" ": You talking

' ': You thinking

* *: Narrator/Voice-off

Your POV:

Aqua: Ahh ! Burglar ! Darkness, a burglar just broke into the beautiful Goddess' mansion ! Go catch him !!

"... So to answer that interrogation, I don't think the potion worked...How the hell does her purification ability works... ? Or does she gets drunk solely from placebo effect ?"

Darkness: H- Hey, Aqua, isn't it about time that you made up with him already... Owieowieowie ! Cut it out, Aqua ! Don't pull my hair !!

Aqua: Darkness, do you really enjoy being abandoned by this psychopath so much ? When you received letters saying that he wanted to live with Iris, you breathed heavily and complained about being cucked ! If we all keep indulging him, there's truly be no saving that despicable man ! Hell, I think he's far beyond saving already !

"I'd appreciate if you didn't put me in the same category of Lolicon as Kazuma. And since when did I go beyond saving ? You really think I became some sort of empty, hollow shell or something ?"

Aqua: ... Thou, should reflect on how thou died in the first place. Remember what thou did as you were plummeting to your death. Nothing ! You just sighed in annoyance as you were approaching terminal velocity !

"Would flailing around and screaming my eyes out prevented me turning into a red mushy puddle ? Just like you trying to take that house for yourself. In the end, it doesn't even matter."

Aqua: Darkness, support me ! Come shield me against this dangerous intruder !

Darkness: Hey, what ?! Wait a minute... !

"... *Sip*. You never learn... Do you ? You really want me to leave you in tears ?"

Aqua: B- Bring it ! I'm not afraid of you anymore ! This time, I'll be the one leaving you in tears and begging for forgiveness !

"... ... Megumin, Darkness. Please leave the mansion. It shall only take an hour at maximum."

Aqua: Hah ! Admitting defeat already ?! That's right, just grovel and apostate, and maybe I'll even-

Aqua: Waaaaaaah !! Y- Y/n san ! Master Y/n !! I've... I've always thought that you were in fact a very, well, a generally amiable man ! Plus, from all the time we've spent together, you should know that mutual understanding is the key to solving conflicts... !

"... That's her, officer. That one right there."

Guard: After surveying the real estate office, we've confirmed your ownership of this property, Windings sir. Next, we shall proceed to reclaim your illegally-occupied housing.

Aqua: Y/n-san !! Master Y/n !! Waaaah !! Y/n-samaaaaa !!

Guard: And, what about these two ?

Darkness: I- I- I'm, um, we're housemates, so... !

Guard: Is that true ? It'd be big news if the Lady of house Dustiness turned out to be a criminal.

Kazuma: Hnnngh...

Aqua: Waaaaah !! Please, please forgive me !! I'm sorry, it's all my fault ! Please forgive me, Y/n-sama ! Are my apologies not enough ?!

"Good morning to you too, oh self-proclaimed Goddess of water. I suppose I'll invite myself in my own house, despite not crying and begging for your forgiveness now."

Aqua: I'm sorry !! I'll be obedient from now on ! I won't ever doubt you again ! Please forgive me !!

"Ahhhh... seriously, where would you lot be without me ?"

Aqua: Y/n-sama, your tea is ready...

"Why, thank you... hot water. When will you learn what happens when you touch the tea ? Go re-brew it."

Aqua: Ahh, my sincerest apologies, Y/n-sama ! Your tea will be remade shortly !

Megumin: ... That skill of yours to be far more terrifying while being calm rather than furious is something else... But the problem appears to be solved. To be truthful, I'm just happy that everyone can all sit together in this living room once more.

"yes, all of us. Speaking of, what are you standing to the side for, Kazuma ? Come take a seat."

Kazuma: H- Hnngh ! I... I'd rather not, Y/n-sama...

"Figures. You probably won't be able to sit properly for a few days after that. Hahahaha !"

Kazuma: ... Fucker...

"What was that my ears just caught wind of ?"

Kazuma: I- I just said I fucked up, Y/n-sama !!

Megumin: ... ... What did you do to him ?

"Well... His horizons weren't the only thing that ended up being 'Widened' by all that. I'll keep it at that."

Darkness: Hnn... A- All aside, it's all good as long as you're here in one piece... And please don't call the cops so rashly again...

Aqua: Your tea's here !

"I appreciate it. *Sip*... ... Water. Are you actually trying to get on my bad side ?"

Aqua: Ahh ! I'm extremely sorry Y/n-sama ! I, your servant, will go remake it right away... !

Darkness: A- Aqua, if you mess up every time, jut let me do it; that way, he won't have to yell at you anymore. Then... I'll be the only one he needs to yell at...

Aqua: Hey Darkness ! I've finally caught this rare chance to play the Dustiness maid game, so step aside !

"... The what game now ? Are you saying you were purifying that tea on purpose to emulate Darkness' perverted maids' antics ?"

Aqua: not exactly, I've always directly poured you hot water-

*SPLASH*

Aqua: GYAAAAAAAAHH !! HOT WATER, MY EYES !!

Darkness: H- Hold on a second, you two, there's nothing wrong with the maids of my family !

Aqua: Y/n-sama, to punish this useless Dustiness maid, please doodle all you want on my body !

"... ... I give up. No matter what, it doesn't look like it will go through the thick skull of yours. Just heal Kazuma and be done with that."

Kazuma: Hmmm... Morning... What's for breakfast ? I won't be wanting miso soup for a long while after eating weird things everyday in the Capital.

"So give you only miso soup for the next three months, understood. And besides, it's time for lunch, not breakfast. Which is... Honestly i'm having trouble determining what Darkness is trying to do here..."

Darkness: It'll be lobsters, because when I had megumin's secret crimson demon lobster dish on the road to Elroad, I was captivated. This time, i've finally convinced her to prepare the raw ingredients after numerous attempts.

"...'... Let's just hope that Noble lady doesn't go and orders this kind of lobsters in galas...' So, are we actually going to the guild today ? I mean, didn't these two gain some form of motivation from the letters ? Being no less than an admired idol for those children, aren't you going to be a role model for them ?"

Kazuma: Why are you saying this like I'm the one always refusing quests... well, nevermind. I can understand why they admire me, but after calming down... Well, you know the rest. Think again carefully. Since experience can be earned by merely eating special cuisine, there's no need to do dangerous adventuring.

Darkness: ... Hey Aqua, you get along with children too, right ? Don't you often play with kids in the neighborhood ? Don't you also call yourself a Goddess, like you did at the Capital ? Then, shouldn't defeating the Demon King be your duty ?

Aqua: I am indeed the Goddess of water Aqua-sama... Although it' strange considering how you guys don't usually believe that at all. Hey, are you all realizing my godhood from heart ? Then, since I've lived with you for so long, I must be more important than Eris, right ? Why not switch to the Axis church ?

Darkness: B- But, every generation of my family had been loyal defenders of the nation and its religion; My duty prevents me from believing in any other church than the Eris Church...

Aqua: Liar ! You still don't believe me ! Darkness, I really am the Goddess of water ! Don't you ever wonder how a normal person could stay submerged for so long and turn any solution to water with a touch ?!

Darkness: A- About that... I heard that Axis priests are very powerful due to the devotion of their followers, so I wouldn't be surprised if they could turn whatever they touch to water. Besides, Axis cultists probably don't even need to breathe...

Aqua: Apologize ! Apologize, now ! Apologize for making my children sound like monsters ! On another note... Everything Darkness wrote in those letters were compliment for him. I believe it's about time to redeem the name of the Axis cultists. More specifically, I also want fan mail !!

Darkness: I- I understand ! I'll just go there again if that's all you want, so-

"... What was that ? Go where exactly... ?"

Kazuma: Oi, Darkness, the letters you showed earlier were supposed to be from children, right ?

Darkness: Th- That's indeed how it happened ! Problem ?! I even paid the kids to write them ! Did you think I had a choice ?! You wouldn't come home any other way !

Kazuma: ... Hey, did you know ?

"She told me she knew the kids, and that was why they gave her the letters... the rest I wasn't aware of..."

Kazuma: And I even treasured the fan mail as a memento ! Way to blame the victim, Darkness !

Darkness: W- Were you that elated by them ? I sincerely apologize for that...

"You used to be an honorable person who would never think of using your status and family name for these kinds of things... When did you learn scams like that ?"

Kazuma: yeah ! You've been trigger-happy with abusing power lately, threatening this and seducing that ! And now...

"Hold on, why are you pointing at me with 'that' exactly ?!"

Darkness: W- Well, whose fault do you think it is ?! That's right, it's all you ! I've only fallen this low because of you !

Kazuma: Why the hell am I the scapegoat ?! Who are you kidding, bitch ?! Your character doesn't seem at all different from when we had met !

Aqua: Apologize, now ! Those letters really touched me !! Not only to Kazuma, you own me an apology, too !

Megumin: Quiet down, everyone. Eat the food before it gets cold. I spent a lot of effort in this.

*Knock knock knock*

"... Hm ?"

"Why, hello there... I don't think we've met before."

Darkness: Kazuma, where are you going ?! we're not finished yet !

Aqua: Shut up, you deceptive woman ! Go eat your crayfish !

Darkness: What are crayfish ?

"Don't mind them. So, who exactly are you ?"

???: H- hello ! Meagerm- I mean, M- Megumin-san, is she home ?

"... ... Komekko ?"

Komekko: Hiiiii !

Aqua: Only the finest tea for our respected guests

???: M- many thanks !

Megumin: ... So, what brought Punyfura and Dodumko here with my sister in tow ?

Funifura: How about you get our names straight first ! I'm Funifura ! Fu- Ni- Fu- Ra !

Dodonko: I'm not Dodumko but Dodonko ! Could you be holding a grudge just because I nearly called you Meagermin ?! I merely bit my tongue !

"... You know, for people who seem so proud of your weird names, you sure don't mind bullying others about it..."

Megumin: Mostly these two. Anyway, these are Funifura and Dodonko, two insignificant Crimson Demons. Just keep them in mind for the time being.

Funifura: How could you ?! How could you use terms like "Insignificant" and "The time being" ?!

Dodonko: While we're indeed usually treated as a pair and aren't that important, I still can't tolerate being judged by Megumin !

"Right, so you all are bullies..."

Aqua: Here, have a taste of this, too ! Don't worry, we still have a lot more, so take your time.

Darkness: Komekko, there's dessert afterwards... S- So please don't be so aggressive, you're worrying me...

"And she looks as happy to get to eat actual food..."

Funifura: Hmph. Long time no see, Megumin. Your sister suffered tragic events, so we brought her here.

Dodonko: Yes yes, we're unsure if it applies only to your sister or your whole family... But needless to say, Komekko has encountered a disaster and has nowhere to seek refuge. We then heard that Megumin and Yunyun are both in Axel, so we've escorted her all the way here.

Kazuma: What matter could be so grave ? What happened to Megumin's home ? By the way, we've talked before when we visited the Crimson Demon village, right ?

Funifura: ... Aren't you Megumin's boyfriend ? Er, do you live with her ? Actually, forget your home, the whole village has been hot by a disaster.

Dodonko: Yes yes, it's nonetheless a bit difficult to explain...

Komekko: *Glups* A "Boom" and my home was gone.

Megumin: ... What do you mean by "Boom" ?! Please elaborate !

Funifura: ... The army of the Demon king's daughter... is invading the Crimson Demon Village...