" ": You talking

' ': You thinking

* *: Narrator/Voice-off

Your POV:

Aqua: Slow down, Kazuma, I saw that meat first ! Here, the vegetable on this side's done, so eat it instead !

Kazuma: Eat it yourself, dammit ! This meat's mine !

Aqua: After the cabbage hunt, I don't like eating vegetables anymore. I'm afraid of the vegetable flying off somewhere if I grill it.

"Okay, I don't mind doing a little barbecue while we're camping outside like that... ... But why in a cemetery, though ? I mean, I know we took on a quest to hunt down a zombie maker, but this isn't the scenery I'd imagine."

Kazuma: For a quest ?

"For a picnic. I mean, I'm literally sitting against a grave right now."

Darkness: it's not so bad. That zombie maker is a small fry anyway, so even if I don't have my armor, it should be no problem.

"To be perfectly honest, as long as it does help us in taking it out, that you're enjoying getting... 'plowed' by the enemy doesn't really matter."

Darkness: AHHHNNNnnnnn~...

"But that, not a fan, please don't do it too much."

Megumin: Um, Kazuma ? Can you give me some water ? I feel like you're more proficient than me in using magic. No one uses basic spells, but you make it look convenient.

Kazuma: Is that so ? But isn't this the way to use basic spells ? "Create Water", "Tinder"... And also that one, Create earth ! What's this one used for ?

"I heard crops that grows in magical Earth like that are of particularly high quality."

Aqua: What, Kazuma wants to plow the land ? Are you changing class to a farmer ? You could use Create water for the plants too ! This job's a great fit for you, Puhehehe !!

Kazuma: ... Wind Breath !!

aqua: AHHH !! M- MY EYES !! DIRT IN MY EYES !!

"So that's how you use that spell..."

Aqua: No, normal people don't use it that way ! And why are you using basic spells better than a mage ?!

"Because he actually puts his back-bone into it ?"

Aqua: It's getting cold. Hey, our quest's to take down the zombie maker, right ? I have a feeling it won't be a small fry, but a big shot undead.

"Seriously, we're doing this to make you level up, the least you could do is remembering what we're doing."

Kazuma: Don't say such ominous things. What if you really jinx the quest ? Our quest for the day's to defeat the Zombie maker and return the zombies to dust. We can then go back to the stables and sleep. We'll also go back immediately if anything out of the ordinary happens. Understand ?

"We're a group of adventurers investigating undead creatures and evil spirits in the middle of the night. Please define what would be something ordinary in that situation."

Kazuma: Wait a second, I feel a strong presence...

"Enemy detection ? Ready to blast."

Kazuma: There are enemies ahead... 1, 2, 3, 4... ? That's too many, a zombie maker shouldn't have more than just 2 or 3 zombie minions...

"If anything goes wrong, I'm blaming Aqua for jinxing it."

Aqua: H- Hey !

Megumin: Something's not right... If these presences were zombies, we should be hearing them, but there's nothing except those floating lights...

"Guys, I don't think this is a zombie maker..."

Darkness: Are we going in ? Even if that isn't a zombie maker, anyone staying in the cemetery at this hour's probably an undead. If that's the case, then it wouldn't be a problem with an Archpriest around.

Aqua: AH !

"Saw somethin- Where the hell are you going, for fuck's sake ?!!"

Kazuma: Wait ! Hey, wait up !!

Aqua: How dare you show up here, lich ! I'll take care of you !!

"D- Did she just say Lich ? Like, the top-tier undead monster, on par with vampire lords or Dullahans... ?"

Megumin: High-level mages could desert their mortal bodies through magical arts and become the immortal known as the "Overlord of death".

Darkness: Unlike the undead monsters that rose because of strong grudges, a lich twisted the order of nature ans is an existence which defies the gods. A very powerful monster.

"You don't sound aroused."

Lich: S- Stop ! Stop ! Who are you ? Where did you come from and why are you destroying my magic circle ? Stop ! Please stop !

Aqua: You're noisy, shit up, you undead ! You must be thinking of using this suspicious magic for devious means ! I'll stomp it ! Stomp !!

Lich: Please stooooop !!

"This... This took a turn I didn't expect... Does that counts as something out of the ordinary ?"

Kazuma: What should we do... ? Aqua's claiming that she's a lich, but she looks like a pitiful passerby being picked on by a hooligan.

Lich: Stop ! This magic circle's used to send the wandering spirits to heaven ! Look ! The spirits are floating from the magic circle toward the sky, right ?

"Now that she mentions it, all those wisp-like things... It does look like they're ascending with the light..."

Aqua: You're acting too arrogant for a lich ! An Archpriest like me will perform such benevolent acts, so just scram ! You're taking too much time, watch me purify the whole cemetery along with you !

Lich: Eh ? Wait, stop !!

Aqua: Turn Undead !!

"... Why does it have to be so damn bright ! My eyes !!"

Lich: Hya ! My, my body's fading ! Stop, my body's disappearing ! I'll be purified !!

Aqua: Ha, foolish lich ! Your existence goes against the law of nature, an undead which defies the will of the gods ! Disappear, be vanquished by my power-

https://youtu.be/T8Eu15L3mdE

"Could someone tell me what I hit ? I can't see anything, so I had to resort to sound."

Aqua: That hurts ! Why'd you hit me ?!

"Ah good, right on target."

Kazuma: hey, are you fine ? Um... may I address you as "Lich" ?

Lich: I- I- I'm fine... Thank, thank you for saving me from that crisis... Um, you're right, I'm a lich. My name's Wiz.

"But what are you doing in that cemetery ? You said you wanted to send the spirits to heaven, but... That's not what a lich usually do. Not to agree with Aqua."

Aqua: What are you doing ?! Be careful or you'll get contaminated and turn into an undead ! Let me cast Turn Undead on her !

Wiz: B- Because as you can see... I'm a lich, the overlord of the undying. As the overlord, I can hear the voices of the spirits wandering in the world. Most of the spirits in this public cemetery don't have money and didn't have a proper burial, so they couldn't move on to the afterlife and haunted the cemetery every night. Since I'm an overlord, I'd visit periodically and send the children on their way.

"... What a good person..."

Kazuma: Probably the first normal person we met since we got here. But, although i'm not aqua, wouldn't it be better to leave this to the priest in this town ?

Wiz: B- Because... The priests in this town are materialistic... Eh, no, I mean... The rites for those without money would be pushed down their waiting list... Something like that...

"So since these priests basically worship money, the public cemetery full of poor people is ignored by them ?"

Wiz: W- Well, that's how it is...

Kazuma: Since that's the case, then it can't be helped. But could you stop animating the zombies ? We're here because of a quest to defeat the zombie maker.

Wiz: Ah, I see. But I didn't animate them, the corpses that are intact would rise automatically due to my magic every time I come. I won't have any reason to visit if the spirits in the cemetery don't wander anymore and return to heaven... How should we resolve this ?

Aqua: I can't accept this !!

"It couldn't be helped, she was such a nice person. You couldn't bear to kill her, right ?"

Megumin: In the end, you came to a consensus of making Aqua purify the cemetery periodically. As an Archpriest, it's kind of your role after all.

Kazuma: But then you threw a tantrum because your sleeping time would be reduced.

Darkness: As a holy knight, letting a monster go is not something I should do, but since she never attacked anyone before...

"But for a lich to live in town, the security's really lacking. She even said she was running a small magic shop. I can't really use spells, so magic items would be a fine addition to my arsenal."

Megumin: We were lucky things turned out so well in the end. Even with aqua here, the opponent was still a lich. If we really had fought, we surely would've died.

Kazuma: Eh ? Are liches such dangerous creatures ? Would it have been a tough fight ?

Megumin: It's much worse than that ! Liches have a high magic defense, so nothing can harm them except enchanted weapons. She can trigger all sorts of abnormal statuses just by touching her enemies, and she can also drain their life and mana; she's a legendary immortal monster. What surprised me was that Aqua's "Turn Undead" had such a great effect on such a powerful being.

"That's the things with being that have higher intelligence... I guess we were lucky she was a pacifist. To think she offered Kazuma to teach him new skills..."

Aqua: Give me that name card. I want to set up a holy barrier around the home of that woman and make her cry.

"... How can you be so petty... ?"

Darkness: By the way, what about the quest to defeat the Zombie maker ?

Kazuma/Y/n: Ah.

*Defeat the Zombie maker: Quest failed.*