" ": You talking

' ': You thinking

* *: Narrator/Voice-off

Your POV:

Kazuma: '-CK !'

Aqua: What got you so bothered, Kazuma ? Your nostrils are widening. It's the same expression ou make when you spend the night outside every now and then.

Kazuma: I- I- It's nothing ! i'm just super happy my favorite Onion Duck's on the menu tonight ! Yum, this duck looks delicious, I bet I'll be leveling up again !

"And here I thought the whole 'Eris apparition' would be a good occasion to make some money with the pilgrims... Why has it already subsided ?"

Kazuma: Don't care didn't ask go f*ck yourself.

"... Well, someone's on a bad mood lately."

Kazuma: Yeah, feeling balls like a smurf here. Megumin told me she'd give me my birthday present, but something has to come up every single night... First that party, then Aqua and her played the stupid board game, and then that bullcr*p about an 'All-girls meeting'... Why is she spending all her time with Aqua ?!

"Don't ask me, I'm spending almost all of mine with Vanir... Well, day at least."

Kazuma: Don't remind me... The worst part of it is knowing that someone else is getting it almost every night three doors away.

"Oh, so was the go f*ck yourself an insult or an invitation ?"

Kazuma: ... Should I just go and tie her up tonight ?

"I'm not playing attorney for aggravated assault. Besides, what makes you think she wants to give that kind of thing to you ?"

Kazuma: So. What've you been up to 'till now, Megumin ? You've been messing with something I've never seen before.

Megumin: This thing ? It's a Crimson Demon tradition, an amulet with magical properties. You stuff the hair of people with powerful magic into an amulet, then give it to a comrade. It might only be psychological reassurance, but I still want to gift you this for your birthday, since you die often.

"... ... ..."

Kazuma: 'Oh, don't give me this "Told you so" look.'

Darkness: That sounds nice. Will anyone's hair do ? And is it the type where the more you put in, the more effective it gets... ?

Megumin: Yes, it'll be more effective. that's why we gave the people who went out to defeat the demon king an amulet filled with the hair of the entire village. There was so much hair that it was on the verge of bursting, so that amulet must've definitely worked. And by the way, this amulet does more than just protect its owner, it also has the excellent effect of ensuring that your luggage won't ever be stolen. And if you ever lose it, someone will give it back to you immediately.

Darkness: ... May you pu this in for me too ? I don't have powerful magic, so there probably won't be much of an effect.

"Powerful magic, huh ? I'm not exactly a mage, but i'm confident in my magical abilities. Think this could help ?"

Aqua: ... ... ... ... What ? Are you all so insolent that you'd ask for the hair of a Goddess like me ? Listen carefully, the hair of a goddess' sacred and rare.

Kazuma: Cut the bullshit, read the mod and hand it over ! The festival's already over, and you're still saying that you're a goddess ?!

Aqua: I don't wanna ! Okay, I get it, don't pull on my hair like that ! It hurts, at least use some scissors to cut a strand off !

Megumin: Okay then. Kazuma, please take this. It's only for mental comfort, so you can just stuff it somewhere in your belongings.

Aqua: My hair has powerful effects, so you'd better cherish that amulet. Or else you'll receive divine retribution.

Kazuma: Will having this on me drop my intelligence or attract the undead ?

Aqua: ... Hey Darkness, you promised, so help me build a pet house for Emperor Zel.

Kazuma: Hey, tell me ! Will I attract the undead if I have this on me ?!

"Whatever. We're about to get the first line established between Axel and the capital, so i'm off too."

Megumin: ... ... ...

Kazuma: What's with that devious smile on your face ? Are you thinking of something indecent ?

Megumin: No ! I'm not thinking about anything weird, and this isn't a devious smile ! It's just a gentle smile !

Kazuma: ... 'Hold on... This situation... There were all sorts of obstacles lately, but right now the two of us are alone...'

Megumin: Why are you so quiet all of a sudden ? Are you nervous because it's just the two of us ?

Kazuma: I'm just a little bothered by what you said earlier, that you had something to tell me. Erm, no, I'm not really bothered, all right ? I don't have any weird expectations or anything, there's been plenty of times where you built up my anticipation then just left me hanging after all.

Kazuma: 'Damn it ! What kind of man am I, getting toyed around this way by a loli... ?

Megumin: Well. What I wanted to tell you was-

Darkness: Sorry, Megumin !! Aqua's calling for you. Could you come over for a bit ? She said that I was too clumsy and useless, so she wants you to substitute for me... ! I- In her words, "I didn't ask you to destroy the pet house, I asked you to help build it ! Just get Megumin over here and deal with that slacker Kazuma so he won't get in my way !"... ...

Kazuma: 'That was terrible timing...' Shouldn't this be my time to shine ? I'm the expert with crafting skills, so why's she asking for Megumin ?

Darkness: No, I told her that too. But she said that you'll definitely do something unnecessary and shape Emperor Zel's house like a stove or something.

Kazuma: 'She knows me so well.'

Megumin: I'll be right back then. Please keep an eye on Kazuma, Darkness.

Kazuma: Hey, what's that supposed to mean ? If anything, it should be the other way around !

Darkness: ... Hey Kazuma, what's going on between you and Megumin ?

Kazuma: absolutely nothing.

Darkness: That's impossible ! If there's nothing between you two, then what's going on with Megumin's behavior ?! I've already heard from Aqua, she said that you've been looking for Megumin, at her room every night. Did you do something to her there ? You attempted to lay your hands on her back at the Crimson demon village, after all !

Kazuma: ... I've been thinking about this for a while now, but just what kind of person do you all think I am ? Watch it, orI'll make you cry with my Steal. And i'm not lying. I don't know exactly what you're implying, but whatever you're imagining didn't happen.

Darkness: ... I- I'm talking about, you know, that... You know very well what I mean, but you're still making me say it ? That... Kissing Megumin or something... And groping her breasts... !

Kazuma: I really can't tell what your standard for shame is. There wasn't any kissing nor any groping. You're looking down on me too much. Look into my pure eyes, does it look like I'm lying ?

Darkness: Ugh... They look murky, but... It seems that you aren't lying. My apologies, so there really was nothing. But after seeing Megumin act like that, I was sure something had to have happened... No, it's nothing, forget it. I'm truly sorry... Recently, Megumin and you've been acting strangely. I was just worried that you two had crossed the line.

Kazuma: You mean, kinda like you did ? That and forcing him to indulge you in your weird fantasies, I'm pretty normal compared to a perverted aristocrat lady.

Darkness: PPPPFFFFFFRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR !!

Kazuma: GAH ! What are you doing ?! You got tea all over me !

Darkness: Cough ! Ack !! Gah ! Cough ! W- Why you ! What are you saying all of a sudden ? What an impudent accusation... ! That's completely... Baseless...

Kazuma: You know what I mean, pervert. Of course you do, you're the one who does all sorts of strange things while panting heavily after all ! You always say things that aren't suitable for children to hear, but when those things actually happen you get cold feet, don't you ? Hey ! If you want to refute anything, then speak up !

Darkness: ... ... It's my fault. I apologize for mistakenly labeling you as a sexual harasser. Also, I'll act more like a lady from now on, so... Please forgive me.

"That for sure wasn't what you were saying last night."

Darkness: Eep !

"I swear, the things you forced me to do... You do realize anyone other than me would probably have lasting mental scars because of that, right ?"

Kazuma: What happened ?

"Let's just say she really took to heart the disappearance of all male orcs, so she had to find a... Substitute."

Kazuma: I don't want to know...

"Then it was the evil necromancer wanting a vessel... The occult cult looking for a sacrifice..."

Kazuma: Holy...

"Well, the latter didn't work out, as they needed a virgin. I really get into character once we start. On another note, there is this package for you that just arrived, courtesy of Windings delivery."

Kazuma: Your power are gonna be the death of every other delivery company.

"As it should be. Next on my hit list, construction companies."

Kazuma: Whatever. So, my new equipment arrived. Since I've been eating extravagant food full of experience points recently, so my level has gone up. Light gauntlets, leg guards, chest armor... And something to use with my "Bind" skill.

Darkness: Is that a bondage rope ? Th- That glow ! Is it made out of mythril ?!

"Thinking again, opening it in Darkness' vicinity might have been a mistake."

Kazuma: You don't say ?

Darkness: Erm... I'm deeply familiar with the Bind skill. So how about it ? Why not try out your new rope ? And now that I think about it, I don't think I've ever experienced your bind before. As fellow party members, isn't it important that I know how powerful my comrades' skills are ?

'... I'm not gonna make a joke about checking how strong my bones are...'

Kazuma: Didn't you just say that you'd act more like a lady from now on ? And you should be able to tell that this is for binding super strong monsters. If you want a Bind so much, just use the thinner ropes in the cabinet.

Darkness: No, it has to be this one ! It has to be this way ! ... That is to say, this one will do. You say that it's for use against powerful monsters, but how useful will it be if it can't even stop me ? Not very, I'd imagine. So try tying me up first !

"... Didn't you just say 'It has to be this one' ?

Darkness: No, I didn't.

Kazuma: You definitely did.

Darkness: No I didn't. And that doesn't matter now, hurry up ! Are you trying to tempt me by showing off that tough, hard, and heavy looking rope ?

"... Kazuma, are you thinking what i'm thinking ?"

Kazuma: I'm scared that it might be...

Darkness: H- Hey, what are you... Kyah !

"A few days ago, I took responsibility for what I said and did. Now... It's your turn, Darkness."

Darkness: H- Huh... Hey, Kazuma, can you at least put a shirt on ? Just thinking about being tied up by you in that get-up feels very unpleasant...

Kazuma: What the hell are you saying now ? It's because of your tea that I had to take it off. It'll be a hassle, but I'll be using most of my mana to make the Bind last longer. Then I'll throw you and your nonsense-spewing mouth off to the side.

Darkness: What ? So tying me up with a tough rope isn't enough for you, you want to throw me down to the ground too ?! What about the ball gag ? Won't you need one ? What'll you do if I end up screaming in pain for the bandage ?!

Kazuma: You're disgusting, bitch. I'm just gonna leave you two at it, and go make Aqua and Megumin's lives harder. BIND !!

Darkness: HAAAAA !! T- This... ! Ugh.. Ahhh !

Darkness: Hah, hah... Hah... ! W- Why you... ! Why are you always doing things that go beyond my wildest expectations.. ?!

"... For once... I kinda regret that I can't learn that skill."