" ": You talking

' ': You thinking

* *: Narrator/Voice-off

Your POV:

Darkness: Can you please come out now ?

Chris: Second assistant, save me !

"Yeah, like you're in peril right now, christ..."

Darkness: Why were you doing this ? First Kazuma, and now even you're taking part on that ?! You're lucky no one in the Undine family saw you.

"Okay, first of, we didn't steal anything. The armor suit just walked out on its own. Second, I did suggest letting you know about it, since it's a noble and all, but someone was against it."

Chris: Ah ? I- It's true, yes, but Darkness, that noble acquired the divine relic via illegal means and his reputation isn't good. He'd definitely deny it ! And you were busy with the lordship duties !

"That, too. Given how much the festival was taking out of you, giving you more to worry about wasn't on my list. Silver lining, since that guy didn't get the armor legally, he can't possibly complain that its gone now."

Darkness: ... if you intent to commit a crime, i'll think of something no matter how busy I am. Even for something acquired illegally, nobles have their ways of dealing with it. If the price is right, it's still possible to negotiate with nobles who are very sensitive to benefits. And-

"Don't bother. You should know me by now. If I find nobles doing dubious things, I won't hesitate doing them dirty. Thinking back, we were kinda lucky no one was awake at that hour..."

Chris: S- So that was true ? Hey, is what second assistant said true ? Did you two really-

Darkness: You told her ?!

"First of, I didn't say anything, she assumed from the innuendos !"

Chris: So is it true ? Which stage is your relationship at ? Am I the only one who's not an adult yet ?

"Stop being so nosy."

Chris: It can't wait ! I want details ! Wait, Darkness. Why aren't you telling me ? Wait, Darkness, why aren't you telling me ? What happened to the friendship between us girls ?

Darkness: Y- You're annoying, Chris. That's not important ! Seriously, both of you, Aqua, Megumin, why must everyone make trouble when I'm acting as the lord ?

"Hold on... Megumin I get, but did Aqua cause trouble again too ?"

Darkness: using the unexpected popularity and turnover of this festival as the reason... The Axis cultists want to host the Goddess aqua Thanksgiving festival by themselves next year.

"... ... ... ..."

"Aqua ! What the hell are you on right now ?!"

Aqua: Oh, hello. Is something wrong ? Why are you so panicked ?

"... ... Don't try and pretend you have no idea..."

Aqua: Oh, I know. You smelled a banquet and came over for some free food, right ? I guess there's no helping it, then. You may not be an Axis Cultist, but you do deserve some of the credit this time. Come here and sit by my side, I'll share some Yakisoba with you.

"I'll have some later I guess, but that's not it ! What the hell was that proposal you gave to Darkness ?!"

Aqua: Uh ? Well, that's the one I made. "First, from next year onward, change the festival name to the Goddess Aqua Thanksgiving festival and disassociate it from the Eris Church. Second, relax the restrictions on Tokoroten slime"... hey, I don't remember writing that second one.

Cecily: I wrote the second point, Aqua-sama ! I worked really hard this time, so I think I deserve a reward !

Aqua: I see, it's fine then. So ? What's wrong with this ?

"EVERYTHING !! What the hell is this about ?!"

Aqua: ... ... Cecily, why do you think he's so angry ? Is it because we didn't invite him to our celebration ?

Cecily: I don't think so, Aqua-sama. It must be because we didn't include his wishes when we wrote the proposal.

Aqua: ... "Third, from now on, swimsuits will be the official uniform for poster girls during the festival".

"I am not Kazuma !! What happened to the 'I'm gonna work hard and honestly' ?! Why did you do this ?!"

Cecily: Wait, how could you just waste Aqua-sama's good will like that ? I may be unworthy of representing the Axis cult, but I'll stand outside your house every night and endlessly sing hymns if I have to, you know ?

"That's it, I'm getting the METH !"

Aqua: Why ?! We've worked so hard, shouldn't it be okay to get just a little favorable treatment ? It's like Cecily said, "Aqua-sama is Aqua-sama after all. You deserve to live a pleasant life, so from now on the Axis cult will put its full effort into pampering you." !

"... In a way, I'm reassured the old Aqua is back. So if you don't want me to crank it all the way back to the 8, just forget about weird things like this already. And that goes for you too, don't make Aqua more useless than she can be."

Aqua: What do you mean, weird things like this ?! I'm not going back while the festival is still going. Yeah, i'm definitely not going back ! i'm a genius you know, I've figured it all out. As long as I stay here, everyone will worship me ! And besides, even you have to agree that this festival has been a much bigger success than normal. No matter what happens, there's no way they won't hold a Goddess Aqua Thanksgiving festival next year, and all the years after too. Meanwhile, just go outside and look at the Eris church's festival ! Day after day, their customers have been streaming away to our stalls ! Almost all of their stalls have fallen into slumps by now !

Cecily: It's just as Aqua-sama said. Our stalls are very popular now. At this stage, it's almost impossible for the Eris Church's side to become popular again. Also... Please don't think that you and Kazuma are the only ones with business sense here. Aqua-sama's come up with some amazing plans !

"... ... ... I fear no man... But that thing... It scares me...

Chris: So, second assistant, how'd it go ?

"It's hopeless. Aqua's too far to be brought back. They can only learn by crash and burn at this point."

Kazuma: Did I hear crash and burn ? What did Aqua do ?

"They want to replace Eris by Aqua from now on."

Chris: What ?!

Kazuma: All of that just because we helped Aqua get a festival permit, so we're at fault too. We need to figure something out before they do anything even dumber.

"And as we've seen, that means a lot..."

Chris: ... Senpai deserves to be thanked by the people for making this festival so popular. On the other hand, I couldn't even recover Aegis. Maybe not holding a festival for me next year is for the best. I might feel a little lonely, but i'm sure Senpai will make the festival lively next year too !

"Please don't start giving her credit, or we'll never hear the end of it"

Chris: i'm sorry I keep troubling you two. First it was recovering the divine relics, and now its asking you to stop senpai's recklessness. You're the only ones who know my true identity, as well as what i've been doing. I haven't been secretly working against the Demon King's army because I wanted to be praised, but... Because of you, I feel like all of my hard work has been worth it.

Kazuma: ... Boss... No, Eris-sama. There's something I'd like the Eris cultists to help out with.

"You don't mean..."

Kazuma: Yep. I have a plan.

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, i'm very happy and honored to be the host of this event... A special event for this festival, organized by the Eris Church, the first Goddess Eris beauty pageant has officially begun !

Crowd: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO !!

"So that was your master plan, huh..."

Chris: lowly assistant... There are so many things wrong with this situation I don't know which one I should complain about...

Kazuma: It's fine to just enjoy the festival, boss.

Chris: I still can't believe Darkness actually accepted that request...

Kazuma: It's way easier when we have someone who could ask nearly anything from her.

"And what's that supposed to mean ?"

Kazuma: You know what I mean, Mr "I have actually three femurs".

"... She's been ranting about how 'using Eris-sama's name for a beauty pageant is blasphemy !' Only by saying how this would restore the Eris church and recover a divine relic did she accept."

Chris: W- Well, if it's just using my name, I don't really mind...

"Tell that to Darkness then. You have no idea the things I had to agree to in order to convince her."

Chris: Um, I think the main reason Darkness didn't want to participate wasn't the beauty pageant itself, but...

"yes, yes, I know... Now keep quiet, we've got to watch out for that stupid armor."

Host: Now for the first contestant... please tell us your name, age, and occupation !

"I don't get it... The seeker I've implanted on that armor is so close, but I can't see him... Where the hell.."

Kazuma: Hmmmm... In my opinion, this one's too thin. Her face is nice at least, but that's about it.

"Kazuma, stop leering and help me, we have something to do."

Aegis: is that so ? She seems like she'd have a strong personality type too. But you know, her figure is actually quite nice. It's just her clothes that make her look thin.

Kazuma: That's true, she definitely seems strong-wiled. A slender body and a strong will, that's a good combination. But she's the type who looks thin in clothes, huh... I should've asked the judges to include a swimsuit segment.

"I swear, Kazuma, who even are you talking... To... ?"

Aegis: hey, why didn't you include such an important item ? Whet kind of idiot are you ?!

"... ... ... ... ... GOT YOU !!"

Aegis: Gah ! What is this ? What are you doing ?! Don't fool around while something so important is happening !

"Don't care, don't listen, didn't ask ! Kazuma, the net !!"

Kazuma: heh. I didn't think you'd be dumb enough to take that bait so fast. This beauty pageant was organized to lure you out !

Aegis: Wh- What did you say ?! That's actually a little impressive, my opinion of you has gone up !

"To think we went through such trouble for something so dumb..."

Kazuma: Anyway, you came way too fast ! It hasn't even been five minutes since the pageant started ! You'd better apologize to Chris, she went off to buy some drinks because she thought this would take a while !

Aegis: Hey, can you quiet down ? I can't hear that girls self-introduction. Look, the host is asking her what she's been eating to get breasts that big.

"... Why do I do that... Why do I deal with that ? Why do I do anything at all ?!"

Kazuma: I guess there's no other way, then. we'll continue after she finishes. But you're not getting off the hook like that.

Aegis: that's fine, we'll resume after that girl goes backstage.

"Don't I have a word in this ?! I went through heaps of trouble for this, so you'd better behave yourself !"

Aegis: Hah, come at me if you can ! The sacred armor Aegis more than lives up to its reputation ! In the past, my master and I sliced and diced an exceedingly great number of monsters ! Throw whatever you want at me, I'll cut it to ribbons !

"You don't even have a sword with you ! Stop squirming or i'll teleport inside you and wear you by force !"

Aegis: Hey, that's foul play ! And you, why couldn't you arrange a swimsuit segment ?!

Kazuma: I didn't have a choice, I was in a tight spot too ! My companion said that if she had to wear a swimsuit, she wouldn't participate ! But dawn, now i'm kinda regretting it. If I knew things would be like this, I would've insisted... hey, could you lift up a bit, we're having trouble watching.

"No."

Aegis: Hey hey hey, what's is that defenseless outfit this one's wearing ?

Kazuma: She's one of the poster girls, I was the one who suggested letting them wear swimsuits. It's, uh, to prevent heat stroke. Oh, and to make things more convenient during water fights.

Aegis: You're really quite clever. I suppose it can't be helped if it's to prevent heat stroke. it'd be bad if they got sick after all. ... Whoah, that next girl isn't very good. Her dress is cute, but she's trying to get by on just her outfit and her makeup.

Kazuma: That's just heresy, makeup should only enhance your natural looks. If I were the judge, I'd deduct points for using that much.

Host: Time for the next contestant ! Everyone should be familiar with the destitute shop owner whose name is synonymous with "Pitiful" ! But recently she seems to have made some money, so the truth is somewhat different now ! Her reason for participating is to win the prize money to clear her debts ! Everyone, please welcome, the shop owner of Wiz's magic tools shop !

Kazuma: YEEEEEES !! It's Wiz, it's Wiz ! Aaaah, I just knew that Wiz looked her best in an apron !

"Can't argue with that."

Aegis: hey, I want to hug this high level girl ! I want to tightly hug this woman who looks so huggable ! Or let her come inside me ! But it's obvious that she's a magic caster, hos regrettable that her job is so incompatible with me. Damn it, why couldn't she change to a frontline job ?!

"And you're being too extra."

Kazuma: You're enjoying this too, aren't you ?

"As head of security, I cannot deny this statement... But I also have to do my job."

Host: Now then, next up is... Oh, it's the contestants in succubi costumes ! To think they'd dare to dress up as demons even though this pageant is being held in the honor of Eris-sama, these ladies are quite... Bold...

Aegis: UWAAAAAAAAH !! hey, what is this ? To think that there's be three people with such a high level ! The sultry lady on the left and the loli on the right are both very nice, but just what's the deal with that beauty in the middle ?! I've never seen such gorgeousness ! What a demon ! No, a demon girl ! That goes far beyond a mere devil, that's an outright demon girl !

Kazuma: That's weird. i'm familiar with the two on the sides, but I've never seen the middle one, despite being a regular...

"New recruit, maybe ?"

Kazuma: Yeah... Definitely asking for her to appear in my dreams.

Succubus: ... Everyone, good evening. After seeing so many contestants, everyone must be a little tired... Let me strip off my clothes and bring everyone into the world of fantasy~... !

"Uh-oh..."

Kazuma: Will... Will this beauty really strip right there ? Had these lusty monsters been affected by the festive mood ?!

Aegis: hey, hey, get the camera ! Get the camera ready ! Stay focused !

Kazuma: ah, my bad ! That was dangerous, even I got caught up... But that's a true succubus for you, what a pro at fanservice !

"I'm getting ready too... If things degenerate and turn into a riot, i'm not pulling any punches !"

Kazuma: Please only do it after I've taken these pics !

Succubus: ... ... GORGEOUS MOLTING !!

*PROOF*

Vanir: Muwahahahahaha, did you think I was a succubus Queen ? Too bad, it was actually me, the assistant of Wiz's magic tools shop ! Ohhh, this entire location is overflowing with negative emotions, how delicious ! Wiz's magic Tools shop is currently offering life consultation, so if anyone has any problems, please visit us !

Host: Gah, please, stop- Hah ! Stop throwing rubbish onto the stage ! I understand everyone's feelings, I really do ! But please stop throwing things !

Aegis: Shut up you fraud !!

Kazuma: hey, get up and help us throw more rubbish !

"BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA !!"

Host: N- Now then ! Next up is a favorite to win today ! Surely everyone in this town must already know her ! Sometimes she's an adventurer and sometimes she's the multiple-time champion of the endurance contest ! And now she's a contestant in the Goddess Eris beauty pageant ! Please welcome the daughter of the Noble Dustiness family, Lady Lalatina Ford Dustiness !!

Kazuma: Finally ! She's here !

Aegis The Cultured: Wow ! Good, good, she's very good ! A pretty face, a sexy figure, and she's a noble too ?! She's definitely getting a high score !

Kazuma: That's right, that's right ! This girl is one of our companions. I asked her to participate as bait to lure you out !

Aegis: Are you serious ? She's great, really great ! Hey, i'll let her be my master ! I'd definitely protect that sexy body from harm !

"Careful what you wish for. She's a crusader after all. You know, frontline job based on enduring and tanking damage ? And she has a six packs under these clothes."

Aegis The cultured: I see. Well, that's not a bad thing in itself... But crusader... Damn it, why'd she have to be a crusader... I really love how she looks too, it'll probably hard to find someone better... Are you sure about all that ?

Kazuma: You better trust him, he literally banged her last night.

Aegis: Lucky bastard...

"Cannot deny that statement eitheeer~."

Host: Now then, let's do this properly ! Everyone should already know you, but please give us your name, age, and occupation !

Darkness: ... My name is Lalatina Ford Dustiness... i'm 19, and right now I'm working as the temporary lord...

Crowd: Lalatina ! Speak louder, we can't hear you ! You're so pretty today, young lady ! What happened to your usual armor ? But what you're wearing right now is cute too, Lalatina !

"... ... ... All of this is starting to tickle my sadist bone."

Kazuma: Huh ?

"Well done, Lalatina ! Now's your chance to show us the abs you're so proud of !"

Kazuma: Dude ! Why'd you beat me to the punch on that ?!

Aegis: Then I'll help. Hey miss, give us some more fanservice !

Crowd: Yeah, yeah, show us your body ! How about putting on a swimsuit ? Your lordship, lift up your skirt for us !

Kazuma: You might as well strip !

"Excuse me ?"

Kazuma: Oh, uhh...

Crowd: That's right, strip now ! Darkness ! Strip ! Strip ! Strip ! Strip ! Strip !

"... Kazuma, i'm currently considering twisting your neck in a very pleasant for me but very painful for you way."

Chris: What are you guys doing ?