" ": You talking

' ': You thinking

* *: Narrator/Voice-off

Your POV:

Guild: then, frontline fighters, who are confident in their defenses, please apply this oil to attract monsters. Everyone, listen. Although the enemies are weak and small insects, the quantity is staggering, so don't be reckless !

Darkness: As the acting lord, I'll attract all the monsters ! That's right, it's my duty to protect the citizens ! Give me all the oil !

Guild: No, we only want to attract monsters. If you apply too much, not just the monsters, even other creatures will attack you !

Darkness: I- I hope so !

Kazuma: This girl... Hey pervert, don't make trouble for the guild staff ! You just need to defend our party members !

Darkness: Ah ! The monsters are very enthusiastic in the summer ! Please Kazuma, the request of my life... !

Kazuma: Look, the only one who can handle you properly handle you is already down.

"She... She's not listening, she already snatched an extra bottle of oil."

Kazuma: Didn't you hear what the staff just said... ?

"Why do you think she's doing it ?"

Darkness: Ha. You usually say that I'm useless, so now's the time I prove my worth. A Crusader is a meat shield, so let me take on everything. You seem exceptionally motivated today, so do your part without reservation, and leave the defense to me !

Kazuma: ... of course. This is to let everyone in the city sleep well. I'll exterminate the evil monsters and the cicadas. i'm different today, so watch closely !

"Cicadas... ?"

Kazuma: Yeah. If we can't sleep because of the Cicadas' songs, this great shop which provides people with amazing dreams will be meaningless. All of that for a whole month.

"... ... Not sleeping... A whole month... ?"

Megumin: Both of you are very excited, but I'll be the one who kills the most number of monsters. Kazuma, please watch me !

"... ... ... ... ..."

Aqua: ... What is it ? Why are you looking at me ?

Kazuma: Uh, nothing. I thought you'd be the first to get carried away and cause all kinds of trouble.

Aqua: You, what do you take me for ? I can learn too. You people who get carried away will definitely fall during the fight... My vast wisdom has seen through it all. Pride precedes a fall.

Kazuma: 'Did she just.. Aqua, who messed up everything she did, who attracted undead even without doing anything, actually...'

Aqua: W- What ? Hey, why are you crying, Kazuma ?

Guild: Adventurers ! The first wave of monsters is coming ! A vast amount of insecticide has been prepared here. It's up to you, everyone !!

*BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ*

Kazuma: here they come !

Darkness: Yes !! Please come ! I can take on twenty of them ! Come on ! Bring them on !

*F-TWOOOOOOOOOOOOM*

Kazuma: ... W- What... ?

"... Skeleton army, ADVANCE !!"

Kazuma: hey, what are you-

"These motherfuckers won't let me sleep ! SO I'LL PERSONALLY HANDLE THEM ALL ! NO ONE INTERRUPTS MY NAP !! CARPET BOMBING !!"

*BOMBOMBOMBOMBOMBOMBOMBOMBOM*

Megumin: Hah ! he's gonna get all the kills ! Kazuma, is it not time yet ? Time for my grand entrance ?

Kazuma: Sorry, you shouldn't take action this time. After all, this is a forest, if you use Explosion, the surrounding trees will be destroyed. So you should rest today-

Megumin: EXPLOSION !!

*BTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMM*

Megumin: ... I leveled.

Kazuma: Idiot ! Why did you do this even after I said no ? Look at this tragedy ! You better apologize to everyone !

"MY KILLS !!"

Megumin: This is because Kazuma said I won't get a chance to act ! Besides, every adventurer in this city's already used to Explosion magic. There's no problem !

"... ... ... My kills..."

Darkness: ... hey, what's going on ? My body feels itchy...

Kazuma: It's ants. Ants are swarming over your armor.

"That's what happens when you ignore staff instructions."

Darkness: Ah ! Wait, please ! It itches ! they've gotten inside the armor ! Create some water for me... ! Gaaah ! I can't scratch through the armor !

Guild: Everyone, well done. Then, the second wave should be arriving soon...

"Second wave.."

*BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ*

Kazuma: This isn't good...

Aqua: Wah ! Kazuma ! I've got a bad premonition... !

Megumin: All the bugs that were in the trees have been enraged by that Explosion. And because their homes were destroyed, they're about to swarm us... Ah, could you carry me to safety ?

Kazuma: Retreat ! Retreat !!

"... ROUND TWO, FUCKERS !!"

Aqua: Ugh... I worked hard this time... Even though I didn't get carried away and worked really hard...

"For once... No, for once, you deserve praise. You did good this time."

Darkness: Ugh... Grrr... ha... P- Please... This is a new feeling... this feeling's really refreshing... These ants...

Kazuma: ... Why did I waste my entire fortune to rescue her ? Can you remind me ?

*One week left to the festival*

Kazuma: And as a mean to increase sales of various stalls, I suggest every stall should make their poster girls wear swimsuits !

Chairman: This idea is great ! it's great, but, if it gets carried away, the police will intervene, right ?

"The police ? The police is me for this festival. How can you enjoy the festival with the fear of police intervention ? The advisor's suggestion will definitely increase sales ! What kind of merchant wouldn't do it when he knows it'll be profitable ?!"

Merchant: Head of security, the chairman's concerns are reasonable. If we focus only on the present profit, we may lose the profits of the festivals in the future... Damn. If only there was a proper excuse for poster girls to wear swimsuits...

Kazuma: ... I've got a plan. This year's festival name includes "Goddess Aqua Thanksgiving". That's right. The festival banner includes the name of the goddess of water. Since it's the festival of the goddess of water, let the poster girls wear swimsuits to play at water fights. It won't be a problem if we say, "This costume is appropriate for playing with water !" And besides, the festival's held during the hottest time of the year. Then, this can be a way to prevent heat stroke. If the police intervene, we can counter with "If someone collapses because of heat stroke, will you take responsibility ?" the police aren't used to handling responsibility so they'll shut up.

Chairman: Genius ! Advisor, you're practically a genius !

Merchant: Please help out my shop after the festival !

"But then we have to follow up with the infrastructure... Whole areas will have to be dedicated to these water fights..."

Darkness: Hey, Kazuma... The festival committee submitted a "Heat stroke prevention and Goddess Aqua Thanksgiving festival summary". You two are committee members, right ? Then this...

Kazuma: Yes. Because the day of the festival will be very hot. To prevent heat stroke, we decided to to host water fights events everywhere. Thus, the usual clothes worn by the poster girls will be inappropriate. If they get wet from the water fights, their underwear will be exposed. Swimsuits will allow for them to play without reservations. Because I didn't have the opportunity to participate in such festivals in my country, I want to let this festival be successful...

Darkness: I- Is that so ? Sorry, I misunderstood. In that case, it's fine, I agree. The first summer festival we all spend together must be successful.

*Three days until the festival*

Chairman: Detonation magic users have gone to the capital as reinforcements against the Demon King's army. Thus, there isn't enough firepower for this year's fireworks display. i'm afraid we have to cancel it.

Kazuma: You idiot ! We can't cancel the fireworks display. What are you thinking ? Aren't fireworks always accompanied by people in Yukatas ? What's the point of the festival if you don't get to see people in yukatas ?!

Chairman: Advisor, please calm down ! Are "Yukatas" referring to that clothing from a faraway country ?

Kazuma: isn't it just a fireworks display and yukatas ? What's the big deal ?

"I understand our advisor's full of anticipation for yukatas. It's indeed conventional to wear a Yukata during a fireworks display. But if there is no Detonation magic user, what can we do ? I don't know if we could find a blast magic user in such a short time..."

Kazuma: Everyone should know how pathetic the fireworks are when made with Fireball magic... I've got a plan. One of my companions can use Explosion magic-

"Rejected !! You'll destroy the whole festival if you let Megumin have it her way !"

Chairman: I want to retract what I said earlier about you being a genius ! You're an idiot ! We shouldn't have let this man be our advisor.

Kazuma: What are you saying, you fool ? You should resign as the chairman ! Firework displays are romantic ! It's a necessary event for the summer ! You get to watch fireworks with girls in Yukatas ! And nonchalantly hold their hands ! There's no point to the even t if there's no fireworks !

"And there's no point to the festival if you're planning on setting off a nuke ! Bring some plausible suggestion !"

merchants: Kill him ! This upstart adventurer isn't capable ! Everyone gang up on him !

"Okay, maybe not that far though..."

Darkness: Detonation magic potion permit application... ? Hey, why do you need this thing ? isn't it dangerous ? And... Why is Kazuma hurt all over ?

Kazuma: This magic potion is necessary for the festival. I'm shouldering everyone's will to not let this festival fail.

"And to answer both question, he suggested letting Megumin handle the fireworks first."

Darkness: uh, hmm. You look so serious. I guess it must be true, I understand. Permit granted.

"Good. I mean, I already got the potion needed, but having all that paperwork in order's always a plus."

Darkness: ... I feel like asking further is not a good thing.

*One day until the festival*

Kazuma: In my country, there's a place called Asakusa. Every year, the festival in Asakusa includes a Samba carnival which parades sensuous woman on the streets...

"Stop thinking with your d*ck for one minute, damn it !! This is supposed to be a Thanksgiving festival for the Goddesses, not some wet dream for horny teenagers !"

merchants: Stop lying, what kind of festival is that ?! Previously, you even mentioned a festival whereby women sit on huge phallic objects that are carried around like Sedan chairs ! Such ridiculous festivals are impossible !

"Worst is that they're not..."

Merchant: You're kidding...

Kazuma: Everything I said is true ! Don't treat me as I i'm crying wolf ! Anyway, the Eris festival's too rustic ! What's with everyone going to the Eris church to offer prayers ? Isn't there anything else to do ? For example, having both sides carry their Mikoshi (Holy palanquin) and oppose each other.

Chairman: A festival's sacred by nature. The kind of festivals in your mind are ridiculous !

Merchant: Making money is important, but if we do that, it feels like something important will be lost !

"Kazuma, you're taking this problem from the wrong end. We should adapt these ideas to their vision, not the other way around. Adding erotic elements will boost sales, but they need to be more... Subtle."

Darkness: Hey Kazuma, can I have a moment with you ? I completely can't understand the purpose of this "Costume parade"...

Kazuma: Goddess Eris will descend into this world in disguise and act on her own; have you heard of this legend ?

Darkness: Oh, yes... This is a popular legend among Eris cultists. Thus, every year at this time, a lot of people in the city will dress up as Eris-Sama so she can enjoy the festival in her true form. When the real thing's mixed up with the fakes, Eris-sama won't be so noticeable.

Kazuma: 'Oh, so it's not purely for cosplay ?' This event is to accommodate with the tradition you mentioned. It's not restricted to dressing up as Eris-sama. One can dress up as a hero, a princess, or even Goddess Aqua. In my country, there's a festival Comiket, which features all kinds of costumes.

Darkness: I- is it ? Uh, I think I understand the purpose fo this event. But... But this is a festival to praise the goddesses, so... Isn't the permit to dress up as succubus inappropriate... ?

Kazuma: What are you saying ? This is a rare festival. It's not just the goddesses who want to relax in their true forms. Don't worry, just make an exception for this festival. it's just a few sensuous onee-sans walking the streets, it won't hurt.

Darkness: Even if you say so... Uh ? Wait, what did you just say ? The way you said it sounds like there will be non-divine entities infiltrating the city...

Kazuma: Fine, fine. Don't worry, just stamp the seal ! This is the dream of all male adventurers ! And the onee-sans agreed that if this proposal is approved, they'll be willing to really dress up as succubi !

Darkness: Who are these "Onee-sans" you mentioned ? By the way, why are you so persistant ? I get it, I get it ! To think that there are women who want to dress up like that. Who are these people... ?

Kazuma: ... ... ... ... ...

*0 days until the Festival...*