Dear Zayne,

All my life, I had thought I needed to be perfect. When my sister got in trouble or didn't do well in school, mamma and Pappa fought.  I believed that if I achieved good marks, behaved well, and followed all the rules, my parents would be happy and our home would be peaceful.

I thought I needed to take care of my sister. I needed to set a good example. I needed to make sure that she did things the right way, that she didn't get hurt. I needed to protect her.

When I was about 18,  I fell in love with him. He was reckless and impulsive. I needed to take care of him. I needed to make sure he wasn't ruining his life or health or future. While I was willing to accept his mistakes and help him through them, I struggled to accept my own imperfections.

In my attempt to achieve perfection, I didn't make small mistakes. I made gigantic ones.

When I met you, it had been the first time that someone, who was not a teacher, had taken the time to explain things to me. When I didn't feel like I needed to be the responsible one. When I was with you, I felt safe and cared for. I found someone I could depend on. Someone I could rely on no matter the situation.

Somehow, for some reason, you seemed to be impressed with me without me having to put in any effort. I could ask you questions without you thinking that I was stupid. I could act silly around you. I could relax. I didn't have to think or overthink

You didn't expect anything from me. You gave me career advice, helped clear up my thoughts, and showed me the best way to get the most out of a clinical posting.

You saw the biggest mistakes I made, the things that I was ashamed of, and you accepted me. You saw the best in me somehow, and you were just there.

And then you married me. I was at my lowest, and you made me feel okay. I felt like there was someone to catch me if I fell, someone to save me if I was drowning.

Suddenly, I didn't need to be perfect. For the first time in my life, I could make mistakes. I could be reckless. And you would love me. You would be there. I felt safe. I felt secure. You would love me no matter what. I needed that more than anything. I needed you.

Did I get it all wrong?

Love,
Naina