24. Blood Sweat and Tears

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"Oppa!" I heard them screaming like crazy when the boys dancing and singing right in front of us. I love the concept. We can always strolling around to watching other performance, we communicate with radio, the crew is so cool to make this kind of concept.

"Wah, they are not kidding. Look at Jimin." Jisoo even mesmerized by how the boys look. They surely looks like god. But I can't help to look at Jungkook by time to time. This is not the first time I heard his voice, but every time I do always feel it's like the first time. Goose bump creeping under my casual outfit, sending shiver to my back. Why did he sounds so sad?

My blood sweat and tears, my cold breath. Take it all. I want you a lot. He said while looking right at my direction make me gasping. The voice is already beautiful, and how they manage to dance like a monster. I look down after I saw he smirk on me, I can't handle this anymore.

"BTS will done. Black Pink get ready. Get ready to stage 2 beside the BTS stage." I look at the girls when I heard the crew call us from the radio. Jennie unnie who's being perfectionist about everything now dragging us to the stage and then checking our outfit, very detail, Jennie style. "Microphone will turn on in 1...2...3..." and there I heard chanting around us after the boys already done. I feel something moving inside my belly, god, why did I even agree to perform. I am so nervous.

"Blackpink...Blackpink...Blackpink.." I heard the chant surrounding us. The stage is not that high, it's only make us got more attention that other. Jisoo said they named the group Pinkpunk back then, but because it's sounds weird they change it to Blackpink. It suit us then, if Rose and Jisoo unnie is pink, me and Jennie unnie must be the black side.

Been a bad girl, I know I am

And I am so hot, I need a fan

I don't want a boy, I need a man

I try to not thinking who's around us, because damn I hate when I see crowd. Lisa you already finish the first rap, one more rap. I am saying to myself but then my eyes dart on someone who's smirking among the crowd. I nearly making mistake with the dance when Jennie unnie coolly walk pass by me and hold my arm like nothing happen, like it was the most natural thing to do. I hug the unnies and Rose when we are done. I nearly crying, feel ashamed because I think I ruined everything. I just can't concentrate. I can't.

"You are amazing." I look at my right when Jungkook come to me, and distinctly I went to him leaving the unnies who's calming me and then hug him in the crowd. He seems shocked because his both hand is still hanging in the air when I hug him, hide me Jungkook.

"Isn't she the girl who rap the recent song?" I heard them whispering.

"She must be the new member. Indeed, Blackpink is the best. How can she rap like that, beautiful." They added, I sigh when I hug Jungkook. I think they don't know that I am nearly ruined blackpink. Such a relieved.

"What's going on?" he then ask while hug me tight with his both hand. "You do amaze everyone. Hyungs saying you are dope." He playfully added and then I punch his toned stomach, damn why is it so hard. We are chuckled and I let him free from my hug. He softly wipe my tears. "My barbie is the best." He added two thumb in front of me and then I smile at him.

"You look great." I am saying make his eyes widened and then he clear his throat, managing to look cool after that. I giggle because of his silly act.

"Want to go somewhere?" he ask then make me looking at him, confuse. The charity is not finished yet, thought we already finish our performance but I hesitate to run from the girls. "They will understand. Let's go, and officially dating."

--

You never change, Bonnie.

I red the messages from the unsaved number, the unsaved number which I knew belong to who. I also sees the video he sent me.

https://youtu.be/jnYXddDEmr8

I put it back on my drawer when I heard knock on at the door. And then he entering my room innocently. I smile when he shyly smile and walk toward me.

"Are you okay?" he said when he sees me so quiet, only looking at him. Mesmerizing. I should tell myself to not over protective like I used to be, I should restrain myself from my eagerness. I cant be too greedy, I cant give all of me again and left broken like last time. Because it's so hurt and hard to move on. I should set him free, let him living his life with his own will, and if I am lucky enough he will stay loyal toward me.

He sit beside me and then look at the mirror in front of us, make me copying what he do. "Look how beautiful you are." I smile still remain quiet, I want to feel every seconds the moment I am with him. "I once find your photo in dad's wallet and asking him who are you." I look at his eyes from the mirror. You are beautiful too.

"Your name was too hard for me to spell." He chuckled and shyly look down on your lap. "Then he tell me to call you Barbie."

For the first time I don't feel sorrow killing me when I replaying the memories of dad in my head. "The innocent you, dark black hair. Too beautiful and too perfect to be real." Then I look at my reflection in the mirror.

Red lips, blonde hair, fierce look. I am not innocent anymore. I am change. I fuck off with my life. I was once that innocent girl who still believe in the beautify of love, that it will change the bad to the good. Forgetting, that love is like the double edged knife, it can change you, change everything. From the bad to good, and vice versa. I was too naïve that love will give me strength, I put all of me in it. Loving my father, and also that man. And they both left me, leaving me wondering what did I do wrong. But then I ain't sorry for what I've become, this crazy and cold woman, because no one's ever apologized for make everything this way.

And look at me now, sit beside this man. Surrender again to love, but may be I am still me. The old school of me, who's still like flower and sweet words. Maybe I still believe in love, maybe I just have a hard time believing in people. Because my worst fucking fear is being cheated on by the only person I want to wake up every morning. And I gave it to you now, Jungkook. It's been 3 years, and will forget that it had ever hurt me. I'll be brave and hug you, to heal both of our broken soul.

I softly take his hand, playing with his soft fingers. Don't play me. Secretly I ask Jungkook, praying to the god that I do the right thing. "I am not very good at telling people how I feel." I am begin still glue my eyes on his slender finger. "I am usually being turn down and turn off my emotions when I am hurt." His finger then catches mine, hold it. "I am also doom." He chuckled by my words.

"You may will never hear this anymore." I then bravely look at his eyes, looking to the side, see him watching me carefully. "I am trying to believe in you. I will fight tooth and nail for you." I then placing my hand on both of his cheeks, caressing it softly bring him back from his tears.

"Be careful, Jeon Jungkook." My voices is shaking when my tears is coming down to my lips. "I love you."

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