" ": You talking

' ': You thinking

* *: Narrator/Voice-off

Your POV:

Chris: Seriously, you guys are terrible. Don't bully my friend.

Kazuma: It's not like that, it's just that when I saw all the attention and cheering Darkness was getting, I got the impulse to set her up as a... Super idol or something...

Chris: Whet kind of super idol gets yelled at to strip ?... Even Aegis was messing around like this... You're supposed to be a divine relic of the highest grade, too...

"... I plead guilty... I kinda started this... But hey, at least we caught this thing like we were planning. And one way or another... I suppose this event made the Eris church more popular, too..."

Kazuma: See, isn't that a good thing ?

Chris: This isn't good at all ! Anyway, how are we going to clean up this mess ?!

"I can still hear Darkness beating everyone up with her bare hands back there... ... Maybe we should let her fight without a weapon from now on."

Aegis: This is getting interesting, that girl's tough ! Beauties and brawls are the spice of any festivals, i'm getting pumped too ! Burn, my passion ! Glow, my body ! Alright, I'm joining on this fight !

"You're not getting anywhere. You're made of solid steel, it's unfair for everyone else."

Chris: Don't make this mess any bigger ! Aaaaaagh, Aegis, I'm begging you, please just settle down... Look, after the Demon King is defeated, I won't just grant the hero's wish with my authority as a goddess. I'll grant your wish too, so please...

Aegis: So this kid's talking about being a Goddess again. Listen, girlie, I know goddesses. I've met with them before. Or rather, it was a goddess who gave me to a certain girl. Anyway, let me tell you this: When it comes to goddesses, there isn't a single decent one around.

Chris: What did you saaaaaaay ?!

"I kinda feel like it's wrong, and kinda feel like it's right..."

Kazuma: Yeah... The one who probably gave this armor away is currently in the midst of plotting evil deeds with her cult as we speak...

Chris: You... ! You... ! Ugh, I can't take it anymore ! Before I find a suitable new master for you, I'll seal you away in the lake ! There are other divine relics in there anyways, so you can just keep each other company !

*Klunk*

Aegis: A punch like that won't leave a scratch on my body ! I'm a divine relic, after all ! Haha, you should try harder, little girl !

Chris: AAAAAARGH !!

Crowd: Man, that was hilarious. I guess this was supposed to be a beauty pageant, but all of the famous girls in our town only look nice. Something like this was bound to happen. But you know, for something that straight-laced Eris Church came up with, this was actually kinda fun.

Crowd: Yeah, I guess. But personally, I think we should just let the Axis cult host the festival next year. Those Axis cultists are all idiots, but they sure know how to throw a festival ! Those might be idiots, but they're always so merry. They really are idiots, though.

Chris: ... ... ... ...

crowd: The Eris church really did work hard, but for something like an annual festival it's just better for things to be lively.

Crowd: That's for sure. I heard the planning committee's still thinking about whether or not they should officially change it to the Aqua festival next year. It might end up a vote.

Crowd: Is that so ? Well anyways, I bet the Axis cultists are doing some stupid stuff right now at their stalls. let's go over there once this event's over.

Chris: ... ... ... Ah... Ah ah ah... The children here worked really hard, but I guess it couldn't be helped. I guess people really are thinking about canceling the Eris festival from next year...

"Uh oh... Come on, Chris, don't fall ! Stay strong !

Chris: Actually, I guess I shouldn't have been having fun at a festival in the first place. Even as we speak, a lot of people are being tormented by monsters... So I need to focus on gathering as many of the divine relics as I can... Please, Aegis. Will you okay me ?

Aegis: Guh... This scene is a little moving, but I won't obey you just because you look sad !

Kazuma: ... ... Hey...

"Yes... it's the only way at this point..."

Kazuma: Hey, Aegis. I'll introduce you to a very beautiful girl, so could you listen to Chris' orders ?

Aegis: Hm ? A very beautiful girl ?... Wait, I know what you're planing. You're talking about that, aren't you ? That masked man from earlier ! You're just going to make that guy transform into a beautiful girl then tell me "Look; I introduced you to a beautiful girl". Well, you won't fool me so easily.

"... Boss... No, Eris-sama. At this point, it's a somewhat... A very difficult request."

Aegis: hey, isn't this girl named Chris ? What do you mean by Eris-sama ? Has your brain... Hm ? Is this heat stroke ? Or maybe a fever ? Anyways, this won't do. You said it yourself, it's important to prevent heat stroke. Wait here, I'll get a doctor. Consider it your reward for coming up with such a wonderful plan...

Chris: It's fine, second assistant... No, I will listen to your request, Y/n-san. If it is within my capabilities, please tell me.

Aegis: Bah ! I might have a calm temperament, but I'll still get angry if you keep ignoring me ! Hey, what're you planning ?!

Kazuma: Hey, Aegis. I'll let you see the real thing next.

Kazuma: Darkness ?

"Brought to another room to calm down, at the cost of about two of my teeth."

Kazuma: Light show ?

"Up and ready."

Host: Um, the disturbance has more or less ended. Now then, all of the contestant have shown themselves. it's time to announce the winner of the Goddess Eris beauty... Pageant... ?

???: I'm sorry for being late. Is it okay if I participate ?

Host:... Um, we'll consider you as a last minute contestant... if that's... Okay... ?

???: That's alright. I'm sorry for deciding to join the contest at the very last minute. I must have troubled everyone.

Host: N- N- N- N- No, it's okay ! Amazing ! What an amazing surprise ! Thank you very much for participating in this Goddess Eris-sama beauty pageant !

Kazuma: He added the suffix. Think he sensed her true identity somehow ?

"If he didn't... They all will anyway."

Host: So, um, so then... Because every contestant needs to answer some questions, please forgive me, but... if you can could you please tell us your name and such...

???: My name... Is Eris.

Crowd: ... E- Eris... Eris-sama... Eris-sama !! It's her... In the flesh !

Crowd: That heavenly light descending... It's a miracle !

Kazuma: ... yeah, miracle light...

"a laser is just a strong lightbulb. If I tone down the power of my blasters enough, I get a lamp."

Aegis: ... ... I... I've found her... I've found her. I'VE FOUND HEEEEEER ! I did it, I found her ! I've found my master ! Who is she ? Hey, who is she ?! Why is there such a beautiful girl in this world ?! I don't understand, I don't understand !!

"hey, calm down. It's weird saying this ta an armor that shouldn't even have a personality, but you're breaking character."

Host: I, um, uh, wow, uh, th- thank you very much ! Thank you very much for answering my question ! Um... There are still two more questions, so...

Eris: ... Those are a secret~.

Aegis: AAAAAAAAAAHH !! No good ! This is just no good ! Eris-sama, please stop making those killer moves ! I, Aegis, cannot endure any more of your mischievous poses !

Kazuma: You're the only no good thing here, are you even the same armor anymore ?! Anyways, you're being noisy, so shut up. If you can do that, i'll introduce you to her.

Aegis: Seriously?! Really ? Did you... No, did Milord just say that I'd be introduced to that lady ?!

"Yes, that's what he just said. By the way, the Goddess Eris standing over there is actually Chris. So, will you believe her now and obey her orders ?"

Aegis: ... ... Fuuuuuuuck ! What should I do ? What should I do ?! How should I apologize to Eris-sama ?! Hey, you, come and apologize with me ! I'll let you wear me for a while !

"How about I don't ? Look, I still need to check on the whole Axis side of the festival to make sure they're not doing anything dangerous... I mean, to contain what they're doing to their area.

*POP*

Crowd: The goddess Eris-sama has descended ! Eris-sama, please shake my hand ! Recently, I've been really unlucky ! Please bless me as the goddess of luck !!

Crowd: Me too ! Eris-sama, please shake hands with me too ! Eris-sama, I have a hungry kitten at home ! Please bless me as I can win the lottery on my way home... !

Host: Everyone, please calm down ! Please don't climb onto the stage !!

kazuma: ... hey, Aegis, help out already ! If this keeps up, Eris-sama will get squashed ! If you want to apologize to her, then do a good job protecting her !

Aegis: Oh ! What is this development that could let me die without regrets ?! I'll definitely protect her ! I'll super protect her ! Let me, the Sacred Armor Aegis, protect Eris-sama's untainted body and her chaste blood !

Kazuma: Huh ? No, um, what do you mean by chaste blood ... ? You must not know much about this. Do you even know what that means ?

Aegis: Eris-sama is a goddess, so she must be a virgin ! She must be the type that will scream and cover her face in embarrassment when she sees a naked man. But she'll still peek through her fingers because she's slightly curious. She's kindhearted and gentle, so her scent is very fragrant.

Kazuma: How obsessed are you-

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ?!"

Aqua: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!

*F-TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM*

Kazuma: Whatever, hurry up ! Before everyone here ends up as collateral !

Kazuma: ... ... ...

Darkness: Well, if it isn't the mastermind. So ? What do you have to say for yourself about this incident ?

Kazuma: ... ... I'm grateful you bailed me out after this whole thing, but isn't this treatment a bit much ?

"You jumped into the crowd with drain touch so Aegis could escape with Chris... A few hours in a cell to reflect on what you did is the bare minimum I could give."

Kazuma: And why are you calling me a mastermind ? Tell me the details of what happened after I was arrested by security.

Darkness: ... Then let me answer by another question.

"Oh boy, here we go..."

Darkness: It also concerns you.

"Sorry... "

Darkness: When you suggested to the shopping district chairman to let both cults jointly host the festival, did you say "If we incite the Axis Cult and the Eris Church to compete, the festival will become livelier and the shopping district will make more money" ?

Kazuma: Eep !

Darkness: And I heard that you were the one who first thought of combining the Eris Thanksgiving Festival and the Aqua Thanksgiving festival. Meanwhile, the shopping district chairman said that you were the one who came up with those suspicious proposals like making the poster girls wear swimsuits and that costume parade... It's all true, isn't it, Mr.Advisor ? This was brought over by the chairman. He said it was your reward.

'... I didn't really do a lot to stop all of that, so... I'll just shut up, lay low, and wait for the storm to go away...'

Darkness: Don't make that guilty expression like we're bullying you, Kazuma. But still, I guess I shouldn't blame you. It's not like keeping a cut of the festival's profits was something the previous landlord did. You should be proud of yourself and openly take this money... Well ? Aren't you going to take it, Mr Advisor ?

Kazuma: 'just stop. You might as well just scold me fiercely.'

Megumin: Darkness, wait. There's something i'm concerned about too... Kazuma. I've heard that recently, you've gotten close to a lot of women. For example, you've supposedly been out drinking all night with those women who dressed up as succubi. Now i'm not saying you can't do that. After all, it's not like you're dating anyone.

"What did you expect, he thinks with his groin."

Megumin: Weren't you there too ?

Darkness: Wait, Y- You too ? But, I suppose it was before... I mean, we don't have that kind of relationship, right ? You don't have to feel guilty...

"There's a bit of a difference between trying to study over plans for the festival while Kazuma's stuffing his face... And actually being Kazuma. Case and point, our relative degree of alcoholism the next morning."

Aqua: Wait, I just heard something I can't ignore ! What do you mean "It was before" ? What's that supposed to mean ? How well are you two getting along ? What stage are you at ? Did you cross the line during the festival and enter a physical relationship ?!

"... ... Ah... Well, since the next convict just opened its mouth, we can get on with that. So... How are you going to solve this ?"

Aqua: ... ... Look, let's talk this over. It's like that masked devil said, humans are a species capable of communicating.

"That's right, communication is very important. So if you talked to us from the start, things would have become like that."

Kazuma: ... What did she do ?

"Two words, Kazuma... Pyramid. Scheme."

Kazuma: Pyramid ?! She made a Pyramid Scheme ?!

Megumin: But wow, who would've thought that you could come up with such an impressive marketing scheme. A scheme that's only profitable for the people at the top, too. Hey, isn't it amazing that Aqua came up with something so amazing ?

"Don't you dare encourage her."

Darkness: So, who taught you this "Pyramid scheme" ? I find it quite hard to believe that you could come up with such a difficult crime on your own.

Aqua: ... ... ... Him...

Kazuma: Stop screwing around, you're just trying to frame me ! Wait, now that I think about it, a long time ago when I was complaining about our debts I said "Sheesh, we can't make money at all, maybe I should try out a pyramid scheme", and then I explained how to do it !

"So it was you ?!"

Darkness: How involved do you have to be in this incident before you're satisfied ?!

Kazuma: Wait, I didn't ask her to do this ! In my country, this was widely considered criminal... Hey, Aqua, you should've known very well that this was criminal ! Don't pretend you didn't hear that part !

Aqua: I couldn't help it ! I heard that Eris herself shamelessly joined the beauty contest pageant ! If things kept going the way they were, the Eris Church would become popular again ! And besides, I needed a lot of money to host the Aqua festival by itself next year... !

"That's not an excuse to commit a crime ! Remember how the root of this entire thing was you whining about wanting a festival to stroke your own ego !!"

Aqua: But, but, isn't it unfair to only praise Eris ? Why can't I have a festival ?! Why can't I be praised ?! I want to be served and worshiped too !

"BECAUSE NOTHING ABOUT YOU IS WORTH PRAISING, THAT'S WHY !!"

Aqua: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH !! B- Besides, Pyramid schemes aren't considered a crime !

Darkness: Not yet, that is ! There just isn't a law regarding this new form of scam yet, it's clearly something wicked !

Aqua: Since the law couldn't stop me, what I did can't be considered a crime ! So give me back the money I made ! Give me back the funds for next year's Aqua Festival !

"The money's already been redistributed to your victims ! But now that I think about it, Kazuma ? Remember when I wrote something and put it in an envelope before the festival ?"

Kazuma: Uhh... yes ?

"Could you get it and read what's inside ?"

Kazuma: That's... Uh, you wrote... "Aqua will do something dumb and screw everything over"... well, bullseye.

Darkness: Unbelievable... Aqua, if you keep this up, you'll have a criminal record like Megumin and Kazuma !

Kazuma: hey, wait, I only got put in jail to clear my head, that's not a criminal record !

Megumin: Yeah, what he said ! I only got warned by the police, too !