" ": You talking

' ': You thinking

* *: Narrator/Voice-off

Your POV:

Kazuma: So, before all of that happened... Uh, you know... Actually, this city will host the Goddess Eris Thanksgiving festival soon-

Cecily: I know ! Of course, I know ! Those damn Eris cultists plan to leave our Aqua-sama in the lurch with this Ridiculous Eris festival ! It's the summer season ! What do you think of in summer ? Yes, of course it's the sea, the pool and the Axis Cult. Then, what do you associate with celebration ? Of course it's the Axis cult ! We love banquets, celebrations, and summer. To leave the Axis cult aside and host the Eris festival during summer's practically provoking us. That's right, this is wr. There's no choice but war !

"... So, regretting making me bring her back yet ?"

Kazuma: Don't tempt me, please...

Cecily: Therefore, I'll divide up the roles. I'll smash the windows of the Eris church. Megumin will coolly declare herself and get rid of the angry eris cultists who'll be chasing me. You two'll sneak into the crowd and mutter "Divine retribution has befallen on those evil Eris cultists" and other such meaningful statements. Aqua-sama will just relax here and drink some wine... then, let's do this !

Kazuma: I won't let you do this. There are too many things to complain about ! You people, don't give me that look as if you really want to try it out !

"Hey, look at that ! Aqua's luck stat ! Full of every fuck I give !"

Kazuma: I didn't really meant that either. Uh... I feel like you can start hosting something like the Goddess Aqua Thanksgiving festival celebration as a resistance...

Cecily: Pleased to meet you. i'm Cecily, the manager of Axis cult's Axel branch. I have something I need to discuss-

Merchant: Please leave.

'Oh wow, what a surprise... People not wanting to deal with Axis cultists.'

Cecily: What's this ? I was being so polite. What are you dissatisfied with ? ... Ha, it seems you intent to reject me first then blackmail me later. You're going to say this, right "Hahaha. Pretty priestess of the Axis Cult, if you want me to grant your request, then show me some sincerity", and then, you'll do that to my voluptuous body... ! I won't let you heathens have your way. I'll show you the power of an Axis cultist !

Merchant: What a crazy woman ! This is why I refuse to have dealings with Axis Cultists ! Stop, wait ! Someone help !

*ZBUNK*

Kazuma: ... What was that ?

"Just me bashing my head on something hard. Hey Megumin, she's your friend, right ? Why don't you deal with her ?"

Megumin: Not a friend, just an acquaintance. Please don't misunderstand.

"And here I thought bringing two problem kids would be too much... Turns out just one's already too much. Should've left her with Aqua in the church. Kazuma..."

Kazuma: What do you want me to do ?

"There's but one thing your charisma makes you excel at. And it's business talk. If there's anyone who can wrap this up, it's you. On the meantime, you are getting back by a few feet or you'll get them up where the sun doesn't shine."

Cecily: Ah- Ah !!

Merchant: You're saying you'll persuade me, but no matter who... Hmmm ? Are you that billionaire adventurer, Satou Kazuma ?

Kazuma: So I'm nicknamed as the billionaire adventurer ? Not bad.'

Cecily: Actually, regarding this year's Goddess Eris Thanksgiving festival. We wish to change it to the change it to the Goddess Aqua Thanksgiving festival...

"Please leave."

Cecily: Ugh... !

Megumin: Things really can't progress if you keep doing this. Big sis, please come here ! let's go and play !

"... Why must everyone in this world be a lolicon..."

Kazuma: My companion has caused you trouble, sorry about that... but our purpose here's related to what she said.

Merchant: The Goddess Aqua Thanksgiving festival mentioned by that Axis cultist ? Impossible. I don't know what the Eris cultists will say if we do that...

Kazuma: No. Unlike that Axis cultist, I'm not making an unreasonable suggestion like changing the festival. I wish to host both festivals at the same time. Make it into Goddesses Eris and Aqua Thanksgiving festival. Everyone will be satisfied with that.

"And if that works well, it probably would be fitting to host the Eris festival in winter, for the new year, and the Aqua one in summer. It just... Makes sense..."

Merchant: That... that won't be permitted. It sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. And it doesn't seem like there's any benefit...

Kazuma: ... Hold on. The Eris festival is supported by the merchant district stalls every year, so the annual income must be good, right ?

Merchant: Uh, I'd be lying if I said there's no profit. But lately, due to the Demon King's army becoming more active, it wasn't as grand as before... So what about it ?

Kazuma: Eris Cultists and xis cultists. Their relationship isn't very goo, but it's only the Axis cult which shows hostility. If the festival is co-hosted by both cults, what would happen ? Since Axis cultists love celebrations; they'll compete with the Eris church and make the celebration go into full swing. Then the Eris church wouldn't sit by and do nothing.

Merchant: ... ... Please elaborate.

Kazuma: let them compete with each other. The more aggressive their competition turns into, the grander the celebration will become. Naturally, the merchant district will benefit and increase profits.

Merchant: ... ... ... ...

Kazuma: One more thing. Where do the annual funds for the festival come from ?

Merchant: Funds ? Most of it comes from the donations of the Eris church. The rest comes from various aristocrats and our merchant district fundraising...

Kazuma: Then, wouldn't it be great to let the Axis Cult, which wants to co-host the celebration, contribute to the funds ? This way, perhaps just the Eris church and the Axis cult alone will raise enough funds.

Merchant: ... Do it then. Please do it this way ! Wow, that's our young and wealthy Kazuma for you. I'd like you t be our advisor for this celebration event... of course, you'll be compensated...

Kazuma: ... if you don't mind, I'll be the advisor. I've got a lot of good ideas. let's make a profit out of this.

Merchant: Hahahaha ! This really is a good deal !

Megumin: Is it really okay to leave it to him ?

Cecily: Even I, your big sis, feel somewhat uneasy.

"Well, well, well, looks like things are being wrapped up."

Merchant: Huh ? Hey, hold on... You're... Windings...

"Hm ?"

Merchant: hey, come here man. You're that "Windings" guy, right ?

"... Might be... Might not. Why're you asking ?"

Merchant: Well... Something came to my ears, that you got your hand on some... "Goods".

"yeah, yeah, go on... This is just good business, right ?"

Merchant: of course, of course...

"*Sip*. And that's about the gist of it so far."

Chris: Why ? Why did it become like this ? I thought it'd never be approved. How did senpai convince the merchant district chairman ?

"You really think she could've done anything ? Nah, that was all Kazuma's work."

Chris: Lowly assistant ?! He did that ?! Why ?! he's so afraid of trouble, so why'd he make things so troublesome ? In this case, I've got no choice but to leave aside my own festival to help out with Senpai's festival ! This is just crazy !

"Why'd you help her ? can't you just say 'No' straight to her face or something ?"

Chris: I... I could, but... Whenever senpai asks for help, I'll naturally do it... like cleaning up the mess after your resurrection. Somehow, that became part of my job too...

"Speaking of jobs. I heard the festival hasn't been so successful as of lately."

Chris: Y- Yes... because of the Demon King army...

"Even though we already took down half the generals... So that's why proposing to co-host it with the party-loving Axis cultists. This is probably to let the people forget about the demon king's army and just enjoy themselves... So long as both churches don't start running hands with each others..."

Chris: Let's hope not... But is he really the kind of person to think of the citizens ?

"He's thinking of how much Aqua's gonna bother him if he doesn't do it. It could be good if both festivals could be hosted at different times each years."

Chris: Next year ?! ... W- Will my celebration be canceled next year if the Axis cult's festival's grander ? I mean, i- it's not like I want to be honored in a festival, okay ?

"... ... ... The festival's one thing. But if I recall, all this started with you asking our help to find yet another divine relic, has it not ? Are things progressing on your side ?"

Chris: Yes. I found the location. But it's being kept in a rather difficult place. The current owner's a noble named Undine. This person has a hobby of collecting strange items.

"... ... ... ... ... ... Un... Undine... ?

Chris: yes, with an "I". Nothing to do with Undyne.

"Huh. Feels like someone somewhere has their jaw on the floor and regretting what the wrote. So a noble who collects items... Why am I not surprised... Think darkness could help with that ?"

Chris: No way. Undine probably used illegal methods to acquire this divine relic, so he'll definitely deny it. He's a noble known for using unscrupulous methods to get what he wants. Even if Darkness negotiates with him, he'll end it with a simple "I didn't know such a thing existed".

"So you're saying... That we can use illegal methods ourselves to get it back... I've already dived head-first into the underground world, what's a little more ?"

Chris: Then it'll be that, second assistant.

"... Smuggler, thief, and potentially assassin... Yep. Love this new life."

"So yeah, turns out I've been appointed for security for this whole festival thing in the end."

Kazuma: I mean, you're a one-man army. If there's one who can watch over a whole city, it's you.

"So let's distribute the roles. You makes sure the big bucks start rolling..."

Kazuma: And you keep everything tame so they keep on rolling.

"Damn straight. And you ain't need to worry 'bout a dam thing. After the whole underworld starts dancing in my palm, those two billions will look like pocket change."

Kazuma: Please don't do anything too hard. There's illegal and illegal.

Aqua: Darkness ! Please. I'll help you lecture them when they come back, so please come out of the toilet ! I'll be troubled if you stay in there ! The toilet on the second floor is jammed because someone didn't clean it properly ! I beg you, come out ! Come out already !

"What's that about lecturing me ?"

Aqua: EEEEEP !!

"One time already wasn't enough, but two and still haven't learned your lesson ? Whatever, what is it this time ?"

Aqua: You damn NEET ! It's your fault for spreading Darkness' shameful secrets. Darkness was crying when she returned ! "Young lady Lalatina, is it true that your abs are ripped ?", "Young lady Lalatina, is it true that your groom ran away ?", "Young Lady Lalatina is so pretty, so men will still want her even if she's a used woman", and such. She said every adventurer she met said such things ! I say, come out already, Darkness. You can definitely find a new groom ! I won't call you a used woman anymore ! Please don't be angry !

"So your first thought was that I was the one who started all those rumors, huh ? i'm hurt."

Aqua: Uhh... i'm-

"I mean, I did start these rumors, but still. I'm hurt you straight up assumed. Hey, Darkness, get out of here or I'm dragging you out myself ! When I broke into the mansion, you were the one who dared me to go all out with these, remember ? I'll admit I have a responsibility in this, so I'll apologize... or at least could you not lock yourself up in the toilet ? Aqua's about to be in trouble if you don't come out."

Aqua: A- A Goddess doesn't use the toilet, so there's no trouble ! The toilet on the first floor's my responsibility ! If Darkness doesn't come out, I can't clean it ! There's no other reason !

"... ... ... On second thought, could you stay in there for a couple more hours ? I kinda want to see how far this can go."

Aqua: HAH ?!

"No but in all seriousness, get out. I've already vented out enough lately, so don't force me to get my second wind, please."

Darkness: ... ... ... ... ... Heh. After knowing me for so long, you should know that most things will just be pleasurable to me. Are you going to attack me with vicious words ? Or try to physically punish me ? I control the toilet. No matter what you say, if I cover my ears and endure it, you'll be the one who's disadvantaged. The Dustiness household has always been good at enduring things... Let's compete for endurance ! I'll stay here until you apologize and say "Lady Dustiness, please forgive me" !

"... ... i'm at fault, so there's no real problem with the apologizing part... But you're challenging me, and that I can't pass. You're on. You'll beg me to let you out of here when i'm done with you.

*BRRRRRRRRRRRR*

Kazuma: ... Why's you move the table in front of the door ?

"She doesn't want to come out ? Fine, then she stays in. Just give me about an hour, and she'll bang on the door begging."

Kazuma: Where are you going ?

"I've got stocks of goods unloaded already. Didn't I tell you ? I'm also getting in that business. And I think... Yep, got the perfect stuff for getting her out."

Kazuma: Wait, hold on... is that the super-luxurious red crab thing ?

"Yup. Managed to get my hands on some by directly going to the fishermen. I was planning to make a surprise with it for the festival, but now's as good as a time. Now just give me about 15 minutes."

"Annnnd done."

Aqua: ... ... ... *Droooools* ... Can I have some ?

"Your share of crab's in the kitchen."

Kazuma: ... tamed Aqua with food... What now ?

"Well... Since lady Dustiness doesn't want to come out... I guess i'll just put a hugeeeee plate of her favorite riiiight in front of the locked door. can't really hurt.

*Groooooooowl*

"I mean, mostly. I'm no wizard, but even I can run some magic when I want."

Darkness: Y- You... This is nothing ! I'll endure this ! I'll never fall for such tricks !

"... Tough nut. Kazuma, I have a question. Amongst all the items you manufactured, I remember something looking a lot like a fan, right ?"

Kazuma: Yup.

"If you still have one, could I borrow it ? It would be a waste if all that good fragrance wasn't going her direction."

Darkness: H- Huh... ?

"Oh, and would you look at that. An entire bottle of super-luxurious wine, all to enjoy with the crab. A shame you don't want it, right ?"

Darkness: Gh-

"Oh, and let's not forget the souvenir roasted manju straight from Arcanletia, you said you never tasted anything better, right ?"

Darkness: ... ... ... ... ...

"Oh well. Since you're so certain you don't want it, guess i'll just help myself then. Time to dig in- !"

Darkness: W- WAIT !!

"... ... ... Oh... ? Did I struck something ? Do you have something to say now, Lalatina ?"

Darkness: Y- You... I... P- Please...

"Yes, yes, keep going. What do you have to say ?"

Darkness: P- Please... NOT !!

*BRAM*

"Holy- What the hell ?!"

Darkness: Hehehehehe... If I smash my nose, I can't smell that meal ! You're not gonna get me like that ! I'm not budging ! Try better next time !

"... ... ... I'll admit. You pushed me into a corner right there. I didn't want to do this, but you leave me no choice."

Darkness: Hah ! Just try it !

"Alright, alright. Did you notice Kazuma already left ?"

Darkness: H- Huh ?

"If I recall correctly, he went upstairs muttering about ransacking your room and doing obscene things on your bed."

Darkness: WHAT ?! S- Stop !! Stop him ! Kazuma, listen ! You despicable man ! Y- You're joking, right ?! Kazuma's still here, right ?! he's just outside, right ?!

"... Hey, Aqua ! Did you see Kazuma just now ?!"

Aqua: Huh, yes ! For some reason, he just went into Darkness' room !

Darkness: ... ... ... ... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH !!

"Mmh, this crab's a killer."

Darkness: I- I'm sorry, okay !! I was wrong ! Let me out ! Gah, I can't get out ! I'm sorry, I apologize ! Please forgive me, Y/n-sama !