CHAPTER THIRTY FIVE
'ONLY THE BEGINNING'

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AFTER THE BAND'S GIG TONIGHT IN BETHNAL GREEN, Roger and I headed across town to meet up with the others at a bar in Soho to celebrate his birthday and the success of the show, my means of persuasion having worked perfectly. We sat next to each other quietly on the tube, the only other people in the carriage being a few night shift workers and a group of rowdy lads obviously planning to hit the town as well. I watched them as they got off at the next platform, laughing and joking loudly as they disembarked the train, as a sudden uneasy feeling stirred in the pit of my stomach.

I had been looking forward to tonight, so much so I'd bothered to doll myself up; hair, makeup, nice outfit, the lot. Roger was looking rather dapper himself, in his jeans and leather jacket, believe me it was hard to keep my hands off him. Tonight was supposed to be a laugh, a couple of hours of nonchalant fun and a chance to let go, but after the news I'd received this afternoon, I think I was going to struggle to truly enjoy myself.

I'd just got in the door from work (yes I still had a job, although I'm surprised I haven't been fired yet) with the first thing I did being putting the kettle on and making myself a long awaited cup of tea. Roger was at the market with Freddie, no doubt trying their hardest to flog their second-hand, most likely stolen, stock and make whatever they could. I hadn't gotten the drummer much for his birthday - a pair of new drumsticks, a bottle of Southern Comfort and a couple of packets of fags, which he was more than happy with. At the moment, though, I was just glad to be alone, though that to be almost interrupted straight away by an unexpected knock at the front door.

When I opened it there stood a policeman, although it took me a moment to realise it was the same policeman that interviewed me the night of the break in; a serious look set upon his face. He didn't have to say anything for me to know that this couldn't be good, but I invited him in nonetheless. Sitting across from him in the sitting room, he gave me the news I'd been dreading.

Colin had been released from prison due to insufficient evidence.

The information came like a punch to the gut. After everything he'd done, after telling the police all everything that had happened, Colin would be walking out of prison scot-free (literally) because the police had found none of his DNA in the house. They had no hard evidence to send him down, I could have been lying for all they knew. It was so disappointing. But that disappointment soon turned to fear, fear about what this meant for my safety. The officer assured me that Colin was on their radar and any attempts to contact me made by him would be followed up immediately, but to be honest, that didn't give me much peace of mind.

With this now in the back of my mind, I just couldn't relax. I sat there next to Roger on the tube, my knee bouncing up and down nervously as I anxiously watched people get off and on the train, dreading to see a face I recognised.

'Heidi?' I continued to stare blankly at the doors, 'Heidi?'

Snapping out of my daze, I turned to see the drummer looking at me.

'Are you alright? You're very quiet.'

I forced a smile, 'Yeah, yeah I'm fine. Sorry, I...zoned out.'

Smiling back, Roger luckily didn't question my strange demeanour any further. I wasn't going to tell him the news tonight; tonight was about having a good time, and that's exactly what I was going to try and do. I'd gone to the effort of making this happened, I wasn't about to let Colin ruin it.

Roger and I got off at the next platform before leaving the underground and walking the last couple of streets to the bar. I held onto Roger for stability in my heels which would probably break my ankles by the end of the evening, although really it was because it gave me a sense of security as the town was buzzing with people. Cabs were coming and going every few seconds, groups of friends staggered all over the pavements in joyful inebriation, the pubs and clubs blaring music so loud you could hear it from out here.

As we got closer to where we were headed and the streets got busier, my hold on the drummer's arm tightened. I don't know why I was so anxious, I didn't think the news about Colin would affect me this much. Guess I was wrong.

'Are you sure you're okay, love?' Roger stopped in his tracks having noticed my agitation.

It pained me to lie to him, 'Yeah, it's just these bloody heels. I don't trust myself not to topple over in them.'

'Shoulda worn trainers then,' he said, a comment which made me frown. He chuckled, 'I'm only pulling your leg. You look stunning, Heidi, you really do.'

For the first time tonight a genuine smile appeared on my face as I looked him in the eyes and replied, 'Thank you, Rog.'

Simply smiling in return, the drummer pressed a small kiss to my lips, making me blush, before the two of us continued to make our way to the bar to find the others, who by now had probably assumed we'd gotten lost.

When we arrived at the bar and walked through the doors, the place was heaving. A thick cloud of smoke hung in the air and you couldn't hear yourself think over the music and people chatting as we navigated through the crowd of punters, holding each other's hand in order to stay together. Halfway through the chaos, a familiar face approached us from the bar.

'You two took your time, where have you been?' John asked loudly over the noise.

We instantly dropped hands, 'Sorry, I thought the tube would be quicker. Entirely my fault.' Roger explained.

'Trust you.' the bassist joked.

We followed John through the crowd to the table which the boys and their girlfriends were sitting.

'Roger, Heidi, you made it!' Freddie beamed.

'At last,' I smiled, 'Sorry about the wait.'

'No, not at all.' Brian told us, getting up, 'You guys take a seat. Heidi, can I get you a drink?'

'Um, I'll have a vodka lemonade please, Bri.' I replied gratefully.

He nodded, 'Rog?'

'Pint for me please, Brian.'

The guitarist sauntered off the the bar as we got ourselves seated. Roger sat next to John whilst I sat next to Penny, who hadn't been at the show due to work but managed to make it here at the end of her shift.

'Hello, darling.' she smiled, giving me a hug, 'How are you?'

'Not too bad, yourself?'

'Grand, just grand.' she looked down at what I was wearing, 'Wow, look at you. Don't you look gorgeous?'

'Oh, behave,' I replied modestly, 'I put on the first I saw.'

She scoffed, 'Bollocks.'

We sat there for a second in silence, as I scanned the room warily.

'How was work?' I asked her, trying to distract myself.

'It was alright. Late night appointments are always a pain, I mean who wants their hair cut at 9 o'clock at night? But it's extra money so can't complain really,' I just nodded understandably. Penny leant in closer and said as quietly as she could but I would still hear her, 'How are things going with you and drummer boy over there?'

I glanced at Rog who was in mid conversation with John, 'Things are...going well.' I smiled shyly.

'Going well?' she raised an eyebrow, 'Oh come on, Heidi, you're going to have to give me a bit more than that.'

I shrugged, 'Well, what do you want to know?' as Brian returned to the table with the drinks.

'There's a definite glow about you I've never seen before...keeping you satisfied, is he?' she whispered.

I nearly choked on my vodka lemonade, 'Penny!'

'It's a genuine question!' she defended herself, laughing.

Putting my glass down and shaking my head, I told her, 'If you must know - yes, he is.'

'Get you, Heidi, you're like an entirely different person,' she said excitedly as I just sat there embarrassed, 'I know you're not official or anything and it's still early days but, putting the sex aside, do you think he could be, y'know, boyfriend material?'

'Penny, we haven't even been on a date yet.'

'I know, but the way you walked in just now, you looked so right together. He and I would have never worked out, I can see that clearly now. But you two - you're meant to be, Heidi!'

Chuckling lightly, I quipped, 'Whatever's in that drink of yours must be strong.'

Penny just pulled a face at me, 'Joke all you want - you know I'm right. I mean, after everything with Colin, don't you think you deserve a bit of happiness? Allow yourself that,' she picked up her drink, 'It'll happen, it's only a matter of time.'

Simply smiling in response, I took a sip of drink and looked around me, sighing quietly as the person I was trying not to think about appeared in my thoughts again, hoping once I'd got a few drinks down me I'd soon forget about him.

As the evening went on I slowly began to loosen up, though the alcohol had a big part to play in that. I could feel myself become less and less sober, and with that more and more carefree. It wasn't doing any harm, well, as long as I knew when to stop.

'Right, it's my round!' I announced as I got up off my seat, almost losing my balance as I tried to stand up.

'Whoa, careful, Heidi.' Chrissie, who I'd gotten into a huge conversation with and had been sitting next to, laughed as I regained my composure.

'I'm fine, darling, I'm fine.' I assured her, 'Now, what are you all having?'

Whilst I received everyone's drinks orders, I could see Roger giving me a concerned look out the corner of my eye, but I didn't pay attention to it. Shuffling from out behind the table I made my way across the busy room towards the bar, rather unsteadily on my feet, but I didn't even make it there as a face I spotted in the crowd made me freeze on the spot and my blood turn cold.

I couldn't say for certain it was him, but his appearance was definitely similar. He was standing at the other end of the bar chatting to his mates, his back now to me. The room was dark and the smoke in the air made it even more difficult to see yet I stood there unable to move, like the world had stopped turning. I stared at the man across the room as he turned around so I was able to see his face. It may simply have been my mind playing tricks on me or the fact I was half cut, and I knew it wasn't him, but just a glance of someone who looked like him was enough to ignite the fear inside of me. So I bolted, pushing past the crowd of people to the bathrooms in a desperate but collected manner, that was until I reached the Ladies.

Bursting through the door, I quickly slammed it shut behind me, panic quickly taking over as I backed away from the exit. I tried to control breathing as I ran a hand through my hair, trying to compose myself. Once I'd calmed down slightly, I leant against one of the sinks and squeezed my eyes shut, trying my damnedest not to cry. As I stood there alone, the bathroom door opened.

'Heidi?'

I jumped out of my skin and looked at the blonde girl in front of me at first in fright and then relief.

'I just saw you leg it across the room. What's going on?' Penny walked towards me.

I avoided eye contact, 'Nothing, I-I'm fine.'

She raised an eyebrow, 'Heidi, you look like you've seen a ghost. You're obviously not fine.' I didn't say anything, 'Look, I don't mean to be nosey, but you've been acting weird all night. Something is bothering you and I'm not leaving you until you tell me what it is.'

Staring down at the ground, I knew Penny would keep her word and not leave, or let me leave for that matter, until she knew what was going on. I sighed and told her the truth, 'Colin...has been released from prison.'

'...What?'

I just nodded slowly.

The blonde girl stared at me dumbfounded, 'Why?'

'Not enough evidence, apparently.'

'Fuck,' she muttered under her breath, running her hand through her hair, 'When did you find out?'

'This afternoon, ' I told her, 'I thought I saw him at the bar, that's why I ran out the room. It was just a guy who looked like him, but it freaked me out.'

'Does Roger know?' she asked.

I finally looked up at her, 'No, and it's going to stay that way.'

Penny's forehead wrinkled in confusion, 'Heidi, you're going to have to tell him at some point. You can't keep him in the dark forever.'

'I'm not going to drop that bomb on him, Penny, especially on his birthday. Please don't say anything, I will tell him just...not tonight.'

Sighing, the blonde girl replied reluctantly, 'Fine. As long as you promise to tell him tomorrow.'

'I will.' I told her sincerely.

'Good,' she said sternly, before her voice softened and she added, 'As for Colin, forget about him. I know you must be worried, after what he did the fact he's been released from prison is absolutely absurd, but if he has any sense he won't show his face around here again, especially after having such a lucky escape.'

Nodding in agreement, I replied, 'I know.' before the two of us made our way to the door as I sighed, 'Come on, I need a drink.'

We left the bathroom and entered the hot and noisy room again, myself heading back to the bar to get everyone's drinks which the ones at the table had probably assumed they weren't getting by now. Penny left me to it and returned to the others whilst I went and got in the drinks, having to shout my order to the poor barman over the people and deafening music. Whilst I stood there waiting, I felt a hand on the small of my back, making me jump; again.

'Hey.' Roger's voice sounded in my ear.

'Hi.' I replied nervously.

'I saw you leave the room. You okay?'

'I'm fine, I just felt a bit queasy, that's all.' I lied.

'I'm not surprised. You've been knocking them back like there's no tomorrow, I lost count ages ago.'

Not having anything to say, I looked down at the counter, avoiding his gaze. Seeing through my false exterior, the drummer sighed.

'Heidi, if there's something going on, you can talk to me, y'know that.'

'There's nothing going on.' I replied.

'Really? 'Cause ever since we left the house tonight you've been acting strange and the pace at which you've been drinking, it ain't like you,' Rog told me as I just closed my eyes shut. He leaned in closer, 'Please, love, I just want to make sure you're alright.'

'Roger, how many times do I have to tell you? I'm fine! Stop mollycoddling me, I'm not a child,' I snapped at him, 'Just...please, leave me alone.'

Taken aback my sudden outburst, Roger stepped back and mumbled, 'Fine,' hurt evident in his voice, before disappearing into the crowd and leaving me at the bar alone.

I closed my eyes and shook my head in guilt. I'm not sure where Roger went after that, presumably outside as he didn't return to for the best part of half an hour, although when he did he sat down next to Brian, the only interaction between us being awkward eye contact across the table. Looking back now, I couldn't blame him. I'd lied to his face and snapped at him for caring, talk about being a bitch. But little did I, or Roger, know this was only the beginning of a pleasant evening becoming a complete and utter shambles...

-

Hey everyone!

Sorry for the wait for this chapter. I've been busy getting ready for moving away for college and now I'm living in a totally different part of the country so writing hasn't really been on my mind. I'm not sure how crazy my course is going to be and how much free time I'm going to have so forgive me if updates are even scarcer than usual. Anyway I hope you enjoyed this chapter, it's just a little filler in preparation for what's going to go down in the next one, I'm looking forward to sharing it with you all when it's done.

Many thanks,

Anna :-) x