" ": You talking

' ': You thinking

* *: Narrator/Voice-off

Your POV:

Chris: Okay, the main thing is to be as discreet as possible. We're taking the princess' necklace, and nothing else.

Kazuma: Ugh.. I can't believe I let you talk me into being an accessory to a crime...

Chris: It's for a good cause ! Hey, I was wondering... Where'd you get that mask ? it's kinda cool.

Kazuma: Oh, this ? This weirdo clerk at a magical item shop in Axel gave it to Y/n, so I just borrowed it. This way, even of we get spotted, no one will know who I am.

Chris: Very nice. So who's this clerk ? I wouldn't mind having one of those myself...

Kazuma: Well, let's see... These days, he goes by Vanir Crowslayer, since he chased the crows away from the garbage heap.

Chris: Huh ! Sounds like quite a guy. I'll have to meet him someday !

Kazuma: 'Chris is a serious Eris follower. I don't think I should let her anywhere near them...'

Chris: All right... ! You ready, underling .?

Kazuma: Anytime, boss.

Chris: ... .. Don't call me that. It makes me sound like an underworld kingpin.

Kazuma: Don't call me your underling, then. Why do I have to be the henchman anyway ?

Chris: because i'm the thief here ! it's my main class ! You're just an adventurer, right ?

Kazuma: Yeah, but I have the second sight skill. that's totally thiefy. And I'll bet I'm more effective than you overall.

Chris: Urgh... In that case... Okay, we won't solve anything standing here arguing ! What we need is a way to settle this, and fast !

Kazuma: Sure, all right. How about a game of rock-paper-scissors, then ?

Chris: You're on !

Kazuma: 'Heh ! Sucker... I've never lost a game of rock-paper-scissors in my life. It's Chris' bad luck that she doesn't know how good my luck is !'

Chris: Okay, here we go ! Rock, paper...

Chris: Perfect ! We're in ! Let's go, lowly assistant !

Kazuma: Yeah, sure, chief.

Chris: Using Snipe to nail the rope toss, what an idea ! You're pretty helpful to have around. If you ever quit adventuring, maybe you can come join my thief gang stealing from nasty nobles ! Love to have you !

Kazuma: 'Okay, I've lost one game of rock-paper-scissor in my life... But why... ?'

Chris: ... 'There, it's open.'

Kazuma: 'Let me take point, chief. I've wandered around this place enough to know what's where.'

Chris: 'Sounds good. I'll follow you. ... ... Wow, this place is huge. Good thing I've got a guide...

Kazuma: Watch out ! Someone's coming !!'

Chris: 'Eh ? Hey, watch it, lowly assistant ! Personal space !'

Kazuma: 'Shh, be quiet ! they'll find us !'

Knight: Huh ? Is someone there ? ... ... I must be hearing things...

Chris: ... i'm real glad you saved me and all... But watch the harassment, or Eris is gonna be really mad at you !

Kazuma: 'Crap ! Eris-sama is watching, isn't she ? Better be careful.' Okay, Iris' room is on the top floor...

Chris: before we go there, I'd like to visit the castle treasury if we can. The thing is, there are two divine items floating around the capital right now. I've only sensed them in two places, the house of a guy named Alderp and this castle. So the monster-controlling item might be here too.

Kazuma: 'Ah... The reaction at Alderp's place was probably from Aqua's feather mantle, so by process of elimination...' Wait, Alderp's place ? Hold on, you were... The Good Thief... ? I'm gonna kick Y/n's ass for that... The treasury is on the second floor, I think. Just one problem, there aren't any guards, but there is a serious magic barrier

Chris: Don't worry, I came prepared for that.

Kazuma: So, what do you have up your sleeve ?

Chris: This. A "barrier breaker" courtesy of the crimson magic clan. I borrowed it from a noble who bought it from them.

Kazuma: 'Huh ? I feel like I've seen one of those before...'

Chris: No idea how the crimson magic clan got them in the first place, but anyway... You just go like this, and... careful, i'm sure this place is booby-trapped.

Kazuma: How about it ? Think that divine item's around here ?

Chris: Hmmm... Doesn't look like it. Lots of powerful magical items here, but nothing divine.

Kazuma: ... ... What's a pile of manga magazines doing here... ?

Chris: Hm ? What's up ? You find something ?

Kazuma: Oh... Nah. Just something I used to read. I had these... Seriously though, why here... ?

Chris: Uh... Lowly assistant ? Just reminding you, we can't take-

Chris: Lowly assistant !! I'm going to have some choice words for you when this is over !!

Knights: What ?! Intruders ! Stop them !!

Kazuma: Damn it ! What a nefarious trap ! To think it caught even me !!

Knights: There they are ! Over there !!

Kazuma: Chief ! We've gotta find a way outta here !

Chris: You're right, but I don't want to hear that from you !!

Kazuma: Here goes ! Create water !! Freeze !!

Chris: Hey, not bad ! You're pretty handy to have around, lowly assistant !

Kazuma: LESS TALKING, MORE HELPING !!

Chris: Okay ! Let me show you what your chief can do ! Wire trap !!

Knights: What the- ?! Cut through it !

Chris: That'll buy us enough time ! Not much, but it should be enough to escape ! That said... I guess we'll have to scrap tonight's attempt, lowly assistant. let's get out while the going's good !

Kazuma: ... No, hold on. They're kicking me out of the capital tomorrow... there's something I want to do tonight.

Chris: Huh ?! I feel for you and all, but... one thief and one adventurer against the whole castle ? We'd be mincemeat ! When did you get to be such an overachiever ?!

Kazuma: Chief. i'm about to get serious !

Chris: L- Lowly assistant... ?!

Knights: Look ! The bandits are still over there !

Kazuma: ... ... ...

Knight: What ? O- Oh, you surrender ? Good choice. Come quietly, and you might get away with your li- EEYAAAAAAAAAARGH !!

Knights: What the hell ?!

Kazuma: Heh... Heh heh... HAHAHAHAHA ! PERFECT ! I DON'T KNOW WHY, BUT I'VE NEVER FELT SO GOOD IN MY LIFE !! COME AND GET ME, BOYS ! WATCH WHAT I CAN REALLY DO !!

Chris: L- Lowly assistant ? You're acting weird ! Have you gone nuts ?!

Kazuma: Wind Breath !!

Knights: Argh ! I've got sand in my eyes !! Damn ! Cheap trick... !

Kazuma: Now, chief ! let's go !

Chris: R- Right !

Knights: THIEVES ! HIGHLY EXPERIENCED BANDITS HAVE BROKEN IN !! CALL FOR BACKUP NOW ! ALL ADVENTURERS IN THE CASTLE, HELP US !!

Kazuma: Right up ahead, chief ! That's the stairway to the topmost floor !

Chris: Y- Yeah, sure... Lowly assistant, it's like you removed yourlimiter ! You even sound weird !

Kazuma: OOPS ! ENEMIES AHEAD !! HEY, SILVER-HAIRED THIEF GANG, COMIN' THROUGH ! MAKE WAY !!

Chris: Wait, since when does our gang have a name ?! I think this is getting out of hand ! How about we make it the masked thief gang, and you can be chief ?!

Kazuma: WIND BREATH !!

Knights: ARGH ! MY EYES !!

Kazuma: Thanks, but I'll pass. That name makes me sound like the criminal mastermind.

Chris: And you think your name is better ?! Only one of us has silver hair ! What is that skill you've been using all night anyway ?!

Kazuma: Secret technique of mine. And being a secret, I can't give you the details. 'Can't let her know I've been using a lich skill !'

Kazuma: Looks like wizards up there, chief. Take 'em out !

Chris: Gah, fine ! I can strut my stuff just as well as you can ! SKILL BIND !!

Wizards: LIGHTNING... ! H- Huh ?! My spell... It's not working !

Kazuma: And wasting no time... BIND !!

Knights: DAMN ! BEATEN AGAIN !! WHO IS THIS GUY ?! AND WHAT ARE THE ADVENTURERS DOING ?! THEY NEED TO HURRY IT UP !

Knights: Still... How can that masked guy keep firing off all those skills... ?! He didn't seem to be refilling his MP with manatite... Unless... he's got magic power rivaling that of a crimson magic clan member... !

Chris: WIRE TRAP !!

Chris: ... There. They won't be getting up these stairs for a while. I still think this is insane, but it's obvious there's no going back now. Now all that's left is to...

???: All that's left is to capture you intruders and discover why you're here.

Mitsurugi: Who are you ? Could you be the "Righteous thief" everyone's been talking about ?

Claire: You've cut off your own escape route. there's nowhere for you to go now, you trespassers !

Chris: Wh- What do we do, lowly assistant ? Even we can't take on this many opponents at once !

Kazuma: 'Damn... Mitsurugi again. I keep running into him !'

Mitsurugi: Lady Claire, that masked man is supposed to be quite powerful. I'll keep him busy, so... You and the knights deal with that silver-haired Boy.

*CRITICAL HIT*

Chris: .. T- Tell me, lowly assistant... Does just my mouth make me look that boyish ?

Kazuma: I dunno, chief. I think it's that flat, curve-less body of yours.

*99999999*

Kazuma: Aw, c'mon, chief, I was only teasing. Get up, we've got work to do. First things first, we've gotta ice that hotshot hunk in one blow and break out of this net. This is where we lay it all on the line, chief.

Mitsurugi: Wha- ? I get the impression you're not taking me seriously. Very well. Let me show you what I can really do. Come at me any way you li- HUH ?!

Mitsurugi: 'i'm dealing with a thief, does he mean to steal my enchanted sword ?! Well, too bad fro him ! A match I once fought inspired me to take precautions against steal. I'll have to be a little rough with him. Just need to be careful not to kill him... !

Kazuma: FREEZE !!

Mitsurugi: Beginning magic ? But why ?! Try this on for... Size... ?

Kazuma: FREEZE !!

Mitsurugi: Gargl...

Claire: Mitsurugi sir ?! DAMN BRIGANDS !!

Kazuma: Onward and upward, chief ! Here we go !

Claire: WHA- ?! What are you idiots doing ?! Why can't you hit them ?!

Knights: They're probably using the flee skills, ma'am ! It's going to make it almost impossible to land a blow... !

Claire: LAIN ! Kill them if you have to ! Do not let them reach Lady Iris !!

Claire: ... Wh- Who was that masked man anyway... ?

Kazuma: They'll be after us again before long, chief. Lay down another one of your wire traps.

Chris: Got it, lowly assistant. You know... I can never tell whether you're comically weak or insanely strong. One thing I know, I wouldn't want you for an enemy...

Darkness: I'm impressed you made it this far, intruders. My family, House Dustiness, is charged with protecting the people, the country, and indeed the royal family ! And now that i'm here...

Kazuma: ... ... ... ...

Darkness: HEY ! DON'T YOU CLOSE THAT DOOR ! JUST WHAT ARE YOU DOING... here... ?

Kazuma: 'Has she figured us out ?' Ch- Ch- Chief ! Don't be intimidated by this lady knight ! We have to finish our mission, for the good of the country !

Chris: Th- That's right ! For the good of the country, we have to do this very upright thing that we can't tell anyone about !

Kazuma: Exactly ! The people of this country have no idea that her majesty was given a very dangerous item ! If we hadn't come along...

Megumin: Darkness, what is taking you so long ?! Surely you are not finding a couple of thieves to be that much trouble ?! Fine, though my magic is not yet completely recovered, allow me to catch them... For you...

Megumin: He... He's so cool~... ! This is awesome, Darkness ! This person really knows how to be a thief ! He's got the cool mask, the black outfit ! Wh- What's your gang's name ?! Have you decided on one yet ?!

Darkness: Uh... Megumin, I don't... O... Okay, you vile thieves... You're not, uh, going any further... in the name of House Dustiness, I...

Kazuma: Chief... I think Darkness knows who we are and has something in mind. let's play along. We can explain everything later. For now, we need to get to Iris...

Darkness: Yaaahh... ! See if you can withstand the full force of one of my blows !

Kazuma: 'Sorry, darkness ! I'll make it up to you...' BIND !!

Kazuma: Right, now's our chance !

Aqua: SACRED DISPEL !!

Aqua: Looks like your luck's run out. Specifically, the part where you ran into me ! I don't know what you're here for, but if I catch you, I bet they'll give me some really expensive wine as a reward ! SO I WANT YOU TO JUST COME QUIETLY !!

Chris: Yikes... ! Aqua-san...

Kazuma: 'Dammit ! Why'd she have to pick now of all times to get it together ?'

Aqua: darkness, now ! Megumin is acting all funny for some reason, but you can get them ! And for the final touch...

"HAMMER !!"

*ZBRUNK*

Aqua: Awawawawawawawa... Guh...

"... ... Did I go too hard ?"

Kazuma: You... huh...

"... I'd recognize that mask anywhere. And I can put two and two together."

Kazuma: ... yeah. Chief, we're discovered.

"So, thieves. Would you be happen to be after... That one little bauble right there ?"

Chris: Hah ?! How did you...

"It's surprisingly easy to convince someone that an item is dangerous, especially when they had a first-row seat. So, Darkness, here's the story."

Darkness: Y- yes... ?

"Aqua and Megumin were taken out by the thieves, but we thankfully managed to drive them away before they could attack Iris. Now scram."

Knights: HURRY ! THIS WAY !!

Kazuma: Gah... he's right, time's up, chief ! Ina way, our objective is already accomplished, let's just escape !

Chris: Got it ! Sounds like our only choice.

"Ur-hm. You're not getting away, thieves !!"

*F-TWOOOOOOOOM*

Kazuma: Fucking... Right to the bitter end ! DAMN IT ALLLLLL !!

Claire: Are you all right, Lady iris ?! Lady Iris !!

"Do not worry. These thieves couldn't get past, so they fled."

Claire: I cannot apologize enough for letting those thieves get past me ! Thank goodness lady Iris' not hurt ! Summon the guards ! Catch them at all costs !