It has been a year since I have seen her last time.

Last time, when we were parting ways, She had chosen to stay back there, in our small town.

I had no choice left except, moving on, to the City. Which is my residence for last whole year. I have gone through a lot but now it all seems worth, all that struggle, all those stress, that loneliness has paid off well.

Today I have everything.

Everything a man can ask for, A nice portfolio in a reputed MNC, A three BHK flat in a posh area of this metro city, A beautiful fiancee.

Then why I feel this loneliness? Why is this regret spreading over my mind and heart? As if something is missing. Something important that can complete me. That can give me feel of being accomplished.

I know time hasn't stopped, if I have moved ahead She too has moved ahead in her life. I have heard that She is getting married soon in coming months.

Why I felt this sudden urge to see her? I can't cheat on my own conscious. I decided to go back in name of our college reunion.

Just because I want to see her. I want to hear her voice, feel her presence. I'm not cheating on my fiance. She always knew that there was someone. And may be that's the reason, She refused to come with me.

She said it clearly that She doesn't want to feel an outsider or feel alienated. As She never said but she knows well that my past is always residing in me.

After traveling whole night finally I reached my old small town.

Seems like nothing has changed. The same old bumpy roads, same old side tea stalls around our college, same guys with a bit mature looks only.

Life hasn't changed even a bit here, in this small town. Back there in my city things are changing within seconds.

My best friend has come to pick me at station. For a second I felt like turning his bike into Her street just like old days. But I can't forget this is not our old life. I'm not that old college guy who used to roam in these lanes.

I don't want but eyes searched in lane for her home as if expecting something.

"She is not there, must be at college."

My friend comments patting my shoulder.

"What? Who? I'm just trying to skip these pot holes dude." I reply back to scape form any impending embarrassment.

"It's ok. You guys were best friends too. At least She still counts you as her best friend." His reply gave me relief and pain both at once.

Relief that She still remembers me, still counts me as a friend at least, no, her best friend!

Pain that wasn't I, a lot more than her best friend. Best friends don't ask you if you wanna pursue your dreams and come to a metro city with him?

Best friends don't cry when you turn them down. At least not as much as I had cried. Best friends don't call you like insane before leaving the town, expecting to see you, to hug you, to feel you, to tell you, how actually He feels about you. How I feel about Her!

She chose to unsee the visible fact which almost everyone had seen.

"Break!"

I come back to present as my friend shouts in my ear from behind just to make me realize that I was about to hit the bike with a parked car.

"Sorry." That's all I could mutter under breath.

I'm feeling shaken as if reliving the last day, I lived here. Shaken, broken, feeling betrayed!

"You ok?" He inquires.

"Yes, I'm fine. Sorry about it."

"It's ok. Let me drive. You seem quite disturbed." He slaps at my head joyfully.

"Shut up!" I hit him back on shoulder but he dodged.

"Should we go at your place or want to see preparations of reunion?" He gave me choice.

Why should I go for college when I can go home and rest a bit.

"Home Dude!" I never said that but yes I missed my small home of this small town, in mid of a chaotic lane, full of nagging neighborhood.

"Great! I missed the tasty Tea and snacks of your home too." He accepts shamelessly.

"You filthy Hog!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After half an hour when we have done with normal greetings of neighborhood and family we finally got time to sit and chill like old days.

"Kartik why you just disappeared as Naren left the town?" My mother inquires from kitchen.

While my Dude is still hogging on snacks made by my mother, "Sorry Aunty just got stuck in studies and search of job." He hardly replied gulping what he was chewing.

"And how rest of your friends are doing? How is Sheetal? It's seems like ages to see her." My mother inquires about her as our families were well aware of our 'friendship' but not our feelings or My feeling only.

"I met her last, the day you left town." Next my mother tell me something I never knew, "She came to see you. But you had left for station. I told her to call you but She had forgotten her phone at her home I guess."

It shock me to know that She had come to see me. She forgot her cell at home, may be that's why She didn't answer my calls. But if She had anything to talk she could have called me, which She never did.

"Naren I didn't get time to ask you but why didn't you invited her for your engagement?" My mother reminds me of how many times She asked me if there was anyone I forgot to get tickets to be there at my engagement.

I didn't had guts to face her or should say, to handle my past and future together. I chose my future.

"Her mother met me last week at market. She told me that Sheetal is getting engaged this month and in three months She will be married. The boy is A Doctor and there is huge chance that they might get satteled in U.S. in a year or two after the wedding."

She kept with her informations while I feel like a dagger is digging deeper in my heart and my eyes widening.

U.S.!

And she was not ready to leave the town when I asked her!

"Aunty. She is fine, actually She is working too as a teacher and studying at the same time. So she is kind of disappeared for all of us. But She keep inquiring about you and uncle." Kartik replied to my mother, looking at me and finishing his tea as if he knows what I am going to ask him to do next.

"Let's move buddy!" I got up and order him.

"Where are you going Naren?" My father inquires turning pages of his newspaper.

"College. To help in preparations." I reply hiding my irritation at fresh revelations.

Her words kept echoing in my head for months.

Making me skeptical about my own decisions. And now In a year I get to know she is marrying someone because he has future in U.S.A. , if that was her condition, She should have said that clearly.

There was no need to act like You love your simple small town life and people. To show off that you want to do something for your people!

My brain is razing with each passing second. Within few minutes we reached college.

I met few of our batch mates. Most of them are still staying here. I feel proud to tell them how much I have achieved in this small span of time. Few of them demanded to see my fiance. I showed them Her pics of engagement.

Preparations are on full swing, but I can't find Her anywhere. Finally I see her younger sister who was two years junior to us. 

"Hey, Shikha! Where's your sister? " I inquired her in playful tone. Like old days.

She smiled a bit, "She was here only helping in decorations. I think She must has gone to market to get something to eat for all with buntings, we were lacking." She replied with a well mannered controlled behavior.

This girl was never like this. She used to make fun of her own sister with us, just to tease her. 

Why She is behaving like this? Has Sheetal told her anything about… but what would she has told?

There was nothing between us, that can be told. How can She tell anything to anyone when we actually never told anything to each other?

As She turns around to walk away but her cell rang. I can see Her picture flashing on screen.

"Hello, yes Shikha here." She replied indifferently as if She is talking to some stranger.

"What! Where is She? How is She?" Her voice and expressions caused enough tension to cause me panic.

"What's wrong? " I inquire, trying to control my reaction and act cool.

But her answer breaks facade I am maintaining for so long. She starts to cry hysterically, "Accident, Di met with an accident." With these words her sentence turns into sobs and she leans against me for support.

Accident! How is it possible? She was always good at driving. At least better than me.

I felt my nerves sinking but I can't think so bad about her. She must be fine. She have to!

"Where? Where is She right now?" 

"Someone from City Hospital ca...lled … from her cell… I couldn't listen further. My Di…" Shikha struggles to form sentence between sobs.

I took her with me on bike and headed toward the City Hospital. Staying in a small town have one benefit. Nothing is far more than ten to fifteen minutes rides and if your heart is beating hard against rib cage, like mine just to be assured that She is fine! The Hospital is not more than Ten minutes away, so what if others will take twenty minutes to be here.

I reach the hospital in ten minutes.

At reception, we get to know that one person got injured on head in the accident, so doctors are looking after him rest are around here only taking tests and medicines etcetera.

Shikha gets stable to hear that her sister was not the one at driving seat. He was a common friend of our group as four people had accompanied Sheetal for rest of the shopping.

Leaving Shikha at reception only, I  start to search for Her. My heart won't listen to my mind unless it feels Her, safe and sound.

I start to ask for her, every passing by person, each nurse and ward boy. But certainly everyone don't know who is Sheetal so I have to search for few minutes before a nurse instructed me to go at first floor and look for her as She had seen the girl with those accidentals going up there, while helping an old patient.

I run upstairs as lift is taking too much time to arrive, as if testing my patience.

I flung blindly at stairs, but as I turn left to enter the corridor, I find a ward boy in front of myself. Before I can stop, my body bangs with him, causing him to throw the equipments he was handling.

It made a bit noise, enough to attract attention of people present around.

"Naren!" 

She calls my name. I search around for her to find her standing at the end of corridor.

Her eyes widened to see me, or may be to see me like that.

I quickly cover the distance between us and took her tightly in my embrace. I inhale her scent to catch some breaths, I can feel my heart thumping hard in chest. Her scent, her presence in my arms soothing all aches I'm suffering, for like ages.

The moment I saw her, after so long, so long that I almost forgot how she smells, how it feels to be around her. 

I buried my face in her hairs at left of her head, supporting her head with one hand. Just to make sure that She doesn't go away, not an inch.

"You ok?" I mumble absentmindedly without pulling back from her. 

I felt her chest heaving just like mine, She doesn't reply in words,  just a slight nod as if She herself not sure if She is fine or not.

"What happened? Are you hurt? You got injuries? What are you doing here? You should be with doctors. Come to doctor, come on." I broke the hug and check her quickly before holding her hand to take her to doctor.

She doen't move even a bit, I look back at her and felt frozen.

Tears are all over her cheeks, with teary eyes She is gazing at her hand where I am holding her hand.

Her gaze remind me of my reality. 

Do I have any right to hold her hand like this?

Do I have any right to tell her what to do?

Is It right for me to hug her like that?

She hasn't utter a words but that one look from her, said it all.

I don't have any right!

Her silence screamed loud enough to echo the walls of my heart and soul.

"I'm sorry."  That is all I can mutter.

I looked around at people who must have been staring at us. But when I looked around with blurry sight , no one is looking at us. Not even acknowledgement of our existence in that corner or corridor.

"I'm sorry too." She replied back wiping her tears away.

"Why are you sorry for?" I asked in reflex.

"For everything that made you so anxious that you forgot." She took a pause and for a second her eyes flicker around my hand. As if reminding me something.

As I raise my hand to check, the engagement ring shone bright, alarming my senses of what I have done and more than that what I have felt for her, still feeling for her is not less than a sin.

I stood still gazing at her. 

It's not done. We left so much unsaid that it overpowered my senses. 

I feel guilty but at the same time I can't deny that I still feel the same for her. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hMy5za-m5Ew

Thanks for the Read.