This chapter is dedicated to the memory of Rick May, the VA for Soldier.
Warning: Chapter contains graphic nudity, as well as a panel from the TF2 comic, A Cold Day in Hell.

Hebijo Academy

Once again, the students of Hebijo Academy prepared for a grueling day of training.

They were told that they would be trained by another one of the mercs today. They didn't know which one, however.

The students, both normal and elite again, walked into a room, expecting to find a similar sight as last time.

Instead, however, they found Medic standing next to a glowing device.

"So, you're our teacher today?" Asked a student.

"No, actually. I'm just making sure zat you make it through ze teleporter vithout any concerning side effects." Medic explained.

"Teleporter?" Asked Haruka.

"Vell, we have to get you to ze mountains somehow. Unless you prefer to run across ze country?" Medic asked.

And with that, everybody shut up. Once Medic instructed that they enter the teleporter five at a time, they obeyed. First Homura's team, then Miyabi's, then the two groups of random students. When they arrived at the teleporter exit, they were suddenly hit with freezing temperatures. They all looked up and saw that they were on Mount Hotaka.

"So, what now?" Asked Imu.

Then Medic came through the teleporter.

"Vell, I'm not entirely sure myself. However, I do know zat Soldier vanted to find someone here. So, my advice vould be to split up and cover more ground." Medic explained.

At the mere mention of who was teaching them today, Hikage visibly tensed up. And by visibly, I mean everyone saw. And she didn't care. Now, given that Hikage was understood to be an emo (especially by her friends), this set off all sorts of red flags to the other students.

Once Medic was teleported back to Hebijo, the teleporter deactivated, leaving the students on the freezing mountain. They decided to follow Medic's advice and split up.

Timeskip

Miyabi and her team wandered the mountain searching for the person that Sensei Soldier wanted them to find.

Miyabi was getting impatient, but she also expected this. After all, finding 1 person in such a big area wasn't easy.

"Keep an eye out for anything that may lead us to this person." Miyabi instructed.

"Who the hell would come out here, anyway?" Imu asked.

"Does it matter? We were instructed to find this person. I assume that also means that Sensei Soldier wants us to bring them back alive. So, let's stop asking questions and finish our task." Ryōbi said.

"Right... but still, it makes you wonder who this person is. What do you think, Murasaki?" Imu asked her sister.

But when no answer came, they all turned around and saw that Murasaki was nowhere to be seen.

"Alright, where did she go?" Imu sighed, as this was not the first time her sister had split from the group during a mission.

"Well that's just fantastic. Now we have two people to look for." Ryōbi said sarcastically.

"Ryōna, did you see her run off anywhere?" Imu asked.

But just like Murasaki, there was no answer, and Ryōna was nowhere to be seen.

"What the hell? She was here just a minute ago!" Miyabi exclaimed.

Miyabi, Ryōbi, and Imu all readied their weapons.

"Keep an eye out!" Miyabi instructed.

"Hai!" Ryōbi replied.

Imu, however, did not reply. When Miyabi and Ryōbi turned around, they saw that Imu had vanished.

"What the hell?! What's going on?!" Ryōbi exclaimed.

Then she noticed that she was now all alone.

Well... almost.

Out of the snow, a creature popped out and attacked her. She was only able to fire a single shot from her rifle before the creature dragged her beneath the snow.

With Homura and her team...

Homura and her team were walking around the mountain, looking for the person that Sensei Soldier wanted them to find.

Suddenly, they heard a gunshot from behind them.

"That sounded like Ryōbi's rifle!" Mirai exclaimed.

"Come on!" Homura instructed.

They all ran towards the shot. When they stopped, they looked around for clues about what had happened.

Then, Hikage found something.

"Guys?" She said.

Then she turned around, revealing a pistol in her hand.

A very familiar pistol.

"That's one of Ryōna's guns." Haruka said.

"What happened to them?" Yomi asked.

Just then, they were suddenly attacked by the same creature that had taken out Miyabi's team.

The creature pounced onto Yomi, but she sent the creature flying backwards using her feet. The creature landed in the snow.

Then it stood up and faced them, revealing that it wasn't a creature.

Instead, it was...

...

Well, on the bright side, the girls found out that the person Soldier wanted them to find is him.

'WHY THE HELL IS HE NAKED?!?!' Homura thought.

'WHY THE HELL IS HE COVERED IN HONEY?!?!' Yomi thought.

'WHERE THE HELL DID THE HONEY COME FROM?!?! WE'RE ON A MOUNTAIN!!!' Haruka thought.

'OH, GOD, NOT AGAIN!!!' Hikage thought.

Soldier, not saying a word yet, pounced on Yomi, shouting 'HUTTAH' as he did so. He then placed his hands on her head and...

"NON-LETHAL NECK SNAP!" Soldier shouted as he twisted Yomi's head around.

Yomi fell to the ground, but was still alive. Still, even if it was non-lethal, her neck was still snapped, so her friends were rather concerned.

"YOMI!" Mirai exclaimed.

Soldier then charged at Mirai. She swung her umbrella at him, but he caught it, then yanked it from her grasp. Then, he hit with it so hard that she went flying backwards a few yards.

Haruka attacked Soldier using one of her puppet creatures. That didn't last long, since Soldier jumped over it, turned around, and ripped it's arms off using his bare hands. When the creature fell down dead, Soldier began screaming and banging his chest like a gorilla. Then, he suddenly whapped her in the face with a shovel, similar to what he did to Hikage.

Speaking of, Hikage nearly subdued Soldier, as she was about to hold a knife to his throat. Unfortunately, Soldier was busy dealing with Homura, who was in front of him.

Now you you may be asking, how is that unfortunate for Hikage? He's facing away from her and wouldn't see her coming.

And to that I say, this Soldier we're talking about.

As Soldier reeled his shovel back to hit Homura, he accidentally hit Hikage, knocking her to the ground. He didn't notice, somehow, and proceeded to knock Homura to the ground.

At that point, Homura's team couldn't go on. Mostly because they wanted Soldier to put some clothes on.

"Congratulations, cupcakes! You failed." Soldier jeered.

Timeskip

Soldier, and the four groups of students, all came through the teleporter and were back at Hebijo.

There, Soldier went to his classroom for the lecture he had prepared, while Medic healed the students injuries. He also told them that Soldier was kind of misogynistic, and that the rest of BLU team had to make up some kind of story saying how male warriors are endangered or something.

After that, the students reluctantly went to Soldier's classroom. Thankfully, he put his clothes back on.

The students noticed that there were no seats or desks. So they just stood there.

Then Soldier began his lecture.

"Alright! Listen up, maggots! I do not approve of little girly-girls like you setting foot on my beloved battlefield! However, it has come to my attention that the population of male warriors is dwindling, and until that population is back on the rise, you women have to fill in. That is why I make an exception with you." Soldier explained.

The girls raised eyebrows, but said nothing.

"Now then, first off! You are to refer to me as sir! Am I understood?!" Soldier exclaimed.

Mirai then raised a hand.

"What is it, maggot?" He asked.

"I say this with respect. Sensei is 'sir' in our language." Mirai lied.

Soldier stroked his chin. He didn't like being called something in a language that wasn't American, even if it was respectful. But, he wasn't in America, so this once he conceded.

"Very well. Now that that's out of the way, I demand your undivided attention! Is that understood?!" Soldier shouted.

"Yes, Sensei!" The girls all shouted, as if they were a military unit.

Suzune, who was watching from a back corner, was actually kind of impressed. Though Soldier as an idiot, he knew how to gain respect.

"Now then. Something I noticed when you panty wearing pansies were walking around the mountain is that you do not respect the beauty of combat! War is an art! And I will be damned if anyone within this platoon does not treat it as such! Therefore, I must teach you the history of this art in order for you to fully appreciate it!" Soldier explained.

Then Soldier began his rant that the other mercs knew to heart by now.

"If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must fight! Tsun Su said that!" Soldier explained.

Then he looked at the students.

"And I'd say he knows a little more about fighting than you do, pansies, because he invented it!" He shouted, getting really close to Imu's face.

Then he backed away and continued pacing.

"Then he perfected it so that no living man could beat him in the ring of honor!" Soldier continued.

*flashback*
Granary
The Badlands

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" Soldier screamed.

Then he ran forward with his shotgun and shot a RED Demo clone. Then he took out his rocket launcher, turned around, and blew up a RED Medic clone.

"MAGGOTS!!!" Soldier shouted.

Then he continued his charge out into the battlefield.

*End flashback*

Hebijo Academy

"Then he used his fight money to buy two of every animal on earth! And then he herded them onto a boat, then he beat the crap out of every single one!" Soldier said, banging two grenades together.

"That's not how-" A student began.

But she was cut off when Soldier knocked her unconscious with his shovel.

"Insubordination will not be tolerated in my unit!" Soldier shouted.

*flashback*

"Sentry up there!" A BLU Scout clone shouted.

Soldier ran toward the sentry and rocket jumped onto a pipe, destroying the sentry and killing Engineer in the process.

Soldier then ran along the pipe until he reached the control point. Then he fired a rocket at Heavy and Pyro.

He jumped down onto the control point, where he whipped out his shovel and whapped Spy in the face.

*End flashback*

Hebijo

"Mehehehehe... And from that day forward, anytime a bunch of animals were all together in one place, it's called a zoo!" Soldier shouted.

The students remained silent. Not out of respect, but because of Soldier's stupidity. They were told that he was an idiot, but this... this was far beyond an idiot. Ryōbi didn't even know someone could be this stupid.

Ryōna opened her mouth to speak, but Soldier interrupted her before she could even make a sound.

"Unless it's a farm!"