" ": You talking

' ': You thinking

* *: Narrator/Voice-off

Your POV:

Aqua: ... Hey Kazuma. Can you not eat eggs in front of Emperor Zel ? I feel that the kid's shivering as it looks at you.

Kazuma: ... Shouldn't you say that to the one eating a chicken leg while T-posing over him ?

Aqua: What ?!

"I'm not letting that little thing getting the upper hand on me. I need to assert my dominance. Show him I'm the alpha of this land."

Kazuma: Worse thing, I can't tell if he's joking or being serious... isn't it supposed to be a dragon, though ? If so, there's no reason to. Rather, could you do something about Vanir's empty shell ? Its sense of presence is too strong, I can't eat in peace while that thing's staring.

Aqua: This can't be helped. After all, Emperor Zel likes this... Thing.

"Just staying there, empty... Kinda like a ... Doll... Puppet... ..."

Kazuma: I've seen that grin before, and I know it's not a good thing.

"Come onnnn... You know you want to see that too. I'm not afraid of the consequences."

Aqua: Speaking of afraid, what's with that little one now ?

Chomusuke: *Hissing*

Megumin: It looks like its afraid of that yellow fur ball. Probably because of magic power.

"Magic power ?"

Kazuma: Stop making Vanir's shell do stupid dances !

Megumin: yes, magic power. I can sense great magic power coming from Emperor Zel. It's probably because it received magic power from the most magically powerful people in this city, namely Aqua, Vanir, Wiz and myself, when it was sill in the egg. When a dragon incubates its eggs, it'll channel magic power into them to keep warm, allowing the baby dragon to hatch with great magic power. It's a famous legend, but it's surprising that the same phenomenon happened with a chicken egg. This may be good news to the people who rear dragons.

Kazuma: ... Then, if we take care of it, it could eventually become a trump card against the Devil king...

Megumin: Nope, it's just a chicken after all. It can't use magic power to fly like a dragon, and it can't exhale dragon breath.

Kazuma: ... Then will it awaken to great power one day ? Its magic power could induce it to become a chicken with super physical attributes...

Megumin: That's impossible. Magic power can control aging and extend one's lifespan, but this kid's just an ordinary chicken. It won't awaken any special power. At most, it'll use its vast magic power to frighten off wild monsters.

"What a waste."

Kazuma: ... Ah, right ! Then, I can use drain touch to use this fellow as a substitute manatite and replenish magic power...

Megumin: That won't work either. It's just an ordinary chicken. If you're not careful, you can drain its life force and it'll die.

Kazuma: ... If I eat this fellow, will it instantly boost my magic power... ?

Megumin: ... I don't know. I don't really want to do that since it's cute, but if it can instantly increase magic power, it might be worth a try.

"Aight. Chicken nugget coming right up for testing."

Aqua: Stop that !! If you're going to look at my kid like that, then get lost ! Darkness, you must protect Emperor Zel from these dangerous people !

Darkness: ... Ha. Looking at you people, I feel like I've really returned. Please, don't bully Aqua too much. We must live peacefully together from now on. No more quarrels, let's get along.

"... ... ... ... Fwahahahaha ! You sure are speaking high and mighty for someone who was shutting herself at home until recently. Has the emotional scar of being abandoned by that landlord already healed ? Now you're both a used woman and a virgin, o girl that keeps accumulating attributes."

Darkness: PFFFFRRRRRRR !! Hack- Kh... Stop that ! Stop using that doll for things like that !! Stop it !!

Kazuma: That's stunning. The voice isn't exactly that, but the mimicking's on point.

Darkness: And I wasn't abandoned ! The landlord went missing because he ran away after his corruption was exposed... And i'm not a used woman ! My family registry's still clean and pure !

Kazuma: ... Ah ! You used the privilege of nobility to tamper with the records ! Hey, look at what she's become. She acted cool before, saying that the Dustiness family wouldn't abuse its political power, but this is what she does the moment there's trouble.

Megumin: Darkness has truly changed a lot since then. She's no longer stubborn and inflexible. Her brain has probably softened because she's being influenced.

Darkness: Kh...

Aqua: Both of you, stop it. Actually, Darkness' a very dreamy girl, okay ? She likes cute dresses even though she says they don't suit her. She likes dolls too. She's a good girl who'll take note of when nobody else's around so she can secretly play with Emperor Zel ! Such a pure and lovable Darkness merely tampered with her family registry a bit... A- Ah, what are you doing, Darkness ?! I was defending you !

"Some things never change around these parts. Now if you excuse me, I have a devil's reputation to ruin."

*Knock knock*

Chris: Sorry to intrude... Everyone seems rather joyful today too.

Chris: And that's how it is. I requested lowly assistant's help before, but if possible, I hope everyone can help find the divine relics.

Darkness: ... I'd like to help you... But sorry, Chris. Because the landlord's currently missing, I must perform the lordship duties on behalf of my father who hasn't recovered yet. Therefore, I can only help out after my father's health has recovered...

Chris: No problem. After all, your work's more important. i'm happy that you wanted to help me.
Megumin: I'll help if I can, but my capabilities are very limited, okay ? If those divine items are in the hands of villains, I can help you threaten them with Explosion magic.

Chris: Th- Thank you, Megumin. If there's need to trouble you, I'll ask for you then. Uh, then...

Aqua: It's regrettable. I can't help.

"What for ? It's not like you're busy, you spend your days feeding that chick and idling around."

Aqua: ... Tell me, do you understand a parent's feelings ?

"What, you want me to whip out the belt or..."

Kazuma: What are you asking all of a sudden ? If I understood such things, my online friends wouldn't call me "Kazuma who made his mother cry".

Aqua: Yes, that's true, that's Kazuma for you. You just played games every day without going to school. So hopeless... But even a useless son like you is adorable in a parent's eyes.

Kazuma: ... She talking about me or...

"It's unclear whether she meant you or Zel."

Aqua: Hopeless kids are cute. I know that, but I want this kid to become stronger than everyone, become the most respected Dragon ! Elite Education is a necessity for it to rise to the top of the dragon world... So the clever me thought of this. Look, people say that kids grow up watching the silhouettes of their parents, right ? So, I intend to let this kid see how powerful and respected I am.

"Pfffrrrrrr hahahahahaha !!"

Kazuma: She was serious.

"... ... BAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA !!"

Kazuma: ... What exactly do you intend to do ?

Aqua: I think that my current power's slightly insufficient to defeat the Demon King, so that'll be the last resort.

"uh... ... ... What kind of power do you judge to be just 'Slightly insufficient', exactly ? And didn't you originally intend on using that chicken as a fighting force ? Your premises have changed."

Aqua: What are you saying ? How can I let me cute kid do such dangerous things ?

"Now you're the one talking nonsense. Did you awaken your motherly instincts watching over a chicken egg ?"

Aqua: But letting it witness my power can wait. Compared to that, currently there's an even more important event

"... I'll regret asking, but what is ?"

Aqua: Has everyone heard of the Goddess Eris Thanksgiving festival ?

"... Notes, notes, notes... Customary event around this season, giving thanks to the goddess of good luck for the passed year..."

Kazuma: Why do you keep taking notes on everything like that ?

"Listen. i'm thinking on the long term. If I ever go back to our world, of course i'm gonna make all of this into a story and make millions out of it."

Megumin: This city will be hosting the Eris festival this year, right ? My village has done it too. It's said that if you dress up as the Goddess of luck Eris on that day, you'll spend the next year festival."

Darkness: My family participates in the Eris festival annually. Every generation of the Dustiness family has always been respected by Eris cultists. We donate a lot of money every year to the festive event.

Kazuma: This means that we can see people cosplaying as Eris-sama in this city... hey, i'm somewhat looking forward to this !

"Yeah, I can see why... I mean, it's like seeing a real goddess walking around."

Aqua: ... ... ... ... What was that supposed to mean... ?

"You know very well what I meant. Hr-hm... O, cuckolded goddess whose swindled chick got charmed by no other than myself."

Kazuma: Now the voice was on point too.

Aqua: ... Be really careful of what you're saying... Divine punishment is never far.

"Oh, is that so ? What're you gonna do, moisturize me to death ?"

Aqua: MY POINT BEING !! i'm not asking you to enjoy this celebration, as i'm being left aside... Since there's an Eris festival, it'd be unfair not to have an Aqua festival. let's put an end to the Eris festival and replace it with the Aqua festival !

Chris: PFRRRRRRRRR !!

"Yeah, no way in hell. The simple thought of seeing several Aquas prowling the street is awakening murderous intent of the unmeasurable scale within me."

Aqua: But don't you think it's unfair ? There's an Eris Festival, yet why is there no celebration for Aqua, who's Eris senior ? Isn't it fine for me to take her place once in a while ? I want to let Emperor Zel see my awesomeness !

"... ... ... ..."

Aqua: And I don't know why Eris is so popular ! That kid looks very demure but she's actually very naughty, okay ? And she takes responsibility for many things on her own initiative. She's a boring girl who tries to do everything by herself. I helped that immature kid clean up her mess so many times !

Kazuma: ... 'What's she talking about ? Did you really let her help you lots of times ?'

Chris: 'J- Just once. Because I was continuously doing the work senpai pushed to me, my own work began to pile-up without me realizing... When I was troubled by this, Senpai said with self-satisfaction "really, you're hopeless ! Eris just can't do without me !" And helped me out...'

Darkness: Seriously, Aqua,do you know the reason you have such bad luck is because you always make impertinent remarks to belittle Eris-sama ? Your repeated sufferings are no doubt divine retribution from Eris-sama.

Aqua: What ?! So when a wild dog I was playing with suddenly chased and bit me, and when my ice cream dropped to the ground, it was all Eris' doings ? Why's that cute wench like this ?

Chris: Uhhhhhhhh...

Darkness: Uh, whatever it is. Of course I won't be helping. I've said earlier, I've got a lot of lordship duties to perform. I won't be able to find time to be with you during the celebration.

Aqua: Why ? I just joined to rescue you from marriage. I even removed the curse placed on your father !

Darkness: Ugh... I- If you say that, I'll have nothing to retort. But i'm still a devout Eris cultist...

Aqua: ... Enough. Darkness is a used woman and an abandoned bride. Megumin ? What about you ? You will help out, right ?

Darkness: ... Used woman... Abandoned bride...

Megumin: I've no problem with that, since i'm not part of the Eris church. I also know some Axis cultists who took care of me previously.

Aqua: That's my Megumin ! Now you two guys will-

Kazuma: Not do it.

"Hell nah. If you want a festival so bad, just go to Arcanletia or something."

Aqua: Come on and help, you damn NEETs ! Please ! I'll let you feed Emperor Zel ! Only once !

Kazuma: Why's feeding that chick considered a reward ?!

Megumin: Uh, I kinda want to feed it...

"Anyway, even assuming you'd manage to do that, the Eris cultists would riot and go berserk."

Aqua: Eh... It's Kazuma's job to resolve such issues...

Kazuma: Are you joking ?!

Aqua: Fine ! Forget it, you petty guys ! I'll resolve everything together with Megumin and Chris !

Chris: EHHH ?!

"... ... ... Aight. It's time I step up."

Aqua: See ? I knew you'd listen to reason.

"Oh, I'm sure you'll listen. Kazuma, could you take everyone outside for a bit ? Things are about to get cranked to Thermostat 8 here."

Kazuma: uh-oh...

"... ... Allllllllriiiiiiighty. Now, when to start..."

Aqua: Start what ?

"the fact you're trying to throw a festival for yourself ! Are you for fucking real ?! Is your overgrown ego so much to hold you can't accept the idea someone else than you is recognized for what they do ?! As far as I know, Eris never asked for that festival, people threw it by themselves out of gratitude !

Aqua: I'm her Senpai !

"Then act like one ! So far, all you ever did was belittle her and throw all your work onto her back ! You're no senpai, you're a bully ! And speaking of gratitude, that festival also exist because the Eris church is loved and respected, whenever the Axis cult is a bunch of nutjobs annoying everyone and everything that cross their path ! Fitting, when we see the waste of oxygen they're praying to ! When the first commandment of your entire fucking religion is that other churches are shit, don't come crying when everyone else runs away at the mere sound of your name ! And while i'm at it, care to explain when and where you've been acting as a Goddess so far ?! When you got eaten by toads ?! When your drinking debt was constantly pulling us in the red ?! When you single-handedly caused every single problem we then had to fix because your intelligence stat, IS LITERALLY LOWER THAN A MONKEY'S !!"

Kazuma: He's not pulling any punches, is he...

Chris: I don't know how to feel about that...

Darkness: Do you think he's gonna treat me the same way~... ?

"So Eris pads her chest, alright ?! Then what ?! If that's how you measure the worth of goddesses, then that means your chest is your only good point, if you have one ! Because I don't know if you ever noticed, but all you ever do, IS THROW US IN SHIT AND THEN REFUSE TO HELP UNTIL WE FORCE YOU TO !! So let me sum up this in a few words... You're a LAZY, EGOCENTRIC, EGOTISTICAL, SHORT-SIGHTED, ALCOHOLIC, DUMB AS A BRICK, HYPOCRITICAL AND OUT OF LUCK PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A GODDESS !!

Kazuma: I... I don't hear anything anymore...

*Creeeaaaaaaak*

"... ... ... It is done. Now, I do believe, there was that thing about finding more divine artifacts, right ?"

Kazuma: ... Aqua, you... You okay there ?

Aqua: Uhhhhhhhhhhh...