" ": You talking

' ': You thinking

* *: Narrator/Voice-off

Your POV:

Aqua: W'HOME !

Kazuma: Can't you even say "We're home" properly ?

Aqua: Phew ! It's so good to be back in your own house !

Megumin: Well, that ended up being a very eventful vacation.

"Though, I could go with a little less of it. But we all got something out of it, didn't we ?"

Darkness: Yeah, how about a cup of tea and a little rest ?

Kazuma: 'I ended up getting sucked into more nonsense on my own vacation... I'm starting to think it would've been better if I'd just stayed home.'

Aqua: Hey, Megumin, that Archwizard is really obnoxious. How about you trade it for this crusader I don't need ?

Megumin: I don't need that crusader for my strategy either. Come on, Aqua, it's your turn.

Darkness: Excuse me, you two. I hope you're just talking about your game...

"I thought this was just regular chess... But looking closer, it's more like Fire Emblem... Interesting..."

Megumin: What's that ?

"Uhhh..."

Kazuma: 'It really is good to relax like this. But by now, I've learned, if I feel this good, something is about to happen.

???: Excuse meee !! Megumin, are you there ? Y/n-san ?

Kazuma: Right on cue...

"I see I taught you well on the great laws of the jinx. Who's there ?"

Yunyun: H- Hello... !!

Kazuma: Oh, Yunyun ! What's up ? Why so worked up ?

Megumin: Why are you here ?

"No, no, let me guess... yet another Demon king's general to defeat, is it ?"

Kazuma: Don't talk about that, please.

Yunyun: Er... Um... I know this is very sudden, but... Y/n-san... I want to bear your child !!

"... ... ... Come again... ?"

Yunyun: I said, I want to bear your child !

"... ... Why settle for plain old boring me, when you have the magnificent specimen of a man that is Kazuma right here ?"

Kazuma: You sure, that's a one-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

"No thanks. I already have one crazy bitch pretending to have my kid, don't need a second one."

Darkness: H- Hey !

Yunyun: K... Kazuma-san... ?

Kazuma: I want a daughter first, personally.

Yunyun: No ! It must be a son !

Kazuma: Look, even I have certain non-negotiables...

Yunyun: As I do ! It absolutely must be a boy !

Kazuma: Yunyun, every man want to be called daddy by his sweet little girl.

Megumin: HOW CAN YOU JUST LAUNCH RIGHT INTO WHETHER IT'S A BOY OR A GIRL ?!

*BONK*

Aqua: AHHH ! What're you doing, Megumin ?! Aww... And I was about to win, too...

Darkness: hey, Yunyun, or whatever your name is ! I don't know what you think is happening, but I swear you're being tricked by this man !

Kazuma: That hurts.

"That hurts as well. Are you implying something about me ?"

Megumin: What's wrong with you, all of a sudden ?!

Yunyun: W- Well, if Kazuma-san and I don't have a son, the world will... the demon king, he'll- !

Kazuma: Okay, I get it,. Yunyun, you say the world is in danger ? Fear not. Let me worry about the world and the Demon King. So if you and I have a kid, the world will be saved somehow, right ? Very well.

Megumin: Wh- Wh- Why, you two-faced... ! When we begged you to go on a quest, you fought us tooth and nail ! And do you not sense something off about this situation ?!

Darkness: Yeah ! Where is this sympathetic streak the rest of the time ?!

Kazuma: Shaddup already, this is between us. Girls are finally throwing themselves at me, butt out ! Or what, are you guys into me too ? Jealous ? Then say so, you obnoxious tsunderes !

"... ... You pushed every button in order right there. Don't expect me to help you out of this one."

Megumin: LET'S STRANGLE THIS GUY !!

Darkness: COUNT ME IN ! I'M GONNA KILL THIS NO-ACCOUNT BLABBER-MOUTH !!

Kazuma: OOH , A FIGHT, IS IT ?

Yunyun: E- Everyone, please calm down !!

Aqua: ... How about another round ?

"Yeah, I kinda want to learn how you play this."

Kazuma: it's not much, but... here.

Yunyun: Oh, thank you.

Megumin: Now, what's this about ? Children and demon kings and worlds...

Yunyun: That's right ! Megumin, listen ! The crimson magic village is done for !

Megumin: And now villages. Start at the beginning, will you ? You're not making sense.

Yunyun: R- Right, I'm sorry about that. F- For starters, read this... It's from my father...

Megumin: A letter from the clan chief ? What could it be ?

*By the time this letter reaches you, I will be dead. It appears the army of the Demon King, which has feared our power for so long, is finally preparing a serious invasion. A massive military base has already been established near the village. But that is not all, as beside the multitude of minions, a general with strong resistance to magic has been dispatched.

Hehe, that vile demon king, he really is afraid. With no chance of destroying the base, our options are limited.

That's right. As chief of the Crimson Magic Clan, it is my duty to duel the General of the Demon King's army, even if it costs me my life.

My beloved daughter, as long as you are left, the blood of the Crimson Magic Clan shall not run dry. I leave you my place as chief of our clan. You are the last of the Crimson Magic Clan in this world.
Do not let it die out...*

Megumin: This...

Yunyun: You see ? The Demon King's army is going to attack the village ! And my dad wants to duel them... !

Megumin: What's he mean, the last of the Crimson Magic's clan ?I'm right here.

Yunyun: F- Forget about that ! Keep reading ! There's another page !

*On the day the village fortune-teller predicted the town's destruction by the army of the Demon King, she also foresaw a ray of hope. She foresaw that Yunyun, the lone survivor of the Crimson Magic Clan, would set off to train in hopes of defeating the Demon King. In a starter town, she would meet a certain man. Irresponsible and totally powerless though this man was, he would become her partner in life...

Yunyun too this worthless layabout under her precious wing. She had spent all her time training; now she had little money, but she was happy. And so time passed.

The child born of the survivor of the Crimson Magic Clan and the man she met grew into a young man. That young man followed in the footsteps of his adventurer father, setting out on a journey. But he did not know, did not know that he himself was the one who would bring low his Clan's age-old enemy, the Demon King...*

"... Irresponsible and totally powerless... A worthless layabout... So you think that low of me ?"

Yunyun: N- No, it's just... At first, I thought it would be better to have a decent man and fighter as that child's father..."

Kazuma: GURF- !

"... Can someone do CPR to Kazuma's self-esteem ? He needs it."

Kazuma: So, all those insults were directed at me ? Yunyun, tell me you didn't come here because of that. But... If that's true, then our kid is gonna defeat the Demon King...

Darkness: Hang on, Kazuma !! Don't tell me you believe in sketchy stuff like fortune-telling ?!

"That's true... Is that fortune-teller trust-worthy ?"

Aqua: I can't wait until Kazuma's kid grows up ! Let's give it three years. If it doesn't come true, we'll pretend it never happened !

Yunyun: Well... It's true that there is a powerful fortune-teller in our village...

Kazuma: All right. In that case, leave it to me. No choice.

Darkness: Y- You're unbelievable ! How come you're suddenly acting like such a man ?!

"... Hey, what's that at the bottom of the letter ?"

Megumin: ... "Chronicles of the Crimson Magic Clan hero, chapter 1, By Arue"....

"Oh, and this one says 'That complete Gary Sue has a massive harem and fucks everyone' By CrimsonSector..."

Megumin: ... P.S: postage is expensive, so the chief let me use the same envelope as him. I'll send you chapter 2 when it's ready.

Yunyun: ... ... WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH !! STUPID, STUPID ARUE !!

Kazuma: Huh ? What ? Why ? What about my kid ?!

"BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA !!"

Aqua: A story ?

Megumin: Uh-huh. Arue is a classmate of ours who aspires to be a writer.

Yunyun: Ngh... I'm sorry for the trouble...

Kazuma: Aw, what the hell ?! And I got all excited too ! Don't toy with a man's heart !

"So, um... Is the other page also a story ?"

Megumin: No, it's probably true. The Demon King does hate the Crismson magic clan.

Yunyun: Th- That's right ! Megumin, what are we gonna do ?! Everyone in the village will be...

Megumin: we're Crimson Magic Clan members, we won't be done in that easy. And so long as you're here, the bloodline won't die out. Look, the villagers will always be in our hearts.

Yunyun: Megumin, you coward !! How can you always be so unemotional ?! Don't the people of our village mean anything to you ?!

Megumin: ... ... ...

Yunyun: F- Fine ! I'll go back to the village alone if I have to. I have f- friends... there... I'm sorry for all the trouble ! I'll show myself out !

Kazuma: Y- yeah...

Yunyun: M- Megumin... See you later.

Kazuma: My kid...

"... Think we should really let her go alone ?"

Kazuma: The Demon King is after them, right ? That's dangerous and scary. Plus, we just go back from a trip. Frankly, i'm exhausted.

"What was I expecting..."

Kazuma: Well... If Megumin says she's worried about her, we could go after her...

Megumin: What are you saying ? A- As if I would be worried about Yunyun. She's my rival, remember ? Practically an enemy.

"... I dunno, you've been looking awfully restless..."

Kazuma: Oh, don't say that, Megumin is always honest.

Megumin: What are you two talking about ?! I... !

"... I'm calling it, Kazuma. 48."

Kazuma: I find your lack of faith disturbing. 24.

*Knock knock*

Megumin: Kazuma, can I come in ?

Kazuma: Sure, door's open. What's up, it's pretty late.

Megumin: Yes, well, not that it matters to me, but...

Kazuma: Ooh, feeling bothered by what Yunyun said ? Here for some late-night comfort ?

Megumin: OH, YOU ARE GOING DOWN !! Ever since I turned 14, the verbal sexual harassment has been nonstop with you !

Kazuma: Okay, fine. What are you here for, then ?

Megumin: Ahem... Er, about this afternoon... Uh, not that Yunyun means anything to me, but... Well, I have a younger sister, and... And... Let me remind you, this has nothing to do with Yunyun, but... I'm worried about my sister at home...

Kazuma: ... Heh.

Megumin: Wh- Wh- What is with that face ?! Are you even listening to me ?! How many times do I have to say I'm just worried about my sister... ?!

Kazuma: Yeah, sure, I got it. Don't worry, I'll work it out.

Megumin: I swear, she's all i'm worried about !

Kazuma: And so, our resident tsundere finally admitted she wants to go home, so I think we should take a trip !

Megumin: Who's a Tsudere ?! I knew you weren't listening to me !!

Darkness: I admit, I was worried about that Yunyun girl too. You're so into this all of a sudden, though.

Kazuma: Well, obviously, if it looks remotely dangerous, we'll come right back home. If we see hide or hair of the demon king's army or any monsters, we head right back home.

Aqua: A classic pessimistic Kazuma battle plan ! Oh well, I'll be happy to save the village myself !

"... So, where is that crimson Magic Village anyway ?

Megumin: About a two days' walk from Arcanletia.

Darkness: Huh, really ? Time for another carriage ride to Arcanletia, I guess.

Kazuma: Hmm... That sounds like kind of a pain...Hang on, I've got an idea.

Aqua: Heeey, Kazumaaaaaaa ! We came all the way to Arcanletia, so why not stay for a night ?

Kazuma: Because I don't want anything more to do with this place.

"Plus, we kinda have to book it to the village."

Kazuma: Ah, yes, speaking of. Surely, you remember our bet from earlier, do you ?

"Whatever, you know it doesn't even bother me."

Megumin: ... Bet ?

"We bet on how long it would take you to admit you're worried. I thought 48 hours, he thought 24."

Kazuma: Loser had to carry the winner's luggage on the way to the village.

Megumin: You... YOU... !!

Darkness: Getting Wiz to teleport us to Arcanletia was a pretty clever move, though.

Kazuma: I know how much she liked the baths there, so I figured she might have registered it as a teleport destination.

"Even though she left before us, we should get there before Yunyun, right ? Shouldn't we wait for her and link up ?"

Megumin: I- I didn't come on this trip out of concern for Yunyun. She knows advanced magic and will be fine. Let her come after us.

Kazuma: Sticking to your sister story, huh ?

Aqua: Why do we have to walk all the way from Arcanletia anyway ?

Megumin: There are a lot of dangerous monsters along the way, so carriages don't go this route. And Crimson demons just use teleport, so they don't need them.

Kazuma: Let's cover as much ground as possible while the sun's up.

"We should be careful though. The map says there are lots of different and dangerous monsters around here. We should try and avoid them as much as possible..."

Darkness: Hey, someone's there !

Darkness: A little girl ? In a place like this... ?

Aqua: Hey, she looks really hurt !

"... Why does it feels like I've seen that somewhere before..."