What if? has inspired me (and also broke me) so here is my idea of what if Dick rejoined the circus when he was sixteen?

This was it. Dick signed the contract to rejoin Haley's Circus and he'd been told that he'd start the next day. He'd only been given the next few hours to get his affairs in order as they'd be moving the day he joined but Dick enjoyed that. Haley had been delighted to see he was coming back, especially when his family had been such headliners for the show. He neglected to mention the reason he was coming back was that he'd been fired from his Robin position. This decision had been a long time coming though. He never belonged in Gotham, not that Gotham wanted him to belong there. They made it very clear with the headlines rubbing his name in the dirt and conversations he overheard at galas calling him a charity case. Clearly, the only thing they wanted from him was the inheritance. He was insurance for others to remain in the higher classes of Gotham and nothing more. He was replaceable in that way but Graysons weren't meant to be replaced and Haley knew that. He didn't immediately fill in their spot as soon as he could or even attempt to put out a call for someone to do what the family had accomplished because there was no one better than the Flying Graysons. It was nice being wanted. 

Haley's excitement had passed onto him and he packed his bags with a small smile, ready for the prospect ahead of him. He already had a routine planned out for his first show and he could already hear the crowds fawning over him. Finally, he'd be appreciated by an adoring audience and all the people in the circus who was just happy that he was back. His phone had been blowing up with various people adding him to groupchats and saying their hellos. Some reminded him of who they were as though he could've ever forgotten whilst others introduced themselves for the first time. This was exactly the fresh start he needed. The only thing he was feeling bad about was leaving Alfred and Barbara. Those two always had his back and it wasn't fair that Bruce was making him feel the need to do this but maybe he could keep in touch with just them. He already invited Barbara to help him pack under the guise of homework. He doubted that Bruce bought it but he was leaving tonight so there wasn't much he could do about it. "You're leaving as in you're not coming back?" Barbara asked. He nodded solemnly. It wasn't like he wanted to leave her behind but this was the final straw. This wasn't his home. He needed to go back to the place where he was happiest and unfortunately, that meant he was going to be moving around the world far from Gotham. "Like you're never coming back?" she clarified. She picked up some clothes and folded them before passing them over to him.

"I might come back if the circus comes here or if I find the need but I guess it's a possibility," he answered. In reality, he didn't want to come back for a long time and he'd probably find a way to avoid coming here as much as he could. He hoped that it would be years before he came back. Not like anything would change. Bruce never did change and he used to take comfort in that but now it hung over him like a black cloud. 

"What's going to happen to Robin?" she asked quietly. That was the million-dollar question. He didn't think he could leave the vigilante life behind him but he couldn't use Robin without the sting anymore. There'd be something for him, he was sure about that. Dick was smart and would come up with some way to have the best of both worlds.

"Replaced I think," he said just as quietly. The ginger frowned at him and put a hand on his shoulder. 

"He won't replace you, Dick. He'll miss you and maybe then he'll want you to come home. Then you can come home and we can pretend this never happened," she offered. He took the lot of folded clothes from her and shoved them deep into the suitcase. He wasn't taking half as much as she thought he would. Perhaps he thought he'd get more on the road or simply didn't need as much. 

"Babs," he began.

"Wouldn't it be funny if this was the last time we saw one another?" she commented nervously. He frowned at her and let out a sigh before sitting beside her on the bed. He put his hand over hers, intertwining their fingers between one another. 

"I promise I'll call whenever I'm in town and we'll hang out but I can't stay here. Bruce will probably replace me, Alfred will move on and so will you. It'll all work out and you'll be okay."

"Is this you saying we're breaking up in the nicest way you can?" she asked through a watery laugh. He nodded and pulled her into a hug that she gladly melted into.

"Yeah, Babs. It wouldn't be fair for me to run off and expect you to be here waiting for me. I love you too much for that." She pulled away and held him by the shoulders to keep his attention. She stared into his eyes and it was eating him up inside because he knew she was pleading with him but he knew it didn't matter. Nothing could make him stay.

"Then stay here! We can work this out. You don't need Bruce's approval! Mine can be enough can't it?" Barbara cupped his face and gave him a hopeful smile but he couldn't return it. "Please." He still stared at her with that sad look and she let go, blinking away the tears threatening to spill over. "I'm gonna miss you so much."

"I'll miss you too Babs. Can you promise me something?"

"Alright," she sniffled. "What is it?"

"When I'm replaced-"

"If you're replaced."

"When I'm replaced, look after them for me. Make sure they know people appreciate them."

"I will. I'll give them your number too so you can shit talk Bruce together." He laughed softly and wiped the stray tears from her cheeks.

"I'd like that."

Years later

"That's all we have for tonight folks!" Haley announced to the crowd. He could sense their disappointment that the show was over which meant it had been a good one. "Now, let's say goodbye to our performers!" The stars of his show ran into the centre and lined up, taking each other's hands and lifting them up before bowing. They smiled, revelling in the cheering adoring fans that they'd kept captivated for the last hour. "If you'd like to take photos with them, they'll be outside by the rear exit for the next hour! Have a safe journey home and from all the people from Haley's circus," he paused as the performers stood up straight with beaming grins. "Thank you!" they all said in unison. The crowds began to disperse through the tent's exits, some of their staff helping them come down from the bleachers. "Nice work everyone," Haley told the group as he did after every show. "It was a great first open and I reckon we'll have twice the turnout tomorrow."

"Second days are always better," Dick confirmed. "Do you mind if I skip photos tonight?"

"What's wrong?" Natalie asked. She was their death-defying motorcyclist and had become a bit of a mother figure for him ever since he rejoined. They weren't that far in age, the difference being around three years, but his short stature definitely didn't help and neither did seeing the scars he never explained. She'd joined a month before he had, being picked up in Columbia, and quickly took up the role of second in command. If you couldn't find Haley, you'd find Natalie.

"Gothamites aren't the kindest to him," Haley explained with an empathetic look. "You're alright son." Dick nodded thankfully and slipped away. It was no secret that Gotham made him antsy. They were all aware of his past life there, minus the vigilante part, so whenever Gotham came upon the location list, he received a bit less teasing and a lot more encouragement. They all had the locations that made them like that. 

His trailer was further away from the crowd than usual so he could get out of taking photos with the stray few that noticed him. The trailer wasn't the biggest but not too small either. It had belonged to his parents previously, then to one of the clowns who then swapped with him given the history of it. Upon moving in, he'd slowly made it his own over the years and it became a sort of hub for people to get advice or complain about other members of the circus knowing it wouldn't leave the room. He was some sort of camp counsellor even if he was only a teen. The door still had one of the original posters from the Flying Grayson days pasted on it, apparently too stubborn to come off through wear and tear. He sighed to himself and opened the door to his trailer, stepping inside the dark trailer. "I know you're in here," he announced into the darkness before flicking the switch. Dick waited a moment before a head popped out from the kitchenette around the corner. The domino mask and get up told him that this was a Robin and he could guess this was the newest one after poor Jason. "Hey kid, Babs give you my number?"

"Yeah she did," the boy replied. He was small and slim so he was probably new to the job. He hadn't been bulked up yet. Barbara hadn't told him there was a new one so maybe he wasn't going out very much or she simply didn't have the time. They'd spoken less and less over the years so no surprise there. Dick slipped past the kid to go to his vanity table and began to wipe off his make-up. "You look...sparkly."

"I just got done performing," Dick pointed out, smiling softly. The kid was clearly nervous to meet him. Maybe he thought that there'd be some sort of resentment there considering he was a replacement. "I promise I'm much more inconspicuous when I'm out there." He began wiping away at the glitter and flicked his eyes over to Robin who seemed to just be standing there. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah," Robin replied.

"You sure? You came all the way over here when you could've just sent me a text." He really hoped no one had died. If someone was dead, he was going to have to get a suit and then he'd have to cancel shows then book the tickets here and there and then the grief would be such an ass to perform alongside. 

"I have to ask you something but Babs said if I texted it to you, you would say no so here I am to ask you in person." Now that raised the acrobat's interest and he turned around fully, still wiping off the make-up. Someone hadn't died then. "You're hardly ever in Gotham and you're here right when Bruce needs to see you." Dick immediately turned back around and scrubbed his face aggressively. Absolutely not. There was no way on God's green Earth that he was being lured to meet that guy.  

"As much as I appreciate you coming all the way here, my answer is no. The man hasn't spoken to me in years," he argued. 

"The phone works both ways," Robin commented. Yeah, and Bruce didn't use the other end of it, Dick thought to himself but didn't say aloud. Clearly, this kid had no real idea about the history there and he didn't have the energy to walk him through that bucket load of trauma. "Look, he asked for you."

"He did?" His voice was more hopeful than he intended it to be.

"Yeah! He told me he wished he had his son back."

"He called me his son?" There was that unintended hopefulness again. What could he say? His inner child was doing a backflip right now about being referred to as Bruce's son. It was all he ever wanted as a kid. There was always a part of him that felt like some sort of charity case but if he was Bruce's son, that meant there was genuine care there when he was fostered and it wasn't just by luck that they became so close. Maybe without Batman and Robin, they would've been just as close if Bruce thought he was his son. "You mean it? You're not lying?"

"I mean it. I think it's just been so long that he doesn't know how to talk to you."

"Yeah, I mean, I sent postcards but he never answered. Maybe they just got lost in the mail. I thought he just didn't want to speak to me again," he continued.

"That makes sense, you do travel a lot so if it got lost, they wouldn't be able to return it to sender," Robin confirmed. That only filled him with more hope that this was all a big misunderstanding. He felt excitement bury into him at that moment but he did his best to reign it in. After all, it had been forever since he'd seen his mentor and he didn't want them to skip over the healing part of their relationship. He needed to get an apology for how he was treated and maybe he needed to apologise for running away and not speaking for over a year. A postcard seemed dumb to send in hindsight when he could've called. They could've spoken but he took the silence at face value. "So, what do you say? Can you maybe put your differences aside to meet him?" Dick chewed his bottom lip in thought. Natalie would kill him, considering she hated Bruce with every fibre of her being along with half of the circus, but maybe the perception he'd had of his mentor over the years had warped from disappointment and anger. Maybe this could be a step in the right direction. Bruce still meant a lot to him. He saved him. 

"It's been so long since we've seen each other. What do I even say? Hi B, sorry about running away but at least I kick ass around the globe?" Robin smiled and rolled his eyes, putting his hand on the older's shoulder.

"You'll know what to say in the moment. The guy needs to see you again. You can come out with me tonight and even if it's just for a little bit, he'll appreciate it." 

"Alright kid."

"Tim," Robin supplied. "My name's Tim. We- we've actually met before."

"We have? Sorry, I don't remember," he replied. The younger smiled empathetically and he could tell the next thing said wouldn't be the best.

"We met the day your parents died. I wouldn't remember meeting me either." 

"Ah. Well, if you ever wanna see me perform without the whole...death...thing, I'll give you tickets."

"I'd like that but for now, you gotta get changed. Nightwing is gonna meet Batman." Hopefully, they'd get along.

Nightwing's heart was in his throat as they approached the rooftop Robin had been telling him about. The whole way over, Robin was telling him all about how he became Robin and how he looked up to Nightwing. In all honesty, the kid seemed like a stalker who was in the right place and time to be taken in but that took moxie so the stalking didn't feel too bad. Still, he'd make sure to encrypt his things around Robin. On the roof in front of them, he could see the dark blob that patterned his childhood memories. That dark blob meant safety. There he was. The man, the myth, the legend. "Batman!" Robin called. The call made the blob morph and turn to face them. 

"Dick?" Batman muttered, staring wide-eyed at his ward whilst ignoring Robin entirely. He was clearly shocked that Nightwing had turned up but that was expected given that they hadn't seen each other in years and it hadn't been a good ending. The older must've expected the answer to be no as Nightwing originally intended. "What're you doing here?"

"Circus is in town," Nightwing began. "This little guy swung by and said you wanted to see me." A smile was stuck on his face which he didn't really want. The message he wanted to send was one that meant they had to work on the relationship not act as though that relationship never broke down. Yet that smile was there because it felt so nice actually seeing his mentor. Not a thing had changed other than some adjustments to the suit. The smoke bombs were on the other side now. 

"I didn't say that," Batman replied unsurely. The smile dropped faster than a rock in a lake. They both looked to Robin who seemed confused by the statement. 

"Yes, you did. You said you missed your son and you wanted to see him again," he argued. 

"I was talking about Jason." It all crashed down at that moment. Of course, Batman didn't want to see the ward that ran away. He was the disappointment of the family name and of the hero world if he really wanted to get down to the details. Of course, Batman meant Jason. The poor kid he'd lost not long ago. Yet what did he receive? The kid he didn't care about anymore. Here Nightwing was the fool who thought things could get better between them. How could he have hoped that they'd get back to that time before the gunshot? How could he trust that a child truly understood what his mentor had said? It should've been obvious that something was off but he got his hopes up that things were going to be okay again. 

"Oh," Nightwing mumbled, defeated. "Yeah, no, of course, yeah. I'll just- I'll let you get to work. Seems like you've got the city so I'll just- yep." He turned on his heel and it took everything in him not to run away like he desperately wanted to. That would make him look hurt and he may as well sob right there and then. No, he was going to walk away and pretend like he didn't even care about this only to cry himself to sleep like the mature adult he was. 

"Dick, I'm so sorry-"

"It's alright, Tim," he interrupted. An apology wasn't what he wanted right now and it was going to make matters worse to hear an apology because it was an apology for thinking he was wanted. The very reminder that he wasn't wanted would kill him. "Have a safe night." He jumped off the edge of the roof, landing lightly on the next roof over and continuing on the route to the circus. That was his safe place. His home. He should've known Gotham would never be his home and Batman was no longer the man to give him a safe place. That stopped when he was sixteen. It would've been nice to reconnect but he should've known better. Idiot.

They had a show tonight but something was incredibly wrong. No one had seen Dick all day which caused an air of unease to fall over the performers. He was always one of the first ones up to get the equipment ready. He had a ritual of always checking everyone's equipment and they could hazard a guess as to why yet no one said anything. They didn't want to. So when Dick didn't appear in the morning, they immediately knew something was wrong. Haley said to leave it half an hour, see if he was just sleeping in, but after half an hour they still hadn't seen him. Natalie offered to go check his trailer and was relieved to find that he hadn't gone missing as she poked her head in and saw his black locks sticking out from underneath his duvet. The relief only lasted minutes since she had no idea why he was in bed. She immediately thought of the worst case scenario. Dick tended to attract danger but that never deterred him from his nightly walks. He'd been stabbed, slashed, shot and worse but always managed to drag himself home and into bed. She rushed in and thankfully found no blood when she pulled back the sheets but she did find an acrobat who looked like he hadn't slept all night judging by the bloodshot eyes. "Oh baby," she whispered as he blinked up at her. "Was it a night terror?" She was next door so she usually heard them but last night had been quiet other than the odd police siren. He shook his head. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"I did something stupid," he croaked. Frowning, she took a seat on the bed beside him. Her hand found the soft curls that had formed from a restless sleep - that's if he'd slept at all - and began petting his hair to offer some comfort. It always calmed him down, she found. "I really thought he missed me."

"Who missed you, mi querido?" He sat up but it was only so he could move to rest his head on her shoulder and hold onto her for more comfort. She made no effort to stop him and wrapped an arm around him to secure his position. 

"Bruce's kid came by last night," he began. Already she gave him a comforting squeeze and he heard her swear under her breath. Her hatred for his mentor had always made him feel validated even if it was slightly misplaced. "He said that B told him he missed his son. Kid thought I was his son so came to fetch me. I got so excited Nat," he continued. Tears began to roll down his face and she did her best to wipe them away. "But when I went there, he said he wasn't talking about me. He was talking about Jason." 

"What did you do?"

"I tried to play it off like I wasn't hurt and walked back here." She hummed and began rubbing circles on his back as he continued to cry. 

"Do you need to miss out tonight?" He shook his head with a sniffle. "You want to stay here for a bit?" He nodded and leaned into her further. "We'll stay here for a bit. Just know, you're always wanted here. No matter what."

Eventually, Natalie managed to coax him out of his trailer and told him to practice to take his mind off things. He reluctantly took the task and she let Haley know not to be too rough on him if tonight's show wasn't his best performance. They could afford a bad show here and there, it was just unfortunate that tonight would be a big turnout. "The twins could replace his performance if need be," Haley offered but she shook her head.

"I don't think that'd be a good idea. You know him, he likes to be busy when he's like this. Besides, I think he could do with some audience praise," she explained. He hummed and let them be. 

About an hour before the show, everyone was doing their final adjustments when a man in a suit and tie appeared from a limo. A few of them paused to get a look at the guy and immediately cringed they when recognised who it was. It was hard not to recognise him when they all knew him from billboards and the news. Bruce Wayne was on their grounds and none of them were happy about it. Alongside him was a rather awkward-looking tween who was searching for someone. One of the jugglers ran off the moment they saw him and came back with Dick's mother figure. She, rightly so, was pissed off the moment she saw the smarmy billionaire and stormed right up to him without fearing any of the consequences. They were lucky Dick was by his trailer practising for tonight when the man rolled up otherwise there'd be a lot more uproar. "You, Mr Wayne, can fuck right off!" Natalie snarled as soon as she was close enough to point an accusing finger in his face. "I don't know who you think you are but you're not welcome here."

"He needs to talk to Dick," the boy said before Bruce could say anything. She looked down at him and squinted. She guessed this was the kid that misheard his guardian. Although she couldn't blame him for mishearing, she wasn't exactly pleased when he spoke up. The Waynes had no business stepping foot on their property.

"What about?"

"I know how it must seem," Bruce piped up. "I admit that I've been cowardly about the whole thing and he's been here at least five times over the years but I can't keep pretending like things didn't end the way they did. I appreciate you've looked after him-"

"Looked after him? I damn near helped raise that kid because when he came here, he was a mess. Whatever went on behind closed doors I still don't know but no kid should have that many scars nor should he be that unaware of how to communicate his emotions." He let out a sigh at that and she couldn't quite understand if it was one of regret or one of annoyance at her bringing up the subject. "I'm not letting you talk to him."

"At least ask if he wants to see him," the boy begged. "Dick was really excited last night and this time I didn't misunderstand. Bruce actually wants to see him so just go ask if he wants to see him. Please?" She huffed and glanced at the group of performers who'd gathered to watch them throw down. Although she wasn't as much muscle as the strong men, she was stocky and had one hell of a right hook. People would pay good money to see a man like Bruce Wayne get decked but they'd be disappointed today. 

"Erin, go ask Dick if he wants to see his prick of a guardian," she ordered. Erin nodded and ran off. "I swear to every deity out there that if you hurt him again, I'll wipe the floor with you." The billionaire nodded. 

Not long after, Erin returned and gave a nod. Natalie seemed disappointed with that but she didn't go against the answer. She ticked her head to the side, gesturing toward Erin. "They'll take you to him. If I get word of him changing his mind, you're getting thrown out," she sneered. They nodded and walked off with Erin. They didn't speak throughout the short walk over and some other performers were giving them stares as they passed. Clearly, they weren't popular amongst this crowd. Erin stopped and pointed in the direction of the trailer. Outside of it, Dick was doing crunches upside down on a pull-up bar. A small smile of fondness briefly graced Bruce's lips when he caught sight of the teen. He could never do things without a little flair. 

"Dick!" Erin shouted. The acrobat turned and flipped down, his dismount flawless. He waved the pair over and his fellow performer went off to do their work. 

"I think it's best we talk inside. Folk here don't really like you," Dick explained. He opened the door to his trailer and the pair walked inside, awkwardly standing instead of finding seats. Once the door was closed, they fell into a nervous silence. Bruce looked lost for words at first, just staring at his ward. This would be the first time they'd properly seen each other in years. It was different without the cowl and domino mask. There was some sense of vulnerability seeing someone without their hero gear on. "Well, this is one hell of a meet and greet," Dick stated, feigning laughter just to fill up the space. 

"You've grown," Bruce commented. "I wondered how tall you'd be."

"Still nineteen so I've got some time," he replied.

"Most people reach their peak height at sixteen," Tim pointed out. 

"That's disappointing." They were plunged into silence again before Bruce of all people decided to be the one to break it.

"I missed you." It shouldn't have been as good as it was to hear but people a mile off could see Dick was elated at the admission. That shouldn't be as much as a surprise as it was and Bruce knew that. His heart ached at the fact that all these years, his ward had thought that he didn't care. "When you left, I only found out about it the day after. Found your room was empty. No note or anything. For a moment, I thought you'd been kidnapped. Then I go to meet Barbara and she yells at me. Tells me I was horrible to you and finally pushed you far enough to run away."

"I wanted to leave a note but Babs knew where I was. Figured she'd say my piece," he explained.

"She did that and more. She said not to attempt to contact you unless I was ready to apologize."

"And you never were?" Dick questioned, that relief soon draining from him.

"I was and I wasn't. Eventually, too much time had passed and I didn't know what to do. You sent me postcards and I was reading them, wondering if coming back into your life was really the right thing when you were doing fine. You were this travelling hero making a difference all over the world and I feared what my response would do."

"So you saw the one I wrote about Jason?"

"I did. Wondered how you even knew about him until I found his phone. I went through his texts to gather some evidence for a case he'd been working on before he passed, found your number there. That's when I realised you'd been in contact with Barbara and Jason."

"I asked her to give my number to my replacement." The older frowned at that.

"He wasn't your replacement. He needed Robin just like you did. Just like Tim too." There wasn't much answer to that so he continued with his original line of conversation. "I saw you'd been in contact with them and I thought I should talk to you and offer condolences but I just couldn't. Something wouldn't let me. I know it was pride now. Seeing you last night, in that suit, just made me realize how much I wanted to see you over the years. How I could've if I hadn't been prideful."

"Do you regret it? Taking Robin from me when I was shot?" Dick asked.

"No. I'd go about this all differently. I know now that taking Robin was like taking Batman from me and I can't say I'd react much better."

"Can I get an apology?"

"I'm sorry chum. I really am."

Dick couldn't stand it a moment longer and immediately pulled his mentor into a hug that he'd needed since the day he left. Bruce quickly eased into the hug and held his ward tight. He never thought they'd meet again after all the years they'd spent apart yet he should've known better than to doubt Dick. He was the wonder kid. "I missed you too," Dick muttered. "You're still a dick for the Robin thing."