"Let's not falling in love." I am not really understand what Jisoo unnie said, I was about to entering the art building when I heard her voice. Did I just eavesdrops on other problem again? The last time I heard Jennie unnie fighting with Yoongi oppa, even though I really don't know much about Yoongi oppa and Jennie unnie but at least I knew that they have mutual feeling.
"Let's never crossing the line. Let's be save." She said again, and I am so frustrated to know who's the one she talk with.
"Please. Jimin and Rose made it." Its him. Taehyung's voice. His voice sounds so desperate, I never know that he could feel that way. Because he is always been that alien between the guys, act weird and dork. The life full of fake. All of us.
"Let's never forget about Jennie and Yoongi." I can sense just how much she want it too. But she is too afraid. Everyone had their own story, aren't we?
"It's different story. It's all because their siblings. But we have nothing to fight with. We can make it just like Rose and Jimin."
"Don't." The pause make me focusing on them, hearing every sounds inside the building from the door. "I can't. I don't want to be Lisa, and you don't have to be Jungkook. Just stay like this, just look at me from far, and I will do the same. Keep being fuck boy, kiss random girl at the hallway every morning and act like we never know. We don't have to choose the hell if we have heaven."
"I don't want heaven. I want you." I heard their voice get closer so I look around to find another place to hide. "Heaven is a place where nothing ever happen. I want you."
But when I am about to walk away, that's all already too late. She opened the door right in front of me with her shocked face.
"Lisa and Jungkook won't ever make it because she know less about him. She don't-" then Taehyung following her behind, watching me which is now speechless.
"Lisa." I look at them, Taehyung and then Jisoo unnie. Am I the only one who don't know? Am I the only one who walk in the darkness all this time? Are they laughing on me while I am struggling with everything? They keep saying don't, without saying a thing. What are they expecting from me, I am not a shaman.
--
"Jinny." I call her once I capture her figure among the crowd of Hongdae street. She look at me a little surprise. She used to be the one who found me. She look at me with the same poker face I always show to everyone. Well, our friends in Thailand didn't call us a twin for no reason. She resemble me so much.
"They are all lying to me." I speak softly, leaning my head on her shoulder. We are eating rainbow ice on the bench, watching passerby walk the streets. "All of them."
This is so tragic, I hate her for what she did to me. But then I always look for her to whine. indeed, I need some gasoline to make my fire burning again. If I am weak, whenever I am around her, I could forget about weak and sense. I will recharge my energy back, I feel like alive.
"If they play you like a doll, don't be a barbie." I stay still, wanting more and more gasoline for my fire. "Be the Annabelle. Fight them!" she said sternly, carelessly, heartlessly. Well, I will.
--
The only class I attend with her feel like hell. I know I should've just move on with Mochi beside me, when she already having fun with different guys. The driver B.I, and the date Yoongi. But why can't I erase my feeling that easily the way she does. She refuses me just like I am not even exist on her world. So what's with the I love you, or about the Fight tooth and nails. Or about the kiss. Or about the stare she gave me, the warm and comfort she let me to feel.
Can't she understand me, I have the obligation to take care of Mochi, and I still love her. I still love my barbie. Why can't she give me more time to found about my feeling and just walk away like that. It's fucking terrifying that she can care so much about someone and get so attached to her and she can just turn around and live like nothing.
"Who are you?" I ask someone who touch my shoulder. Mochi was around, riding roller coaster when I waited for her here. I look at the figure, tall, blonde hair, I think I know someone who looks similar with her style. Barbie.
"Night mare." She said giving me her hand to hand shake with. "But if it sounds cheesy, Jinny would be okay." She add before I hold her hand. I never knew her, she is exactly not one of my crazy ex. "Baby sitting your - what Panpriya call it again" she know her, she knew my barbie. She seems annoying while trying act like she think. "first love?" she then chuckled. "First love your ass."
"Am I having problem with you?" I straight forwardly asking her, because the roller coaster almost stop. I won't let Mochi sees me with other girl on our date.
"In the past we haven't. But-" she then face me with her poker face, so Barbie looking. "If you fuck around with Panpriya's feelings just because you don't know your own, I will make you pay the right price." She then look at the roller coaster right after Mochi landed and walked toward me. Damn.
"Who are you?" I know Mochi won't like this, but the girl named Jinny on the opposite side looks happy to meet her. Crossing hand, standing proudly, smirking.
"Your karma, fake."
--
My thought perfectly disturbed by the giggling from the door, the girls are handing one porcelain vase, not too big but big enough to make someone die if it fell. I look at them, curious what they make. And then they knot the vase with a string and then fasten it to the door knob. One girl is watching something from the glass window and then they are sitting back on their own seat.
"I am angry." Yoongi hyung saying his words while eyeing the door as the shadow from someone who will entering the class closer and closer.
"Who?" I ask him, wanting to know who's the target. I look at the faces I used to spend the class, they are all in here. Is it the professor? But then when the knob about to moved I am aware who is it. Not care of around, I run as fast as I can and then hug the body which's I adore so much, protecting it. The throb on the back of my head feels so painful, but this is worth it. At least I can protect her.
As the sounds of cracking porcelain on my back, and the scream from her, I lost myself swallowed by the darkness. Once again. The smell of her just like the lullaby, which is bring me into the deep sleep. Don't wake me up if you gonna reject me, Barbie. Don't.
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