Through every hardship we passed, we really were too optimistic, weren't we?

♡

Maybe... this was meant to happen.

2015 have just arrived and the days were coming down to it, to which if it would be Geurim, Koeun, or Yerim chosen to be the fifth member of Red Velvet.

Long days in the practice room, intense lessons with her trainers. She was working her butt off so to be given this chance, but also with a guilt heavy in her heart.

As the days come closer to picking the last member, Geurim still wondered why she was particularly chosen. She had other friends who had trained for much longer than she had, she was barely a trainee for a year. It was no where near a year yet since she entered SM. They could have just stopped in picking either Koeun or Yerim, why add her into the mix?

And when she voiced these concerns to her two competitors, they were quick to shut her down. To tell her that she shouldn't throw away her chances to debuting because she felt bad. This was a precious moment, and Geurim shouldn't waste it while she has it. What could she even say against that? Geurim had to continue on with her preparations, if it meant that Koeun and Yerim didn't want her to give it up.

How could she when her sunbae, Seulgi, told her to work hard for this? The one person she admired and respected the most had told her she should fight for the position no matter what. Geurim couldn't let her down. Besides, how cool would it be to be in the same group as Seulgi-unnie?

It was a nice thought.

However, this battle between the three young girls, created a divide between everyone, as different people rooted for who they wanted to make it to the final lineup.

Their group of friends, the same ones Geurim had so many fun days with, were all now cautious around each other. No one wanted to hurt the other's feelings for rooting for someone else. They were silent, and they talked about other things, but Geurim could see it. Surely, everyone knew.

Of course people had their own personal picks to who they see as the next Red Velvet member. Even amongst other staff members, and other sunbaes were quietly debating about this matter.

And Geurim always knew... she was in the minority when it came to it.

So, what else was she to do?

It was their last battle.

And Geurim practiced.

and practiced.

and practiced.

It was told to the trio that they would have one last evaluation that would ultimately choose who would be best for the group. And so, determined to get this chance, Geurim worked hard, day and night, to show that she was perfect for the girl group. They practiced the song that Red Velvet will comeback with their new member, Ice Cream Cake. It was given to the girls so the onlookers could see who would fit the song best, who would fit with the other four members best.

"One more time," Geurim huffed after rewatching the video where the choreography was recorded. In the video, there were five dance trainers, Geurim was supposed to follow the one woman in red. The dance wasn't even too hard in Geurim's standards, she just had to get it all down and be able to sing through it.

She set her phone down just in front of the grand mirror and began the demo song.

And just like that, she snapped into position, falling deep into her performance.

Ever since the evaluation had been announced, Geurim made sure to put in all of her time into it. She couldn't focus on school work, she couldn't hang out with her friends as much, she barely had time to read the books she had wanted to read. All her time was into this.

She was greedy for that last spot in Red Velvet.

Yet, tired. She wished this was all over.

She was so tired.

A blink.

And a thud.

Now, exploding pain.

Geurim cried out, as she gripped at her ankle, which throbbed. The pain was pulsating. Oh god. It was all she could focus on even while the rest of the song finished off in the background.

It wasn't until a security guard who was patrolling the floor had noticed her cries. With his help, Geurim was able to be brought to the building infirmary to get her ankle checked. While the nurse of the infirmary was taking care of her sprained ankle, her mind was screaming. The poor trainee was so frustrated.

It was only a couple days before evaluations.

And she let this happen?

It didn't take too long until Park Namseok had hurried into the infirmary to see her. He wasn't alone either, behind him, her best friend had come running in too. And the moment Geurim met Jaemin's eyes, she burst out bawling.

He was her number one supporter besides her family. She couldn't help but feel she had let him down. It was such a stupid mistake, missing a step to the song and have fallen onto her ankle like that. She was supposed to be one of the best dancers amongst the trainees.

What does this say about her now?

She can't properly dance?

"Geurim-ah."

Suddenly, a warmth wrapped itself around her. Her tears were uncontrollable, her friend really was here in the flesh, seeing her so broken. Her head fell onto Jaemin's shoulder and she cried even harder. She could feel him patting her back to comfort her, to make her feel better.

"It's okay, Geurim. You worked really hard, okay?" He mumbled into her. "You should rest. I'm going to get you some sweets. That'll make you feel better, right?"

Geurim had no more hope of debuting as she and Jaemin were being driven home by Namseok after being properly taken care of by the SM nurse. Seeing that she didn't have to be taken to the hospital, Namseok offered to drive the two kids home, as it would be more convenient for Geurim. Jaemin fulfilled his promise in buying her the gummies that she usually enjoyed, but it was left untouched in her lap.

The car ride was tensely silent, but none of the males in that vehicle didn't have an idea what they can talk about. Namseok and Jaemin felt that one peep would lead the girl crying again, that's the last thing they wanted.

Her gaze was currently out the window, watching the night scene pass her.

Her heart strained with so much regrets, but after her breakdown in the infirmary, she didn't have the energy to cry anymore. Her eyes were dry.

Cautiously, she peered over to her side at Jaemin. He was staring out the opposite window, doing the same.

In this sense, he seemed different than to the Jaemin she sees. Where was that sunshine boy that she could always turn to for a smile. All that there was on his face was a blankness, his lips clearly tugged into a frown. He was just as disappointed as she was. They both knew Geurim would no longer be able to debut in this condition.

Fine.

Why did she want to be so greedy in the first place? She could wait a little longer. She totally can. She still had a lot to learn as a trainee, anyway. Maybe, she and Jaemin could debut around the same time.

With those thoughts, the pressure of it all had lifted a bit.

She wanted to be in her safe haven again.

Without really thinking much about it, her hand reached out and grabbed his.

Jaemin, you became my safe haven.

Geurim should've been embarrassed to do this, holding a boy's hand so easily, but she wasn't. Not when Jaemin had just grabbed hers plenty of times before without an explanation. It was instant comfort. She already felt better just having Jaemin here with her.

He didn't say anything.

In fact, his hand squeezed hers back, and he went back to looking out the window.

And Geurim did the same.

•  •  •

"Congratulations, Yerim, you were chosen to be the additional member of Red Velvet!"

Geurim, Koeun, and Yeri were called to the office one late afternoon. The moment they all realized they were going to meet with Lee Sooman altogether, they knew it was the moment of truth. It was time to find out what they were all waiting for, the final lineup of the recently debuted girl group under SM.

And they have their winner.

Geurim can't even deny, she had seen her two unnies do their evaluation in the audience. They both shined and were amazing, either of them would have been great as the new member. After the fact had sunk in that she couldn't compete for the last spot, it did release some stress.

Some.

She attacked Yeri into a crushing hug, genuinely congratulating her for making it into the team. Her and Koeun were definitely happy for their friend, playfully shaking her shoulders to revive her back into reality. They all smiled and hugged.

Then Koeun and Geurim were excused from the office, so Yeri could stay behind to listen more about joining Red Velvet and all that.

When the two girls left the room, that happy aura that once surrounded them seemed to have vanished in an instant. It was then, as the door to the CEO's office was closed behind them, it was then they let everything process. They weren't chosen. They have to continue training. They missed their opportunity to have debuted. It was official now.

"You did great, Koeun-unnie," Geurim told the older girl with a small smile.

"I'm sure it would be even harder to choose if you had been able to participate," Koeun chimed, patting the younger's shoulder. "Let's both work hard so we can debut together, hmm?"

"Of course, unnie."

It was like a chapter of a book ended in that moment. Another chapter was going to start, a whole new plot, another goal that Geurim had to strive for. She knew that it'll be a few years before SM would make another girl group. But if her friends were okay with waiting, she can too.

Around in July, Woo Geurim had been introduced as an SM Rookie.

Beginning the next chapter in her life along with the friends who were in the same boat as her.

And she was happy.

It was just a shame that missing the chance of being a Red Velvet member had left a hole in her soul. Even when there's days when she forgot all about it, making the mistake and losing the opportunity will always remain one of her biggest regrets. That she can never change.