" ": You talking

' ': You thinking

* *: Narrator/Voice-off

Your POV:

Butler: Y- Young lady ? What in the world is going on ? The ceremony-

Darkness: i'm in a hurry ! We can talk later ! Father ?

Darkness: Father, it's me...

Father: ... Oh, Lalatina... Why are you here ? I thought today...

Darkness: No, er... i'm so sorry, father. The truth is...

'... He looks way worse than last time... In just a few days...'

Darkness: I know I was the one who pushed for this wedding... But it was broken in the most humiliating way possible, and I left Alderp standing at the altar...

Father: ... Really ? Why, that's wonderful. You needn't be concerned. You're so beautiful, Lalatina. Just like your mother... ... Y/n- kun, could you come here for a moment ?

"Me ?"

Kazuma: ... I'm going to get some fresh air.

Megumin: Me too. Thanks for the MP.

Father: You've done well. You have my thanks.

"Kazuma did all the work to pay off that debt... All I did was step up on the stage."

Father: Y/n-kun... Would you be so good as to have my daughter as your bride ?

Darkness: HUH ?!

"... You know most people would consider this a punishment, right ?"

Darkness: WHAT ?! Wh- What do you mean, punishment ?! You jerk !!

'... Hey, I ain't "Most people" after all...'

Father: Haha ! It would put mt old mind at ease.

'... Right, that's how it is. He's not long for this world. If Kazuma was here, he'd probably say i'm the only one who can handle Darkness' antics... So...'

Father: Lalatina, are you enjoying your current lifestyle ? So much that you would be willing to throw everything away for it ?

Darkness: I am. So much that I would give up everything to protect my friends.

Father: I see... Lalatina, you must do what your heart tells you. Let me worry about everything else. I may be frail, but I can write a last will and testament...

Darkness: Father !

Father: ... Let me see your face...

Darkness: I love you, father. Thank you for bringing me so far in life... ! When you get better... Will you tell me more stories about my mother until I fall asleep, like you used to ?

Father: I love you too, my dear daughter. Ah... I can't wait to tell you more stories about your beloved mother... ... ... Y/n-Kun...

"Yes, my answer... I-"

Father: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH ?!

Aqua: It was a curse !! He was under a curse from one serious demon !! But don't you worry ! My power cleared it right up ! Man, that was close ! If that was left for much longer, he would have been dead ! But thanks to me, it's fine ! The curse is gone like it was never even there ! Aw, don't thank me. Helping suffering people is an Archpriest's job, y'know ? Lucky you, Darkness !! You and your dad can talk about your mom all you want now !!

Darkness: ... ... ...

Father: ... ... ...

Aqua: ... ... What's wrong ?

"I... I... Man, I don't even know how I could scold you... You actually did something good, and with good intentions to boot... maybe next time just try to read the mood or something... So that was the 'Your father will live in shame' part of Vanir's prophecy..."

Aqua: Speaking of demons, I wonder who put that curse on him... It had to be quite the strong one.

"... ... I know who might have answers..."

Alderp: YOU WRETCH !! Damn you miserable, worthless, demonic hide !! If you were an even remotely worthwhile demon, Lalatina would never have been stolen from me ! Worthless oaf !! Are your powers of adjustment so minuscule ?!

Alderp: 'Damn... of all the luck.. I get my hands on a divine item and it summons up an incompetent lesser demon !'

Max: A demon's powers are weakened in a church, you see. But more pressingly, Alderp, someone has broken the curse.

Alderp: BROKEN THE CURSE ?! Are you telling me you can't even kill one little human ?! 'he forgets things quickly, so I've strung him along without ever giving him the reward I promised... But I think it might be time to cut him loose. No... Powerful people overheard the abusive things I said to Lalatina. I'll need him to fix the situation...'

Alderp: MAX !! Adjust the memories of all the attendees and everyone who heard me speak by tomorrow morning !

Max: No can do, Alderp.

Alderp: ... What ?

Max: It's impossible. I don't have the power.

Alderp: 'I- Impossible... ?! No matter what I've asked for, he's never said it's impossible before...' What are you saying ? Memory falsification is your specialty ! You have no right to deny me ! So do it !

Max: I can't, the light... The light that broke the curse blinds me...

Alderp: 'Incompetent lout !' Fine ! I'm going to release you from your contract and summon some other, more capable demon ! Here is my final order, bring Lalatina to me ! Bring her here immediately, by force if you have to ! Then I'll pay you the price I've promised !

Max: ... ... Price ? You'll pay my price ?

Alderp: yes, of course I will. You forget because you're an idiot. I've already paid your price several times before. But I shall do so again, so bring me Lalatina !

Darkness: Landlord, are you there ? It's me. I came to apologize for today.

Alderp: 'H- How did she know about this cellar ?! No ! Who cares ? There's no mistaking that voice ! It's... Lalatina !!' Well done, Max ! You have my praise !! As promised, I'll pay your price and release you from your contract. You're free now !!

Max: You'll pay my price ? Free me ? ... Even though I haven't done anything yet ?

Darkness: i'm so sorry, landlord. I sincerely apologize for what happened at the ceremony. I've come to make amends with my body, so please... Just spare my friends.

Alderp: 'I can't wait another minute !!' V- Very well, your friends shall be spared ! But Lalatina, you shall be mi- !!

???: Bwa... Bwahaha... Bwahahaha !!

Vanir: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA !! Did you think I was Lalatina ? Too bad~ ! It was me all along !

Alderp: A- And just who or what are you ?!

Vanir: Ahh, now those are some bad vibes ! Mmm, delicious !

Alderp: This tremble I feel... I see ! You're a demon, just like Max !

Vanir: Huh ! Quite perceptive for a human.

Alderp: Grr ! I won't have some pitiful demon making fun of me ! Max ! Kill this filthy monster !

Max: ... ... ... ... ? Why should I kill one of my own kin ? Oh... Haven't I met you somewhere before ?

Vanir: I've introduced myself to you many hundreds, indeed, many thousands of times, good sir. But it is, once again, a pleasure to meet you, Maxwell. Maxwell the adjuster. Maxwell, who can bend the truth. I am Vanir, the all-seeing demon.

Alderp: 'What ? This broken fiend isn't Max, but Maxwell ?'

Maxwell: Vanir... Vanir ! I don't know why, but you do seem terribly familiar ! it's almost as if we've met before.

Vanir: Bwa ha ha ha ! You always say the same thing. Your name is Maxwell, good sir ! A colleague of mine, here from another world of which you've lost all memory ! I've come to take yo back where you belong. O Maxwell, the truth-bending demon, let us return to hell !

Alderp: 'Hell ? Return ?!' H- Hold it right there ! You can't just walk off with my servant !!

Vanir: ... Your servant ? Maxwell, who is a duke of hell just as I am ? O greedy man, who has nothing in abundance but ill luck. For once luck was with you. It was your good fortune that Maxwell happened to be the first demon you summoned.

Alderp: 'Wh- What ?! Max, a duke of hell ?!'

Vanir: Any other demon might well have ripped you apart the instant he appeared, for you had naught to offer as "price" ! But Maxwell is powerful, yet no more thoughtful than a child. He raised you to the position you now have, and you would do well to be very, very grateful.

Vanir: And as I recall, when I appeared... You told Maxwell that you would pay him what he was owed, that your contract was over, and that he was free.

Alderp: *Glps*

Vanir: Indeed, your contract with Maxwell was something of a problem. Goodness, I had to take a roundabout route !

Alderp: Roundabout... ? Y- You don't mean you- !

Vanir: Ah ! You are indeed perceptive. It's precisely as you imagine ! It was I who enabled that boy to repay the debt, and I who told him about you.

Alderp:... Wh- What a damnable thing to do... ! If you wanted this broken-down excuse for a demon, you should have said so ! There was no need to humiliate me in public... !

Vanir: Bwa ha ha ha ha ! This way was more fun ! What a sight it was to see ! Even that street-punk goddess danced to my tune this time ! there's the hatefulness of a man who has loved ans lusted for so long, and then just as his perverse desires were about to bear fruit, his bride was snatched away from him ! I find that if I were destroyed at that very moment, I could die a happy demon !! Now then, lord Landlord, I have no further business with you. I shall escort Maxwell back to hell, and then return to labor away under that ridiculous shopkeeper.

Alderp: 'Damn... I hadn't realized Max was a powerful demon... How am I going to erase the evidence of my misdeeds without him... ?'

Maxwell: Vanir ! Vanir ! Before we go home, I must receive my payment from Alderp ! He told me ! He said he would pay what was owed !

Alderp: 'Damn ! I did say that, didn't I... ? Grr... Absurd. I don't know what he wants, but if it will get him out of here...'

*KRAK*

Alderp: AHAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGH !! MY ARM ! MY AAAAAARM !!

Maxwell: Alderp ! Alderp ! What a fine sound you make !!

Alderp: HHH !! It, it hurts !! Max, l- let me go !! Let me goooo !!

Vanir: Bwa ha ha ha ! Maxwell, why not continue this when we get back to hell ? This man owes you a very great deal. Payment is to be granted in the form of Max's favorite flavor of bad vibe for a set period of time. Hmm, interesting. You've mistreated Maxwell rather spectacularly... I doubt you can pay all you owe even if you spend the rest of your life doing it...

Alderp! V- very well ! I was wrong to be so cruel ! I have a proposition. First, take my-

Vanir: Enormous wealth ? Once Maxwell returns to hell, your misdeeds shall come to light, and you shall have no wealth at all. You'll be penniless. And your plan to offer up one of your servants in your place is futile as well. The burden of payment falls only upon the one who entered into the contract.

Alderp: ... M- M- Max... I- I admit, I did some unconscionable things to you... terrible things. I beg of you, won't you save me ? I... Know how it seemed, but I never hated you ! It's true... !

Max: Alderp ! Me too ! When we get back to hell, I shall always be with you, Alderp ! Always, always, FEASTING ON YOUR DESPAIR !!

Vanir: Ah ! Your love is requited, Alderp. You'll be glad to know, Maxwell is a very dedicated demon. I'm sure he'll attend to you every hour of every day ! Bwahahaha !

Maxwell: I'll take good care of you, Alderp ! Unlike you, who are content to have your way with the girls you abduct and then simply cast them aside... I'll take extra care to be sure I don't use you up, ever !

Alderp: ... 'Now I see it. Now I see why I was never able to feel anything for this creature. Deep inside, I must have been terrified... of his true nature. Please, at least... At least let this broken demon tire quickly of having his way with me, and grant me a swift death...'

Vanir: ... ... Although... if you are desperate enough... There might be a way for you to post-pone the payment, just a bit...

Alderp: Y- Yes, yes ! I beg of you, I'd do anything !!

Maxwell: Buuuut, Vanir ! I want my payment !

Vanir: Don't you worry, you'll get it. In fact, maybe you'll get even more than what you're owed. After all... You're not the only one who this man owes to.

Alderp: H- Huh... ?

"Don't you worry... I'll try not to break him too badly before giving him back."

Vanir: You needn't trouble yourself with that. His body will be reconstructed in hell. And speaking of payment...

"I give you traps, troops, and other miscellaneous amenities for that dungeon thingy of yours, yes."

Vanir: Great. Now, you should be careful... he may be no demon or duke of hell... But he quite enjoys pain.

Maxwell: Oh, can I stay ? I want to stay !

"Of course, this is supposed to be your payment, after all. Now, don't you worry your balding head, Alderp. This is just, how did you put it... the difference between the likes of you and me."

Alderp: ... ... AHHHHHH !! NO... NOOO !!

"Shhhhhhhh~ There is no need to be scared... This'll only hurt... The first million times."

Vanir: Haaah... Blossoming feelings...

Kazuma: The landlord is missing ?

Darkness: Yeah. His household staff swears they looked everywhere, but they couldn't find a trace of him.

Kazuma: No way. I mean... After he was all "Lalatina ! Lalatinaaaa !" He wouldn't just up and leave...

Darkness: Look, I don't understand it either. But for some reason, people have been discovering evidence of his misdeeds all this morning.

"Hm ? Do my ears deceive me ? Or did I hear the most beautiful thing ever, the melody of Karma ?"

Kazuma: Where the hell were you all this time ?!

"Oh, just helping out Vanir with a few things. It was... The best week-end of my life~..."

Darkness: So yeah, it looks like he was even the one who sent that body-swapping divine item to princess Iris. People are speculating that he fled in the middle of the night when he realized he couldn't hide the evidence anymore.

"You don't say..."

Darkness: And that... means you won't need to flee in the middle of the night, so put those things done.

Megumin: hey, she says we don't need to run away anymore.

Aqua: oh, really ? We were getting ready to go to ground in some distant field for a while until things cooled down here.

Darkness: I can't believe you people...

"Well, what a convenient and unexpected twist."

Kazuma: heh. Anyway, darkness... What are you doing out there ? Hurry up and come inside.

Darkness; Huh ? N- No, I couldn't...

Megumin: What's wrong ?

Aqua: Oh ! I get it ! Megumin, you got to the ceremony late, so you don't know ! Just listen to this ! Darkness ended up getting bought by Y/n ! He paid off her entire debt and was all like, "Guess you belong to me now." !

Megumin: SAY WHAT ?!

"Okay, so... At that time, I was more concerned about doing that pig dirty, so in the heat of the moment..."

Darkness: N- No, that's not it ! i'm sorry ! I acted selfishly and caused trouble for everyone ! Even I know I was an idiot this time. Please, forgive me...

Megumin: It's all right. You came back to us, and that's what matters. We may have lost most of our net worth, but Kazuma stops working the moment he gets a bit of pocket change. It's better this way.

Aqua: That's right ! In fact, if all of this hadn't happened, we would never have known about the curse on your dad !

Kazuma: Hey, wait, we have to find out who cursed him to begin with !

"I... Don't think this is relevant anymore."

Darkness: ... ... Kazuma... I owe you a particularly great debt. You aid you gave up everything to get that money. The state should compensate you out of the landlord's confiscated holdings. However... We won't be able to get back the intellectual property rights you sold. I know you were intending to live a safe life as a businessman...

Kazuma: What's that ? Forget about it. I have the cooking skill, so I can open a street stall or something. Make food from my home country, save up a little change...

"Hold on hold on... We're getting the money back ?"

Darkness: Yes, All two billion Eris you spent on my behalf, as well as the compensation for the destroyed buildings. You incurred those costs protecting the town, after all. The Landlord should have covered them. Now that I think about it... Why did I accept his excuses so readily ? Why did I just pay him the money ? And why has the evidence of his crimes all come to light so suddenly ?

"In this kind of situations, my experience is to not care and just go with the flow."

Kazuma: He's right, who cares about that now ? Did you just say... T- TWO... BILLION... ?!

Kazuma: 'Holy hell ! I'll never have to work another day in my life ! Wait, hang on. There's twenty-four hours in a day, and that service runs five thousand Eris for three hours. With two Billion Eris, I could live in my own personal dream world for the rest of my life !!'

Aqua: Say, Kazuma, you're looking exceedingly heroic today. So cool. Ahem, Kazuma, Emperor Zel needs a top-quality house to live in...

Megumin: Indeed, very heroic and cool. You know I've always thought you were cool, Kazuma. On that note, I would love a magical item that increases the destruction power of my spells.

Kazuma: Bah ! Let you get one whiff of cash and see what happens... !

"... ... I do think you should get all of what amounts to your intellectual property rights... But don't you think the bounties of what we hunted... Darkness, what's wrong this time ? Still upset that you were cleaning all our mess secretly ? But now Kazuma's gonna get his money back, so it's like nothing happened.

Kazuma: 'frankly, for that much money, I can overlook a lot of things (True feelings)'

Darkness: Does that mean... You take back saying you bought me, too ?

"... if anything, I guess I bought your freedom."

Darkness: ... oh...

'Why does it feels like every possible answer is a bad answer here...'

Darkness: About that letter I wrote, the one asking you guys to count me out of the party...

"What are you talking about ? There never was any letter like that. Guys ?"

Aqua: yeah, I have no recollection of anything of that nature.

Megumin: I kinda remember something in a pile of papers I threw in the fire, but that's all. You are our precious crusader, Darkness. How could we ever let you go ?

Darkness: W- Wait ! I... I just... Um...

Kazuma: Darkness !

Darkness: U- Um... I'm a poor excuse for a crusader ! My attacks never hit, and my toughness is my only redeeming quality ! B- But... Could you find it in your heart to let me join this party again ?

"... Wouldn't have it any other way."

"GUH- ! H- Hey, keep this to a mild... I have crap defense, for god's sake !"

Darkness: I... i'm back !

Aqua: Hey, Kazuma. Aren't you a little disappointed by the way this turned out ? I'm pretty sure you would've been more than glad to buy out Darkness and have her repay you with her body... Are you sure you didn't have at least a little bit of naughtiness in mind ?

Kazuma: 'What in the hell is she talking about ?'

Megumin: Come to think of it, remember when Yunyun said they should have kids ? And how close he tried to get to Iris in the capital ? How easily his affection change ! He even tried to get his hands on me when we were sleeping together at the Crimson magic village !

Kazuma: 'And what's she blathering about now ?'

"It's not really a secret Kazuma kinda thinks with his groins sometimes...

Aqua: ... Thinking about that too... All that thing about Darkness having your baby...

Megumin: What happened in the Crimson village...

Kazuma: Your quickly-developing sadistic personality...

"I don't like where this is going..."

Darkness: N- Now that you mention it... When he broke into my house, we very nearly crossed the final frontier.

Kazuma: Wait, you almost did do it ?!

Aqua: Is that why you went there by yourself at night ?! To have a little tryst ?!

Darkness: "Tryst" is such a strong word. All he did was force his way into my room in the middle of the night, cover my mouth before I could scream, shove me onto the bed...

Megumin: It's always been obvious you two were close, but I never imagined you...

Aqua: Oh ! It's terrible ! Back when we were sleeping in the stables together, would they watch like hawks for any opportunity to take advantage of me ?!

Kazuma: Not a chance. Ever.

Aqua: WHY NOT ?!

*999999999999999999999999*

"Hey, even we have some standards."

Aqua: URGH- !

*EMOTIONAL DAMAGE*

Darkness: ... Hee hee...

'... Being awfully smug for someone who was that close to marry that pig yesterday...'

Kazuma: ... Say, Aqua, I've been wondering. How does marriage work around here ? Who joins whose family ?

Aqua: Well that's very sudden. On the morning of the ceremony, you submit some paperwork to the city hall affirming that you've become husband and wife. And then in the afternoon you have... The... Ceremony...

"And what we crashed... Was that ceremony..."

Darkness: What's up ?

Aqua: ... I- I guess divorcées aren't so rare nowadays... yes, it'll be fine !

'... Nobility, masochist, virgin and now divorced... That's one impressive resume..."

Aqua: So, what happens now ? Darkness was abducted halfway through the ceremony... And her husband ran away not so long after. I guess everyone will assume he dumped her.

All: ... ... ... ... ...

Kazuma: We can just pretend the paperwork doesn't exist. So don't worry about it... Divorceness.

"... ... I have no words..."

Kazuma: And that's pretty much the story. Darkness hasn't come out of her house since then, and Y/n broke in again. So now, after the stuff at the crashed wedding, everyone has started seeing them as an item.

Chris: It sounds like you're as much as a monster as you ever were. Don't be too hard on Darkness, okay ? She may look tough, but she's really pretty sensitive.

Kazuma: Yeah, yeah, I know. But what about you, Chris ? What have you been up to all this time ? How long's it take to get to Axel from the Capital ?

Chris: Aww, y'know, I've been busy. I was actually just nearby once, but then I was called away all of a sudden. I had to take care of some stuff before I could get back here.

Kazuma: Called away ? Who could call you ? Is there some kind of thieves guild ?

Chris: Er, well, you know how it is. When someone dies, things just get...

Kazuma: Don't tell me you moonlight as an undertaker.

Chris: Man... Can you believe it ? That divine item we were looking for... The landlord had it all this time. When I broke into his home in the capital, I just assumed I'd made a mistake because of Aqua...

Kazuma: You said this item summons a random monster to be your servant, right ? What do you thunk the old fart planned to do with something like that ?

Chris: No idea... Something bad, I'm sure. But anyway, all's well that ends well. Thanks for helping darkness out, lowly assistant !

Kazuma: Sure thing, chief.

Chris: Sigh... I still haven't gotten back that other item, though. Hey, lowly assistant, would you-

Kazuma: Y/n has it, so deal with him.

Chris: ... I'd pay you...

Kazuma: I've got plenty of money.

Chris: Pfah. Fine, you're on notice. I'll get you to help me again soon !

Kazuma: ... ... ... ... By the way, Eris-sama... Where are you keeping the divine item you took back from the landlord ?

Chris: Oh, that ? I sealed it up in the lake-bottom cave where the Hydra used to...