" ": You talking

' ': You thinking

* *: Narrator/Voice-off

Your POV:

Kazuma: ... ... I want to go catch a wild Dullahan.

Megumin: Wait, I don't get what you're talking about...

"Kazuma actually planning to go out on his own and not just lazing around ? Did the take-down of yet another Demon King's general awake something in you ?"

Aqua: What happened to you, Kazuma ? Did you finally open your eyes to the Axis Cult, and now you want to go hunt the undead ? I'm really happy about that, but there's no way you're gonna find a wild Dullahan. For now, just be patient and hunt skeletons or ghosts instead.

Kazuma: The reason I want to look for a wild Dullahan is to learn the "premonition of Death" skill. In order to succeed with a certain plan of mine, that skill is absolutely necessary. Do you think there are any places where I could find one ?

Aqua: Hah ?! The lich's Drain Touch is fine, but why do you always want to learn all these dirty skills ?! Hand over your adventurer card ! As long as you have points remaining, I'll make you learn as many of my party performance skills as you can !

Kazuma: Hey, stop it, you idiot ! Don't decide things on your own ! More importantly hurry up and hand over your healing magic !

"Well, turns out things go back to normal pretty fast the moment we come back here. isn't it, little one ?"

Chomusuke: *Rrrrrrrrrrrr~...*

Megumin: What exactly are you thinking, Kazuma ? If you want to learn such a powerful skill, that means you want to fight some strong opponent, right ? Is my power not good enough ? Is there no place for my Explosion magic that has buried countless demon king army generals ?

Kazuma: No, it's not like that. Thanks, Megumin, there is indeed a use for your Explosion Magic. Well, in the end, I guess I can't ask for too much huh... Alright Megumin, let's go to the neighboring nation ! Then, once we get there, we'll fire one shot at the capital of that nation, and send a threatening letter. "If you don't want to be struck by Explosion magic again, then abandon your engagement with princess Iris. As a representative of the Demon King army, I do not recognize your engagement with her !"

"And there it is..."

Darkness: Are you an idiot ?! I thought you started acting weird ever since that letter arrived from Lady iris ! So you were actually thinking of doing something so pointless ! Could it be that you wanted to learn the Dullahan's "Premonition of death" because you wanted you wanted to curse Lady iris' fiancé ?! Also, where did the demon king's army come from ?!

"Note to self, 'Don't let Beldia accept any kind of request from Kazuma', even if I doubt as a head he can teach him anything..."

Kazuma: What do you mean by pointless ?! Yeah, I want to use the skill to curse Iris' fiancé from a distance. Then I'll say "Haha, this is the handiwork of the demon king's army, isn't it ? Stealing away a princess is the demon king's job. Since you stole away the important work of the Demon King, you earned his hatred. Well, here we have an archpriest that can dispel the curse, but there's no saying when you might get cursed again. Until the demon king is defeated, I strongly recommend you cancel your engagement..."

Megumin: The worst... You're the worst kind of man possible ! To use precious skill points to do something so stupid, do you have no shame ?!

Kazuma: You're saying that to me now, after I've already learned the "escape" and "cooking" skills ? Recently, in order to determine whether or not the adventurers at the guild were spreading be rumors about me, I even learned the "Lip reading" skill.

Darkness: Y- You're really going in a direction that's unrelated to adventuring, aren't you ? Anyway, I won't allow you to bring Megumin along to enact such a stupid plan !

Kazuma: 'Why are people who only put points in Explosion magic and Defense skills telling me this ?'

Aqua: ... Can I join in your plan ? Specifically, I want to know more about the part where you frame everything on the demon king army. After all, one of the daily activities of the Axis Cult is to spread bad opinions about them.

"Just to make sure, the reason the demon king attacks humanity isn't just because of the Axis cult, right ?

Kazuma: Well, I guess it can't be helped. Let us use a frontal attack. After accepting the bodyguard request, we'll do whatever we can to prevent the worst from happening. Since I have a lot of skill points to spare, I'll use them to learn some useful skill when the time comes for it...

"... ... ... ..."

Darkness: ... ... ... ...

Kazuma: ... hey. What exactly is this supposed to mean ? Explain.

Darkness: So you're awake, Kazuma. Sorry about this, but for the next three days i'm going to keep you restrained. Don't worry about it, you'll be served the best food during this time, and will be taken car of. If there's anything you want, then I'll tell my butlers to go buy it.

Kazuma: ... ... ... What's up with you all of a sudden ? Why did you tie me up ? Taking your fetish into consideration, aren't our positions reversed ? Summer's almost over, so I don't think the heat went to your head.

"Don't be too harsh on her, Kazuma. It was my idea to begin with."

Darkness: And don't talk about my fetish, tying you up is completely unrelated to my personal interests !

Kazuma: Then what ?!

"Can't you at least take a wild guess ? This is not against you... Well, mostly, but it's about the bodyguard request I received a few days ago."

Kazuma: Don't tell me you're gonna accept it ?!

"I probably will. It's a direct request from the princess, rejecting it would be quite the problem. So until it's been confirmed that iris left for the neighboring country in a few days, you're gonna stay here tied up. So please try to act a little bit more mature for that time."

Kazuma: ... ... MEGUMIN !! AQUA !! HELP ME !! I'M BEING IMPRISONED BY A COUPLE OF PERVERTS !!

Darkness: H- hey, stop saying weird things ! Also, too bad, those two are currently away. What's left is to call for my retainers, and have you moved along with the bed to my home. If we let you join as a bodyguard, then this nation will definitely run into some trouble with foreign relations. This is for the sake of my nation, so just be patient.

Kazuma: Just what kind of foreign relation problems will arise if I become a bodyguard ! I learned the proper noble etiquette during the time I lived at the castle, so I won't do anything disrespectful ! So let me go !

Darkness: Don't you dare say anything ! You're the living definition of "Disrespect" ! If you act obediently, I'll let you eat delicacies that you normally won't be able to get your hands on. And aren't you a NEET at heart anyway ? All you have to do is lie down on the meantime. Not a bad deal, right ?

Kazuma: ... ... ... I guess you're right. Alright, I get it.

"Good. So until we do get this done, you'll keep yourself in check, won't you ? In that case, i'm off to prepare for the job, so keep it under control."

Kazuma: About that... I've got an intense urge to go to the toilet for a while now, so could you do something about this quickly ?

Darkness: ... ... ... Eh... ?

Kazuma: Don't Eh me, you said it yourself, didn't you ? That I would be cared for. Naturally, that means taking care of down under too right ?

Darkness: ... ... Eh ?

Kazuma: Anyway, hurry up and follow my order. Hey Darkness, go and fetch a bottle.

Darkness: Eeeeeeeehh ?!"

Kazuma: Don't Eeeeehh me, hurry up. Geez, this young lady is really useless. Weren't you the one who said that in the first place ? Now come on, hurry up and move it already. This is not sexual harassment, since I can't move my body, there's no other way.

Darkness: N- No ! That's not hat I meant ! It's true that I said that you would be taken care of, but I didn't meant I'd do it personally, so please wait !

Kazuma: I can't wait anymore. "Going to the bathroom when I wake up" is a natural phenomenon. That said, this is something that you have to do everyday, alright ? After all, I'm not gonna force this job on your servants who I've never seen or met. Now, hurry it up already.

Darkness: Uuuum... B- But...

Kazuma: Ah, this is gonna get ugly, I can't hold on any longer. How long are you gonna stay embarrassed ?We've already known each other for such a long time, so don't be ashamed now. Even if it's just the lower half, hurry up and release the binds.

Darkness: ... It can't be released.

Kazuma: ... Huh ?

Darkness: We didn't think about the problems down there. W- What should we do, the rope we used to restrain you is a fairly powerful magic tool. It can't be released halfway. So basically, for the next three days, you will stay...

Kazuma: You idiot ! What am I gonna do ?! Are you saying that for the next three days i'm gonna have to piss in my pants ?! Hey, stop kidding around ! If that really happened to me, then I'll make sure the same happens to you sometime alright ?!

Darkness: H- Happens to me...

Kazuma: It's an emergency situation, so stop anticipating ! Ah, dammit ! ... Okay, Darkness. With your strength, it should be possible to make a gap in the rope. Focus on shifting the rope tying the lower half of my body. That way, I should be able to at least get some sweet release.

Darkness: I- I got it, leave it to me ! Hnnnnnngh... !

Kazuma: ... ... Alright, good work. Now there's a bottle over there, so bring it over.

Darkness: W- Why do you have something like this ? Why exactly would you...

Kazuma: This is something like a NEET's best friend. After all, there are times during the winter when it's so cold that you don't want to get out of bed, or it's too bothersome to go to the toilet in the morning, right ? At those important junctures, it's a treasure.

Darkness: Just how far are you... Well nevermind, I'll put it here.

Kazuma: Hey, I can't go like this, right ? There's no way I can go if you don't pull down my underwear.

Darkness: Ehh ?!

Kazuma: Don't Ehh me. My hands are tied up and I can't move my body you know ? In the first place, weren't you the ones who caused this situation ? It's gonna spill at this rate, so hurry up !

Darkness: E- E- Even if you say that... ! Ah, geez... ... ... Hm ? Hey Kazuma, your pants are being pulled by something and won't come down. What's...

Kazuma: Sorry, it's a physiological phenomenon that happens when waking up.

Darkness: ... ... ... ... WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH !!

Kazuma: OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW STOP !! STOP ! IT'S GONNA BREAK !!

"Okay, so i'm almost done with my preparations, did you guys figure out how... What the... ?"
Darkness: WAAAAAHHH !!

Kazuma: GYAAAAAAAAAHH !! STOP IT !! I DON'T WANT TO BECOME A WOMAN !!

"... I was gone for less than three minutes, for fuck's sake !!"