiss her request and leave... Before creating some menace... Disappointing naina once again..... Naina stopped him....

"aaj raat ki to baat he" she said... In a silent yet deliberate tone....

He left excusing himself..... To the washroom..... And let the shower gush in a loud noise..... Masking his loud sobs..... Unable to control his breath rate

Being closer to. Her... Like that..... While being able to .... Listen to her breath sounds.... Look at her.... Sleeping in his proximity...... While being fully aware of it...... He doesn't know.... How is he going to do that.....

She is no different... His fragrance... Still sets her insides on fire.... She still remembers each and every details of the nights she has spent with him...... And those words too..... As he said.... That he wasn't present in any of those moments... She had thought she could die for....

Yet they were there...despite of everything...... Laying parallel to each other......still..and wide eyed......while jiya giggled...... Happily..... Occasionally turning to him.. And... naina...

"jaan... So jao na ab" he whispers...

She looks at him shocked..... If felt as if he addressed to her......

"good night mumma... Good night pappa" she whispers drowsily...... Not aware of what she had referred to him.....

They both stare at each other.... And an array of light   ........ Guiding them to past......

All those nights spent together   wrapped in a sheet of darkness...... Cross his eyes... And then hers.....

And just as the lullaby sung by the air passing across the window...... And the leaves..... Sweeping down the  roads... Lets them to sleep...... Neither know... When they curl up..... Together..... With their faces..... Close.... This tiny angel.... Contently sleeping between them.... Their fingers entwined on on her body...... As they both slept cuddling her .....

"?

It's okay, to think about ending
And it's okay, to not even start
Put it away, wait 'til tomorrow
Put it away, and take care of your heart
Of your heart

It's okay, to stay here forever
And it's okay to read in the dark
Put it away, wait 'til tomorrow
Put it away, and take care of your heart
Of your heart
Just for a while, I'd seen you smile