[ eun rae's point of view ]

he w-was awake this whole time?

his soft, fragile voice made me really wanted to change my decision. really bad, like really bad. but i have already promised jackson and we would be leaving by tomorrow.

it would be the best for the two of us, to be honest. a fan dating an idol would be risky, like really really risky.

i tried to yank my wrist away from him but he only held it tighter.

"let go, hoseok." i tried to sound tough, but i obviously failed. i will never sound tough no matter how hard i try.

"eun rae, please," his voice was filled with pleading and i bit my lip. why is this so hard?

"just one day? please, just spend today with me."

"hoseok, no–"

i was suddenly being turned behind and i saw hoseok standing, really really near to me. i froze, unsure of what to do. i wanted to run away but my feet prevented me to do so. i was just like a gum sticking onto the floor.

"eun rae," he whispered, and soon i found my face nearer and nearer to him. i wanted to push him away, but why can't i do so?

"just this once." he said and his lips hovered over mine. i don't feel butterflies in my stomach, in fact, i felt a whole zoo of animals inside my stomach as if they were invading my organ. his lips were sweet like strawberry, my favourite fruit.

gradually, he placed his hands on my waist and pulled me even more closer to him.

i don't have any more will to push him away anymore as i let myself melt under him. our lips were moving against each other gently. it wasn't filled with lust or hunger, it was just sweet and gentle.

slowly, he pulled away from me and our foreheads touched. this time, i looked straight into his eyes.

"eun rae." he breathed out. my heartbeat raced like a racing car. i was feeling mixed emotions now, i didn't know what to do. i wanted to push him away but yet i don't. i'm feeling really really confused.

"why can't you stay with me? why can't you date me? i don't understand." he sighed in frustration as he held me closer to him. i bite my lip.

"dating an idol is r-risky," i managed to choke out. "either of us could get attacked any time. you know, sasaeng fans."

hoseok then slowly grabbed my hands and he placed light kisses onto it as a tingling sensation rushed through my body.

"i'm willing to take the risk. i promise that i would protect you at any costs, i promise. are you willing to take the risk?"

his lips curled into a small smile. "if you really like me, you would be willing to take the risk. if you don't, you can just walk out of the door right now. i won't force you to stay anymore,"

with that, i took steps backwards as i slowly took my hands away from him, and walked towards the door.

•••

i knew i wasn't ready to take the risk. i'm afraid of being attacked. the articles i read in allkpop and koreaboo really scares me a lot. the things sasaeng fans do, it was to the extend that i could even be dead, and the fan won't even be arrested because she would not be so stupid to leave so many evidence.

i sighed as i placed my folded my clothes nicely and placed it neatly inside my luggage. i was going to bring my whole cupboard of clothes to england. jackson's uncle stays in england, so we would be staying at his uncle's house for the time being until we have money to buy a new apartment.

"are you really sure you want to leave?" jackson questioned once again. i nodded my time for the nth time. "jackson, i am really sure. don't question me anymore. and what are you doing here? aren't you supposed to be packing your bag?"

"i've already packed when you went to the hospital to visit..." he trailed off, not wanting to mention his name because he knew it was sensitive to me. at times like these, i was really glad that i have a bestfriend.

i smiled. "what time's the flight?"

"it's 6pm in the afternoon. we need to be in the airport by 5pm, so we should start heading out at 4pm." he answered. i bobbed my head as i closed my luggage, and zipped it to make sure it was securely closed.

i fished out my phone from my pocket and switched it on, only to be bombarded by notifications on my screen. most were messages from whatsapp which i didn't really cared but one caught my attention.

'you received a snap from hobihorsehobi'

despite me walking out on him, he still decided to snapchat me? maybe he's just wishing a safe flight for me. i tapped on the notification and it lead me to snapchat. i opened the snap and it was just a black background with the caption,

'ocme ilwl i'.

i furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. what the hell does that mean?

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