" ": You talking

' ': You thinking

* *: Narrator/Voice-off

Your POV:

Papyrus: Ah, fellow adventurers ! It has been a while since I saw you here !

"Paps, we were here two days ago..."

Chara: And that was great ! Keep doing that !

"I'll ignore that one. We're here for Kazuma to pick up a quest."

Papyrus: ... It really has been a while.

"Aqua and Kazuma wanted to deck it out, so now they're competing on an extermination quest. Judge is no other than yours truly, and Darkness is a complimentary gift 'cause Aqua doesn't have a weapon."

Darkness: Huuuuuuuuu...

Aqua: ... Subjugating a pair of manticores. A request to repel a subtype of wyvern building its nest on a rocky mountain... They all lack impact...

"Okay, I thought we agreed last time to never let Aqua pick up the quest."

Kazuma: ... Subjugation of Rookie Killer and goblins.

"... Yeah... Goblins are a dime a dozen, so it's easy to count... And defeating a Rookie Killer would definitely prove that you're not a rookie anymore."

Kazuma: This is a revenge match for last time. This thing will use a weak group of monsters as bait to lure in rookie adventurers, right ? We'll compete and see who can kill the most number of gobelins that are protected by this thing. Also, te one who defeats the Rookie Killer will win huge bonus points, all right ? We're already veterans, so how about we show it who's boss ?

Aqua: The goblins are here ! I can kill an enemy of this level in a second with my God Blow !

"Calm down, there's only three of them... So goblins forage for food, fruits and yam-like roots... And here I thought they were mostly carnivorous..."

Kazuma: Tone down the field researcher. And Aqua, you seem awfully confident for someone who lost against these frogs.

Aqua: The rubbery stomach of the frogs can absorb impacts. Everything in this world has compatibility, you know ? Kazuma, you don't even know that ? Are you stupid ?

Kazuma: ... ... ...

Aqua: Awawawaw ! Stop ! Stop pulling on my cheeks ! Waah !

Goblins: Gah ?!

"And now they noticed us. Well, both contestants, get ready ! On your mark, set... Begin ! Goblin Subjugation contest, move out !"

Kazuma: H- hey, where are you going ?!

"As judges, we're not supposed to interfere. So we'll watch from up in the sky. Good luck !"

Aqua: Watch carefully, Kazuma ! It's just three goblins, I'll finish them off easily ! Let's go, Darkness !

Kazuma: ... ... ... ... Snipe !!

Aqua: What ?!

"First blood ! Kazuma takes the lead !"

Aqua: Hey Kazuma ! What's the meaning of killing the goblins that I was about to kill ?

Kazuma: ... If I kill off the monsters you lay your eyes on first, I'll never lose. Snipe ! Snipe !

Aqua/Darkness: How despicable !

Aqua: Ah, wait ! I see a shadow there ! You can't escape from my eyes, Kazuma ! Stealing my prey every time ! How annoying ! Come out and fight properly !

Megumin: ... What's the score ?

"8 to 0, in Kazuma's favor. Although questionable, lurking behind the other two and killing the targets they draw in is undeniably effective."

Aqua: Ah, I found you, Kazuma ! You're just standing there motionlessly, brace yourself... uwah !

Darkness: T- There you are, kazuma ! Hah... I- I'll get my revenge today- Gah !!

Kazuma: Serves you right !

Aqua: Gh- ! Darkness, let's surround this man ! Beat him up ! Surround him and give him a good beating !

Darkness: ... We chased so hard, but we're getting beat so one-sidedly... It's vexing, but... I think it isn't too bad. Am I weird ?

"Yes, you are !!"

Megumin: Could you please focus on hunting down goblins ?

Kazuma: ... 'Right. Enemy Detection.'

Aqua: So you're not running anymore, Kazuma ? Anyway, apologize. I'll think about how to punish you later, Hikikomori dog!

Kazuma: Wait, we're surrounded... How many ?

"About ten. But that's not the worse... It's here."

*Grrrrrrrrrrrr*

"Rookie Killer..."

Darkness: Stay behind me !

Aqua: ... All right Kazuma. I'll reluctantly cast buffing spells on you too.

Kazuma: 'Darkness on defense, Aqua and healing, and I'm responsible for damage. There was no need to decide who was the strongest.'

Kazuma: Don't worry, I won't fire into your back; i'll be counting on you, Darkness.

Darkness: I'm the one counting on you. I won't let any of them pass. i'll leave the attacking to you.

Aqua: I'll heal you if you're hurt, darkness, so don't worry ! Go, we'll definitely take out that beast this time !

Kazuma: ... hey, Megumin. You said at the mansion earlier that you wanted to see my amazing performance and my cool side during crucial moments, right ? I'll show it to you ! If we all work together, no matter who the enemy-

Megumin: EXPLOSIO- !!

*F-TWOOOOOOOOOOOM*

Aqua: Bleh... Bleh... My mouth's full of sand...

Megumin: I couldn't resist the Crimson demon instincts of stealing the limelight. Now, it's confirmed that i'm the strongest in the team, right ?

"You wish. I took them all out before even your spell was set of."

Kazuma: You little ! I was thinking you've been really docile recently, then you pull this stunt ! Aren't you the judges ?!

"yes, and I judged that there was no point in making this a contest anymore, as you guys realize it's when working as a team that you're the strongest."

Darkness: Oh, Kazuma. It's a rare sight seeing you up at such an hour. What's the occasion ? Going on a quest ?

Kazuma: I just haven't slept yet, it's hot nowadays after all. During such times, it'd be best if I made the room really cold and slept until morning.

Darkness: I- Is that so ? It's great that you're the same as usual. By the way, it's the same as the time you went on that mission. Recently, you haven't done any maintenance on your weapons or armor at all. You've completely lost the bearing of an adventurer.

"To be frank, he's looking less and less like an adventurer as the days pass."

Kazuma: Personally, I think it's fine even if I retire. The next step will be working as a merchant of all sorts, living an easy life from the margins I make in business.

"I am sitting on a multi-billion corporation in the making, right now. If things play right, I could even raise an entire army and take on the Demon King myself."

Megumin: Would it kill you to not periodically utter nonsense ? i've ever heard of anyone retiring from adventuring in their teens without taking an arrow to the knee.

"... ... ... Finally realized, did you ? You were trying to live your life as an adventurer. Fell right into that easy money ambush, just like us, and that Neet over there."

Kazuma: Whatever. In the end, an accomplished adventurer like me will read the newspaper and take note of world events while recharging my batteries. This is for the good of the town.

"... With that money, i'm gonna build roads, schools, sewer systems..."

Aqua: hey Kazuma; let me read the newspaper first. I just want to ready the comics, i'm curious about what happened to the Winter Shogun who was chasing after the abducted snow sprites in the last issue.

Kazuma: Wait, i'm curious about that comic too.

Megumin: ... Are these two fighting over the comic in the newspaper ?

"Seems so. They aren't even paying attention to the front page... ... 'The Demon King's General moved to the frontlines, the battle is intensifying. The Capital is in danger'... ..."

Kazuma: Hey, that's bad !

"Sure is... Wonder if Iris will be okay..."

Darkness: Stop addressing Lady Iris so carelessly, impudent fool ! Crisis in the capital ? Let me read that.

"... I don't remember you being that serious in a while..."

Darkness: ... ... ... It seems that the forward fortress near the Capital's being attacked by a General of the Demon King's army. The paper says that the general is an evil god that can use terrible spells.

Megumin: Huh ?!

"What, did that tug at your heart strings ? You did say something about being an Evil god in your past life, like the Chûnibyô you are."

Megumin: I was probably an evil god in my previous life, but that's not what I want to talk about ! It's that I probably know that Evil God...

"... Please don't tell me you've started believing Aqua's nonsense. Beside, we all know her."

Aqua: H- HEY ?! I don't know what this evil God is, but anyone proclaiming to be a God will receive divine retribution-

*BONK*

Aqua: What was that for ?!

"... Divine retribution."

Megumin: ... The Demon King's general who drastically changed the battle, evil god Wolbach...

'Wolbach, Wolbach... Why do I feel like I've already heard that name before... ?'

Megumin: Kazuma, are you awake ? The sun just rose, so you should be, right ? Come, let's go to the Capital together, kazuma ! It's now time for us to make an appearance !

Kazuma: ... Are you acting up again ? Just having a weird name and acting weirdly should be enough. What do you want to do in the Capital ? I'm not bragging, but it'll be terrible if I got o the Capital. I can't say why, but if I can go to the Capital, I would've moved there a long time ago.

Kazuma: You're talking about the news on the paper yesterday, huh ? I'd be lying if I said I'm not worried, but the opponent is a general. Even if I go... Just go ask Y/n.

Megumin: He's already ready to go, only waiting for you to come down...

Kazuma: of course he wants to run hands with an Evil God... then again, knowing the capabilities of that self-proclaimed Goddess, things might not be too bad...

Megumin: ... I'm very bothered by the general of the Demon King's army known as an evil god. You see, didn't I tell you about Chomusuke's true identity last time ? It's just my gut feeling, but I think Chomusuke's that evil god.

Kazuma: I just saw that evil god of yours being chased around by a chick.

Megumin: I'm not asking you to fight with the demon King's general, Kazuma. Please, I need to resolve this. You just need to accompany me and stay by my side.

Kazuma: Absolutely not, why must I got o such a dangerous place ? Do you really understand ? Just being in the frontlines is dangerous. And on top of that, the enemy is an Evil God, you know ? It's not something like the slime or undead we've faced. An Evil God's in the realm of final bosses.

Megumin: Really, it can't be helped. How about this, if Kazuma comes with me... Um, when everything's settled, I'll pend a night in your room... ...

Kazuma: All right, all right. I want to sleep now, we can discuss this tomorrow.

Megumin: Huh ?! W- Wait, I just resolved myself and said something incredible.

Kazuma: ... How many times do you think i've been fooled ? Do you think that i'm that easy to tackle ? Just like Darkness who wanted me to fight a high-bounty monster with just a kiss, all of you overestimate yourselves too much. Don't think that I'm a normal virgin in puberty. You two might have the looks, but your personality's a huge minus. If you're aware of that, then you should provide better service.

Megumin: ... What, you're still holding a grudge about that night ? You were so eager when I flirted with you a little recently, and you're putting on a strong front now ?

Kazuma: I- I- I'm not eager, you're just imagining it ! When did I ever say that I have a thing for you ?!

Megumin: You're really the worst ! What do you mean by that ? Did you plan to spend the night with a girl you don't like in the slightest ? You were so excited back then !

Kazuma: T- T- That's not it, you moron ! I thought there's be some kind of trick back then and never expected anything from the start, so don't think too highly of yourself, you loli !

Megumin: AAAAAAAAAAHHHH !!

Kazuma: Kyouya Mitsurugi is the number three in the adventurers ranking ? What kind of joke is this ? That trash is ranked so high but I'm unranked ? Which news company published this ? I want to protest !

"That's the rank for adventurers who're active in the capital, not for shut-ins who lock themselves in this town. You want to rank-up ? Then go to the frontlines and be active there."

Darkness: How about going there to help ? i'm bored with all the paperwork I've had to do recently and don't mind coming along, you know ?

Megumin: That's right, what they said is true. You want to make the rankings ? You want to be famous ? Then let's head to the battlefield and defeat the general of the Demon King's army !

Kazuma: ... hey Aqua, talk some sense into them. They say they want to protect the fortress at the frontline. We never meet anything good when we go on trips, but they've yet to learn this lesson. You oppose fighting the Demon King's General, right ?

Aqua: i'm okay with that. The General's troubling others, right ? How could the beautiful and impartial Aqua-sama abandon the people in the mortal world who're seeking salvation ?

Kazuma: Huh ?! What's with you all of a sudden ? Normally, you're the first one to refuse in tears when we encounter such things !

Aqua: That's only natural. Monsters that can be encountered anywhere don't require my presence, right ? The opponent this time is an Evil God, an arrogant being that dares proclaim to be a God without even sending me a greeting. As the founder of the Axis Cult, I have to teach them a lesson.

Kazuma: ... I won't do it, definitely not. The opponent's always a general of the Demon King's army, who can take on such things ?

"I feel offended you're doubting that."

Kazuma: Right, besides that guy. In the end, there are tons of adventurers more powerful than me, right ? Why not leave the Capital to those guys ? Why are you so eager to seek your death ?

Megumin: Don't be so difficult, stop being stubborn and accept your fate. It'll be fine, I'll finish it in one shot ! You don't need to worry this time, just come along just in case !

Kazuma: Don't you think our formation doesn't have a "Just in case" ? Think about all our past experiences. If you're sure there won't be any problems, then go ! ... hey, don't look away, look at me !

*Knock knock*

Yunyun: H- Hello everyone... Um, I found this child, so I brought it back...

Chomusuke: *Mrowr*