.......

Cancer causes deteriorating changes in body.... ... Making the patient prone to cachexia (generalized weakness)..which slowly makes you incapable of even trivial motor activities...... Like walking.... .

She would see herself in the mirror.... While combing her hair.... Unable to recognize the reflection of a pale lifeless person......
Frail and wiry bunches of hair...... Would often be seen on the combs.....

Skin.... Losing its lustre.... And the very cursed but beautiful body..... Now losing its charm.......eyes darkened...and sunken.. Rings of black... And blue colours forming below..... Them.....

Each day of intractable pain...... Crushing her will...... Eating up her courage.......

In her darkest moments...... Of abandonment and grief...... Had she never stopped fighting....... Had she never given up on her life...... But now..... She is tired....

But the moment she looks at jiya.... She doesn't know from where all the courage she gathers...... And acts as if in a complete denial of her illness....

He often looks at her... And marvels.... Her courage...... For she would be howling and screaming in pain one moment.... But would pretend like she is perfectly fine.... In the other.....infront of jiya.....

"jiya ko ye baat batani hogi..... That.... You are not okay...." he asked deliberately to note her reaction......

"abhi nahi..." she answered in a deep thoughtful voice....

He pulled the strings harder..
"don't you think its unfair to keep her in the dark... What do i tell her if god forbid anything happens tomorrow oro..." he would never have dared to voice it..... If it were not necessary..... Thousands of arrows pass through his heart...... While uttering those words.... But it has to be done....

She gets agitated.....
... "itni jaldi kya he...... Suppose if i die tomorrow...... Do you think she would ever blame you for not telling her that beforehand...... It won't matter...... It won't ever be the same..... Let her have few moments of hope ...don't snatch her hope as ruthlessly as mine for god sake.... ...." she howled at him....... Making him see the spark... Of life.... A single ray of hope that he had been looking for....

Her anger.... Her laments about the past..... Those accusations of snatching her hope away.... He overheard them all...... And for once looked past his guilt.... To witness..... Something......

One afternoon....

Raj rushes to her room..... To dread at her howling .she had wetted the bed......
"jao yahan se. .. Please pas mat aana" she was screaming her lungs out....... While trying to tidy up..... But failing miserably.

He was unable to control the lump in his throat.... As each time.... He would ascend..... She would push him back.....

"mene kaha na mujhe tumhari madad ki. Zaroorat nahi he...." her tone helpless...... Body shaking out of humiliation..... "leave me alone....."

"agar tumne mujhe apni madad karne nahi di..... To i will tell jiya ke tumhe kya hua he.... And that you are going to die soon" he uttered..... Coldly.... Each and every word with a dangerous clarity.... Making her believe he would he is actually capable of doing that.... Looking in his darkened eyes....

Anger and disgust surged inside her......
"mene tumse zyada ghatiya insaan apni zindagi me nahi dekha...." she spits those words on his face.... Yet he remains unaffected....

"jaanta hun..... Is liye..... It would be better if you let me help you quietly without making a scene.... Jiya is sleeping right next to the room...."

" i was wrong about you.... You ruthless opportunist"she protests.... But he picks her up..... Taking her to the bathroom...... Slowly getting rid of her essentials and cleaning her up... Thoroughly.......

In the moments of extreme humiliation..... And helplessness.....we wish to never be seen by anyone..... Except by those few people.... Whom we trust..... Whom we can get naked and vulnerable infront of.....

He placed her on the bed...... After.... Looking in her eyes..... She did the same..... But she doesn't know why she sees nothing but warmth..... And comfort in them......and finds herself longing.... And craving to cry out loud...... Clutching tightly to him.....

As he is about to leave....

She stops him.....

He looks at her in a surprise......

Her eyes.... For the first time devoid of resentment and bitterness....

In fact they were softer...... With an emotion..... Difficult to name .. Or describe......
He sits on the bed..... Close to her....shivering with an unknown fear... Wether to hold her or not...... . But next moment she holds him tightly crying her heart out.....

He joins her too...... Room filled with inaudible sobs.and moans... Clothes soaked with tears.......
He whispers....

"sab theek ho jaega.... Main hun na....mai sab theek kar dunga"

She doesn't say anything..... Just keeps on soaking him with more tears.... Unaware of what she is doing....

She had considered a sin to want to be closer to him....... Until now..... And now is clinging to him... Like he is essential...... To her..... Like her next laboured breath.....

.jiya comes in rubbing her eyes...... To witness an etheral sight......

Though her tiny brain doesn't understand the meaning of the sight infront of her....she gets a little worried.... And runs to them.... "mamma...... Friend..... Aap kyu ro rahe ho"

Forwarding yet another hankey...
"oops...mere pas bas ek hi he" she frowns....

Making them smile through their tears.......

He clutches her tightly..... And naina.... To his heart...... And so does she.....

Feeling blissfully alive.... And complete......

There are names across the sea.....
Only now i do believe...
Sometimes with the windows closed she'll sit and think of me.....
But she'll mend his tatter clothes
And they'll kiss as if they know....
A baby sleeps in all our bones so scared to be alone...... (iron and wine)