" ": You talking

' ': You thinking

* *: Narrator/Voice-off

Your POV:

Aqua: WAAAAAAAAAHHH !!

Wiz: A-Aqua-sama, I brought you some warm milk. Take a sip and cool down...

Aqua: That's so cruel !I- I worked so hard for everyone ! Why must I be pelted with stones by my own believers ?! Waaaahh !!

"... You know, for once, I don't feel like saying anything... For once you had genuinely good intentions, just poor execution."

Darkness: Ahhhhhh~...

"And then there's you."

Wiz: Aqua-sama, please... please calm down ! Or else, your aura when you're upset will cause me to disappear !

Aqua: ... I want to drink wine.

Kazuma: You're not upset at all, right ?

Aqua: No matter what, there's definitely some sort of sabotage being conducted. Many of the hot springs I visited had been seriously contaminated. If the customers were to have visited these baths, they would've definitely fallen ill.

"... I have reasons to believe that. But even if it is true, we can't just find the culprit this way."

Kazuma: Let's just go to the adventurers' guild and the hot springs' management to make a report, and we'll leave the rest to them.

Aqua: But if this goes on... My cute believers will...

Kazuma: I'll give you a hand tomorrow... But I won't participate in any fights, all right ? If we can find the culprit, we'll hand it over to the adventurer's guild to resolve it. Will that be fine ?

Wiz: Well then, I'll wait in the hotel. Please be careful.

Megumin: So, how will we even know who the culprit is ? Even if we do find someone suspicious, we'll have to catch them in the act for it to be convincing.

'I mean... It's not like we have no idea who the culprit is...'

Kazuma: 'That man at the hot spring... Hans, was it ? And that lady said she couldn't recuperate in this hot spring anymore, so she probably left the city already.'

'So if we find the man, we find the perpetrator... And one of the demon king's army goons.'

Aqua: Hehe, leave it to me ! I've already thought of a way to find the culprit ! Listen, the culprit will visit several hot springs a day. Visiting as a customer will be the least suspicious way of doing it.

"What's that, Aqua using her brain for once ? You sure you don't have fever or something ?"

Aqua: Nonsense ! My believers are at stake here !

"... You know, that's fair. If only you could be having that kind of drive normally, things would be great. So, what's planning ?"

Aqua: Well then, let's ask all the managers of the hot springs which customers they had the deepest impression of, i've already distributed survey forms to them.

Kazuma: You're really working hard on this.

Megumin: I see. No matter how much someone loves the hot springs, bathing several times in one go would be suspicious. By collating the customer that frequents the most from the managers, we can lock on to the target, right ?

Darkness: Also, if something happens to the hot spring that person frequents, it means he must be he culprit.

Aqua: That's the idea ! Come, let's collect the survey forms back.

"That's... Honestly, Aqua can be surprisingly effective when she's serious..."

Kazuma: let's hope she can maintain that attitude from now on.

Aqua: The results of the survey are out ! The features of the most frequent customer are...

"... A woman with blue hair and eyes, wearing a light purple Hagoromo."

Kazuma: So you're the culprit.

Aqua: Wrong ! Wait ! I did visit a lot of Hot springs, but that was to purify the water ! Let's look at the survey about the water quality turning bad, the last one to visit is the most suspicious !

"... A woman with blue hair and eyes changed the hot spring water into warm water as a practical joke."

Kazuma: That's also you.

Aqua: Why ?! What's going on ?! This is useless !

Megumin: No, hold on ! Look, this "Man with tanned skin and brown hair" was second in his visit frequency to Aqua, Does he likes hot springs that much ?

Kazuma: ... So he's the criminal, as expected. he's a tall man with bulging muscles.

Aqua: ... hey, wait, what do you mean by "As expected" ? Do you know something like that ? Were you secretly worried for me and investigated, even though you kept saying it was troublesome ? Is Kazuma a tsundere ?

"... Aight, you want to put the cat out of the bag, or be called a tsundere ?"

Kazuma: Uhhh... the first day we came to this city... We met this guy by chance in the hot spring, saying stuff like "That damn cult's finally going to be destroyed" and how the hot springs would be destroyed in about a decade or two...

"So yeah, that kind of things. Truth is we were planning on informing the guild before leaving the place so they could deal with th- GAAAAAAARGL !!"

Aqua: WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO EARLIER ?! If you had told me earlier, I wouldn't have needed to work so hard !

Kazuma: Stop that ! We're here to bathe in the hot springs and recuperate ! Why should we be dragged into troublesome matters all the time ?! Why would we plunge head-first into trouble ?!

Aqua: This man finally admitted it ! Do you not have any pride as an adventurer ?! No matter how you look at it, that's the scene of the Demon King's army scheming !!

Megumin: I'll hold one of them down, you beat him up good, Aqua !

*F-TWOOOOOOOOOM*

"Gakh... Haah... Okay, so... You guys really want to go, huh ?"

Kazuma: Don't blame us for not holding back.

Megumin: Woooo... I feel ravaged... They actually fought back...

Darkness: What pettiness...

"Don't think I didn't see you jumping into all of my attacks."

Kazuma: Even at three on two, it ended up like that. Let's just be glad I drained Megumin before she could fire her Explosion...

"So very glad we could resolve this peacefully. And nicely convince Aqua to sketch that portrait."

Aqua: What ?!

Receptionist: It's troubling to suddenly ask us to do that. We can't simply arrest this person with just your one-sided account. It might be a different story if it was adventurers with good reputation who've been active here for a long time making the request, but it's hard to believe some unknown adventurers we aren't familiar with... At least give us some evidence...

Kazuma: of course it wouldn't be that simple...

"Does he knows we defeated two demon generals and the Destroyer ?"

Aqua: ... Hey, since you live in this city... You must be an Axis cultist, right ? Look at my face, does it look familiar ?

Receptionist: ... I'm not an Axis Cultist... Now that you mention it, I did see... Ah ! In that shop down-town, the second most popular- !

Aqua: Wrong ! Say any more and you'll receive divine retribution ! I've never worked in such a dirty place before !

"Hm... This does not look like it'll work very much..."

Kazuma: I have an idea. Megumin, back me up.

Megumin: Back you up ? What do you want ?

Darkness: Huh ?

Kazuma: Look closely at who this noble person is ! She's the daughter of the Dustiness house, the great noble family known as the "Shield of the Kingdom", Lady Dustiness Ford Lalatina ! How impudent to say that she's some unknown adventurer !

Darkness: Eh ?!

"... Though that might be adding oil to the fire, when was the last time some 'Unknown' adventurers defeated two generals of the Demon King army, as well as the legendary moving fortress Destroyer ?"

Receptionist: Eh ?!

Megumin: My lady, please show the item that proves your identity as a member of the Dustiness family for the block-headed staff to see !

Darkness: hmm ? Even Megumin ?! T- To think I'd use my family's name for such a thing...

'In a sense, it's to fight against the demon king's army, so how would that be a problem ?'

Darkness: 'I guess...'

Receptionist: This is really... ! M- My apologies ! We'll put this man on the wanted list immediately !

Aqua: As expected of Darkness ! that's how you use the authority of a noble !

Darkness: Ah, Aqua ! Don't say such ill sounding things so loudly !

Receptionist: W- We've started a manhunt for that man as instructed by lady Dustiness. We'll contact your hotel if we receive any news !

"Ah yes, sorry for troubling you."

Kazuma: By the way, please charge all necessary expenses for the manhunt to the Dustiness family.

Darkness: Huh ?!

Darkness: You jerk !! Jeeerrrrrrkkkk !!

Kazuma: What ? I said I'm sorry already, right ? Let Aqua pay for the manhunt expenses then.

Aqua: Eh ? It's on me ?

Darkness: That's not the point ! My family name isn't to be used so lightly... !

Kazuma: Hey Aqua, the Dustiness house has their hands full raising this pervert. So, pay for the bill all right ? Isn't it for the sake of saving your cult anyway ?

Aqua: Ahhh... All right, all right. I get it, it can't be helped. The Dustiness house has it rough, huh ? I'll pay then.

Darkness: Nuaaaahhhh !!

Kazuma: Wahhh ! You, what, stop it !!

*BONK*

"Would the two of you stop bicker like children already ? There are people watching. Try not to make it look like you're a fraud and act like a lady, Darkness."

Darkness: A fraud ?! I'm a proper lady ! Ahhh, really...

"I told you already, consider it using your influence to corner a goon of the Demon King. isn't that something the 'Shield of the Kingdom' would do in a heartbeat ?"

Darkness: That's not the point either ! That man has been playing me like a monkey since just now !

"And you try to hit him with your known accuracy ?"

Darkness: I'll kill you !!

*BONK*

"Stop being so noisy."

Darkness: Uhhh... Forget it. People who don't change their attitude even after knowing I'm a noble are rare. Everyone always says that they don't mind, but will still be slightly afraid of me...

Megumin: I don't care about nobles or peasants. Darkness is just Darkness. I'll always treat you the same. The Crimson Demons doesn't fear authority and will treat royalty and aristocrats the same, okay ?

Darkness: Megumin...

Kazuma: In the country I was from, there were plenty of people who complain about politics. i'm not concerned about status or gender, and I won't show bias toward a weird noble like you.

Darkness: Even Kazuma... No wait, did you say weird noble ?

"You gotta give it to him, we're all a bunch of weirdos."

Kazuma: Hey Aqua, tell her what you think too. Don't let her flatter herself and be conscious about her status as a lady... Hey, what are you doing ? What is that ?

Aqua: This... ? Oh, this is clay modeling. I'm trying to make a copy of the pendant Darkness took out earlier. It looks the same, right ? With this, I can claim to be a child of the Dustiness house and say anything I want- AHHH !!

Darkness: No.

Wiz: Oh, welcome back ! Any progress ?

"Well, we have our guy, and the guild's on the hunt for him. Thing is, we already met him here at the hotel on our first day."

Wiz: really ?

"Yeah, he was in the hot spring... I think his name was something like... Ha-"

Kazuma: We just did something incredible again. It's great that we stopped the schemes of the Demon King's army... hey, Darkness, you're a sheltered lady so you might not know this, but there's a custom among commoners that a man and a woman who go on vacation together must visit the mixed bath together. We'll be going back tomorrow, so let's get it done tonight.

Darkness: Huh ? I- I've never heard of such a strange custom !

Kazuma: I already said it's a custom among commoners. You're a noble, so there's no way you could've heard about it. If you want to break the gap between you and real commoners like us, you'll have to follow the ritual at least once.

Darkness: So, there really is such a custom... ?

Megumin: As if we have such a custom !

"... As the depository of the holy *BONK* stick, it is my sacred duty to send you to horny jail this instant."

Kazuma: H- hey, no joke-

*BONK*

Kazuma: Ow.

"So, where was I ?"

Wiz: The name...

"Oh, right, that. It was Hans."

Wiz: H- Hans ?! But that's...

*Knock knock*

Aqua: Coming, who is it ? What happened ?

Receptionist: Haa... Haa... Terrible news ! The hot springs... ! Contaminated water is flowing out from the hot springs everywhere in the city !!