She made him feel everything at once. Every single emotion was thrown at him, and all he could see were the flaws that came with it.

"What?" It was all I could force out of my quickly closing throat. He just told me he hadn't wanted a mate from the Sensus pack, and most of all not someone from the Amor quarters.
"You know why we separate all of you based upon your most dominant emotion? It's to make sure people with the same flaws are kept together. Ira gets angry at everything, they irritate the people around them who aren't the same. Ratio only thinks, never acts, only does things theoretically. Peccatum always lives in chaos. And Amor is worst of all, because they love everything and everyone that exists."
I still didn't understand. "But what is wrong with loving?" As tears rolled over my cheeks - tears he didn't look at, tears he ignored - he gave an answer to my question in a loud and accusing voice.
"You Amors love everything. You don't just like something, you always love it immediately. It's what you do. You are taught to love, and as you are the most Amor person there is, you love everything with your whole heart, your entire soul. Every. Single. Thing." He seethed through his teeth.
"I- I don't under- s- s- stand," I hiccupped.
"Oh for Gods sake. Take your head out of your heart and stop being stupid!"
I gasped out loud, feeling horrible that he dared to say that.
"You love everything there is, so it doesn't mean anything anymore. A mate to you is no different than the doorbell of which you like the sound. You love both equally with your whole heart."
Oh. That's what he meant all along. But-
"And even then, when you say you love me with your whole being, you don't even mean it. You don't love me. You never have. Not even for your standards." Now he actually looked sad, and I felt my heart constrict at the sight. "You only like the idea of a mate. What I could be if you got to mould me into your wishes. You never even remotely liked who I am. You don't love me, Micara, because you are unable to. That's your flaw. The reason I don't want you."
With these words he walked out of the room, slamming the door behind him, leaving me alone with only my thoughts to accompany me.

I didn't see Aericon the following day. At night I slept alone in the bed, after which I woke up, showered, redressed and then felt too afraid to leave the room. So I sat on the bed and thought.
I could only think, cry, and suffer.
Two episodes of the mate-loss syndrome I had to suffer alone today, but I couldn't let myself ask for help. Even though the Alpha had completely run over my ego, I still had some of my pride left, and I didn't want to lose that last bit. So I suffered.
A lot.
At least I had all the time in the world to think. Which I needed very much. My mate didn't just blow away my ego and pride, he also flipped my thoughts around as if he wanted to juggle with them. In other words: my head was a total mess. My thoughts were a chaos, as he just showed me that my entire way of thinking was completely wrong. I mean, I wasn't stupid, I could see what he meant. It's just that I didn't think that it was applicable to me at first.
However, the more I thought about it, the more I felt like a fool. All that he said had some truth in it. I did indeed love everything. Well - did I? Did I even love anything?
I didn't know anymore. I just didn't know.

A few days later we returned home. Ever since our spat, Aericon and I hadn't said a word to each other. In fact, I hadn't said a word at all.
I was a mess, my whole life turned upside down and then rolled over. Thoughts tumbled over one another, and I doubted all I'd ever known. So I kept quiet and just stared ahead.
I kept doing that for days. I only thought, analysed an object, song or thing I had previously loved with whole my heart, then decided if I truly did like it. I found that the answer to that question was 'no' most of the times, and that bugged me. My entire identity was wrong. I wasn't who I thought I was, and that was scary.
But I must say, it was liberating in some way.
Using my phone, I texted my family and Francis, telling them I was fine and had a lot of fun going to another pack, even though I didn't mean it. I still didn't want to hurt them by saying I felt awful, because they were one of the only people I was sure I loved. You don't hurt the people you love.
And I thought I had hurt my soulmate a lot by being me. I had to be a better me for him. I had to overcome my faults and work on myself. Otherwise not only I would have to live with the burden of not having a true mate, he would too. And there just was a small part of me that didn't like that at all.
So I decided to call Livia. What I got from her story was that she was the only one who really fell in love with her mate from the start, even though they had some things to work on. At the Alpha meeting we had all exchanged numbers, so it didn't take long for me to find her contact.
"Hey this is Livia DeVoe! I'm not here at the moment, but leave a message and I will-"
"Wait don't hang up I'm here!" Livia picked up the phone, sounding out of breath. "How are you Cara? I didn't see you after Alpha Aericon dragged you up to your room. Did our plan work?"
I sighed. "No in contrast. He told me exactly why he didn't want me."
"Oh, well that's shitty."
"Yhea." We kept silent for a while.
"I just don't know what to do now, he told me he didn't want me because I'm an Amor, because I love everything and everyone, and now he thinks love doesn't mean anything to me. And on top of that he thinks I only love the idea of what he could be, not actually him." I rattled, tears in my eyes as I realised how bad I had screwed up. "I think I really hurt him by being me, even though I see what I did was wrong. I don't know what to do, I need your help."
Livia didn't say a word as she let the words sink in. After a while she spoke up, her voice light and calming. "Well, I think the answer to your plea isn't that difficult. I might have an idea that will probably work out fine. However, I'm not sure."
"Tell me, please," I begged her.
"First of all, find out what you do love, what you don't like and what you think is okay for yourself."
"I already did that, I found out that many things actually bore me to hell," I answered honestly.
"It's a good start!" She said encouraging. "Secondly, it's okay to allow yourself to feel more emotions than just love. In some way, this quarrel with your future mate is good for you. You now experience sadness, grief, confusion and maybe a bit of anger. Try and let the feelings in, you'll see it is okay."
"Allright."
"And then lastly, just talk with Aericon. Not talk to him, talk with him. Find out what he likes, what he hates, etcetera etcetera. Get to know him, you know?"
"Yhea, I guess?" I knew I sounded like I didn't, but I did. I understood completely. "Thanks, Livia." I said, gratefully.
"You're welcome Cara," she said warmly. "I knew I should have been a psychologist."