" ": You talking

' ': You thinking

* *: Narrator/Voice-off

Your POV:

Kazuma: Geez. Don't do your practice for your "embarrassment endurance competition" at our house ! Do it at yours !

Darkness: Er... Well, I understand, but... My father, he hasn't been feeling well lately. And I'm afraid that if I did this sort of thing at home, it would make him worry...

Kazuma: 'Think it's a little late for that.'

Darkness: I'm planning another session tomorrow. Maybe you could help and-

Kazuma: No way !!

Aqua: Huh... What happened to the confident Darkness I remember from the capital ?

"Bigger question... The hell are you carrying around, Aqua ?"

Aqua: Oh, this ? Are you curious ? Well, listen and be amazed ! This is a dragon egg !

Kazuma: DRAGON ?!

Aqua: Heh heh ! You're wondering hos I got it, aren't you ? Well ! When I was home alone the other day...

Vendor: An honor to meet you, madam ! i'm a traveling salesman, and I've heard tale of your exploits ! I've been looking for adventurers just like you, the type who can face down the Demon King's army and live to tell the tale ! The kind who sneer at danger and battle the demon king day and night !

Aqua: G- Gosh, you're going to make me blush !

Vendor: Just for you, I have a special gift ! May I offer you a nice dragon egg in these trying times ?

Aqua: D- Did you say Dragon ?!

Vendor: Indeed I did, madam. A dragon such as you're going to need to continue your fight against the Demon King ! I've brought this egg not to any noble or rich person. i'm not interested in status. I want it to help fight the demon king !

Aqua: Y- You are so thoughtful...

Aqua: And then he sold it to me at a special prize ! Amazing, huh ? My very own Dragon !

"... ... And what exactly might be that 'Special price'... ?"

Aqua: Get this ! He said he would accept all the money I had, and not ask for one Eris more ! And dragon eggs never go lower than a billion ! I came out way ahead ! It's so great to meet a decent person once in a while ! I already know what i'm going to name him: Kingsford Zeltman ! He's going to be the emperor of the dragons one day ! So when you talk to him, call him emperor Zel !!

"... ... The delusion of the scammed ones..."

Megumin: That's a chicken egg if I ever saw one.

Kazuma: 'So all that eating and drinking was on her tab ? Hope she didn't say we'd cover for her.'

Kazuma: 'Kay, see you later. Sorry to make you do something so stupid.

Megumin: It's all right. This is the only way to get Aqua to go, right ?

Aqua: And just you be careful not to break it while you're keeping it warm, Megumin !

"... Is "Hatching work" really that important ?"

Aqua: Of course it is ! It's not just about heat, you have to change the angle and do all sorts of complicated stuff !

'... All you're gonna get is a hard-boiled egg,'

Kazuma: Huh. Well, you're the only one who can deal with that devil, so we need you to come along...

Aqua: Fine, whatever. i'm a busy deity, let's just get this over with. HEY ! LEMME IN !! OPEN THIS DOOR ! YOU REALIZE HOW LATE IT IS ?!

Vanir: CAN'T I HAVE A MOMENT'S PEACE EVEN FIRST THING IN THE MORNING ?! YOU'RE A NUISANCE TO THE ENTIRE NEIGHBORHOOD, YOU MENACE OF A WOMAN !! IF YOU INSIST ON MAKING SUCH A FUSS THAT YOU SULLY THIS SHOP'S REPUTATION, I'LL PUT A CURSE ON YOU THAT WILL MAKE ALOE GROW FROM YOUR BUTT !!

Aqua: I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY ! YOU THINK A SHRIMPY DEVIL LIKE YOU CAN CURSE ME !!

Vanir: Now that we've dealt with that little diversion... Boy, I know why you've come. You want your rewards for the items you made. It's ready.

Kazuma: Errr... yeah, that's one thing I want. But where's Wiz ?

Vanir: Ah, my sorry excuse for a shopkeeper ? She has been working day and night and is currently sleeping like the dead.

"... is the shop that busy now ? And isn't she supposed to be dead ?"

Vanir: I considered how best to prevent her from dragging us back into the red... And saw that when she has too much time on her hands, she gets into trouble. So I decided to work her so hard she wouldn't have time to eat !

Kazuma: Huh ?!

Vanir: Stock has been flying off the shelves, and she can't stop laughing ! That being said, lately, her laughter is sometimes interrupted by bouts of weeping as well...

"... There's evil... And then there's evil... Where even is Beldia ?"

Vanir: He's a handy-dandy... How do you call it, security camera ? Hey... You, the one who's been idling there. Whose voluptuous body heaves with sexual desire... Who, despite being a virgin, night after night-

Darkness: HEEEEEY NOW !!

Vanir: Mmmmm ! The finest flavor of humiliation !! hey ! Leave my stock alone !

Darkness: Y- YOU CAN'T JUST BURST OUT WITH THAT STUFF !!

Kazuma: Hey, hurry up and finish your sentence.

"I never tire of seeing these two bicker and argue."

Vanir: I take that as a compliment, he whose awakening sadistic side is certainly getting on your comrade's good side.

Darkness: STOOOOOOOOOP !!

"I'd have to be pretty dumb not to understand having me around is pleasing to her."

Kazuma: Congrats, you're less dense than 95% of protagonists in mangas...

"... I could go for a manga right now...

Vanir: What's a "Manga" ?

"... ... Kazuma, you thinking what I'm thinking ?"

Kazuma: Let's start a monopoly after that.

Darkness: W- Wait, what's that about something being pleasing... tell me !

Vanir: Calm yourself, armored maiden. A fate of destruction awaits you. Allow me to tell your fortune, on the house.

Darkness: A fate of destruction ?! M- Me ?!

Kazuma: Darkness, you can only believe half of what you hear from that devil.

Vanir: Hmph ! My predictions are not the open-ended drivel of the gods. I suggest you hear me out, for your sake. Have a seat right there, o girl who has a pronounced but strange sense of duty as a noble but lacks the abilities to back it up !

Darkness: Grrrr !

Kazuma: Hey, free's free, right ? Go for it.

Darkness: Hngh... Fine. I admit I've been worried late.

Vanir: Good. Place your hand on the crystal ball. I shall ask you a series of questions, please answer truthfully.

Vanir: let's begin. A crusader needs both defense and enough weight to dive among the enemy, yet you've been quietly lightening your armor of late, why is that ?

Vanir: Hmm ? Hurry and answer.

Darkness: W- Well, I... I th- th- thought since I'm so clumsy, if I made my armor lighter, maybe it would be just a little easier for me to hit something...

Vanir: I told you to answer honestly.

Darkness: ... ... I noticed I've been getting more and more ripped lately, so I decided to... Lighten my armor...

Vanir: Excellent.

Kazuma: 'Wait, Darkness was getting ripped ? And that bothers her ?'

'We shouldn't look too much into what does and does not embarrass her...'

Vanir: Next question. The one-piece belonging to your wizard friend that was left in the laundry basket in the bath. You secretly held it up to your body, looking at yourself in the mirror and muttered happily "Yeah, noway this would work, no way..." Why was that ?

Darkness: HRK ?! C- C- Cute clothes don't look good on me, and I would be embarrassed to buy any or have any bought for me, so I've never touched them before... I just noticed it there and thought... It was just the passing impulse of an unlovely, hyper-muscular girl to try it on ! Forgive me... I'm s- s- sorry...

Aqua: A cute one-piece ? You should do it, Darkness ! I don't think that would look bad at all !

Kazuma: 'Doesn't even know she's twisting the knife.'

"... ... ... ... ... "

Darkness: S- Stop looking at me with genuine curiosity and empathy ! At the very least, do it with a gaze full of lust !

"Oh, sorry."

Vanir: Well. My final question, then. You continue to wear clothes that expose your figure, even though you know that young man you live with can't stop looking at you with animal lust. Why is th-

Darkness: DOES THIS ACTUALLY HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH TELLING MY FORTUNE ?!

Vanir: When did I say it did ? You need only place your hand on the crystal ball to learn your fortune. The questions are just a way to pass the time until we get the result. HEY, STOP TRYING TO PULL MY MASK OFF !!

Kazuma: So he didn't see this one coming.

"... Answering that question, you think she wants me to look at her with 'Animal lust' the same way you do ?"

Kazuma: This is Darkness, so it's a possibility...

Vanir: Bah, get ahold of yourself. This time, I'll tell you your fortune for real. Oh ho... Look at that... I knew you were destined for destruction. Your house, and your father, will soon be in grave trouble.

Vanir: You will do something impulsive, believing your sacrifice will save them. But it will bring joy to no one, and your father will spend the rest of his life in regret. Hm... As for how to avoid it... Hm ! It seems with your strength, it's impossible. It would be well for you to abandon all and flee when that time comes. Get a fresh start in a place far away with this man who is thinking "I'm not ready for long-term commitment yet, but I'd tap that", but who is way to considerate of everyone's feelings to cross that line.

Kazuma: Dude !!

"What ? You tried several times to force her to do questionable things."

Vanir: he speaks the truth, man thinking "With enough of a push, Darkness at least might do what I want to do".

Kazuma: Stop it. Every time you open your mouth, my party members trust me less.

Darkness: ... Vanir... Thanks for the reading. But no matter what happens, I won't be able to run away. let's just say... I'll listen to half of what you said. Kazuma, you've got lots of money now, and you obviously don't intend to go on any quests for a while. Not that I'm especially worried about this "Fortune", but it's been a while since I've been home. Maybe I'll go see my dad.

Kazuma: ... What's with her... ?

Darkness: ... 'Although... What's with that "I'd tap that" ?!'

'Can't you at least get a hunch ?'

Darkness: ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Vanir: Boy. Your reward, as promised. Take it with you.

Kazuma: Whoa ! 'Woohoo ! Now I really don't have to work ! Better stop by the bank to keep this money safe !'

Vanir: Wait ! O boy who with this windfall intends to make a reservation at his favorite shop tonight. I would speak with you.

Kazuma: 'I wish he' stop foreseeing my plans for the night'

"Just try to make sure you don't involve any of us this time, huh ?"

Vanir: Let me advise you anew. You would do well not to be content with the payment you've received, but to make more things to sell. I told your crusader friend earlier that her strength would not avail, did I not ? But with your strenuous efforts, it may yet.

Kazuma: ... What the... ?

'Calling it now... Darkness' house will be in trouble, she will do something very embarrassing, and that's what her father will "Live his life in regret" for. Also that last point, just him asking Kazuma to make more items for him to sell.'

Aqua: I'm going to give you some advice too. The money you've worked so hard to save you shall reinvest with Wiz, and after a short while it'll be gone, poof ! How about that ? The all-seeing Aqua has told your future !

"... Time to go..."

Aqua: Hey, Megumin... Could you feed me a bite of my food ?

"For the last time, you don't have to warm up your damn egg 24/7 yourself. Just put it next to the fireplace or something !"

Aqua: No way ! If I shirk for even a second, it won't hatch !

Kazuma: Listen, even if it does hatch, it's only going to be a-

???: Pardon me.

Butler: Apologies for disturbing you during diner, but perhaps I might have a moment of your time I have urgent business with lady Dustiness

Darkness: Hold on. Showing up at mealtime, without even knocking ! This is the rudest thing I've ever seen ! You call me lady Dustiness ? Then you must be from some noble household. Who's your master ?!

Butler: Many pardons, milady. My master, Alderp Barnes Alexei, is asking for you.

Darkness: What ?!

Butler: A carriage await you outside. I'm afraid this venue is unsuitable. If you will come to my master's estate...

"... Does it has something to do with this whole 'Good thief' affair ?"

Butler: i'm afraid I have not been informed.

'... ... ... Figures. Pretty sure if he told his intentions, you'd go to the guards instead...'

Darkness: ... Guys... I'm going out. If I'm late coming back, lock the front door.

"Please sock the guy in the face for me."

Megumin: ... What do you suppose that was all about ?

Kazuma: he mentioned Alderp. What' that old fart want... ? Barging into a person's house, and Darkness just went with him ! Is she okay ?

"Just hope she's not getting mixed up in anything weird again."

Megumin: I guess we have no choice but to wait for her to come home.

Kazuma: Hmm...

Aqua: Darkness left, that means I get the rest of her dinner ! C'mon, hurry up and fork it in here !

Kazuma: 'Sometimes, I envy her obliviousness...'

"... Oh, you want it ? You want that plate ?"

Aqua: Yes ! Now gimme !

"... Fine."

*SPLURCH*

Aqua: MMMFF ?!

"You never precised how you wanted it."