I watched my mom from the doorway as she brought down multiple suitcases. She looked like she was rushing and hadn’t even noticed me standing a few feet away. I didn't know what to say so I stood there looking dumbfounded. My dad wasn’t supposed to get home for another hour, and I had a feeling that he knew nothing about my mom leaving.

Or at least that’s what I assumed she’d do.

“So that’s it; just like that and you’re gone?”

My mother whipped around to face me looking half scared to death. After taking in a few deep breaths of air, she sighed. “You don’t know anything Sutton.”

“Oh really?”

“Yes,” she snapped. “You don’t know half the crap I’ve been going through—“

“Melody wasn’t just your daughter, she was my sister and my best friend,” I cut in with a hiss.

I couldn’t believe this was actually happening. My mother used to be a strong person. She could get through anything; I always looked to her when I needed to be strong. And now? Now she was quitting on her daughter and husband who had both been through as much as she’d been. It didn’t make sense.

“Losing a daughter—one like Melody—is not that same as losing a sister,” she replied.

The person standing in front of me was no longer my mother. “What would you rather I died in that car crash so you could have your perfect Melody back?”

I finally spoke the words that had been turning in my head ever since the day she died. Maybe I should have been the one to die. Maybe it was my fault our whole family was now falling apart.

“Of course I don’t want that Sutton. You’re my daughter and I love you but I need to leave for a little while.”

I realized that maybe it would be a good idea for my mom to leave. If she didn’t come back then at least it would spare us all the constant fighting. The thought of having the whole house just to me and my dad felt lonely and empty, but ever since Melody died I had felt that way anyway.

My mom stepped forwards and wrapped her arms around me for a brief hug. She grabbed her things and stepped outside, but before she left I had one thing to say.

“And don’t think you have it any worse than me, mom. She was just as special to all of us.”

I didn’t wait for my mom to answer. Instead, I slammed the door and walked into the kitchen. My dad would be home in a half hour, which left me little time to prepare his favorite meal: breakfast for dinner. I ran around the kitchen and got the ingredients for pancakes out, while putting a pan full of bacon and sausage onto the stove top. The cooking consumed my mind, but by the time everything was ready and I heard the garage door open, I was back to thinking about mom. I had no idea how my dad would react. Would he be angry like me, or would he be so upset that he’d cry? I had ever thought about my parents getting a divorce, but if my mom left that meant something was going on between them.

My father’s footsteps echoed across the empty house just as I poured him a glass of his favorite orange juice. He looked at me from across the kitchen as he unbuttoned his work suit. “She left didn’t she?”

Slowly, I nodded my head and sat down at the table. He slumped down into the chair in front of the food I had placed on the table. “So you knew she’d go? Why didn’t you try to stop her?”

“It’s complicated Sutton.”

“I can handle the truth.”

 There was a long pause before he started to speak. I almost thought he wasn’t going to tell me. “Mom’s been feeling a lot of guilt lately, she’s very—“

“Guilt?” I questioned.

He sighed. “She was on the phone with Melody when the car crashed. They had been arguing; actually, they had been screaming at each other. The line went dead but not before Melody screamed.”

My head felt heavy with thoughts as I collapsed into the seat across from my father. It made sense; my mom had gone days acting like a normal person and then finally she broke and turned into some sort of walking zombie. After that she was angry.

 Angry at the world and angriest at herself.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I finally asked.

“Why would I? You would have been angry with her, and then she would have felt even worse. It wasn’t something you needed to know,” he replied.

“I would never blame her.”

He nodded his head. “I know that now, but you were so different after it all happened—even now.”

Behind my eyes, the buildup of salty tears were in danger of falling. I blinked them away, not wanting my father to see me break down in front of him. “When Melody was here she was always the crazy child; the one who wasn’t afraid to follow her dreams and be her own person. I was no one. But now that she’s gone, I feel like some of her spirit filled me or something. I know it sounds silly, but I keep asking myself “What would Melody do?”. It might be a little reckless, but I don’t want to live another day wasting my life when she was living hers to the fullest and it was all taken away. What would happen if I died dad? My homework wouldn’t be done and I’d be forgotten. I can’t go out that way, I refuse.”

I looked up from my hands and into my dad’s glossy eyes. His face was a mess of emotions, and before I could even blink he was squeezing me in his big arms. “Sutton you wouldn’t be forgotten. You are too important to me, to your mother and your friends. And what about Colton? I remember looking at a girl the way he looks at you. It’s the way I look at your mom.”

I held back a tidal wave of tears and hugged him back with all my might. My parents were never ones to show affection. It was rare that my dad even said he loved me. I knew he did, but sometimes it sounded nice to hear it myself.

He pulled back with a cheesy smile. “You made breakfast for dinner?”

I laughed. “Only for you.”

After we ate, I rushed upstairs and sat down at my desk. The bucket list I had made was tucked away in the corner under some of my school books. Instead of looking it over like I wanted to, I grabbed a blank piece of paper and started scribbling away.

Dear Mom,

                                        I want you to know that I love you with all my heart, no matter how much we’ve fought in the past few weeks. Take your time and figure out what you need to figure out. I hope your somewhere really warm; where the sun blazes down and the water is crystal clear. I wish I could be there with you because I can’t express how much I miss you—my mother. I don’t know where you’ve been the past few weeks, but I don’t know where I’ve been either. Everything’s different: I am, you are, dad is. Just know that no matter what, dad and I don’t blame you for anything that happened to Melody. Please come back as soon as possible. Dad’s cooking it horrible!

                                                                                                                                                           —love Sutton.

**

“I am way hotter than Dylan O’Brein.”

I looked at Colton like he was crazy. Maybe he was crazy…

“Dylan is so dreamy though,” I said while fluttering my eyelashes.

Colton tried to act offended as he pulled his arm away from my shoulder. The pout on his lips was pretend. I could tell by the way the corners of his mouth twitched. His eyes darted to my lips and he leaned down to place a soft yet affecting kiss on my mouth.

“Can Dylan kiss you like that?” he whispered into my ear while nibbling my lobe.

Colton was very tempting, and I wanted to kiss him silly but I had too many things on my mind. Well actually one thing: my mom. I didn’t know if she was coming back. Dad made it seem that way, but what if she never returned? Then I would lose her and Melody.

“What’s wrong?”

The beautiful sight in front of me frowned as I looked back at him. I’d been zoning again.

“What do you mean?”

He rolled his eyes. “I know when you have something on your mind Sutton.”

I watched as fellow students scattered around the courtyard. Today Mark and Blaine were rehearsing and Vee was working on her art project. Instead of sitting inside like we usually did, Colton brought us outside for lunch. He grabbed me by my waist and pulled me onto his lap so that his chin was resting on my head.

“My mom left.”

I felt his whole body stiffen. “What do you mean by left?”

“I mean she packed a bag and drove off into the sunset,” I said bitterly.

“For good?”

Relaxing into Colton’s hold, I shook my head. “Dad said she’s coming back. She’s just upset about Melody and needs to get away for a while a guess.”

Colton was silent for a while as I tilted my head down and against his chest to hear the beat of his heart. “Then why are you even upset about it?”

I pulled away in disbelief. “I’m allowed to be upset about my mother leaving Col—“

He cut me off. “But she didn’t really leave. A vacation is different than leaving for good.”

“She still left us!”

“Some kids wake up to find their parents gone without a clue of where they’ve gone Sutton! Hell at least you know why your mom left and that’s she’s coming back!”

I starred at Colton in shock. What had gotten into him? Why wasn’t I allowed to be upset about my mom packing a bag and leaving right after Melody died? I had the right to be mad!

“Others have it worse than you,” he said calmly.

Laughing bitterly, I grabbed my lunch and stood up. “I’m aloud to get mad Colton. I’m a human being! My sister and my mom are gone now. So yeah, I’m upset. Next time I just won’t say anything.”

I spun around and stormed towards the school doors. Colton caught up with me as soon as I stepped inside and tried to grab my arm, but I pulled away and darted down the hallway. What gives him the right to tell me what I can and can’t be upset about?

“Sutton wait up!”

I didn’t stop until I was at my locker, but Colton was already next to me. “Look that all came out wrong I was just trying to—“

“Trying to what?”

He leaned against the locker next to mine and sighed. And then it hit me: the reason why he was so upset. Colton’s father must have run off. I’d never heard of him, and I’d only met his mother. I knew he had brother issues, but not once had he even brought up his father.

“Your dad,” I finally whispered.

“What?”

Colton had a crazy look in his eyes. “Where’s your dad Colton? You’ve never said anything about him.”

He looked away from me with a pained expression on his face, but it soon turned into anger. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

I shook my head. How could I get him to open up to me? He wouldn’t say anything about his brother or his father. “You can tell me.”

“I said no.”

“If this thing is going to work out, we have to tell each other stuff, that’s how it works.”

I felt like I was informing him about something he should already know about.

“This thing, us, is not going to work out if you’re being a nosey—“

“Don’t finish that sentence,” I said cutting him off. “And don’t start acting like a complete jerk.”

He laughed bitterly. “That’s who I am though, right? You even said it yourself, and you knew what you were getting into the moment you met me.”

“I’ve opened up to you about things Colton! I’ve told you personal thing before! This is a two sided street, and I know you’re just saying those things because you’re too scared to tell me the truth!”

He shook his head. “I never promised you I’d tell you my whole life story.”

I couldn’t deal with him. I wouldn’t deal with him.

“Then don’t plan on being in my story.”

I didn’t wait for him to answer. Instead I turned around and headed in the direction of the art rooms. Maybe Vee would understand.

Hey everyone!

Finals are next week…shoot me! So yeah don’t expect a fast upload because this whole week and next week will be dedicated to studying and getting projects together and what not!