" ": You talking

' ': You thinking

* *: Narrator/Voice-off

Your POV:

"Just another breaking and entering for the record... Wonder what they would say f they were here... Aqua would probably spout some crap about how this is unfolding just how Vanir said..."

*Klick klick*

"Locked, of course... How adorable. They think a closed window can stop me..."

*Pop*

'I'm in... Oh, so this is the thrill Kazuma felt when robbing the castle... Okay, enough, I need to find Darkness' room-'

???: Hey, did you hear something ?

???: Er, I mean... Maybe it's just my imagination, but...

'Shit... !'

Butler: See ? Nothing there. You need to grow a pair already, Norris.

Norris: Sorry... I thought I heard a voice.

Butler: Anyway, I'm starving. I'm gonna hit the kitchen for a midnight snack.

'Reaaaaal close... Not only is this place big, but there are people wandering around... that's perfect.'

Norris: Phew... I'm really on the edge tonight... Now i'm hearing voice- HMMM ?!

"Shhhhhh... Do me a favor, and don't struggle too much, okay ?"

Norris: HMMMMM ?!

"That's the spirit. Now, we can do this the easy way or the hard way, your choice. Show me Lalatina's room."

Norris: ... ... ...

*Knock knock*

Norris: Y- Young lady, I have a message for you...

Darkness: Huh... ? It's so late, what's going on ?

Norris: Er, well... A young man has appeared at the mansion's door, and he insists he must see you despite the hour.

Darkness: ... I told you if anyone came to see me, you were absolutely not to let them in. And what time does he think it is anyway ? Gods above...

Norris: ... 'W- What next... ?'

'Let me think... What would Kazuma do in this situation...'

Norris: ... But miss, this man says that if you won't see him, he's going to reveal the most embarrassing secrets of "Young lady Lalatina" to everyone at the guild...

Darkness: Heh. Same as always. Tell him to do his worst. I'll never show my face around the adventurers guild again anyway.

Norris: But, young lady... At the moment, this man is in the front all, telling the house staff that you were recently looking rather down because you're gotten too ripped and suggesting that we cutback on the carbs in your meals.

Darkness: ... Huh ?!

Norris: He also says that he's seen you holding adorable dresses to yourself and smiling, and that we should make sure some such outfits are available to you.

Darkness: What ?! Whoa ! Hey ! Wait ! Th- Th- That's not true ! At all !!

Norris: 'Th- This should be enough...'

'Not yet... Here's the coup de grace. Also, you should understand that I can't exactly have you running around the mansion after all that. Gonna have to knock you out for a few hours.'

Norris: 'Glups...'

Darkness: Don't let him mislead you ! Tell everyone that...

Norris: But, young lady, he has more to say ! He claims that "the passionate desire veritably bursting from your hot, sexy body means that every single night, despite being a virgin, you"-

Darkness: Th- That's enough already !!

*KLUNK*

Darkness: Not a word of that is- HMMMMM ?!

"So this is how you receive your party members, huh ? Don't you think you owe us some... explanations... ?"

"... ... ... Please don't make this any weirder than it already is. You know exactly why i'm here..."

Darkness: ... ... ... ...

'... Then again... Maybe it's because she knows why i'm here she's reacting that way...'

"... Just what has that landlord put you under... You're not gonna scream, are you ?"

Darkness: ... *Nod*

"Good... So, starting from that letter..."

"... It's rude not to look at someone when they're directly talking to you."

Darkness: P... Please... You... Think you could turn your head ? Having you look at me from so close when we're... Like this...

"... That's all, don't want me to go in the next room, too ? You've been doing your absolute utmost to avoid us lately. You're not getting away this time."

Darkness: ... Bet. PER- HMMMM ?!

"You sneaky little thing... Don't worry, I made sure no one can hear you. So unless you want everyone to believe you play with yourself in an intense way at night..."

Darkness: Hmm...

"You'd enjoy this, of course... ... ... Are you licking my hand, woman ?!"

Darkness: ... ... ... ...

"Don't bother screaming now. You know just like me blasting off the entire staff of this mansion wouldn't bother me. And I'm not leaving until I get my answers. All that nonsense about leaving the party, don't you know everyone's been dead worried about you. Don't we at least deserve to know what's going on ?"

Darkness: ... It's because I cherish you all so much that I can't tell you ! Look, it's nothing important, a family matter. My family owes money to the landlord. My father was supposed to pay it back little by little, but lately, he... He hasn't been so well. The landlord came calling, asking if father would be able to repay the money during his lifetime. He said that if I married him, he would consider the debt clear. that's all.

"... It's hard to believe the 'Shield of the Kingdom' would owe money to the likes of him... You're making it sound like-"

Darkness: Yes ! We got trapped in debt ! But... This is nothing strange among noble families. A daughter marrying into another household. That's all that's going on here.

"... ... ... ..."

Darkness: Oh, don't make that face. You know what kind of man I like, don't you ? The landlord's eager to make me his. he's rushing the ceremony. A piggish noble, feasting not on food or drink but on my body for days on end, the breath hot in his nostrils... haha... Just imagining it makes me tremble...

"... Don't lie. Don't hide your true feeling behind these fake smiles. If you were so desperate, why don't you just ask for he-"

Darkness: Don't you dare say it !! I'm a noble ! The idea that a commoner, whom the nobility is supposed to protect, might use money he risked his life to earn to repay my debt... if that's the only alternative, I'd rather sell myself-

*SLAP*

Darkness: ... H- Huh... ?

"... Kh... What a moron... Why do you think i'm here ? i'm not trying to prevent Lalatina from an arranged marriage here ! I'm saving Darkness from being taken away by that pig ! I don't give a crap about the noble lady, i'm here for my adventuring comrade ! And if that's the only way you could think of... I'm sure I have another in mind.

Darkness: That's precisely why I didn't want you to know anything ! I knew you'd jump to the most obvious conclusion...

"What ? No creditor, no debt."

Darkness: ... You never change... Say...

"Huh ? H- Huh ?!"

Darkness: As long as that landlord's going to tear me away from you... How about both of us become adults, right here and now... ?

'... ... ... Just how desperate are you now... To the point of thinking we'll never see each other again ?'

Darkness: What are you thinking so hard about ? Don't embarrass me here.

"... ... This is not right. I'm not Kazuma, and i'm certainly not that landlord. So if I'm to do this with you, it's after I've taken you away from that pig."

Darkness: H- Huh ?

"You've never been alone, and you're never gonna be. At the critical point... Just call for help..."

Darkness: ... ... ... ...

"... Also... I don't mind if your abs are ripped."

"Shouldn't have said that. I should not have said that."

Darkness: AFTER THAT VILLAIN ! DON'T LET HIM GET AWAY !! IF YOU CARE ABOUT THE DUSTINESS FAMILY, CAPTURE HIM AND BRING HIM BEFORE ME !!

Darkness: DAMMIT, Y/N ! I DIDN'T THINK EVEN YOU WOULD TREAT A WOMAN'S MOST SERIOUS OFFER LIKE THAT ! YOU WON'T GET AWAY WITH THIS ! I'LL KILL YOU !!

'... Didn't know women could be that much scarier than Demon generals...'

Darkness: Where did you go ?! If you come off quietly of your own accord, I'll let you off with just ten of my strongest punches !

'That was supposed to be a compliment, dammit !'

???: Who's there... ?

'This is... Darkness' father, right ? What happened to him... ?'

father: ... It's you... What brings you here at this hour ?

"It's just... I was worried a lot..."

Father: I see... My daughter is truly blessed with her companions. Looking at you, I think I know exactly what you're here for.

"And your daughter is here for my head on a pike. I don't think you could talk her out of it, could you ?"

Father: Ah... So my daughter is enraged, at last. She's spent so much time sunk in depression lately.

"... Hey... I know this probably doesn't concern me, but... I just can't believe someone like you would owe money to that landlord... So why... ?"

Father: mm... A fine question. Yes, I believe I can entrust you with things. My apologies for the trouble, but could you take my daughter and run away somewhere... ?

"... ... I'm not gonna say no... But I shouldn't say yes... i'm talking about your debts, not the fine lady you've raised..."

Father: Ha ha ha ! Yes, a fine young woman. Kindhearted, easily embarrassed... And she hates nothing more than causing anyone else trouble. I took on the debt in deference to my daughter's wishes. Please don't ask why. It will be all right... After you run away with her, I can sell the manor to raise the money. And I can pull a few strings to get whatever remains off the books. My daughter is trying to outwit me, to get married before I can do any of that. And I must stop her

Father: Y/n-kun... I daresay my daughter doesn't dislike you. No, indeed. And perhaps it's a father's bias speaking, but I think she has her merits. How about it ?

"There's no need to go that far, you know. In our party, there's an Archpriest that's only good for healing magic, and can cast resurrection."

Father: No, it's no use. This is not an illness that can be cured by healing magic. And those who die of illness cannot be resurrected; it's a simple matter of lifespan. When one's allowed time is over, one returns to the gods. Normally, it's something to rejoice over. So, you needn't make that face.

"isn't it quite the weird timing for you to fall ill ?"

Father: You think perhaps the landlord poisoned me ? It was the first thought I had, but no poison was ever found.

Darkness: Where the hell did you go ?! Come out here !!

"Uh-oh... Well, not that this conversation hasn't been nice, but I think I have to take my leave."

Father: Please... Take her for me. She's so stubborn, like a certain someone... When did she become so dense ?

*SLAM*

Darkness: Heh heh heh... there you are. Now, what am I going to do with you ?

"Could you keep it down ? This is how you respond to me being that worried ?"

Darkness: This is a matter among nobles ! Butt out, go back to Axel, and focus on quests or something !!

"... ... Sir, you asked me to run away with her. But i'm afraid none can do. Run away is something you do when the other party has the upper hand."

Darkness: Wh- What ?

"You don't know me entirely, Darkness. When I want, I can be even more stubborn than Kazuma when he doesn't want to work. So... Just saying."

*SCHKING*

"And that's the story, in short."

Megumin: You mean you weren't able to persuade her ?

Aqua: Why is she even getting married ?

"It's all about money. Her family was in debt, and if she marries this landlord, it will be wiped out.

Megumin: Urgh... Money. I don't know how big this debt is, but I just sent a remittance to my family, so I hardly have an Eris on me...

Aqua: Well, if that's how it is, I wonder if I should break open my piggy bank.

Kazuma: 'Yeah, like that's gonna help.' It's her decision, just let her go ! i'm not lifting a finger until she comes crying back to apologize !

Megumin: Is this really the time for such sulking, Kazuma ?! Darkness is going to be married off ! Can you really live with that ?!

Kazuma: Ask her, the obstinate jerk ! Doesn't even care how people feel...

"I think she does all this because she cares too much about all of us..."

Megumin: Grr... Understood. In that case, I'm going to write a threatening letter to stop the wedding.

Aqua: And i'm going to go put on a performance in front of their house to get Darkness to come out.

"Pretty sure that sending both the chapel and landlord onto orbit can stop this wedding."

Kazuma: i'm telling you, don't go messing things up !! Yeesh... Darkness won't be able to do anything on her own. She'll come begging for help before the wedding. I'm sure of it...

Maids: Oh, young lady ! You look so, so lovely... ! You must let your father see you. He's too sick to join the wedding... Oh, to think such a joyous day would come when I've only been here for such a long time... We couldn't be happier !

Darkness: ... ... 'These new maids know nothing about this marriage or what led to it. If I let my father see me like this, it would only hurt him. I know perfectly well that this wedding will bring no one any joy. This is all about my self-satisfaction...'

Alderp: Out of the way !! By what right do you prevent me from seeing my bride ?!

Norris: You can't, sir. This is the Dustiness family's chamber. Only family members allowed.

Alderp: Lalatina will be mine presently ! Who cares if it's a few minutes sooner or later ?! You fools... When this ceremony is over, I'll be your master. Consider that carefully as you decide whether to let me into that room !

Butler: You're not coming in. You're not our master yet, sir.

Alderp: Gh... I'll remember your face. Just you wait until you see what happens after the wedding.

Darkness: ... Could you summon the men guarding the door ? I wish to thank them.

Darkness: I must apologize to you both. You could have let him in, it no longer matters...

Norris: No, ma'am. We plan to quit after the wedding.

Butler: We serve the Dustiness and the Dustiness only. Though we could perhaps serve someone your ladyship truly loved.

Darkness: ... ... I see.

Norris: Ah, your smile is truly lovely, milady. I'm so glad that you graced us with it at the end.

Guards: Stop right there ! None of you are allowed inside until the ceremony is over !

Keith: Aw, what ? It's a nobles-only thing ? I came 'cos I thought I'd get to see darkness dressed like a bride !

Alderp: 'Lalatina ! Lalatina ! Come to me quickly, Lalatina ! Lalatina will be mine... Mine ! All mine... ! I'll devour her ! Morning, noon and night, until I've had my fill ! No, I must be calm. First, I have to get the priest's blessing...'

Priest: Dearly beloved...

Aqua: Darkness... You seek to marry this man who looks like a cross between a bear and a pig, and be swept away by a man who doesn't even follow me, a goddess. Do you solemnly swear to love the old dude at all times and to protect your chastity so long as you both shall live ? Huh. Guess that's not likely, is it ? Aw, forget it. i'd rather just drag you back home and have a good drink, Darkness...

Alderp: Y- You're that woman who caused so much trouble at my estate ! What are you doing here ?!

Aqua: Well, that man right there requested me to give the blessing at the ceremony.

Alderp: What ?!

Darkness: Hagen, you...

Aqua: It's only fitting, right ? I'm the highest-ranking cleric in this town !

Alderp: This is ridiculous ! You're making a farce of a noble wedding ! This is no place for a fake priest with hardly an Eris to her name !!

Darkness: Aqua, h- he's right, this is no joke. They'll put you to death for this !

???: Death ? No one will die here today. Although, this wedding is done for !

Darkness: What ?!

"Just how stupid you have to be, to think we'd just stay idle to the very end. None of us will let you be taken away by that pig whose white tuxedo clashes with his tainted self !"

Alderp: Kh... hey, kid ! Bent on messing with my wedding to the end, are you ?

"Ohhh, you have no idea..."

Alderp: Well, piss off, commoner ! Your beloved Lalatina owes me money, a lot of money !! You want her back, show me some cold, hard cash ! You powerty-stricken peasant !

"... You heard the man ! Let's just hold on your end of the bargain, then !!"

*F-TWOOOOOOOOM*

"Two billions Eris in solid magic silver ! So I'm pretty sure Darkness belongs to me now !"

Alderp: M- My money... My money ! Th- This money is mine ! H- Help me pick it up !!

"This is time for us to get out of here. Aqua, we're out !"

Darkness: W- Wait a second !! What's going on ? Where did you get all that money ?!

"You'll have to thank Kazuma for it ! He sold out !"

Darkness: What ?!

"All the intellectual property rights to his ideas to Vanir. Plus all the bounties of what we've made up until now. All of it amounted to the same as your debt. We might be straight out of cash, but that's just until we take out another Demon King's General. And at least you're free now !"

Darkness: Y- You idiot ! Who asked you to do that ?! I can't believe you... ! I... I... !!

"Look, we're all in it deep now. So let the facade fall, and tell me. What is it that you truly want ?!"

Darkness: I... Take me away from here !!

"You bet !!"

Alderp: No ! Don't let Lalatina get away ! Stop them at all costs !!

"Bodyguards... How cute. I'm know as the one-man-army, a force that makes even the Demon Generals falter ! I did not dress like that for a wedding, so... if you insist, I can make it your funeral.

Megumin: ... The evil wizards are here ! We've come to kidnap the bride as evil wizards do !!

Yunyun: M- Megumin, I... I did it ! I s- sort of almost committed a crime.. ! I m- mean, how could I not ? When my best friend asked me to do it ?! I mean, when you say "Please work with me, o my very best friend !" How could I ref-

Megumin: Yeah, sure. Great work, Yunyun. Expected nothing less from my BFF and all. You can go home now.

Yunyun: What ?!

Megumin: A fine job you did. I knew you were the man of the moment. Now, just leave the rest to me.

"I know you're just stealing the best moment. But as a matter of fact... You're right. Also, Aqua... I never thought I'd say that to you one day, but... Thanks."

Aqua: Finally, some recognition !

Alderp: HOLD IT RIGHT THERE !! EVEN YOUR LITTLE CRIMSON MAGIC GIRL IS INTERFERING !! DON'T HURT LALATINA, BUT OTHERWISE, KILL THEM ALL FOR ALL I CARE ! JUST GET HER BACK !!

"Hm. Looks like there's still a whole bunch of them."

Megumin: We smacked down the ones at the entrance. Well, Yunyun did.

Yunyun: Huh ?! But Megumin, you told me to !!

Darkness: Hu- Hum, you can put me down now...

Alderp: And you adventurers !! Those are criminals you see before you ! Retrieve my bride from them ! A lavish reward awaits those who do ! Now, bring back my Lalatina !!

Alderp: What... What's wrong with you ? Are you deaf ? I said...

Kazuma: Sorry, but no one here is gonna move a finger for you.

"Doesn't that seem familiar to you, Darkness ? Just like when you were trying to take out the hydra all by yourself. So maybe next time you realize you're not alone, and you could just ask for help ?"

Kazuma: Well, getting through these guys should be fine, but how are we gonna lose them ?

Megumin: I know. I think I've had just about enough of this governor and his thugs. I'm already a criminal here, so how about I just blow them away ?!

Guards: Gh...

Alderp: Don't be a fool ! Anyone could see the consequences of using Explosion magic right here ! She must be bluffing ! Hurry and stop them !

Guard: E- Er, no, Alderp Sir, that girl is...

Megumin: Hoh ! So you're afraid of me... And my Explosions !

"Everyone ! Scram !!"

Megumin: VERY WELL !! I ACCEPT YOUR CHALLENGE !!

Kazuma: Phew... Even you were smart enough to let it off up in the air...

"Um, Kazuma... Don't you think using the person we came to save as a shield is a bit... Uhh, what's the word again ?"

Aqua: As low as you can get.

"That'd do, yes."

Kazuma: erk... P- Point is, the way is open ! let's go while we have the chance !

Guards: Ugh... Damn kid... She can only use Explosion once per day ! Get her now !

Megumin: Yunyun ! We'll leave this to you and go on ahead ! Whatever happens to me, don't look back and don't stop fighting !

Yunyun: What are you saying, idiot ?! We're best friends now ! I could never leave you behind to- Hang on, what did you just say ?! I remember the same thing happening back in the village... !

Guards: Hold fast ! She might be a crimson magicker, but she's just one girl ! Grab her before she uses her magic !

*Tap*

Keith: AAAAHHH !! IT HUUUURRRRTS !! The guy bumped into me... Hngh... And i'm pretty sure he broke my arm ! Ahhhh !!

Guard: Huh ? It was just a tap ! And he was the one who ran into me !

Dust: Whoa, hey, now. You break a guy's arm and don't even say you're sorry ? I don't care if you work for the landlord or what; is this a case of oppression... ?! IN FACT, A CERTAIN NOBLE GOT ME IN A WHOLE HELL OF A LOT OF TROUBLE RECENTLY... AND NOW I HATE NOBLES !! THINK I'LL TAKE IT OUT ON YOU !!

Adventurers: HE'S RIGHT ! GET 'EM !! YEAH ! I'VE NEVER LIKED THAT LANDLORD !!

Kazuma: Phew. That's ought to be far enough... Guess I owe Dust and everyone another round of drinks.

"That, too... About it, there's something I wanted to tell you for a while, darkness..."

Darkness: Wh- What... ?

"You remember back with the Hydra, what happened ?"

Darkness: Y- yes...

"... ... I don't think my arms are completely healed yet..."

Darkness: Huh ? Gah ?!

"Sorry about that."

Darkness: Gh... You all... Y/n, Kazuma, Aqua, Megumin... Even Yunyun and the adventurers who aren't here right now. I can't thank you enough. Thank you. Thank you so much. I've never been happier in all my life.

Kazuma: ... So, what are we going to do now ? We're kinda wanted criminals now.

"Yep. Better lay low for a while until things cool down."

Darkness: No... There's somewhere I have to go. Follow me.