" ": You talking

' ': You thinking

* *: Narrator/Voice-off

Your POV:

Kazuma: Oh, damn it ! My heart is thumping ! I'm so nervous and excited that I can't sleep. At times like this, you count sheep... One sheep... Two sheep... ... Ah, it's no use !!

Kazuma: I'll just have a bath and calm down ! I'll become sleepy if I immerse myself in a warm bathtub. And most importantly, it's etiquette to clean your body and wait. 'What dream will it be like ? What kind of girl will come there ? I can't wait...'

Kazuma: 'Hm ? Just now, I think I heard a sound... Did somebody come in ? I'm sure I put the "Bath in use" note up.

Darkness: Ah... The light is out... Can't be helped, I'll be fine with just the moonlight.

Kazuma: Wah !! Da- Darkness... Why... !! 'No, wait ! There's no way a manga-like development like this would happen so conveniently. Could it possibly be... Don't tell me that the succubi's lewd dream service has started !!'

Darkness: Umm... K- Kazuma... ?

Kazuma: I had the setting with "A beauty with a nice figure", but I never thought it would be Darkness who would show up. But that's nice, in its own. What's wrong, Darkness ? Hurry up and come over here.

Darkness: WHA- ?! Ka- Ka- Ka- Kazuma, why are you so calm about this... ?! There's too much happening... My head can't keep up...

Kazuma: Amazing ! How is it so realistic ! OK ! For starters, I guess I'll have you wash my back.

Darkness: HAA ?! Hold on a second ! Why would I wash your back in this situation ?

Kazuma: Oi, oi, I didn't ask for a tease play setting. Ah, now that I think of it, I did write a PS about her being "The shy type who doesn't know much about the world" so this is fine.

Darkness: I don't understand what you've been saying this whole time !!

Kazuma! What's up ? Enough with the teasing. I already got that you're going with the setting that you don't know much about the world, so please hurry up.

Darkness: So it's common sense in this world that I wash your back ?!

Kazuma: Don't make a noise like this, it'll bother the neighbors. Oh, this is a dream, so it's fine I guess ? Anyway, go ahead.

Darkness: ... How did it come to this... ?

Kazuma: Boy, this is kinda fresh~. Seeing you while you're blushing in embarrassment isn't bad at all.

Darkness: Your way of talking and behavior is like an old man's today ! If the other saw us like this, what will we do !!

Kazuma: Aqua or Megumin, we'll all have a bath together. I mean, no chance in hell Y/n's gonna show up in my dreams.

*Creeeaaaaaaaaaak*

Kazuma: Hm ?

"... Fucking headache... Where the hell did I put that... Crab was good, but why did I finish these two bottles..."

Kazuma: H- Heh... ? Wh- What are you doing here ?!

"GH- ! For the love of Eris, don't yell... I can already taste the hangover... Don't mind me, just out there looking for the medicine... And a bucket too, just in case... Mgmn... Rzz... Umm..."

Kazuma: He's just half-asleep... But why the hell is he in my dream... Did the succubi... No, I'm not... Not with him !!'

"Ah... Imma just go suffer the rest of the night... G'bye..."

*Creaaaaaaaak*

Kazuma: *Phew* I don't know what that was...

*Creaaaaaaaak*

"... ... ... ... ... ..."

Kazuma: What ?

"... ... ... ... ... i'm not judging. Have fun, I suppose. But keep it quiet."

Darkness: Hah ! W- Wait, that's not !! What's happening here ?! This is enough, right ? I- I'm going out... !

Kazuma: What kind of stupid things are you saying ? The real thing starts now ! Next will be... Without the towel.

Darkness: Hah ?! Th- This is odd ! This is odd !! No matter how much I don't know about the world, this is definitely odd !!

Kazuma: Haa ? Hey now, what are you sayin-

Aqua: A SUSPICIOUS PERSON !!

Aqua: Fight me !! Fight me !! EVERYBODY !! THERE'S A SUSPICIOUS PERSON IN THE MANSIOOOON !!

Aqua: Gotcha ! You're a succubus, huh ? What's a devil doing in this mansion ?

Succubus: Kyaaa ! I'm sorry !!

Kazuma: Oi, oi, what's this ruckus about ? No matter how I look at it, there are too many people making their entry.

Aqua: Ah, Kazuma !! Don't come close ! What's with this attire ?

Aqua: I picked up a reaction from the barrier I set up around the mansion, and when I came to see what is was... This succubus was trying to sneak in !! This thing attacks men !! I'm sure she was aiming for either one of you two ! She's dangerous, so stay away, stay away !

Kazuma: Eh... ?

Succubus: 'D- dear customer, I'm most terribly sorry. Because of the barrier which I wasn't expecting, I have been found out... It is inexcusable that I wasn't able to infiltrate, much less show you a good dream ! At this rate, I'll be exterminated as a lost stray succubus, so please pretend that you don't know me.'

Kazuma: ... Which means... That Darkness from earlier...

Darkness: Aqua !! Kazuma has already been bewitched by her ! She's controlling him ! He's been acting weird this whole time, going on about "a dream" and "a setting" ! Why you... How dare you put me though such shame ! I'LL MURDER YOU !!

Kazuma: ... ... ...

Aqua: Ahh ! So he really is being controlled !!

Darkness: I don't care !! Perform the last rites for that devil along with Kazuma !!

Kazuma: ... ... ALRIIIGHT ! COME AT MEEEE !!

"SHUT UUUUUUUUUUUP !!"

*F-TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM*

Kazuma: ... ... Hey. You're not saying anything. I think that you have a problem too, for going with the flow in that situation.

Darkness: Kazuma... You really don't remember what happened last night, right ?

Kazuma: Yeah. I regret to say it, but I don't. I have no memories of what happened except for the feeling that I saw some good dream.

Darkness: I... I see. Then it's fine. But you went on quite the rampage when you were controlled b that succubus. And moreover, she managed to run away and left you.

Kazuma: How shameful.

Darkness: But... The Kazuma of that time was quite forceful... He was a little scary, but it wasn't bad. It was wrong of you to put whatever you wanted in the head of the ignorant me.

Kazuma: Actually, it's not like you're a young lady who doesn't know anything about the world, but more like you lack common sense... Even though the lantern was lit and the bath note was up, you came in so shamelessly...

Darkness: S- So you do remember what happened last night !! You were being controlled by the succubus, right ?! Kazuma, say something !!

"Kazuma, Kazuma, Kazuma... Kazutrash in all his glory."

Kazuma: Wh- What ?

"Dust told me everything already. I'm conflicted about whether you deserved this or not. Just, next time you invite a creature from hell here, just make sure your roommate isn't a self-proclaimed goddess setting up barriers everywhere she can."

Kazuma: You... You're not mad, are you ?

"What for. Even though... You better be more careful next time, or else someone less compliant than Darkness might get involved."

Kazuma: I- is that a threat ?!

"Aqua packs a punch, and I wouldn't want Megumin to cast Explosion at your crotch, that's all. I mean, that's your money, your essence, your dreams. You do whatever you want with it."

Kazuma: if you want, I can show you the place.

"No need. Ever heard about lucid dreams ?"

Kazuma: ... ... YOU LUCKY LITTLE- !!

Broadcast: *EMERGENCY !! EMERGENCY !! EMERGENCY !! EMERGENCY !!*

Kazuma: GH ! What's that about ?!

Aqua: Guys !! We've got a problem ! Looks like the Destroyer is headed towards this town !!

"Destroyer ? What's that ?"

Megumin: Nobody can stop its advance... The greatest, strongest mobile fortress...

Luna: *DESTROYER ALERT ! DESTROYER ALERT !! the mobile fortress Destroyer is approaching the town ! Residents are to evacuate at once ! All adventurers, please prepare your equipment and gather at the guild !!*

Aqua: We're getting away !! We're getting really far away !!

Megumin: Honestly, there is no point getting panicked and flustered. If we are going to lose our home and everything else, then we might as well go raid the demon king's castle.

Kazuma: Oi, you guys, what are you doing ? We're gonna answer the guild's summon. Let's get going already.

Aqua: Ha ? You guys ! Do you intend to fight ?! With THAT Destroyer ?!

"First off, explain what that Destroyer thing is, please."

Megumin: The mobile Fortress, Destroyer... It is said that after it passes by, every single thing will have been destroyed. And except for followers of the Axis cult, not even grass will remain. It's the worst "Big Game" with a valuable reward on it... Fighting that thing is going beyond reckless.

Aqua: H- hey... Why are my believers being talked about like that ? They're all good children, you know ? Why are you so afraid of them ?

"So a behemoth is about to trample on us, got it. But if it's that big, what about Explosion ? Or any kind of heavy firepower we have, wouldn't that do at least something ?"

Megumin: Impossible. The Destroyer has a powerful magical barrier, so an Explosion or two would be blocked.

Aqua: Listen to me ! The bad rumors going around in public about the followers of the Axis cult are the work of the followers of the Eris church ! Even though everyone glorifies her, that girl has quite the mischievous side, and...

Megumin: Aqua, not only have you been proclaiming to be a goddess recently, but also bad-mouthing Eris...

Aqua: I'M NOT PROCLAIMING ! BELIEVE ME !!

Kazuma: Your thoughts on that matter ?

"Whether we run or not, I'm not fleeing before at least hitting it as hard as I can."

Kazuma: 'Something that even Explosion magic doesn't work on... Are we better off running then... ? No ! Destroyer or whatever it may be, there's the mansion we've finally obtained ! Besides, the shop of these kind succubi is in this town... ! We can't run away !'

Darkness: I'M LATE !! Sorry, I got held up preparing ! Now, let's head to the guild !

"Ah, Darkness. I really thought you just ran on your own to rush the destroyer head-on."

Darkness: How rude ! Even I can get serious when it's time to.

"Well. Now's definitely the time to. Learn from Darkness on that one, and let's head to the guild already !"

Aqua: Waaaah !! The axis cult ! Please take care of the Axis cult !!