Yes, I skipped the funny number. What're you gonna do about it, uh ?

 " ": You talking

' ': You thinking

* *: Narrator/Voice-off

Your POV:

Kazuma: How unbelievable...

"Took the words right out me mouth. Who would've known festivals here were that fundamentally different from what we're used to ?"

Kazuma: I was talking about how all of this basically cockblocked me...

"Hey, what were you expecting me to do ? Just let Megumin unleash Explosion right in the middle of the city ? If anything gets destroyed during the Festival, it's my head on the way !"

Kazuma: You did get a bit overboard when it came to the swarm of insects.

"I had a lot of pent-up aggression from this entire thing to vent out."

Kazuma: Was this about the knives throwing stall ?

"You mean the one Chara set up, where all dummy targets had a white wig and painted blue eye ?"

Kazuma: How unromantic... All of this.

"You go sleep it off. I've got a few loose ends to tie... And probably a few Axis cultists to confine... "

Kazuma: Yeah... ... ...

'... ... ... Loose ends to tie... And talking armors to deal with. Seriously, Chris, couldn't you have chosen a less fitting time, or asked Kazuma ? I'm not supposed to get out...'

Darkness: Y/n, there's a light in your room. Are you asleep ?

"Not yet... And probably not for some time anyway."

Darkness: Is that so... ? Sorry I came over at night. May I have a moment of your time ?

"So, what can I help you with ? Did some Axis weirdo set fire to an Eris stall or something ? Or is it about Megumin ?"

Darkness: No, it's not... Uh, it isn't convenient here. May I come in ?

"... You know Aqua will start to spread more rumors if she somehow learns about you visiting me in the middle of the night like that, right ? Can't it wait until tomorrow morning ?"

Darkness: N- Nothing ! It can wait until morning, but... Uh... Lately, everyone's been busy, so we seldom meet even in the house, right ? You, uh... I only apologized to you. I haven't tanked you yet... I was waiting for a chance to be alone with you to thank you properly...

"Haaaa... Again about that Alderp matter ? Look, even if it wasn't like that, I would've found a way to ruin that man's whole career. Besides, Kazuma was the one who provided the money, all I did was steal the spotlight. And in a way... I guess I should thank you, for trying to shoulder our debts on your own initiative..."

Darkness: From you... I gained a lot of happy, refreshing, sad, and angry memories. As the daughter of a noble family, I normally wouldn't have such experiences. If I had never met you, I wouldn't have been able to travel with everyone and experience those dangerous adventurers. The past year after I met you has been the happiest and most blessed time of my life.

'Close, very close, VERY VERY CLOSE !!'

Darkness: So I want to thank you. Not only because you saved me from the lord. When other people learned of my identity, they'd keep me at a distance, but you stayed with me even after you knew I was a noble. Thank you. i'm very happy living with you in this mansion. It's basically like... Yes, if my deceased mother whose face I don't remember was still alive, I should've known this feeling...

Darkness: So let me thank you once more. For staying with me all this time. I sincerely thank you for rescuing me, even after I'd given up... So tonight... Uh... As thanks...

"Wha- Hmmmmmmmm ?!"

Darkness: Fufu... Besides... Don't you remember what you said ? "If I'm to do this with you, it's after I've taken you away from that pig".

'... I should really learn not to proclaim things like that anymore...'

Darkness: So... Please... Tonight...

"... ... Well... Time to take responsibility for all I did and said, I guess..."

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Lemons are a great tool,

For authors who can't write jack,

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"So, thinks went better than I had anticipated concerning this festival. I mean, first day apart."

Kazuma: ... ... ... ... ...

"Also, just so you know, Megumin should be out later today. Just had to make sure she doesn't do anything... Reckless."

Kazuma: ... ... ... ... ...

"... Okay, what is it ? You've been burning into me with that glare now... Wait, where did I put the swapping divine item again... Did you switch with Chara while I wasn't looking ?!"

Kazuma: ... Lucky bastard.

"I... What ? What do you..."

Kazuma: What do I mean ? Don't act like you don't know. Darkness coming out of your room in the morning completely disheveled ? Had quite some fun, huh ?

"Oh, I... I... I have nothing to say."

Kazuma: I do. Lucky bastard.

"Honestly, I'm kinda glad you're the only one who saw. Can't imagine the ruckus if Aqua somehow did... Having a Goddess on your back for that could be... GAH !!"

Chris: What were you doing ?! We agreed for the meeting place and time, but you just left me to stand here for the entire night !

"Look, I already said I was sorry okay ? Something happened with Darkness. I didn't expect her to run over to my room late at night and..."

Chris: Eh ? Y- You're doing it again, randomly saying stuff to turn my anger away. It won't be so easy. Even if you say it so meaningfully, basically nothing really happened, right ?

"... ... ... That's not something I want to talk about. Just had to pick up some flowers..."

Chris: Eh ?! Wh- Wh- Wh- Wh-

"Look, we're already a day late, so let's go already."

Chris: Eh ? Hey, wait ! Why are you so calm after you two... You're lying, right ? Hey ! This is not... This didn't happen, right ?

"Why would I lie about that ? I'm not Kazuma. Also, please don't try asking Darkness for that."

Chris: Eh... When did Darkness become so bold ?

"Don't bother, I asked myself the same, and I have no answers. So focus on the task at hands. How did the security evolve at that mansion ?"

Chris: Since last time, they locked every door, and put sentries at the front one. What should we do, second assistant ? This mansion isn't as large as the palace. It's hard to infiltrate when there are sentries.

"Hard ? Don't make me laugh. I could enter an airtight vault with no issues whatsoever. Let's go-"

???: Uh... Are the two of you the silver-haired Thieving group ?

"GUH- ?! What the-"

Megumin: P- P- Pleased to meet you ! No, actually, we met before, I think ! I met you in the palace once... i'm your fan, Megumin the Archwizard !

'... ... ... ... ... WHAT THE-'

Chris: Wow. we're really famous ! After all, we have a bounty of 2 Billion eris on our heads !

Megumin: It's so amazing that a band of thieves has such a high bounty ! Well, the three of you... Where is that super-cool masked guy ? Is he not with you ?

"Uh, no, he's not... We're a three-men band, and the name came from us..."

Megumin: I see ! Oh, I'd like to ask... When you snuck into the palace, was it really to protect the princess from a dangerous divine relic ?!

Chris: yes. That's right, we're the chivalrous thieves. Normally, we're just commoners, but we couldn't let an innocent girl be exposed to such dangers, even if she's a princess. Whenever someone's in trouble, we'll break in to help, whether it's a noble's mansion, or even the royal palace. This is he Silver-haired Thieving group !

Megumin: Wow... ! Then, what are the two of you doing here ? This is a noble's home, right ? ... And his reputation isn't that good...

Chris: You're... Megumin, right ? Actually, we're after something hidden in this mansion. It's necessary for the future of mankind. Stealing is not a praiseworthy deed, but... For us, there are some things which must be done even if we end up being regarded as criminals.

Megumin: Wow... Wow... !

"Yes, we're going to steal from this house. This way, we'll have something to decisively end the battle with the Demon King's army. If you want to report us, we won't stop you... But please believe in us. It's for the sake of mankind !

Megumin: I believe ! I I believe in you ! Of course, I won't report you ! ... But I have a little request. Please, read this ! This is a fan letter describing how cool and charismatic you are ! In order to hand it to you personally, I've been carefully bringing it along everywhere I go !

'... So just give that to Kazuma later, huh...'

Chris: Thanks. After we're done with our work, I'll be sure to read it.

Megumin: Thanks for receiving it. There were supposed to be a lot of things to look forward to after the fireworks display tonight, but I messed it all up.

'How the bloody hell did you get here ? You were not supposed to be let out before a few hours...'

Megumin: I was somewhat depressed... But thanks to that, I could meet you guys. So, it wasn't all unlucky.

"... Boss, it's good that we didn't expose our identities. But meeting her at this point, I don't know if we're lucky or unlucky... Whatever. I'll subdue the sentries."

Chris: You get really lively at night... Are you a devil or something ?

"The number of devils in Japan if that was the case... Stay quiet..."

Sentry: This festival's awesome ! it's unlike any festival before ! This is all thanks to the participation of the Axis Cult. Making the poster girls wear swimsuits is a stroke of genius !

Guard: Same with allowing succubus cosplay. I found an amazing babe. This festival has just been amazing, but did you hear ? Supposedly, there was some outside help in the management this time around.

Sentry: From these guys, right ? Pitting the Eris church and Axis cult against each other, then fanning the flames just so they could get a bigger commission out of it... bastards.

Guard: Oh, right. Bringing in the Axis cultists, allowing for succubus cosplay, making the poster girls wear swimsuits... I heard all of these suggestions were from one of these two. His name should be-

*ZKLUNG*

*KRUNK*

"And two at once. Now help me hide the bodies real quick, please."

Chris: ... External support for the festival... Do you know anything about it ?

"I mean, I did get tasked with security. As for the rest, no clue."

"So, we meet again."

Aegis: Huh ? I was wondering who it might be. It's the previous thieves again ! Haven't you had enough ? Thieves ! Thieves !!

"Whatever. I'll remove the chains, so get the bag ready."

Aegis: hey, what are you doing ? Why are you still in the mood to do this ? This is a noble's mansion. You'll be executed if you're caught... Eh, the mansion's too quiet. What happened ?

"Silly suit of metal plates. Do you really think we'd come back unprepared ? A handy item that blocks your telepathy, and you're helpless. Too bad~."

Aegis: H- Huh ?! What did you do ? Hey, fine, I understand ! let's make a deal ! You want my power, right ? Then find a worthy master for me, and I'll cooperate with you ! I can compromise a bit regarding the master, please !

"This is literally what we were on last time, but you were being a little bitch ! So now stay quiet and stop complaining, or I'll be the one wearing you, and I can promise I won't wear anything under the armor !"

Aegis: *Horrified silent screech* P- Please don't ! I beg of you, anything but that ! Just, please, try to think from my perspective ! If you must protect someone, it'd be better to protect a cute girl, right ?

"... Are you complaining ?"

Aegis: No, sir ! i'm sorry, sir !

Chris: S- Second assistant. I know I argued with it last time, but arguing with an armor's too childish...

Aegis: No ! No ! Please ! Woman ! I must be worn by a woman ! A black-haired beauty, a blonde lolita or a sexy brunette. Right now, i'll be fine as long as it's a woman ! You know, my wearer would sweat a lot during combat. Consider my feelings about being drenched in a man's sweat !

"Nothing a bit of ice magic can't solve. And if you want to complain, do that to whoever made you a living set of armor."

Aegis: ... ... ... No.

"Huh- PUAH !!"

Aegis: I've decided. I'll go on a journey to find a pretty woman worthy of wearing me. Although it's nice to be waxed daily by the maids in this mansion, people like you may show up again. I'll find my own master.

"You're kidding me... That thing can move on its own ? Why would even need a master if you can do this ?!"

Chris: Wait, Aegis ! This world needs your power ! If it's okay, before your new master's found, let me wear you...

Aegis: Where's the fun in being worn by an androgynous thief ? I said I'll find my own master... Since you want to wear me so much, let's evaluate our compatibility... Well, your face is A grade, job compatibility is C grade, breast size is below grading. I'm sorry, we're not fated to be together...

Chris: Why you ! I was imploring you so nicely ! Let's use force then ! Bind !!

Aegis: Oh, what are you doing with this wire ? What, do you want me to bind you up with this ? Hehe, you look so pure, yet your taste's so heavy !

"Shut it !"

Aegis: You shut it ! Didn't you learn your lesson ? Really, you still don't understand ? Who do you think I am ? I'm the legendary Sacred Armor Aegis ! i'm the toughest in this world ! i'm immune to magic and skills and cal heal my master ! i'm the sacred armor that can sing and dance ! I won't lose to thieving brats like you !

"You're too talkative for a suit of armor ! Freeze !"

Aegis: Urk ! What the... ? Hey, you...

"Take his arm off. Disassemble that thing and stuff it in the bag piece by piece ! And while you're at it, just leave the helmet here."

Aegis: H- Hey, your line of thought is very dangerous. My body can't be disassembled. When my master wore me, he used a keyword to do it. So instead of carrying me away, it'll be easier to just wear me. The keyword to equip is "I want to be an armored girl" ! Come on, say it once.

Chris: I- I want to be an armored g-

"Don't be fooled, no way such a stupid keyword would be real."

Aegis: hey, what's the big deal ?! You want to give me a new master, I want to find a new master, why can't you let me do it myself ?!

"... It has a point."

Chris: Wh- What ?!

"So, let's assume I let you go... When you're out looking for a new master, could you at the very least consider their skills on the same level as their looks ?"

Aegis: ... Are there some sexy swordsmistresses around ?

"Oh, i'm sure you can find if you look hard enough."

Aegis: then yes ! I'll find someone skilled enough and busty enough to wear me !

"Good. Then please don't make too much ruckus on your way out.

Chris: S- Second assistant ?!

Aegis: Then, we're parting ways. If you want me so much, learn to be charming enough to keep a man first, little girl. The most essential point is breast size. Some people say that flat chest's a novelty, but I think that's just a bluff by people who don't have the stuffs.

Chris: E- EH ?!

Chris: What was that all about ?! You just let him go ?!

"Let's be real. Even at two on one, we couldn't have stuffed it in the bag like that. That was the only way to stay under the radar."

Chris: But now he's out in the wild ?! We'll never find him again !

"... You really think i'm that stupid ? I made sure to give him a parting gift. Right now, there's a little seeker rattling in this hollow shell, letting me know of his location at all time."

Chris: You... Huh ?

"Who knows, maybe he'll really find someone suitable. And if he doesn't, it's way easier to subdue him in some empty field than a noble's mansion."

Chris: ... ... Oh... ...

"Don't you forget. Technically, I'm one of those 'Divine relics' too after all."