MY BAD GUYS I FORGOT WHAT DAY IT WAS I'VE HAD A BUSY WEEK

"Oh don't act all high and mighty! You slept with Barbara before our wedding!" Starfire yelled.

"Kori you fucked my brother and then let him wear my clothes afterwards!"

"Not while we were together," she defended.

"THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT ANY BETTER-"

---

From the Davick Villain AU

"Hey, how come you don't call him Daddy anymore? I'm not complaining but still," Jason asked after noticing the change. They were on one of their monthly outings together where Jason solved a crime and if anyone ended up dead, the blame fell on his chaotic partner in crime. Dick was just happy to be there and talk to him without the brooding figure of Bruce wading over them. The question brought on a thoughtful look on the acrobat's face as he watched his lover go back inside. He hummed to himself and turned to Jason. "Calling him that kept things casual. I didn't want another Wally when we first met. I needed a bodyguard and someone to keep me company."

"So now you two are more of an item?" he questioned. Dick smiled softly. There was adoration in it. It was the smile he'd once seen flashed at Wally. Similar but not identical to the one he shared with Damian. A smile he'd seen when he did something good. It'd been a while since he'd seen it. That wasn't to say Dick didn't smile. In fact, he smiled more often these days but it was a different type of smile. "We always were but neither of us wanted to admit it. We've both got our hang-ups but I'd die a thousand times over for that man."

"Well, don't be getting yourself killed now." Dick rolled his eyes.

"Of course not. I've got far too much to do."

---

"Why did you call a family meeting?" Damian asked.

"To cover my bases. I've got a new girlfriend," Dick announced. The family stared at him, not seeing why it required a meeting. "And given the history of this family, I need to make one thing clear. Please do not kiss or fuck my girlfriend whether we're together or not because I am at my fucking limit."

"Why would we even do that?" Tim asked. 

"I don't know let's ask Bruce who kissed Babs when she was nineteen! Or we can ask Jason who got with both Barbara and Kori!" Attention turned to the men who shifted uncomfortably. 

"In our defence, most of that has been retconned and not canon anymore."

"In my defence, I don't want to see my ex become my step mum or sister in law!"

---

TW: TRANSPHOBIA

"It was so funny. Bruce was so concussed he thought it was a woman when it was actually a dude!" Dick bristled at the language as did everyone around him who heard Hal's story. The happy atmosphere of the room suddenly dropped and all eyes were on him. "What?"

"She was a woman and I never referred to her as anything other than a woman," Bruce stated sternly. He stood by his ward who looked vastly uncomfortable, backed up by a small army of supers. They all gave him that look of you fucked up. 

"Uh, did I strike a nerve? Why are you being so sensitive?"

"It's being decent," Dick snapped. "You don't get to be mean to people who aren't like you. You're supposed to be a hero so you have to be nice."

---

"You weren't hugged as a child were you?" Raven asked.

"That's where you're wrong. I was hugged before I became an orphan," Robin replied. Across the room, Beast Boy did a spit take and began choking on his water.

---

"I hate it, you know?" Dick said softly. He and Bruce hardly ever had a heart to heart but right now he felt the need to. Sharing a beer and watching over a sparkling lake couldn't be fully enjoyed with the weight of their history. He didn't expect to work through it right away but he needed to slowly chip away at it. "I hate that I know how to kill my friends and family." Bruce turned to him with a frown but didn't say anything. He decided to take that as the go-ahead to continue talking. "I get why I know. Things happen, people change, perspectives get warped. That doesn't make it any easier to stare at them and know that I could kill them. If needed." He took a sip of beer and glanced at his mentor. "I hate knowing I'm part of your contingency plan."

"I had to teach you," he argued.

"What's my plan, Bruce? Does it hurt you to look at me and know you how you'd take me down? How long have you had it? Since I was a child or when I started getting independent?"

"That's not fair."

"It's entirely fair when I ask my father figure when he decided I was enough of a threat to take down." Bruce remained silent and he shook his head. "I hate that you made me help."

"I was wrong for that." That was something in the shape of progress but it wasn't enough for Dick's liking. It didn't take a genius to know that subjecting a child to that wasn't a good thing. 

"You can keep your contingency plans but if you ever ask me to help in any way, I'm pulling out yours. I have enough things to have nightmares about and looking at the intricate details of how to take down my loved ones only adds to it."

"I'm sorry Richard," Bruce said. It shouldn't have been enough to hear that apology. He should've needed more. He should've needed genuine change and more of a promise to do so but there Dick was. Content with a sorry. Maybe he'd just not heard it enough and now the littlest win meant something. 

"Thanks."

---

"I miss when I had the boob window," Dick said wistfully.

"It left your vital organs exposed," Damian pointed out.

"But I looked hot! Why does Star get to have her tits out and I don't?"

"Because I'm invulnerable to an extent," she explained, kissing him on the temple as though to soften the blow. "Maybe you could have it back if there was a nude illusion that was bulletproof."

"Don't give him ideas-"

"Too late, I'm getting my tits out one way or another."

---

TW: MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH

"God," Bruce whispered as he stepped through the wasteland that had once been Gotham. Of all the times to be off-world, this time was the worst. Nobody expected it. It blindsided everyone. A few months before, Joker found out he was ill and wouldn't make it to the end of the year. People were rejoicing when the information was leaked to the newspapers. They couldn't wait for their new year's surprise. Yet none of them were going to see it. He wasn't content with dying alone and being buried in some unmarked grave somewhere nobody would care to think about. He was determined to lay waste to Gotham, making it his mass graveyard where everyone was unmarked in their final resting place. By the time news reached Bruce, it'd been months since the disaster. He'd been too deep in space to receive the message promptly. That alone killed him but being told that he'd lost two of his sons and his father figure revived him just to kill him again. That led him to where he was now, going through the destroyed streets with a DNA detector to find his sons. Jason wasn't in Gotham at the time but saw the blast from the next city over. He was tested for radiation but told he was okay, just had to look out for mysterious moles and bothersome bumps. Tim was running around with his friends in Canada to follow up on a lead undercover. He received the news when he tried to book a flight back as a civilian. Barbara had been forced to go on a family holiday, saving herself and Gordon from the blast they never knew was coming. Steph and Cass were in Star City, shopping for themselves. Duke was at Titan Tower of all places. He was picking up a case file for Dick.

There was nothing left of Alfred's body when they looked. Nothing left of the house Bruce had spent his entire life living in. That made it hard to get the closure that Alfred was really gone. All the possibilities of Alfred somehow knowing of the impending doom were too implausible to be true. Further investigation assured him that there was no chance Alfred could be alive. The house where they lived was now his grave.

The hope that Dick and Damian were alive went out the window when they looked through Dick's messages to Barbara the day of the blast. He'd taken Damian out in Gotham and they'd stopped by a cafe about four minutes before the bomb was thought to be set off. He took a selfie with his brother, managing a trick him into showing a little smile. It was the last thing he would ever send. Bruce had the photo as his phone background and had it printed out so he could always carry it with him. Later he found a live stream clip. The table beside the pair had been a streamer, going about their daily life and reading messages from fans. In the background, you could see Dick and Damian. The younger was making fun of the streamer and Dick was laughing along. Then you could see the blast. You then saw Dick launch across the table to be in front of Damian, wrapping him in a hug as the live stream ended. It brought some pride in Bruce to find that his ward protected the younger even in his final moments. He thought he wouldn't find them and that they too would fall victim to the same fate as Alfred until he calculated the radius of the bomb. They would've died but there would be at least some evidence of them. Something he could bury.

Fast beeping caught his attention and he picked up his pace as he continued in the right direction. The beeping got faster and faster and his heart pounded against his chest. The shrill beeping hit its highest point when he got to the cafe which was no more than a pile of dusty rubble at this point. Between the mangled chairs and flipped tables, Bruce was greeted with a sobering sight. He fell to his knees and let a sob burst out of him when he saw them. Two sets of skeletons. One was bigger, the other smaller. Dick still protected Damian, even in death.