[The picture is you all. You know why.

Btw this is a bit of a long boy.

Also, I must add a trigger warning, as there is sensitive content regarding negative thoughts and contemplations of suicide in this chapter.

And yes I'm fine.

Enjoy, babies.]

Chapter 51

Reese's POV

It was late morning on a weekend. My eyes were slow to open from my slumber. Man, I haven't slept so good in a long time, it feels like. It especially helps having Ben right beside me, curled up right under my arm.

Ever since getting back from the Vegas trip, Ben has been spending nights with me more and more. Sometimes he even brings his work over from that mansion he lives in and messes with gadgets in my room (although he did almost start a fire once, but we don't talk about that).

I'll bring him food that my mom makes or even cook for him myself, even if I am a bit rusty. He loves every second of it. He's always smiling, beaming, giggling—he's just so happy here with me, and I feel the same. The only time he ever sheds a tear is when he's so overwhelmed with love that he just hugs me as we lay in bed together. And we do that a lot too, just chill together. I listen to him ramble about thoughts he has or ideas for new gadgets. It's so intriguing hearing his plans. He captures me with everything he says and does.

With a sleepy smile, I can't help but brush over his shoulder with my fingertips. Then I brush his shoulder blade, then the center of his back. His skin is so soft it's almost unreal. It's kinda unreal that he's here with me like this, but that's how it is. He's here with me. He's my cute ghost boyfriend.

After a while of just laying there and staring at his sleeping mien, he began to stir from his sleep too. I'm kinda glad he awoke peacefully this time. Before, he's scared me in the middle of the night when he bolts up into a panic attack. He says it's a nightmare and I comfort him, but he never tells me the details. All I know from his mutterings is that someone hurts him constantly, and it kinda reminds me of when I used to do that because my dad. I can't help but wonder and worry but I'll remain waiting for Ben to open up about that stuff instead of pushing it.

The elfin wraith stifled a really sweet yawn before opening his bright red eyes and giving me a smile. "Good morning," he murmured, then paused and asked, "it is morning, right?"

I chuckled. "Yes, this time it is."

"Okay, cool. Not that I mind sleeping the day away with you anyway."

With a big groan, Ben stretched his arms up high and I took this opportunity to randomly tickle his sides. Immediately he scrunched himself up and giggled, then whined at me, "Hey, no morning tickles right now...!"

"But it's so easy."

"Reese, s-stop! Ahah!" In defense, Ben turned away from me and tried to cover his sides, but I didn't give up just yet. In fact, I had a better idea in mind.

I wrapped my arms around his curled up figure and leaned in towards his head. As soon as he had realized what I was going to do, it was too late! I had started biting his elfin ear to my heart's content and delighted in hearing his adorable whines.

"N-Not fair," he mewled as he grabbed onto the back of my head, unknowingly pushing me into him more (or he probably did it on purpose). The way he clutched my hair was a little too exciting.

"Again, it's just so easy getting you like this," I teased, pulling him against me more.

He managed a smirk. "Well, how can I resist such a cutie?"

"Huh? A cutie?"

Firmly, I flipped him over so he faced me and I grabbed at the back of his neck. His black and red eyes were wide with awe and he melted like butter in my arms. The blush on his cheeks was so wild I thought they'd glow.

Pressing my lips against his ear, I said, "Call me a cutie again, I'll prove to you otherwise."

I could feel his excitement spike (literally) and saw the wild glitter in his eyes. Suddenly, just when I thought he'd submit, I was blinded by a quick flash of light, then pushed down when Ben showed up sitting on top of me. Before I could react, he pinned my arms behind my back and leaned in close to my ear. With a sultry, entertaining sigh, he said, "Cutie."

I was impressed and heavily turned on to say the least.

Just when I thought things would get good, Ben slid off of my back and wrapped his arms around me.

"What a tease," I mumbled.

Ben rolled his eyes playfully and remarked, "You're much more mean about it than I am."

"Because I know that's how you like it."

He giggled. "Haha, I do."

"Perv," I jested.

Leaning into me, he purred, "But I know that's how you like it."

With a knowing smirk, I leaned up to place a gentle kiss on Ben's pretty pink lips. So soft and cute. I could lose myself in them like I lose myself in the rest of him. I can't believe he's mine.

A gurgle broke up the soothing mood and I grabbed my stomach. "Ugh, I should make breakfast."

"Oooh, can you make pancakes? I've been in a mood for it," Ben chirped.

"Sure thing, baby," I replied, knowing how flustered Ben would get.

A blush appeared on his face and he giggled, "Haha, yeah, I'm baby."

What an absolute dork, I love him.

As soon as I got up from the bed, Ben swiftly smacked my ass and reeled back with a mischievous grin.

All I did was give him a look and said, "Really?"

"What, you can't be mad at me," he replied. "All double-cheeked up on a Saturday morning, straight hot cakes fresh out of the oven. God damn."

"Thanks."

"All loaded up."

"Thanks again."

"Where are you going with all that wagon?"

"Ben."

"I'm surprised you can even fit all that cheek through the door."

"Ben."

"I bet when you walk, they clap on their own—."

"Thank you, Ben," I interjected hurriedly. Oh god, I wonder how much longer he could go.

Finally, I was able to walk out of my room...but not before pulling a pose against the doorway for Ben, glorifying all the 'cheek'. Oh the things I do for him.

He screamed and wafted his face, exclaiming, "Ohhh shit, dawg, I spot Mount Thiccums in the horizon! OooOOOOH!"

I burst out laughing as I finally slipped into the hallway to make us breakfast.

Mom was at the hospital visiting Hunter, which left Ben and I alone for the morning. Later she was going to run errands with Artem then come home maybe at noon. That left Ben and I to ourselves for a good while. The thought of imagining this apartment as our own was kinda cheesy but flattering to me. It'd be nice to live with Ben. After all this time, I don't think it's too soon to think of stuff like that. Ben surely wouldn't mind entertaining the thought.

In the middle of making some super easy to not fuck up Aunt Jemima pancakes, Ben came rushing into the kitchen with an eager expression on his face. Jumping up to me, he said, "Hey, Reese! I have a surprise for you!"

"Is it a kiss?" I deadpanned.

"Noooo," he grumbled. Then he gave me a kiss on the cheek anyway. "Besides that, I heard that you have an affinity for bo staffs, right?"

I raised an eyebrow. "Yes I do?"

"Right, so I had a brilliant idea to make something special for you," he stated. With a showy demeanor, he whipped out a black cylindrical baton.

"What is that?"

He beamed excitedly (what a nerd), and proclaimed, "Behold, your one of a kind, super cool bo staff, made by yours truly!"

I smirked. "It's kind of small for a staff."

"Oh, this is just it pocket-sized! Once you say a secret passcode, it'll activate and elongate into a full length bo staff."

"Wow, pretty nifty."

"Of course! And, that's not even the best part. What's cooler is that at each end are small electrified prongs that give off a huge charge!" He then showed me at one end a slot, which he opened manually, to show me the tiny metal prongs.

"Interesting. Wouldn't I have to like, I don't know, charge it all the time?" I questioned.

"That's one other cool feature! It picks up electrical charges from the air so it's, like, self-charging! And once it picks up said charges, it amplifies them inside its little mini core!"

I chuckled. I love when he talks science words. "That sounds really cool. How long have you been working on this thing?"

"Oh, just last night," he said with a wide smile.

"Oh, wow, okay."

"Yea, I couldn't sleep so I built this."

"All last night?"

"Yup!"

"While I was asleep?"

"Uh huh!"

I didn't have anymore words. Either Ben was waaaaaay too bored or he works at crackhead level speed. I think his work ethic is a mix of both.

"And," I began, "this thing is for me?"

"Only the best for my peanut butter c—," Ben was suddenly interrupted when the once small baton activated and went full length, completely obliterating the pancakes and pan that were sizzling on the stove. The floor and counters were a mess of half-cooked batter bits and Ben only stared with a mortified smile on his face. I just held my head.

"I forgot...the passcode is 'peanut butter'...," he murmured. Then, following its protocol, the bo staff retracted back into its handheld baton form.

"Maaaaybe," I started, pushing it down, "there should be a command-off switch?"

"Good idea," Ben quickly agreed.

Gently placing the baton onto the dinner table, he looked at the mess and said, "I'm sorry about the pancakes."

"Don't worry about it. I think I made the batter too thin anyway," I replied. I guess I did fuck up Aunt Jemima's pancakes. Damn.

After staring at the floor for a good couple of seconds, Ben piped up with another smile, "How about we just go out for breakfast?"

"Another good idea," I remarked, and the both of us soon got ready to head out. But not before promptly cleaning up.

...

"Ugh, I'm so stuffed," Ben groaned as he stretched his arms over his head while we left the breakfast house. I sipped on my to-go drink, watching him twirl around as we walked to the car.

"Hey, you better not make yourself throw up moving around like that," I teased.

"Oh, my stomach is much stronger than that," Ben chimed with a twinkle in his blue, illusion eyes.

With a smirk, I replied, "It better be. We still gotta have room for dessert."

"Dessert? Where to?"

Gently, I brushed my fingers against his chin as I walked past and said, "Right here..."

He immediately stopped in his place and blushed like crazy. Looking dazed, he whined, "Not fair, I wasn't ready for that smoothness!"

"Too bad."

His lips irked as he mumbled, "Keep acting like that, you're gonna make me do something I'm gonna regret."

Putting on a pout, I said, "Regret? Really? Am I that unbearable?"

The elfin wraith scrambled for an excuse and stammered, "N-No, I wouldn't actually regret anything. You know I l-l-love anything I do with you. I-I was just saying that to be cool, it's just a figure of spee—listen, I'm trying to flirt, okay?"

"Which is very cute," I complimented.

His face was aglow suddenly as he scratched the back of his head and said, "Cute? Me?"

"Duh, who else, dork," I chimed, then gave him a kiss on his button nose.

The blonde beauty practically steamed as his face got so red and he bounced on his feet. I love how even the littlest of things can still get him so flustered.

"You're cute too, Reese's pieces," he beamed.

A snort escaped me and I remarked, "You think I'm cute? I don't know. These scars make me pretty ugly-looking."

"Oh stop it," he chided softly, then grabbed hold of my waist. "Your scars are sexy on you. Everything about you is sexy. You shouldn't be so self-deprecating. It hurts me when you say bad things about yourself. Hell, I'll kiss all the negativity out of you."

"That's a lot of kissing, then."

"Well...the more the merrier!"

We shared a laugh, but at the mention of how my joking, self-deprecating words hurt him, my mind wandered for a moment. Does it really? I mean, Ben is so cute and pretty and I'm...me. Then again, if he said bad things about himself, I'd disagree wholeheartedly too. Yet sometimes I can't help but feel a little blegh. Then again, I always felt quite...blegh.

A memory came back to me in my moment of thought, and then I had an idea. One that I hoped Ben would appreciate.

Grabbing hold of his hand, I pulled him further to the Chevelle and said, "C'mon, we're not going home just yet."

The elfin wraith was taken aback but he still allowed me to pull him along. "What's going on?"

With a big grin, I said, "You'll see."

The sheepish smile he gave me made my heart flutter. How cute. Again and again, he's too cute for me.

...

I drove us to a local park near my apartment. When we got out, we wandered for a bit. I was trying to jog my memory about someplace here, a place significant to me, though not for good reasons.

"We're not gonna play soccer again, are we?" Ben joked with some nervousness.

"Haha, no. I'll spare you the defeat."

"Wow, thanks."

I laughed at his pouty face. "But really, I have something I have to show you."

Finally, after all our walking, I found it.

An old tree loomed over head, its branches reaching far, its shadow grand. It was so tall and wide it took up most of the sky. It's been forever since I've seen it, but it hasn't changed much.

Kneeling down by the trunk, I put my hands out and said, "Hop up."

"Huh?" After giving it some thought for a moment, Ben stepped up and I hoisted him onto the nearest tree branch. Before he could reach a hand out to me, I jumped and grabbed the branch, then lifted myself with ease. "Show off," he teased, and I gave a sly smirk.

After calculating my footing, I climbed higher and higher, until the branches were getting to the point of becoming too thin to hold my weight. Looking down at Ben, I said, "Come on up."

"Reese, what are we doing? My old ghost bones can't take this climbing."

"It's up here, you whiner, just come up!" I insisted.

With a groan, Ben climbed up after me and found his spot on a branch next to the one I perched on. "Okay, we're here. Why are we on this tree?"

"Because of this," I replied, then sought my gaze for a patch of bark, just a small one. It was still here. I almost couldn't believe it, but I guess the incident wasn't that long ago.

Ben leaned a bit closer to see what it was I was pointing out, and brushed his fingers against the etched in lines. It was a little old and worn, but the tree still kept this scar. A scar that read: ojalá.

Gently touching his fingers, I murmured, "I came here before when I was eleven, made this scratch."

"With your family?"

"No. I was alone."

"How come?" Ben said, almost in a whisper. It did feel so much more quieter up among the leaves. They rustled ever so softly.

With an almost embarrassed smile, I admitted, "Well, thinking about it now, it feels dumb, but....I came here wanting to die."

The elfin wraith's blue irises immediately shot up to look at me but I just kept my direct gaze on the etching in the tree. The mood shifted considerably. Of course this wouldn't be happy-go-lucky.

Grabbing onto Ben's hand fully, I explained, "I think I had just started middle school and I was having a pretty rough time. A lot of shit was still going on legally what with my dad. I felt so sick all the time, and so tired. It was around this time I first started therapy and I hated it. I hated having to think back on everything. I hated talking to people I didn't know. I hated...everything. Including myself."

Leaning against the main trunk of the tree, I went on, "I always thought to myself, even at a young age, I was never meant to exist."

Ben shook his head and quietly uttered, "Reese..."

I managed a smile. "A mistake. An accident. A burden. An unwanted child—no...unneeded. I shouldn't have been born. I shouldn't have come onto this earth. I shouldn't exist. Things like that."

Placing my attention back to the etching in the tree, I said, "My mom always uttered this word in all of her prayers. Ojalá una oportunidad surja. I hope a chance may come. Seamos felices, ojalá. Let us be happy, hopefully. Something along those lines. It also means something like 'god willing'. May god will us to be happy, to be free, to give us a second chance."

I couldn't help but squeeze Ben's hand in mine tighter, and he squeezed back just as firmly.

"I wanted to be gone from this world so badly...I willed god to be rid of me. Ojalá morirme. The thought of my existence here burdening my family and bringing about all of our pain was so overwhelming I asked for god themself to end it all for me..."

My grip on Ben's hand got tighter, but he never relented.

"I ran away from home. I brought a knife. I sat here on these branches, contemplating. I held that knife in my hands for what felt like hours and hours. I carved this word here, hoping it would be like a flare, demanding god to just...end it. Right here. And if I couldn't even count on god, then I would end it myself. And I had that knife. I had it....and in the end I did nothing."

With a grin, I added, "To be fair, I don't think my puny, pre-tween self would've been able to do anything, but..."

As much as I tried to joke, I thought back on how harshly I absolutely despised myself in that time, and in other times to come. As much as I tried to say it was dumb, my self-hatred then is a self-hatred I still felt in recent times. As much as I tried to play it off, it wasn't okay. It was never okay. I was never okay with myself, even when I told myself that I was.

And as my thoughts ran deeper, it became harder to refuse the tears from falling down my cheeks. They weren't even noticeable until suddenly I was wrapped up in Ben's embrace, tucking my face into his shoulder and feeling his soft skin against my ear and feeling his silky hair tickle my forehead and taking in the scent of his clothes and

"I've never told anybody," I murmured. "I left this place before Mom and Hunter found me. I never told them about this tree, about what I put here, about how I wished so much to die. I always lied and lied about never attempting...but I did attempt. I did attempt and I told no one...until now."

Ben reluctantly eased his embrace on me and cupped my face in his soft, warm hands.

"I'm...I'm sorry to tell you all of this so suddenly," I said with a sniffle. "The memory came back and I... I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize," he comforted me, his eyes glassy with emotion.

Holding onto him for longer, I continued, "Everything in my life feels much more brighter now with you here. From the first day I met you in those stupid boxers, everything has been so...colorful."

"Reese..."

"It hasn't been long, yeah, but...you've changed my life, Ben. You're the best god damn thing to have happened. Eres un tonto. Eres tan precioso para mí. Eres todo lo que he deseado. Me haces sentir que puedo ser mejor, que no soy algo desechable, que finalmente puedo llegar a apreciarme. Me haces querer existir. Me haces querer estar vivo."

Unable to hold myself back anymore, I pull him close and press my lips against his so hard I thought maybe I hurt him. But as he held on and hugged me close, I knew otherwise. His fingers brushed through my hair and every inch that he caressed me felt like heaven. I couldn't help but shiver in his arms at the sheer amount of overwhelming love clenching my heart. It's like I don't know what to do with it. I've never felt like this before. And I don't ever want it to stop.

Once I pulled away, I still couldn't cease from kissing him wherever I could: his chin, his nose, his cheek, his ear, wherever. As I did, I murmured, "You help me to love myself when I couldn't before. I'm sorry to hurt you with mean words towards myself. I'll be better. You help me to be better. I love you so much, Ben."

"I love you too, Reese," he blurted immediately, and I could hear tears affecting his voice. "I'm glad you could share this with me. I'm glad you trust me enough. I'm glad to be here with you, right here and now, and I'll stay by your side."

This time, Ben pulled up my chin and kissed me, much more softly than I did before. Being like this with him is almost unreal. Feeling like this with anyone at all felt unreal. After all the bad shit that's happened over the course of my life, I relieved to be able to feel this way. I've never been so happy and I don't know what to do but smile and cry and keep smiling and kissing this beautiful boy right here in my arms.

Of course I couldn't help myself from removing Ben's cloaking chip, and for the first time ever, he didn't react. When the pixels parted, his red, fiery eyes looked back at me. There was a moment of reprieve where we just stared into each other's eyes and I could feel my entire world just explode with more color. We didn't have to say a word but we understood each other well. Both of us felt at peace just like this.

How fortunate to be in love with someone so beautiful. He's too perfect for me but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Ben and I stayed up in the old tree for a while. Nothing else was really said. We just remained holding hands, squeezing each other tight. And just like this, being in his arms, knowing he's mine to take care of and to love and be loved by was good. Everything was okay. I can learn to be okay with myself, finally.

God willing, or damn god if they don't, I'll remain by Ben so long as I live.

...

Ao's POV

"What do you mean he's gone?!?"

The air in the kitchen was tense and suffocating as mostly everyone in the mansion stood around. Jack stood by me, at times, helping me to stand straight. I leaned against the countertop, anxiety beginning to swell up in me like I'm about to vomit. I just might.

Masky scratched the back of his head and said, "Jeff isn't in the mansion anymore. Hoodie and I tried to search around in the woods the past few days. We have nothing."

"His clothes and other personal belongings are gone," Hoodie remarked solemnly.

"He took all his things?" Ms. P questioned.

"Most, yes," Hoodie replied.

I shook my head, on the verge of screaming. "You say it's been days. How long has he been gone?"

The masked duo passed glances at each other and Hoodie spoke up, "Including today...about a week."

"A WEEK. He's been gone for a whole week and none of you ever bothered to tell me?!" I finally bellowed.

Masky stammered, "W-Well, we didn't want to alarm you—!"

"Of course it would alarm me!"

"W-We figured he'd ran off again like before but—."

"But it's not like before," I huffed. "He never went far, and always came back home, even if he didn't want to. And he wasn't gone for a full week!"

"Ao, dear, please," Ms. P said calmly, but that wasn't making me calm.

Shaking my head, I scolded, "No, don't you try to pull that on me! How do you all just lose him? He's a grown, six-foot, pale-as-paper man! What happened?"

"Let's not dwell on that right now, we need to figure out Jeff's whereabouts," Ms. P claimed.

"I agree, but I can't just skip over the complete oversight here!" I argued. "How could you all have kept this from me?"

The masked duo was apprehensive and fumbled to provide answers, but Jack spoke up for them and said, "I told them not to tell you."

The air grew stagnant. I looked to Jack and muttered, "You knew too?"

"I was the first person they told. And...I requested they didn't tell you yet. In case this was a false alarm."

"Jack...how could you..."

But he went over my words and asked Hoodie, "Continue, please."

Hoodie nodded. "He may have gone further into the woods where we haven't searched yet, or possibly into a city he's familiar with. A city is the best bet—."

"Then why are you still here?!" I hissed, but then immediately regretted it and covered my face with my hands. It took everything in me to keep the tears at bay, but even then I wasn't enough for something so simple. Jeff is gone. He's gone and fled away and we weren't there for him! How could this have happened? Why? He was getting better, wasn't he? I know it's not full recovery, but he was returning to himself again! He was able to laugh without pain. He was able to look me in the eye and smile, even if it was faint and tired, it was genuine. How could I have not noticed? How could I have been so blind? What more should I have done? I can't lose him too!

Jack rubbed my back as I leaned over the sink and cried, trembling like a maniac. But I couldn't remain by his side, not after what he admitted. How could he keep something like this from me, knowing how important it all was? Through my palms dripping with tears, I stifled, "We have to find Jeff again. Go to the woods."

"Ao," Masky started, "but the woods, we already tried—."

"Try again!" I screamed, and unknowingly used my magic to shove the table aside in my fit of panic and devastation. I fell to my knees from the burst of energy and held my head, whimpering apologies over and over again. This is getting too much. All of this. I don't know if I can handle it anymore. Am I even cut out to be a proxy? If I can't even handle my own household, what the hell kind of chance do I have for the rest of the world?

Suddenly, a silky voice spoke up, "I know what happened."

Everyone's attention went to Kagekao, who leaned against the doorframe of the kitchen, his black claws caressing the edge of his monochrome mask. Shakily, I asked, "What is it? Tell us. Please."

"You won't like it—."

"Kagekao," Jack barked fiercely. Despite the smirk that befell Kagekao's mask, he did give in.

"What was that girl's name? Lisa? Eliza? Alisa—."

"Elizabeth," I said before my breath hitched in my throat.

"Oh yes, yes," he chimed. "Her, yes...etto...she took him away in the middle of the night."

My words couldn't come out but Ms. P had me covered as she blurted, "She came to the mansion?!"

"Yes," Kagekao replied.

"How do you know?" Jack questioned suspiciously.

The monochrome demon shrugged. "I hide myself in shadows, plain and simple. One of my tricks. Although I suppose you wouldn't know that due to your, erm...handicap."

"Uncalled for, but continue," Jack commanded.

"I like to rest in the shadows at night, so while I was enjoying my leisure time, I heard a very quiet conversation. It was those two chatting away, hugging each other like little lovebirds. I'm guessing Elizabeth didn't sense me watching, or maybe she did but she just didn't want to scare poor Jeff by using her abilities. I do remember you saying she's quite...ferocious. Zotto, zotto, she even disappeared with him in inky webs I think. Totemo kowai..."

Finally gathering my voice, I asked, "She just came in? Just showed up?"

Kagekao nodded. "With those dark, inky webs. It's like how you teleport, little mantis. And she came with intent—she wanted to take him back to her 'home'."

"Home? Like...Illinois?" I muttered.

He shook his head. "I don't know the whereabouts, but I don't think it's that. She smelled of pine. Another forest. Very faint to others but my senses picked it up. And no, she did not speak of any other telling clues. All I know is she intends to live out the rest of her days with him in peace. 'This life does not suit us anymore,' she said. How sad. And sort of romantic."

"Jeff's in danger," I stammered. "We need to find him. All the things Elizabeth has done—we can't let him stay with her!"

Kagekao sighed, "I don't know, little mantis. They both seemed very happy. It'd be a shame to break that up."

"It has to be done," I said. "Even if she does love him, her urge to consume souls can't hold out forever! She may kill him and it'll be our fault for not saving him!"

The monochrome demon groaned as he sauntered closer. "You talk and talk about saving, but haven't you thought perhaps he doesn't want to be 'saved'? Or perhaps he doesn't want to be here? He was eager to leave, after all. Perhaps it's better for him to die by the hands of his beloved than to die surrounded by such incompetent friends."

I rushed up from my knees and exclaimed, "By such what?"

"Incompetent," he hissed louder, his monochrome expression becoming more harsh. "Such supremely incompetent and worthless friends."

Without a moment to spare, I slammed Kagekao to the floor faster than he could dodge.

"Don't you dare say that...! You have no right!" I cried.

"Lashing out because I said the truth?"

"Kono yaro...!" I hissed, and pushed his head down with my palm. He retaliated by springing out his claws and seeking to lash me with them. At the last second, I caught his wrist and was able to block the hit enough to where I received only a scratch to my cheek. Before I could use my Scarlet to fight back, I felt hands tug on my body and pull me off of the demon. Jack and Hoodie had a hold of me while Kagekao squirmed with Masky and Ms. P.

"Is this why you can never recruit anyone? Who would ever want a leader as brash as you?" Kagekao insulted. "Whatever happened to the level-headed, clever little mantis? Where did she go? Is she behind that anxious and miserable woman I see now?"

"Urusai, kisama!!"

"Kasuyarou!!

I reeled back a bit, tears stinging my eyes to the point of burning. ".....Ketsumedo yaruo!!!

As I was about to make my attempt at launching myself at the demon using my magic, I was halted by Jack blocking me with his glowing arm. He snarled at Kagekao and barked, "That's enough. Now is not the time to be fighting or pointing blame!"

"She still started it," Kagekao hissed, his mask smirking once again. I clenched my jaw and fists hard.

"Shut up," Jack growled. "Not one more word out of you. Leave this kitchen, now."

The demon scoffed and remarked, "Fine, I shall let you be for now. I'll be waiting for an apology." With that he shrugged out of Masky and Ms. P's grip and sauntered out of the kitchen, fixing his scarf on the way.

Once Jack let go of me, I huffed and growled, "That bastard...! How could he say that to me?"

"He might be right," Jack said bluntly.

I gaped at him. "Excuse me?"

"I mean about Jeff not wanting to be here or come here ever again," he elaborated.

"But why? I mean we're here for him! At least we're supposed to," I muttered.

Ms. P added in, "When it comes to Ellie, he'll do just about anything, Ao. His love knows no bounds, really. And, to him, he's been through too much to let her go this time."

"But she's—!"

"The new demon Queen," Jack said. "Unfortunately yes, but maybe...Jeff can keep her at bay. She loves him just as much. They've been through a lot together. I'm sure she wouldn't hurt him, demon lord or not."

"But what if he does get hurt?"

"We can't know that unless we search."

I clenched my fists. "Then let's go! We have to find him and bring him back to safety—!"

As I began to storm towards the doorway, Jack grabbed my arm and stopped me. Puzzled, I turned to look at him and could see the contortions of concern on his gray face.

"Ao," he started, "it...might be time to let him be. To let him go."

"J-Jack—."

"If he wasn't ready to move on from us, he would've stayed, or at least convinced Ellie to stay like before. But he didn't. He didn't even leave a message behind. He decided to go with her, to get away from all of this, to finally be reunited with her. Whether or not he finds out the truth about Elizabeth is up to him. But I think...we shouldn't go after him."

Shaking my head, I yanked my arm out of his grip and grumbled, "Are you hearing yourself?"

"Loud and clear," Jack said firmly.

I began to step away. "Why do none of you care?"

"Ao—."

"This is why he doesn't want to be here," I rambled. "We weren't enough for him. We didn't do enough."

"Ao, we've—," Ms. P wanted to interject but I kept going.

"We haven't done enough! He's supposed to be with us, safe and sound. Ellie is supposed to be here too, not a demon Queen! We're supposed to be here all together! Where is Ben even? What is going on in this mansion, why does no one care enough about anybody?!" I slammed my fist against the countertop, frustration welling up inside my gut.

"Even me," I mumbled. "I'm not enough to fulfill the role as proxy, or leader." All those sleepless nights of late practice and research, all of this distress and dilemma, the unbending, foreboding sensation in my gut; all of this I can't seem to let go or find out how to let go. Things just keep getting thrown at me and I don't know if I can take it anymore. I don't know if I can save anyone anymore.

"Slender...."—I knew just uttering his name was a bad idea as I felt my heart clench—, "Slender should still be here....not me."

There was a deep pause in the kitchen, like a curse undone had permeated the air. I'd rather be cursed than endure this.

"I can't do this," I sobbed as I ran out of the kitchen, then through the front door to the outside.

Ladon was lounging by the porch when I rushed out. He perked up immediately and came up towards me, blocking my way from the mansion.

"Ladon, please, move," I said, trying to maneuver around him but he kept trying to rub up to me.

"Ladon, sit down...!" I tried to command but my voice was shaky and he didn't listen anyway.

Finally, my frustration exploded, as did my hands with blue flame, and I yelled, "Get away right now!"

This time, Ladon obeyed and hesitantly backed away from me with a whimper. I felt like I could breathe again and went rushing for the forest. The guilt of scaring my poor pet set in not long after.

I just want to disappear. To be drowned out by ocean waves or a sea of trees. To be happy again and not constantly watching out for my life. To not feel any more of this pain inside my head from all the messed up thoughts and worries. I feel them actually; I can sense their presence, how they wiggle and eat away at my psyche. I can't do this anymore. I can't do this. I feel like I'm dying. I feel like I'm dying. I feel like I'm dying...

My vision was so blurry from my tears that I had to stop and take a rest by a tree. My magic was fluttering uncontrollably as Scarlet burned into the tree I laid my palm on. How could this happen? Why am I doing this? Am I really that pathetic? All that training for what? I need to be better, I'm supposed to be better. I try so hard so why can't I be better?!

"Okaasan," I whimpered. "What do I do, Okaasan?! What do I do...S-Slender..? S....Sam... Please, tell me what to do. Anyone, anybody... I don't think I can take it anymore. I'm going to die. I'm going to die and I can't even save myself..."

Just let me die. Kasuyarou.

Just let me die. Kasuyarou.

Just let me die. Kasuyarou.

Just let me die. Kasuyarou.

Just let me die. Kasuyarou.

Just let me die.

Just let me die!

"Shina sete!" I screamed a shrill cry to the forest. And my words were followed by hysteric sobbing and wailing like I've never done before. It's such a foreign sound that it's hard to believe it's coming from me. Such a strange and weak sound. I curled up on myself and lay against the tree, clutching my hair tight like I was about to lose my head. No, I already have. I'm too late for that too. I'm always too late. Too late, too late, too late...

I shouldn't be proxy. I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't be doing this.

Undeserving.

Anxious.

Worthless.

Incompetent.

Miserable woman.

Kasuyaroukasuyaroukasuyaroukasuyaroukasuyaroukasuyaroukasuyaroukasuyaroukasuyaroukasuyaroukasuyarou—

Suddenly, I heard footsteps on the forest floor and whipped myself around. Without thinking, I called out, "Sam?!"

Jack stood there in front of me, brows furrowed with concern. Immediately, I was mortified by my remark and the horrendous sobbing, and wiped my face with my shirt. What a mess.

Jack didn't really say anything at first. He just took a seat on the ground beside me and sat in silence. I guess he's waiting for me to give the okay, but I don't know if I can. I don't feel okay. Especially not after what he pulled.

In the end, Jack spoke first. "I heard you all the way from the mansion."

I stifled a scoff. "I...didn't think anyone would.."

"I do. Definitely. My hearing is better than everyone else's. I heard everything."

I hugged my knees to my chest and stared at a rolled up pillbug sitting on top of a dead leaf. I couldn't bring myself to look at Jack. How pathetic. Kasuyarou...

"What does that mean?" Jack asked.

"...What?"

"What you screamed?"

Squeezing my legs and putting my head against my arms, I muttered, "It's nothing, just a—."

"Don't lie, Ao. Please."

That just made me feel angry above all things.

"Lie? Me? What about you?"

"I didn't lie to you."

"That's a load of bull!" I cried, then stood to my feet. He reeled back a bit, I suppose not expecting me to move so quick.

"How could you keep Jeff's disappearance from me? Above all the things that are going on right now, how could you do that?"

Jack stood too. "You've been under a lot of stress recently. If this is affecting you so badly now, imagine a week before?"

"I would've preferred to be notified immediately rather than to have the truth hidden from me—by my own boyfriend no less!"

"My intentions were good, Ao. I initially calculated on Jeff's disappearance being temporary. He's ran away before. But now with Kagekao's confession, yes, this is much more serious than I estimated."

"It was serious in the first place," I argued. "Thanks to your 'good intentions', Ellie has Jeff and we've wasted a week. What if he's already dead, Jack?"

"He's not."

"How do you know? Did you calculate that too? Look where that's gotten us."

"Ao—."

"I counted on you!" I interjected. "I put my trust in you, you know that, and to have you go behind my back like this and try to play it off as less important than it is, is utter bull crap! It's ridiculous and absurd! Out of everyone, I didn't expect this from you."

Jack frowned but his voice was still the same low tone as before. "I understand my mistake, but I need you to please calm down and think with me."

I scoffed. "Now, you want to involve me?"

"Ao, enough with the arguing."

"This could have been avoided had you confided in me just as you've always done before, and just as I still do to you now!"

"Ao, I'm not about to stand here and be yelled at by you when we have more important things to discuss," he muttered.

I stopped for a moment and glared at him. A wry chuckle escaped my lips and I continued, "Yeah, you're right."

"Thank you."

"Leave."

He faltered for a moment. "What?"

"Leave. I don't want to talk with you right now."

With a groan, Jack said, "Ao, you're being—."

"What?"

"Idiotic," he blurted. "You're being foolish with this arguing. Your mind hasn't been in the right space for a while now, so we can't count on you to lead us forward right now. You're too tired and too anxious. You need to rest. So while you were away to yourself, I took this matter upon myself. Realistically, if we go after Jeff and Elizabeth, we might stir something up that we shouldn't. We might even aggravate Ellie more. So until you're of fit mental state to discuss such matters again, I've decided we let Jeff be."

There it was. He confided in me. That's all I had wanted, and everything I hated.

I'm unfit to lead.

Between us lay an air of tension that felt so thick it could suffocate us both. Taking in a deep breath, I said, "Do you still want to know what I said earlier? What I screamed to this forest?"

Jack didn't answer but he didn't have to.

"Shina sete. I wished to die," I admitted. A smile formed on my lips, spiteful and repulsed. By me.

"Perhaps I should," I added softly, "but I'm likely too weak for that too."

Kasuyarou.

Despite our arguing and despite the scowl that lined his features, Jack still attempted to reach a hand out for me. A part of me wanted to grab onto his hand and feel its warmth and toughness, but that part was feeble and unmotivated. I could only brush his hand aside and request once again, "Leave."

"Ao—."

"I'll come back later," I affirmed. "Just go."

There was reluctance in his posture as he took his first step back. He tried again, "Ao, we can still talk—."

"I said, leave," I commanded, bitterness just oozing from my tone.

Finally, he began to walk back, although quite slowly. Once again, that tiny part of me wanted to call him back, but the rest of my heart-sunken thoughts were too overbearing to do that.

When Jack was out of my sight, I leaned against the same tree from earlier and stared up at the graying sky. It'll rain, I can smell it in the air.

I looked to the ground again, and found that pillbug from before. It was still curled up the same as earlier, but the ants that came to surround it told me it had been dead this whole time. Hopelessly glum.

But I couldn't cry for it, and I couldn't cry for myself. As twisted up as my heart felt, I think I cried enough to where I can't anymore. It's such an empty and lost feeling not being able to cry.

Despite all these pathetic feelings of self-loathing, frustration and betrayal, I still had one thing in mind.

Foolish or not, I'm finding Jeff, and I'm going to finally find Ellie myself.

...

Evening fell on the forest and the rain was still going. When I got back to the mansion, I went straight to Slender's old study and shut myself in. I haven't seen Jack at all. Although Ms. P provided me tea to help calm my nerves and get rest, I was far from relaxed. My mind was racing, my fingers restless, my stomach churning with the need to act. I need to find Jeff and Ellie. I need to or I'm going to lose it. So I did just about the only thing I could do at the moment. I went into Jeff's room...and searched.

Although most of his stuff was gone, some items and clothing were left behind. In his closet were old hoodies and pants. He emptied his dresser almost completely. At the bottom drawer, he had left behind his combat knife, the one he was using during the time I first met him. Carefully, I pulled it out from its leather sheath, and stared at the eyes of the tired girl that looked back at me in its reflection.

I remembered how swiftly Jeff wielded this blade, fighting Corrupted or any other entities that got in our way. I'm surprised he didn't take it, but maybe he felt like he didn't have to. If he is meant to live with Ellie, I think he'd feel safe and secure as long as she's there. Still, I couldn't help but hold the knife in its sheath with some sentimentality. After holding it close for a few moments, I put it back and moved on.

Obviously he took his most immediate precious items. The 5x5 Rubik's cube, the one I gave him, was gone and I couldn't help but smile a little. At least he cared enough to take it with him. He also took that blue iPod he would listen to music on. He never did get to show me his other songs. I was really looking forward to that.

Aside from the important pieces, I just found other miscellaneous things he left behind. What troubled me was he didn't take his medication with him. I hope he'll be okay without them for a while. Again, he probably thinks he'll be fine as long as he's around Elizabeth, but still. Mental health is serious. I should know from my earlier breakdown in the forest...

After a while of lightly rummaging around, I didn't find much else aside from some of Smile's old chew toys. With a sigh, I slumped on the edge of his bed and stared down at my feet. I'm getting nowhere with this. There's nothing else here to indicate where he might've been taken to. I already contacted Toby and Clockwork to ask if they had any clue, but nothing. It's like trying to find Ellie again, but now it's double the frustration and stress.

"Why does this have to be so complicated," I muttered. "Couldn't they have ran off to the Bahamas or something? Ugh." God, that's not funny, Ao.

I held my head in exhaustion, scrunching up my bangs with my fingertips. Then I couldn't help but stare at my legs. As always, they're covered in white tattoos. So is my entire midsection now, and they're starting to reach my chest. There's no denying they'll take over my body any day now, and then.... I don't know what happens after, but I have a strong feeling a lot of things will change for it.

As I traced the marks with my finger in boredom, I glanced down at the floor and suddenly froze. There's something stuck between the floorboards. I leaned down and got on my knees to investigate it further. When I tried to grab it, it slipped down out of my reach. With a huff I used my magic and carefully eased it back out into the open.

It was a leaf—no, a pine needle bunch. I would brush it off as something Jeff tracked in from the outside, but then I remembered Kagekao had mentioned that Elizabeth smelled of a certain kind of pine tree. And I've been out in the forest outside so many times to tell that this pine needle was different. A different species, huh. But from where?

Then I smiled and I could feel something brewing inside me.

This is it. The key I've been looking for since the beginning of all of this mess. The one clue we've all needed. This little pine needle. What a simple thing. I never would have guessed.

I track down the species, I get the area of growth, the region—all of that!

I find Jeff and Elizabeth's hiding place. Their 'new home'.

"Gotcha."