Paimon: FOOOOOOOOOOOD!

Y/n: I'm definitely turning deaf...

Currently our protagonist and his guide are in Wanmin restaurant with a returning character being Xiangling. Her father was there as well, Chef Mao.

Y/n: ... Are these hilichurl clubs?

Mao: Trust me, young man. I don't know what's going on with my daughter as well...

Xiangling: Aw, come on. They're good! Official hilichurl club with fish barbecue! Try it!

Paimon: Uhh... Paimon suddenly lost her appetite.

Mao: So anyways. I heard about you, young man. You're Y/n correct? Xiangling told me all about you when she returned...

Y/n: Somehow. I am not surprised.

Mao: Still.... Why did you insist on closing the curtains?

Y/n: ... Reasons. The sun got in my eye.

Mao: ... It's night time.

Y/n: Sun's reflection on the moon gets in my eyes.

Mao: Okay...?

Xiangling: Oh, I remember something! Y/n! Y/n! I heard there was a dragon in Mondstadt! What happened to it? Can it be cooked!? *Gasp* Imagine how big of a feast it would make!

Meanwhile back in Mondstadt, we see the dragon flying by his Lair with a bard on his back. Suddenly he got a bit afraid.

Venti: What's wrong, Dvalin?

Dvalin: For some reason. I feel scared of human chefs...

Back in Liyue.

Y/n: It's gone on a vacation. Don't worry, you'll never see it.

Xiangling: But I want to!

Y/n: Well. Too bad.

Paimon: Especially after you rushed into a Cryo Regisvine.

Mao: SHE WHAT!?

Xiangling: Uh-oh.

Mao: You have some explination to do, young lady!

Y/n: (Ooooh. She's in troouuble! Hehehe.)

Xiangling: Relax, dad! Y/n was there to help me with my dinner!

Mao: Still not a reason for you to go there!

Guoba: *Guoba noises*

Y/n: Good point, Guoba.

Guoba: *Proud Guoba noises*

Mao: You can understand him!?

Y/n: Perhaps.

Lots of drugs were consumed making this chapter.

The world eater looks at you with eyes pleading for help. You just shake your head and mouth "You're on your own."

Suddenly she started thinking of a way to get out. Surprised she can think.

Xiangling: It was a cooking competition! High risk, high reward situation.

Y/n: (Wow... That sucked. People are gonna get upset if I don't help a waifu out, huh? Might as well gain the father's trust and respect along the way. ) Oi, Mao-Mao. You don't need to worry about your daughter's lack of brain. After all, I am here. I did save her air-headness back then.

Xiangling: That's mea-

Y/n: Deal with it.

Mao: *Sigh* Thank you for taking care my daughter and her reckless behavior, young man.

Guoba and Xiangling start staring at you. You simply smile smugly.

Suddenly a familiar voice comes from outside the restaurant.

Childe: Hello? Chef Mao? You there?

???: You do not need to rush the chef, Childe. Perhaps he is taking a break.

It was a very deep and beautiful voice.

Mao: No, no. I'm here!

The father proceeds to go and meet the two. The first one was Childe obviously. The second however...

Zhongli 'BigDongZhong'

Hide your waifus, and husbandos. The Geo Dad is here!

Zhongli: Good evening to you, Mr. Mao. Is Xiangling the chef of today?

Mao: Yeah, she is. I'll get her right away.

Back inside the trio heard the talk.

Xiangling: Sorry, guys. I gotta work for a bit! After I'm finished we can continue our talk!

And with that she proceeds to get ready for whatever the men will oder. She knew about the second man's habit of ordering so she needed to be ready.

Paimon: *Whisper* Isn't that Childe? What is he doing here? Y/n? Y/n, you there?

Y/n: (Holy shit. His voice... Speedwagon!?)

You decide to eavesdrop on what is going on.

Childe: Weird. They don't usually put curtains in here.

Zhongli: We mustn't invade their privacy now, Childe. They do have stuff to do besides cooling. We're here to eat, aren't we?

Childe: Yeah, I guess so. Why Wanmin though? There are other restaurants, you know.

Zhongli: When Xiangling is cooking, it would be far more appealing to go to Wanmin Restaurant, as opposed to Xinyue Kiosk or Liuli Pavilion.

Childe: Well, I'm fine with anything as long as it's good... But do they only have chopsticks?

Zhongli: You will need to be adept with chopsticks if you are to truly appreciate Liyur's gastronomy.

The chef of today pops out with Zhongli's usual order.

Xiangling: Mr. Zhongli, we have Springvale Boar on the menu today. Would you like to try it instead of the salt and pepper tofu?

Zhongli: We'll have both.

Childe: (Oh dear...)

Xiangling: Okie-dokie!

Paimon: Childe... What could he be planning with that person over there?

Y/n: (God damn... I understand why people simp for him. I wonder if he is the guy that Childe mentioned... Probably him.)

Chef Mao proceeds to look towards the left of the restaurant and he sees a group of Millelith headed towards the place.

Mao: Oh dear... This Rex Lapis situation sure is something...

Millelith#1: Good evening, Chef Mao. Sorry to bother you, but could we search the restaurant real quick?

Mao: Huh? Why's that?

Millelith#1: We have a permit to do searches all across Liyue Harbor. Just in case a certain someone is hiding. Although, I doubt he'd be stupid enough to hide in a restaurant.

Millelith#2: *Mutters* And we just want to eat this delicious cooking in here.

Mao: What?

Millelith#2: N-nothing! It's just professional work!

Mao: Oh... Hmmm... Ar you sure this is the only reason?

Millelith#1: Y-yeah! Definitely!

Back in the kitchen.

Paimon: *Whispers* Uh-oh! They're gonna catch us!

Y/n: *Mutters* Son of a flying bitch... (Okay then... Time to get away... Thing is... There is only one door that leads outside. Shit.)  Paimon, go poof.

Paimon: What about you??

Y/n: I'll bullshit my way out of here.

The cooking Xiangling and her little friend seem to have heard the exchange between you two.
Guoba slightly nudges his best friend, to which she got the message and started heading towards you.

Xiangling: Are you okay, Y/n? You didn't do anything bad... Right? Please say you didn't.

Y/n: Short explanation. They wanna capture me because I "killed" Rex Lapis. Even after what happened in Jueyun Karst, they are still as annoying as ever. Ahem... Since no one said it, I'll do it... mIlLeLitH oF lIyuE aLwAyS sO iNeFiCiEnT.

Xiangling: *Le Chuǎnqì * But you didn't do it, right?

Y/n: Nah, I threw a piece of paper and he died. Of course, I didn't! I'm not that overpowered... yet.

Paimon: What about the banana?

Y/n: Plot.

You take a small peak outside... To see that the Millelith were still talking with Mao. On instinct you grabbed the nearest frying pan.

Xiangling: Wait... I have an idea. When you see an opening, run for it!

Y/n: Eh? What're you gonna do? Kick them in the nuts?

Xiangling: Nope! Just trust your cooking buddy. Don't forget to come back soon though. I'm not done talking with you.

Once again she blops your nose.

Xiangling: Boop! Got ya the second time, Y/n!

Y/n: Why you- (Next time... Next time for sure, I'll get her.)

She proceeds to run out of the restaurant with a confidence filled smile.

Xiangling: Ready, Guoba?

Guoba nods. Xiangling bounces landing next to the Millelith.

Xiangling: Heya!

Guoba jumps towards her head, and pulls off a suck balancing move with Xiangling.

Millelith#2: Holy crap!

Xiangling: Oh-ho! That's not all!

Suddenly she pulls out a potato, an apple, a tomato, a sunsetti and proceeds to juggle them while balancing on one leg with Guoba on her head.

Millelith#3: HOLY SHI-

Mao: Ahem!

Millelith#3: --IIIIP! YEAH, SHIP! BEIDOU'S SHIP! CRUUUUX FLEEEET!

Mao: You're lucky...

Childe: Oh, I never knew Wanmin Restaurant has some shows.

Zhongli: Certainly, they seem to entertain guests while they're waiting for their food. A fine strategy indeed.

Mao: (I don't know what go into her, she usually just cooks or explodes the kitchen with her "special" ingredients, but this isn't so bad.) That's my girl!

Xiangling: The show is only beginning!

A few meters away... I just triggered some people who measure with Cheeseburgers.

Ahem... A few meters away from Wanmin, a tanned girl seem to be walking in that direction.

Xinyan: (Ahh... Some food after this concert would be mighty fine!) Hm?

She seems to have noticed Xiangling with her talents of juggling as the Millelith and her father cheer her on.

Xinyan: Millelith enjoying shows... Nice! Rock 'n' Roll, baby!

She proceeds to jog her way there joining the spectators.

While Y/n takes his leave while no one is watching. He passes next to a distracted Childe.

Y/n: Use rubber bands, Ginger Bread Man.

Childe: Who said--Huh?

Y/n was no where to be seen. Childe takes a look around for a couple of seconds.

Childe: (Was it my mind...?)

In the end he decided to try out the method in... But he didn't have any rubber bands, so this trick is saved up for him in the future.

However the other man seems to know who said it. I wonder why...

(Okay. Before you kill me because of the short screen time for Xiangling... I can't really make them take a stroll because of the situation of Rexy-Boi...)

We see a person who is definitely not Y/n. Because he had a different hair color and style that is definitely not a wig.

He was currently blending in with the humans like he did in his original world.

Y/n: (Okay. Currently waiting for Childe's arrangement with that Zhongli guy with that amazing voice, can't go back to Wanmin for now... Hmmm... Where exactly is a place quiet enough for me to stay?)

Thinking for a couple of seconds you came to one conclusion... The fucking library.

Like a normal person, you decided to ask someone, and went for a person who looks like a main character because he stood out. He looked deep in thought.

Blue-Haired Boy: Another day, another exorcism without seeing an evil spirit... *Sigh* My luck isn't well.

Use a deeper voice, you proceed to communicate like a normal person...

Totally not Y/n: Yo, Ice-cream guy.

Yet his personality remains the same.

Blue-Haired Boy: Hm? May I help you.

Chongyun 'Crazy-Lad with Yang'

Totally not Y/n: (Hm. A square shaped vision? Never knew they took different shapes.) I seem to be getting lost this day. Could you tell me where the library is?

Chongyun: Oh, it's not exactly a library. But there is a place called Wanwen Bookstore, a friend of mine goes there so I recommend it... *Mutters* Come to think of it, he's probably there reading again.

Totally not Y/n: Aight, thanks, Doppio.

Chongyun: Uh... You're welcome.

TIMESKIP BROUGHT YOU BY ZHONGLI READING Y/N A BED TIME STORY

Y/n: One day... One day that timeskip will be reality.

Paimon: Are you thinking about Zhongli's voice again?

Y/n: Yes, and I have no shame of admitting it.

Holy shit... A tsundere admitting what he is feeling right on the get-go. Zhongli is truly powerful.

Jifang: Uh. Welcome. Feel free to look around, there's no obligation to buy.

Y/n: Hm... What do you recommend?

Paimon: Wait! Wait! Do you remember that Teyvat Travel Guide? Is the Liyue volume of it here?

Jifang: Sorry, dear. We stopped stocking that a long time ago. It was just not selling.

Paimon: Aw... The Mondstadt volume was so interesting! Bummer...

Jifang: The thing is... The author made it too personal, and the result looked nothing like a guide. It barely sold any copies, and the few travelers that did buy it made complaints afterwards.

Paimon: Such a shame, the Mondstadt one was such a good read, even if it was just an adventurer's diary.

Jifang: The fact remains that I still don't have one in stock, but... If you must, you can go visit Chang the Ninth's place.

Y/n: And who's that?

Jifang: A book collector that lives in Qince Village.

Y/n: (Qince Village, huh...?)

While Y/n was having flashbacks of the Oceanid creature. Jifang continued speaking.

Jifang: I mist say, he is a complete grouch, but he will behave himself if the conversation is about books. He was a regular costumer back when he lived in the Harbor, and I still send him the odd out-of-print books or two every now and then.

Y/n: Tell us his life story while you're at it.

Out of fucking no-where, a voice is heard.

Fem-boy looking boy: Did somebody say "Out-of-print" books?

Xingqiu 'Part of Fem-boy hooters'

Y/n: Nope, we were talking about traps. Questioning if it's gay to like them or not.

The blue navy haired boy completely ignored you, and started speaking towards the boss of the place.

Xingqui: Is there a chance that volume six of "Legend of the Shattered Halberd" in his collection?

Y/n: Quick question... Do you know Aether?

Xingqui: Aether? I'm afraid I haven't heard such name, my liege. My apologies.

Y/n: *Sigh* Worth a shot.

Xingqui: I will inform this if I heard something about him if that helps.

Y/n: Oh. Uh... Much appreciated.

Xingqui: Ah. Where are my manners. My name is Xinqui, a humble literature enthusiast who happens to be passing by.

Y/n: (Whoever calls themselves humble aren't humble from my personal experience...) My name is... Jackie-Chan.

Paimon: Wow...

Xingqui: Oh... An interesting name, my liege. Well, since you and I are in search of lost books, what do you say we travel together to Mt. Qince and pay a visit to Chang the Ninth?

Y/n: Sure. Why not... Lead the way. (I'll  keep my guard up... Just in case.)

Xingqui: My pleasure, fellow book lover!

With that he proceeds to walk down the set of stairs.

Y/n: Yo, boss. Could you give me the five volumes of Legend of the Shattered Halberd book? I'm a bit interested.

TIMESKIPPU DA

Xingqui: So, my liege. What type of books are you interested in?

Y/n: (Ah... Shit.) I guess, adventure ones, and ones where the main character is a bit evil. I've read too many where the hero is always right somehow.

Xingqui: Oh-o. I recommend Legend of a Lone Sword then! (Heheheh. He is gonna enjoy reading my novel!)

Y/n: Hm. I'll keep that in mind.

After the shameless plug of the young literature enthusiast. The two are finally in Qince Village in front of them were ladders.

Paimon: He really likes to isolate himself, doesn't he? Away from everyone at the highest pint in the village.

Xingqui: Well, some people especially readers like a moment of solitude to enjoy their books peacefully.

Y/n: An introvert's dream place. Well, let's climb.

You completely ignore the ladder and start climbing the mountain.

Xingqui: Uhh... My liege, you know there is a ladder, right?

Y/n: I know. I chose to ignore it. Stairs and ladders are for the weak!

Xingqui: ... What?

Paimon: Don't think about it too much, you can never stop him once he has his mind set on it.

Xingqui: How strange...

The two proceed to climb while Paimon just simply floats reaching their destination.

All of you notice a man in front of a house, he looked pretty annoyed and was muttering to himself.

Chang IX: *Sigh* The heavens are smiting me... Smiting me to smithereens...

Y/n: Excuse me, are you the number companies forget about?

*Cough**Cough* Apple and Microsoft *Cough**Cough*

Chang IX: Uh-huh. And what do you want? Spit it out!

Paimon: Well, we heard you had tons of old books lying around, and we wanna borrow the Liyue volume of Teyvat Travel Guide.

Chang IX: Hmph. Don't get me started on the topic of my books... After the chasm was sealed off, the family mining business started going south. Then, the Fatui started working to sabotage me...

Y/n: (Oh boy... Another life story I couldn't care less about.)

Chang IX: To pay off my debts, I had no choice but to pawn off my beloved book collection. Every last book! Do you have any idea what that means!?

Y/n: How terrible...

You weren't even looking at him, you were more focused on knitting a scarf.

Chang IX: Are you even paying attention!?

Y/n: Mhm. Fatui. Sabotage. Books. Go on, let it all out.

Chang IX: Right! That was my life's work! I devoted my enite life to curating, collecting, caring for them... And now they're gone! Gone I tell you!

Y/n: Mhmm... Get all of your negative emotions outta there. It's bad for you, scream while you're at it.

Still knitting and sewing, however the book collecter took his advice and screamed to the heavens... Or Celestia, I guess.

Xingqiu: Uh... Better?

Chang IX: *Sigh* Yeah... It's useless ranting and raving at you three like this... All I can do is save enough Mora  to buy them back. Unless you don't  have other business in here. Go away. Shoo! Off you go.

Y/n: Mhmm... Rude person is rude... This is about... The 124th time... If I kept count correctly... Probably not.

Xingqui: Please tell me you didn't pawn off volume six of Legend of the Shattered Halberd?

Chang IX: Now that's a name I haven't heard in a long time... A long time... You gave good taste, my boy!

Y/n: (Wherever I go... I see his refrences. Obi-Wan lives on... Anyway, I think I'm getting better at knitting!)

Paimon: And we don't!?

Chang IX: That work was an epoch-defining masterpiece. Granted, it was almost unknown in the time it got published. But over time it was the work that came to define the genre of martial arts novels-- and sparked a plethora of imitation works. Barely any copies of the first edition was sold.

Y/n: ...

You take a look at yourself.

Y/n: Damn... Oh well. (Wait. There is another edition?)

Xingqui: The later edition inexplicably went out of print almost as soon as it released -- a shame give what allegedly it added to the original story.

Chang IX: Yes! That's right, how did I forget!? The original-edition sixth volume of that work is so rare, I could never bring myself to pawn it off no matter how much I needed the money.

Xingqui: You mean-You mean you still have it!?

Chang IX: Yes... It is my one and only remaining treasure.

Footsteps are heard behind you, as someone's boots were clanking on the rocks... Is that even a good description? He looked VERY generic.

Weirdo: OI! Chang! You've got some nerves keeping me and my boss waiting like this. Will you sell the Cor Lapis or not!? I'm sure I don't need to remind you that if you mess with the Gentry Maocai, you're messing with the Fatui!

Y/n: Booooriiiing. Please be an interesting antagonist for a change...

Weirdo: Shut it, kid! This has nothing to do with you!

Y/n: With that, you're right.

Chang IX: *Sigh* You again? But you know I can't afford to give seventy percent discount on the price... I'd never be able to buy my collection back--

Generic-Guy: That's your business. The question is, do you want your books or do you want food on your plate? Perhaps you want to take your books with you on an early grave.

Chang IX: Grr... You... *Sigh*

Alas, a certain hero had enough of the threating and jumped in... If you think it was Y/n you were dead wrong. He was still focused on knitting.

Xingqui: Whoa there, friend. Come on. This gentleman is either willing to make a deal or he's not... You can't force him to sell against his will.

Hot-Tempered-Idiot: Who do you think you are? Keep your nose out of other people's business!

Xingqui: My liege, I'm but one who comes to the aid of this gentleman in his moment of need. I'm Xingqui, discipline of the Guhua Clan.

Dumbass: A-hahahaha haha!

Y/n: Generic antagonist that will get his ass kicked laugh.

Fuck-Face: "Guhua Clan"! Did you hear this clown? He thinks he's a Guhua master! In this day and age! Hahahaha... There was me thinking the grandsons of Guhua had keeled over and died by now. Who are you supposed to be then, some sort of Guhua messiah!?

Xingqui: Justice is blind to our background, my friend. That just makes me someone trying to do the right thing. But you? The weasel who does the tiger's bidding may be less powerful than his master, but he is no less guilty.

Bigass-Nose: Get a load of this guy! Just you wait, you'll be sorry you crossed me! And you, Chang... You're selling the Cor Lapis whether you like it or not!

And so, he just left.

Y/n: Hummm hmm hmm hmmmm.

Okay, Y/N is humming the main menu theme... Oh well.

... Weird way to write it, Author... But then again it's a fucking banana on drugs we're talking about.

Chang IX: *Sigh* The wolves pray on the fallen tiger! My days are numbered.

Xingqui: ... So just to come back to what we were talking about earlier, could I get a yay or a nay about borrowing the book...?

Y/n: "Humble". I think I'm done. Here, Pai-Pai. What do you think?

Paimon: It's good! A scarf for Pai--

Just as she tried to wear it its fell off... Becoming just a bunch of string yet again.

Y/n: Dammit...

Paimon: Keep trying, next time for sure.

Back towards the book collector and the Guhua desciple.

Chang IX: *Sigh*Ah, what does it matter now? I can't expect anybody to care about me anymore. But since you did stick up for me, please just take this book and leave me in peace.

With excitement in his eyes, the martial arts novel lover takes the book proudly.

Xingqui: Three long years I have waited for this day! Words cannot express my gratitude... I, Xingqui, vow to repay this great act of generosity!

Chang IX: Alright, give it a rest! Just bring it back once you're done with it. I'm sorry, I'm not gonna put my hopes up in some self-proclaimed Guhua disciple.

And thus, the book lover leaves towards the entrance of the village.

Paimon: Hey! Where are you going!? We still have a job to do over here?

Y/n: *Yawn* I don't really want to do this, but for the chapter.

You jump off from the mountain with your glider on, heading straight towards Xingqui as if you were a Japanese pilot that ran out of ammo.

Paimon: So you like reading, huh? Mr. Five-Second Hero?

Xingqui: Hoho, amazing... I NEVER saw that coming...

Y/n: Yeah, I don't like this guy.

Paimon: Hello! Xingqui! Anybody in there?

Xingqui: No wonder why this book is so highly sought after.

Paimon: UGH! Here he is saying that he'd repay him, then off he goes! How can they bully poor Chang like that? Forcing him to sell it dirt cheap. It's daylight robbery!

Xingqui: Oh, don't worry. I'm on this too.

Paimon: Oh, so NOW you decide that you aren't deaf!

Xingqui: The reason on why I borrowed this book is that it would be a shame if Chang had to sell it.

Y/n: Wow. How nice of you, it's definitely a shame if he didn't starve to death without any money. And that is totally the only reason why you did it.

Oh Lord, the sarcasm is so HEAVY I feel it crushing me.

Xingqui: Please. Do not go to such conclusions this early, Jackie. I meant every word I said there, I will return his act of kindness. It is the just thing to do. I will be the custodian of this book, and I will help him find a way to buy the rest of his collection.

Paimon: Oh, sounds like someone has a plan.

Xingqui: Of course, I do. An initial plan, anyway. I still need to work out the details. Give me a second to reflect, it shan't take a moment.

Y/n: One moment has passe-

Dumb-Fuck: You're still here!? What is this some sort of game to you? You think no one's getting hurt. I gotta hand to ya Goofball Clan... What you lack in Numbers, but you have guts. Oh, I'm sorry did I say Goofball? I meant Guhua, that's what you Goifballs call it.

He had two ordinary looking villain goons, about three behind him, and to his left was a  Fatui Electro Cicin Mage.

Y/n: Listen hear, ya dumb-fuck, generic villain looking bitch, with a nose that could rival Santa's belly. First of all, this is a village, and I don't see you have any sort of authority to kick us out of it. Second: Yes... It is a game. Third: Nope, you'll get an ass-whooping harder than your mother's. Four: You're insulta are so bad, I'd think that you're a damn Disney bully. Let me guess. You named your biceps as well, huh?

Bitch-Boy: SHUT IT, YOU LITTLE SHIT!

Y/n: No, no, I don't think I will.

Xingqui: There is a saying that goes: "The insect that shakes the oak tree ludicrously overestimates its ability".

Stoopeed: Tsk. Quit quoting proverbs at me, you brat!

Xingqui: Please leave this place. I will not tolerate an attempt to coerce an honest trader-- especially when one you seek to threaten to whom I owe a debt of gratitude.

*Insert insult here*: It's cute that you wanna stick your neck out for Chang, and all... But you picked the rong time, you little prick! I brought the Fatui to back me up. A whole army of your Guhua buddies won't save you two!

Xingqui: I may be young, my liege. But the path I've chosen makes me noo stranger to conflict. Why should I cower in the face of evil?

Cunt: Great speech and all... But it's time for you to learn your lesson!

Y/n: And here we go. Surprisingly I'm not the their main targ-

You notice one of the idiot's minion aim a cross bow at you, firing it. You push it away with Anemo back to sender.

Y/n: I just had to open my mouth.

The little bitch that the author isn't bothering to give him a name stands back letting the other two do the dirty work.

The Guhua disciple rushes towards the nearest target, which was a person with nothing but a knife.

He charges some Hydro power and jumps kicking the person in the chest and doing a backflip with the Hydro sending the man fall.

He didn't stop there as the man who got an arrow returned to him starts catching his sorroundings. Before he was able to get able, he was stomped by Xingqui as he uses him as a trampoline. Knocking the wind out the man, and kicking the other in the jaw.

You sprint towards the other enemy, which was the Cicin Mage.

'Masochist... That's all'

Definitely... Definitely...

You proceed to punch her in the face, as it makes contact... You hear her yell out a... Strange noise.

E.C.M: Nyaa!~

Y/n: What...? (Am I just horny or did I hear that right?)

You swing your other hand hitting her in the face again.

C.M: Nyaa!~

Y/n: Okay... So both.

E.C.M: *Giggles* You really know how to get me going!

She was charging up as her feet leave the ground, flying in the air.

You proceed to spear tackle her canceling the charge. As she falls to the ground with Y/n getting his fists ready.

Y/n: STOP!

BAM

E.C.M: Nyaah!~

Y/n: ENJOYING!

He punches her again.

E.C.M: Nyah!~

Y/n: IT!

And again.

E.C.M: Harder!~

Y/n: ... I'm so done with this. You're going to horny jail!

He picks her up and YEETS her off the cliff.

Y/n: THOT, BEGONE!

She teleports behind you, giggling to herself.

E.C.M: Hehehe... Hello!~

Y/n: ... Pai, bring the bat. The heavy bat.

Paimon: ON IT!

Floating off. She begins to try and look for a bat.

E.C.M: Oh, so it's just you and me~

Y/n: I will strangle you.

E.C.M: Heheh. Kinky~

Y/n: ...

Lifing her lamp in the air she begins to summon some sort of... Just look.

... Turns out these are not Dragonflies.... Please don't look at me like that, reader.

They spot you and proceed to shoot out Electro sparks.

It was like a pinch... Lots of them at once.

Y/n knew what he should do... And it didn't contain the sword... Horny will go in jail.

As much as he wanted to slash that masochist he held back. He looks around and spots a vase.

Rushing towards it, you grab it, jump towards one of the house's walls and boosting yourself with Anemo as you wiz like a bullet with the vase.

You were too fast for the little creatures as you manage to grab the two of them. You close it hastily. Those were taken care of...
That is until you didn't feel a struggle in there anymore.

You begin to hear a small giggle coming from the Cicin Mage.

Turns out the Cicin mage de-spawned them after your hard work.

E.C.M: Oh-o... Are you mad? Perhaps you could try and fight me?~

Y/n: Masochists...

Paimon: PAIMON GOT IT!

You look towards your left noticing Paimon dragging a baseball bat, because of her size she wasn't able to carry it.

Y/n: Thank you, Paimon. Your contributions towards the Horny Police will be remembered.

You grab the bat and stare at the mage... MENACINGLY as Japanese Kanji float near you.

ゴ
                  ゴ
ゴ
              ゴ

E.C.M: ... Why do I suddenly feel scared?

Y/n: Go to horny jail.

E.C.M: Ouch!

... Suddenly the world around the mage starts to change.

She was currently in a cell.

Good Job, Y/N.

E.C.M: I WILL FIND A WAY OUT! Just you wait!~

... Let's hope that it won't be anytime soon.

Back to the real world, it seems like Xingqui was just staring at what you just did with 3 knocked out men.

Y/n: What?

Xingqui: That was very dramatic... Nice.

Y/n: Nice.

Paimon: Nice.

Dumbass: WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED!? YOU'LL REGRET THIS!

And he started retreating like a bitch.

Y/n: I must admit though, that was some nice fighting style you got.

Paimon: Paimon never knew he had a Vision.

Y/n: He has Hydro written all over him, π .

Xingqui: Although, I try to avoid using it. I dislike the unfair advantage it gives me against my opponents. Though I long to restore Guhua to it's former glory, it is no easy task.

Paimon: Well, they're gone for now. But they'll be back looking to cause more trouble.

Xingqui: I'll see to it, that no harm comes to those who show me kindness. There's a just and unjust way to do business, and I will ensure the matter is restored satisfactorly.

Xingqui: It's not like the Fatui to pick sides in a business dispute. But the confident demanot of their errand boy suggest there is a substance to his words. There must be a deeper level of collusion in here.

Xingqui: He mentioned Gentry Maocai. I know that name, he has a stately residence in Liyue Harbor. Maybe the two of you could go and investigate.

Paimon: That works... But what are you gonna do?

Xingqui: Me? I have other business to attend to. Let me see... Let us meet in Yujing Terrace in Liyue Harbor in a bit.

He proceeds to get his books and open it.

Y/n: Oh really now? Throwing your work on me?

Paimon: We aren't your errand runners!

Y/n: At least pay us. If we are working for your ass.

Xingqui: Wow... So that's how that turned out! This whole passage is just... Extraordinary!

Y/n: Oi, you're the one who got us into this mess. Are you just gonna sit while we do the work? (It's school group presentation all over again...)

Xingqui: Oh dear... This is a new twist!

Paimon: AGH! This is just SO ANNOYING! Paimon just wants to slap him right in his stupid face!

Y/n: The time will come Paimon. For now let's go.

Paimon: Huh!? You're just gonna leave it at that!? That's unlike y-

She notices a mischievous smile creeping on Y/n's face.

Paimon: Oh... Okay. Hmph... But as per tradition, Paimon gets to pick an ugly nickname for him! From now on he shall be known as... Guhua Geek!

Y/n: G.G.

TO LIYUE HARBOR

We see Y/n... A bit different. He was wearing a straw hat he got from the village, and a fake mustache.

Y/n: I'm the greatest rice farmer!

Paimon: Sure you are, grandpa. Let's put you back to sleep.

Y/n: Oi. Pff... People these days. When I was young, I was young.

Walking near the place of where the Rite of Descension tok place. You notice a bulky man standing in front of the place where that goofball works in.

Puffing your chest, you approach him instead of running away.

Sturdy Wu: Hm. Who goes there?

You struck a dramatic pose, using your straw hat for the added drama.

Y/n: You may call me... Jack-Chan. I currently have a meeting with your bossu that goes by Gentry Maocai as a VIP lad. Now. If you may stand aside, and let me in.

Sturdy Wu: Hmmm....

He takes a good look at you from head to toe.

Sturdy Wu: I'm sorry, but I don't know a person that goes by that name in the list. The master is dealing with some urgent business at the moment. All prior appointments have been canceled.

Y/n: Oh, do tell.

Sturdy Wu: The master has been working on a major business deal recently. He left a bit early this morning to meet a VIP client.

Paimon: So... Where is he now?

Sturdy Wu: I'm sorry, the master has stresses that we must not disclose that information to just anyone...

With some added drama you look down to the floor.

Y/n: Oi, lad... Are you deaf or something?

Slowly you get your head up and glare into the man's eyes as if you're burning his soul with that fierce gaze.

Y/n: Didn't I say I was a VIP? I Really hate repeating myself twice when it's as clear as the morning sky. So... Do your damn job and tell me where your "Master" is.

Not-So-Sturdy Wu: No-I mean yes! I-I didn't mean to offend you, sir! I-I'm sorry! I wasn't paying attention!

Y/n: Hm... A person who isn't paying attention while he is on a job... How pathetic. You damn slackers are gonna be the end of your own companies. I don't think Maocai would want these sorts of people to work for him.

Broken Wu: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I will do my best after this! Master is currently negotiating at Xinyue Kiosk! I'm sorry! I beg you to not tell him!

Paimon: Well, MY Master has way more important things to do than talk to people like you!

Y/n: *Extremely serious face*

... Boi.

Paimon: Luckily for you! Your bad attitude will be the LEAST thing on his mind while negotiating his big business deal with your boss!

You turn around with your hand lowering your straw-hat covering your eyes.

Relieved Wu: Thank you, thank you! May your business forever be blessed by the Lord of the Ge-- nevermind...
Forget I said anything.

And thus, the two of you venture off towards Kiosk. Doing your absolute best not to laugh.

Paimon: Haha! He looked so scared!

Y/n: Definitely! Ah... Joy. Good job, Pai. You did a fantastic job today.

Paimon: Heheheh! Of course, Paimon did! Paimon is just great like that!

Y/n: ... Hey, Paimon. There is something I want to talk about.

Paimon: Oh?

You proceed to pull out a single Mora.

Y/n: I still don't know how my blind ass didn't see this from the beginning. But... As I was buying this hat. This Mora, more specifically this symbol on the Mora.

Paimon: Oh! That's the Symbol of the Devine of Celestia! Is that what you wanted to know?

Y/n: Paimon, It's the exact same symbol on your clothes.

Paimon: Wait. What? Wait! It is!

Y/n: Guess your mysterious past and origin has something to do with the Devine, eh? Who knows... Maybe you fell from there until I fished ya out.

Paimon: Uh... This is so much for Paimon's brain... But... This is weird.

You notice a saddened look on her face.

Y/n: Well, one way or another. You're still my emergency food no matter what.

Paimon: HEY!

Y/n: You can never stop the memes, Paimon! MWAHAHAHA!

Paimon: Hmph! I will bite you.

Y/n: Oh, you wouldn't dare...

Paimon just stares at you, slowly floating towards you.

Y/n: Aw, hell no. NIGERUNDAYO!

Paimon: GET BACK HERE!

Ah, I missed these moments.

Timeskip brought you by Y/n imitating a scare-crow while Paimon looks for him

Paimon: Xinyue Kiosk... Didn't that Zhongli guy mention something about it back at the restaurant? Seems like business is really flooding in there. No one should notice if you blend it.

You stared walking into the place, when you cought a glimpse of someone with a Fatui mask, you knew the person next to him must be Maocai.

You hide behind... Something that I forgot its name(sorry) . Some sort of wall for privacy, but you can still hear through it.

Maocai: I understand, I do. Please do not worry, you have my word that the order will be completed as promised.

Fatui Agent: Hmm... The subordinate I sent was not quite so optimistic in his appraisal. He even told me someone used a baseball bat... A fucking baseball bat to delete someone? Must be his imagination going wild, but... Is someone not being cooperative?

Maocai: (Tsk... Damn brats!) Ah... We just Wan into a small minor problem, we still haven't purchased the Cor Lapis. But you don't need to worry about it, if Chang the Ninth won't sell it, then I'll just buy it from someone else.

F.A: That would be most ideal. I remind you again that the Fatui care only about the result. We are willing to... Lend a certain degree of support to this transaction. But if it is not completed in time... You will certainly find out good will come at a price you cannot afford.

Maocai: I understand... I am indebted to you for your protection. You know I would never dream to disappoint you, right?

F.A: We shall see when the time comes.

Maocai: *Sighs while muttering* Damn that old man Chang!

Paimon: *Whisper* So, Mr. Gentry Maocai is colluding with the Fatui.

Y/n: *Whisper* Well... Y/n needs some of their help, but not Jackie-Chan. Let's go see what that Fem-book lover is doing.

KONO TIMESKIPPU DA!

Arriving at their agreed location... Oh my God... He is still reading the book.

Y'know I like to imagine he walked all this way while reading as he bumps into trees and other stuff.

Xingqui: Oh hey. Nice hat.

Y/n: Thanks.

Paimon: Well, well, well. You said you had other things to look into, as you're some sort of man of mystery. Paimon doesn't hate to bring to you, but you're failing horribly. You just walk towards the park and read that novel while WE do YOUR work!

Y/n: Yeah, he's dead. Okay, Fem-Corpse. Maocai is working with the Fatui, it's confirmed.

The two of you begin explaining what happened.

Xingqui: I see. I guessed as much.

Y/n: No, you didn't.

Xingqui: Yes, I did.

Y/n: No, you didn't.

Xingqui: ...

Paimon: Yeah, you don't sound clever.

Xingqui: ... The course of action we must take is bow clear. To start it off, please deliver this letter to the Feiyun Commrence Guild. They will know what to do. My liege, for reasons I cannot explain, I cannot join you.

Y/n: Is it though?

Xingqui: Y-yes... There is no need for you to open this letter. (Please. Don't open it.) They will know what to--

Paimon: PAIMON'S EYES ARE SUFFOCATING BECAUSE IF THIS HANDWRITING!

Xingqui: T-that's not even possible! (Darn it! Of course, they'd open it! This sounds suspicious.) Heh... Uh...

Y/n: Keep talking, I'm curious on what sort of excuse you'll come up with.

Xingqui: It's... A coded message!

Y/n: Nope... There are some Teyvatian words in here... (His hand writing is worse than mine when I started learning this damn language. Thanks to Paimon I got the hang of it. Yes, Paimon was my language teacher...Take a look at the Teyvatian letters. It has no punctuations though.)

Y/n: (My brain hurts...)

Paimon: But why do you want to get them involved? Aren't they like, one of the super bigwig commrence guilds in Liyue-- why would they want to help out?

Y/n: I feel like I'm missing out.

Paimon: Since we got to Liyue, Paimon keeps hearing people mention it. Seems like they oversee lots of the buissness that goes on here. Having such great backings would be nice... But are you sure they'd help us?

Xingqui: No need to worry about that. From what I know, they share my sense of chivalry. Once they have read the carefully reasoned and passionately argued case I put forth in this letter, they will certainly be moved to action.

Y/n: I bet it says "Help me do this, bitches!" or something like that.

Xingqui: A-ahem! I'd never use such vulgular words in these sorts of things. Gentry Maocai must be tought a lesson he'd never forget for what he done. Also, I do not wish for anyone to know of my involvement in this.

Y/n: -_- Sure... Mr. Hero.

Paimon: Why though? Don't you want to help Chang the Ninth?

Xingqui: "To silently disappear at the matters conclusion, concealing one's name and contribution." this is the chivalrious thing to do. To save the memory is ample reward. Each droplet of kindness I receive I am duty-bound to repay with a welling spring of gratitude. I seek neither praise nor reward.

Y/n: And you certainly don't seek to work for that, leaving it to us.

Paimon: You just want to continue reading your book, huh?

He pulls out his book ignoring the two of you.

Xingqui: Thank you in advance for delivering this letter to Feiyun Commrence Guild. Someone from the guild should be able to receive you near Liuli Pavilion.

Paimon: Hey! Stop ignoring Paimon! Nobody ignores Paimon!

Y/n: Perfect spot... So many people come to this park.

Paimon: Huh?

He had his back turned to you, so you couldn't just YOINK thr book. Time for your plan B.

You pull out what seems to be a small jar of potion that had water in it. You pour some down near your eyes.

Y/n: *Sniff* S-sir Xingqui, I-I just did what you told me to do *Sob*. P-please, I just need money to eat. I worked so hard to do your errands, while you read your adult novels!

Xingqui: H-Hey! What are you--

Citezen#1: Xingqui? The polite fellow?

Citezen#2: Oh my... I never knew he was such a pervert. And here I wanted my sons to be like him.

Xingqui: Oh, haha! Very funny, Jackie! Isn't that right? Good performance, easily a ten outta ten! Your career as an actor will go swimmingly.

He grabs you by the arm and drags you somewhere private.

Xingqui: Why did you do that!?

Y/n: Karma, bitch. We walked ALL the way, and did your damn work that you promised the part of Big-Smoker's order.

Paimon: And you certainly deserved it, Guhua Geek!

Xjngqui: I-Uhh... *Sigh* Fine. You'll get your rewards after your hard work. It's just the chivalrious thing to d-

Y/n: I'm out. And the rewards better be ready.

Xingqui: *Sigh* Darn...

This was the day Xingqui would taste his own medicine. He wasn't ready for someone to be this mischievous other than a certain Funeral Parlor manager.

TIMESKIP BROUGHT YOU BY Y/N WINNING THE OSCAR

Paimon: Uh. Excuse us! We came bearing of matters that require your assistance. It's all in this letter!

You hand him the letter, as he just looks at it.

Xu: A letter? Oh... This again...

Y/n: Hm?

Xu: Oh, don't mind me... I was just speculating. Let me give this a read.

Paimon: *Whisper* Can he actually read this? Is it even in the common tongue?

Y/n: *Whisper* Guess we'll see.

Xu: Hmm... Yes, this script is immitable by the unitiated. Honored guests, you must both be weary from your long journey. Please allow the Feiyun Commrence Guild to be your hosts for tonight.

Y/n: Oh, guess this is happening.

Xu: Please rest assured that the matter written about has been duty received. We just need some time to prepare. Please take a seat at Liuili Pavilion, where you may take some light refreshments while enjoying the ocean view. Consider it a small token for our esteem.

Paimon: Yay, tasty snacks! They are giving us VIP treatment!

Xu: Of course, we treat guests with the utmost respect here at Feiyon Commrence Guild. When honored guests bless us with their presence, far be it from us to shirk our duty to them. Please, this way.

SCENE CHANGE BI-

Ah, beautiful. Sitting as you feasted upn some CHICCEN. Current-

Y/n: (I WILL MASTER KNITTING!)

Oh, okay.
He decided to start again with the scarf while waiting for Xu.

Yes, Y/N is still at it. He REALLY wants to learn it because of how much it annoys him. Weird, right?

Paimon: And there Paimon thought we'd get kicked out or turned away at the door!

Y/n: Well, Xin-Xin well surely be in quite the sticky situation if that happens.

Paimon: Paimon didn't think Guhua Geek had so much clout...

Y/n: Well... It seems like people from Liyue know about him from what happened at the park. Maybe his father is the owner or something. He dresses up and acts like some sort orlf royalty.

Our of another room comes out the person who greeted you both.

Xu: Thank you for your patience. With the amount of wealth and power Gentry Maocai has, it will take more than a slap on the wrist to get through him. For him to correct the error of his ways, he must feel for himself the same suffering he inflicted on Chang the Ninth.

Xu: Since his business has to do with Cor Lapis, we simply need to buy all the stocks in Liyue. That will put him in a rather sticky situation. Deprived of the necessary of raw materials, even the best craftsperson in Teyvat will be unable to make their product.

Paimon: Ooh! That will sure mess things up between him and the Fatui. But... Liyue is huge... Is it really possible to buy every last bit of Cor Lapis in the harbor?

Xu: With the timescale we are on, it is indeed a challenge. Hence, as stated in the letter, we must ask for your further cooperation. First, there are numbers of vendors in the city you will need to buy from. I've marked their locations on your map.

Paimon: Wait, wait, wait! You "marked" them!? Our map is here!

Y/n: Yes, Paimon. Join the breaking the fourth wall, and let's make the author go broke with the ABOUNT of repairs.

(Why...? Why world!?)

Y/n: (Why not?)

I'd pity the author. But I don't really care.

Xu: There is also some at the Chasm you'll need to purchase. Finally, you will purchase Chang the Ninth's ones in the market price. Of course, we are covering for the costs.

Paimon: Wow, so many mora!! With cash like this, Paimon will be able to rent the Liuli Pavillion and eat there for a month!

Y/n: So... I feel like you're forgetting something.

Xu: Your rewards will be ready after the commissions are done, Mr. Chan.

Y/n: I'm quite curious... All of you seem too generous with the current situation. Going all out to buy the entire stock.

Xu: Well... This isn't the first time we had to do something like this. It's par for the course now. All you need is to strike the deal. The guild will handle the transfer of the ores. Once you're done, please return to the guild's warehouse, where you can see the rest of the plan unfold.

Y/n: Got it.

Timeskip brought you by Y/n crashing the stock market

Ah, nothing really that interesting happened. Beside the fact that some didn't want to sell, but when you mentioned the guild's name, they immediately changed their mind.

With your magical words of saying:

And now you were at the chasm outside of Liyue.

Paimon: Hello there.

Y/n: General Kenobi! (There goes Obi-Wan again. Beautiful.)

Paimon: You are a bold one!

This fucking idiot: Uhh...

Paimon: Are you in charge of selling Cor Lapis?

Shizhuang the Strong: Ah, finally! I thought you might come-- I hear that the Feiyun Commrence Guild has been buying all  Cor Lapis around Liyue. In fact, I have a shipped stack of it that still hasn't arrived yet, it's all yours if you name the right price.

Y/n: I think I know where this is going...

Shizhuang the Crook: The original buyer's price was quite high... The best I can do is 7,000,000.

Y/n: Is that the amount of times a girl rejected you or something or are you a fucking crook?

Shizhuang the Charcoal: What did you just say!?

Paimon: You can't be serious! We spend less than 2,000,000 Mora to get them in Liyue!

Shizhuang the Dumbass: I'm afraid it has to go towards the highest bidder. I'm breaching an existing agreement by selling to you, so it will be worth a while.

Y/n: I'm not surprised that I came up to a person like you. Oh well, the guid won't be too happy about this.

Shit-huang: Look, you have your problems, I have mine. You can take it or leave it, so if you're not buying it, leave me alone.

Y/n: Oh, I'm afraid you didn't get what I meant. The Feiyun Commrence Guild that oversees business won't be too happy about this. Sucks to be you.

Shizhuang: W-what!?

Paimon: Don't worry though, we'll pay. When we get back to the guild however, we'll just tell them that you sold it four times the market price. Tk which they'll sell you stuff in the future four times the normal price.

Shizhuang: S-Surely there is no need for that! We're all friends here, right?

Y/n: Hahaha-No.

Shizhuang: I-It's not even your money! Why are you dong this!?

Y/n: Felt like it. We just don't like you.

Paimon: That and it's gonna be hard for us to explain to our boss why we spent that amount of Mora in one go. We'll just mention your name and say you messed us around the price.

Shizhuang: I-I understand! Please. I don't want any trouble nor bad relationship with the Guild! One thing though... Several carts have been ambushed by hilichurls, so the delivery isn't reaching the place...

Y/n: So not only do you play with the price, you also don't have the goods? Huh. Your business will go downhill.

Shizhuang: Well... If you could find th-

Y/n: No, I'm currently working for the guild not you. Perhaps, if we make a contract... I'll go fetch them. That is, if you want to go there on your own... No vision, easily frightened.

Shizhuang: Alright, alright! I'll pay you!

Y/n: (God, I'm evil... I don't feel bad.)

TIMESKIP BROUGHT YOU BY Y/N USING XIANGLING AS A WEAPON TO EAT HILICHURLS

Paimon: Business is booming! We only have to buy Chang's Cor Lapis, and we're done!

We see Y/n tossing and cathcung a small bag of Mora. He sure loves the sound of it clashing together.

Y/n: This chapter sure was rewarding for us. M U N E H !

Paimon: Last stop, Chang the Ninth!

TIMESKIP BROUGHT YOU BY CAPATALI-

Chang IX: Ah, just who I was hoping to see! Gentry Maocai's thugs have been mysteriously absent for a while now. You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?

Y/n: Cannibalism.

Chang IX: Wha-wha!? Oh, haha! I see you have some sense of humor.

Y/n: Sure. Whatever helps you cope.

Paimon: You don't need to worry about them. You're not hearing from them ever again!

Chang IX: I-I'm slightly worried, but thanks!

Y/n: Well, we'd like to buy your entire stock of Lapis Lazul- I mean Cor Lapis... Do you have Lapis Lazuli by any chance though?

Chang IX: Eh!? Oh... I see, you're in this trade business as well. Trying to beat him to the post, eh! Appearance can be deceiving, that's for sure.

Y/n: Wait. I looked like a good boi? Hmm... Thanks for the info. But I wanna buy it in the market price.

Chang IX: Wait... You're not trying to force me to down the price!? Have I died and ascended to heaven!?

Y/n: Chang the Ninth, we saw what you read, especially these lewd novels. And us, Angels, must say... You have good taste.

Chang IX: W-Wait a second!

Y/n: Pfftt! Look at yourself! You looked so scared! Bwahahaha! Sauce?

Chang IX: U-Uh...*Whisper* It's Succubes' Whisper. *Outloud* Ahem! Thank you, I cannot believe that I'll actually profit from this! Though... Gentry's thugs could still come back even if I sell it.

(Just to clarify... The sauce is something I came up with... What? You want a real sauce? Fine. 341111. A genshin one. Enjoy)

Paimon: If Paimon told you they're not gonna bother you against, then you better believe they won't!

Chang IX: Hmm... Well my situation can hardly get any worse from here.

Y/n: ... You just had to say it.

Chang IX: But... What are you you gonna do with so much Cor Lapis?

Paimon: Actually, it's for a commission. Can't go into too much detail.

Y/n: Some guy will come to transfer it.

Chang IX: Thank you, thank you a million times over! I really don't know what to say.

Paimon: Good people always get what's coming for them in the end... So will nasty people. Karma is coming for them. Let's go... Jackie! Hope you brought some popcorn, we have a show to watch!

TO THE WAREHOUSE!

X

ingqui: Welcome. The final act in this drama would not be complete without you two as audience.

Y/n: It wouldn't be true if it wasn't for us in the first place, buckoo.

Paimon: You better believe it! We're the ones doing all the work. The rewards better be ready!

Xingqui: Oh... Right. Ehe.

Paimon: WHAT DO YOU MEAN "EHE"!? DON'T YOU DARE BECOME VENTI!

Xingqui: Don't worry, you'll get what you deserve for your hard work... So please, Jackie. Do not pull something like you did back there.

Y/n: No promises.

Xingqui: Fair enough... But if you must know what I've been doing-

Y/n: No, I don't really care...

Xingqui: - I used the time to completely immerse myself in Legend of the Shattered Halberd-

Y/n: Not really much of a surprise.

Xingqui: - I managed to finish the book off, and I loved every second of it.

Y/n: Okay, cool.

Xingqui: Divine Halberd and Ominous Sword, Mir and Weiyang...

Y/n: There he goes...

You pull out your knitting supply and continue your work with the scarf.

Xingqui: The way the story develops across the first five volumes -- nothing short of exemplary. But in the sixth volume... Words fail me.

Y/n: Wow. Must be awesome.

Xingqui: Indeed, it is. For it goes--

OH GOD! DON'T SPOIL IT! Y/N, TUNE IT OUT!

Y/n: *Humming*

Oh, you already did that.

Xingqui: -And thus... The story of another hero begins. *Sigh* How blessed we are to have such an author grace our world with such works.

Y/n: (Oh, he's finally done. AND SO AM I! THIS SCARF BETTER BE GOOD!)

Paimon: Paimon still doesn't know how this is related to Gentry Maocai.

Xingqui: It's not. But when something surpasses expectations to a certain degree, one must show appreciation.

Y/n: So, Mr. Planqui. Everything went as you foresaw?

Xingqui: Indeed, and it is thanks to you that it did.

Y/n: Appreciation and acknowledgement. Not that hard, is it?

Xingqui: You're still on that?

Y/n: Yes.

Xingqui: You certainly are an interesting individual, Jackie. Acting cool, weird, but cool.

Y/n: I've never felt more understood.

Xingqui: Say... If someone offered you to be a protagonist in a story. What would you say?

Y/n: I already am.

Xingqui: (Maybe... I can use Jackie's personality for one of the characters in my novel... Hehehehh! Good idea me!)

Y/n: (I wonder how long it'll take him to figure out Jackie isn't my name...)

Paimon: So. What is the big showdown in here?

Xingqui: Think about it... Gentry Maocai goes all over Liyue in search for For Lapis... Doesn't find a single piece. He panics-- without the goods, he can't fulfill his contract. And if he can't fulfill his contract, he can't stay in a good standing with the Fatui.

Xingqui: He hears rumors that the Commrence Guild is the culprit. Panic turns into disbelief. Gentry Maocai is a hugely powerful figure in the business world.

Xingqui: Never has anyone dared to target him like that. So regardless of whether it is revenge or a swift resolution that he seeks, he is certain to--

Maocai: So it was you! You're the ones sticking your necks out for Chang the Ninth!

Ah, the show has finally arrived.

Xingqui: Speak of the devil.

Behind him were about five ordinary goons. To his left however was a Fatui Agent, the same agent that he was talking to.

Maocai: I went everywhere trying to find someone selling Cor Lapis before I realized that the Feiyun Commrence Guild has been on an acquisition spree!

Y/n: They learned the ways of Mongols and Britain. Noice.

Maocai: Cor Lapis is hardy a rare mineral, and yet the stocks dry up, just like that! Explain yourselves! What is the meaning of this persecution!?

Y/n: They bought it legally, didn't they? I don't think it's hardly an issue. Besides... If you are so rich, why don't you hire miners or something. The mats respawn every two days.

Maocai: You shut your damn mouth!

Y/n : Rude much? Not even acknowledging different ways to resolve the problem. But I guess that's the way of people with an IQ below room temperature.

Xingqui: We are not persecuting you, but protecting another, one to whom I'm indebted. Upon witnessing an injustice, it's perfectly norlam response to rush to the aid of he who has been wronged. Was it not one of your own men who said... This isn't over?

Maocai: Hmph. You clearly don't know what's good for you. I won't beat around the bush.

He looks towards the Agent and bows.

Maocai: Master, if you please. Seize their Cor Lapis!

Y/n: Now that's straight up robbery. Oh, boy... You're in so much trouble.

Two crossbow bois, two knife bois, one Fatui agent that is observing what happens.

They fight began when the archers loaded their crossbow.

Y/n: Guhua Geek, rush 🅱️.

And thus the two took off dashing (Not the banana) Xinqui towards an archer with Y/n to the nearest knife boi.

The Geek proceeds to bounce, spinning his leg as smooth as a water flow and kicks the crossbow lad in his chest and uses his as a boost towards the next archer, spinning as he summons his sword.

The archer, terrified a bit, shoots, but it got blocked by the martial artist because of his powerful SPEEEEN.

Alas he didn't like blood shed, so instead of slashing with the edgey side. He hit his head with the flat side.

It being metal and with his boost it made it quite the powerful blow- Archers down.

Meanwhile with Y/n, instead of making anything fancy, he just drop kicked a person in the skull. Took his knife while he's down, and stomped him. Y/n notices one of the knife bois was about to throw a knife at him.

So he did a pro gamer move and waited for a bit.

Y/n: Come on, come on, I'll give you this one free shot. I'm feeling quite generous today.

KnifeBoi: I've read enough stories to know this is the doom of a person... Nope! I'm out! I never wanted to work here anyway.

With that he just runs away. Wise choice.

Y/n: What about you, other guy?

He threw a knife at Y/n as he just uses his Anemo powers to deflect it.

Y/n simply YEETS the knife of the person he stomped towards the person, hitting his leg.

Y/n: ... Okay.

For some reason after you guys whooped the rest, the Fatui Agent decided to finally show up in the fight.

He dashes towards Xinqui, but the Guhua Geek jumps back doing the attack.

The Agent proceeds to turn invisible, due to it being night time, it was quite hard to see his shadow as he stayed away from the source of light.

Xingqui has a bright idea and just splashes everywhere until the shape of the Agent is seen.

Seeing as how he got spotted easily he rushes between you two, as the two jump away to your own seperate ways.

Y/n proceeds to rush him, as the agent tried to pull a scorpion with his chain, you jump over it, using Anemo you get blown higher passing the Fatui, towards Xingqui's location.

Currently you were about to hit the floor behind the Fatui, but you charge some Anemo powers as it explodes sending the agent to the floor, and you flying for a it more giving you the chance to land safely.

Y/n: Oi, Xingqui. Get ready. I'll yeet you.

Xingqui: Wha-?

Y/n: FLY LIKE A FREE BIRD!

Locking your arm with him, you spin for a bit before sending him to fly towards the agent that just got up. Alas the Guhua Geek rolled with it, and drop kicked the person in the face. As he does a back flip landing safely.

From above Xingqui emerges a wild main character. You lock your feet between the agents face as if you were scissors, and S🅱️EEN like a fucking chopper. Before you got a hit dizzy and decided to release him sending him flying for a bit.

Yeah, you won the fight unsurprisingly.

The agent gets up with a groan.

F.A: Impressive... You are no commoners... To continue this fight would... Ouch... Incur to greater losses than I could accept.

Maocai: Their strength is almost spent! Finish them off! The Cor Lapis is almost within our grasp...

F.A: Yeah, they definitely are tired, it's not like they didn't get hit one bit. Might I remind you that the Fatui's relationship with you extends business matters only! I did not lend you men to stir up trouble at your beck and call!

Maocai: W-What are you saying? Master, everything I did, I did with only one thing in mind-- to complete the order!

F.A: Then figure it out by yourself!

And with that, the Agent just walks away.

Maocai: D-Don't go! Wait! Master! Waaait...

From out of no where comes Xu rushing towards the three of you.

Xu: My lord! What are you doing here? Are you hurt?

Paimon: "My lord"!?

Y/n: Oh, so I was right.

Xingqui: Hurt? No, it was a great throw indeed. Never before have I experienced a drop kick such as this one.

Y/n: The art of drop-kicks sure is beautiful.

Maocai: You... You are the heir of the Feiyun Commrence Guild!?

Xingqui: Indeed, my liege. I'm Xinqui, disciple of the Guhua Clan and the seond son of the Feiyun Commerce Guild manager. I make no secret of it.

Maocai: Drats! I've been played like a fiddle!

Xingqui: Gentry Maocai, coercion and intimidation are hardly the attributes of a respectable businessman. The problem that your business practices have created I have sought to resolve through mine. I shudder to think what the Fatui would do you you if you fail to provide their Cor Lapis.

Maocai: You meddling swine! Well, go on! Tell me what do you sell it for?

Xingqui: Since you "asked" Chang the Ninth for a discount of seventy percent, let's fight fire with fire, shall we? Three times the market rate sounds fair, no?

Maocai: How dare you subject me to such viciousness! This is a malicious and calculated attempt to run me into the grou-

Y/n: Well, unless you don't want to be Fatui's cellmate after you dropped the soup, go ahead. Besides, you are talking to the heir of the guild that oversees the entirety business in Liyue, right? After your little attempts of robbing the place, I think they can put your ass to jail, and take your company.

Xingqui: Exactly. I could do that any second whenever I please. You should consider yourself lucky. Take deep breathes now, do you buy it, or not?

Maocai: I- shit! Fine! I'll find the money somehow, happy now!?

Xingqui: Great! Of behalf of the Feiyun Commerce Guild, I thank you for your custom and hope that we continue doing business together.

Paimon: You...? Funny-speaking, book-reading, Guhua-Geeking, Xungqui... A-are the heir of Feiyun Commerce Guild!? So that massive stack of Mora you let us burn... That was from your private vault!?

Xingqui: 'Twas but a paltry sum. I got to make a very good investment while putting Gentry Maocai in his place. A classic two birds, one stone situation.

Y/n: Make it three birds, one stone when you take the money, and ta-da! You got his company as well.

Xingqui: You really like to take advantage of these situations, huh?

Y/n: Eh, he deserves it. Can you blame me?

Xingqui: I was not... I'll keep that in mind though.

Y/n: So... About your hand-writing... You're the first ever rich-kid I've ever saw that doesn't have an elegant hand-writing. No calligraphy classes or something?

Xingqui: Eh-hehe... Very droll. My family can always tell that's me from my hand-writing, it's certainly one of my distinguishing features.

Y/n: Well, in a way... Hand-writing is the hand's accent.

Xingqui: ... That... That's true... I don't know how I feel about this.

Y/n: Accept it, and go on with your day. If you think too much, it'll annoy ya.

Xingqui: I don't know how you come up with these stuff, my liege. But I guess that's what's special about you.

Paimon: Yikes... And Paimon's been calling you Guhua Geek this whole time... Paimon read in one of these martial art novels, that when rich kids get angry at someone, they have their arms and legs chopped off! Ah! Paimon's toast! And sorry! Very, very sorry! Please don't hurt Paimon!

Y/n: ._. Wh-what kind of books have you been reading???

Xingqui: Calm down, since you can fly, you hardly need your legs anyway.

Y/n: Wow... That was horrible.

Paimon: ARGH! Save Paimon, Y/-Jackie! This is not a drill! This is not a drill!

She basically bounced on your head hiding on top of your hat.

Y/n: Don't jump on my like that, idiot! You're heavier than you look!

Paimon: Not important! Let's run!

Xingqui: Oh, I was just joking... Jokes aside. I have the two of you to thank for this successful resolution. Really, you were a huge help.

Y/n: And the floor here is made out of floor.

Xingqui: Still same as ever. I'm happy to see that you don't bother to please me even after you knew about who I am.

Y/n: Thanks. I don't try.

Xingqui: *Chuckles* Meanwhile, Legend of the Shattered Halberd was positively riveting. Much obliged if you could return it to Chang the Ninth for me.

Y/n: 🅱️oi.

Xingqui: Well, I did nothing. And deserve nothing of his gratitude. The two of you, meanwhile, though strangers to this circumstance, stepped in and saved the day.

Paimon: ... Is this a way for you to say you forgot to bring the rewards?

Xingqui: What...? Nooooooooo-Yes. The book was so good, I completely forgot.

Xu: Not to worry, I got it right here!

Paimon: Xu saves the day!

Y/n: Alright. This'll help. Thanks for remembering, unlike someone.

Xingqui: Aw, come on. We're friends right?

Y/n: I honestly don't know...

Xu: My lord, forgive the intrusion... It's about your father...

Xingqui: Please I from my father: I have averted a disaster and earned a sizable sum of money in the process. Might this meritorious act for my prior transgression, and earn me a few days of freedom, perchance? Legend of the Shattered Halberd speaks of a domain, that I'll very much like to investigate.

Paimon: Even all of your clever words, the fact that you're just a lazy bones who doesn't wanna work!

Xingqui: Hahaha. What if I told you some bonus rewards are there at Chang's place and not just his gratitude.

Paimon: *Le gasp* Bonus!? Ahem...Well, that sweetens the deal somewhat.

Xu sighs and looks at his lord.

Xu: It seems whatever I say, there is no persuadibg you to stay.

Paimon: Now that Paimon remembers, why didn't you tell us that Xingqui is the heir?

Xu: Oh, I didn't relize you weren't aware...

Xingqui: Thank you in advance for returning this book for me. I enjoyed fighting alongside you. Until our paths cross again, farewell, Jackie.

Y/n: Zàijiàn. You'll hear about me soon enough. You'll see posters of the Dragon Warrior.

Xingqui: Then I look forward to seeing their design.

And thus you leave dramatically walking... While they awkwardly watch you.

Oh well, Y/N is really into his role.

A few minutes pass and you decide to take a seat. Bringing out the entire collection of the Shattered Halberd.

Paimon: Hm?

Y/n: You can't tell me you're not at least a bit curious about the book. Sit down, I shall narrate it.

You know the drill. If you don't want to read it skip to the bolded words. It's gonna be the entire six volumes of that book after this. They're like 3K words.

Legend of the Shattered Halberd

Vol. 1
In ancient times when Axis Mundi was unobstructed, there were nine realms, each a world of its own. The realm of humans was known as the Zhongzhou, while the gods reside in Shenxiao.
At the end of the last calamity, a war between the gods broke out. The God King fell, setting the nine realms ablaze, obliterating all living things. The realms have now been born anew, life again thrives, but the passageway between the nine realms by Axis Mundi has been sealed off.
An all-new graphic novel on the epic journey in search of the God King's Halberd begins!

—Pressing Official Businesses—
"I am the Great and Glorious General Weiyang, emissary of the imperial court on a royal mission! I demand that you step aside at once!"
"General? So the Great and Glorious is a military rank now, huh? I thought it was a civil office." Mir responded with not a moment's hesitation.
Weiyang's face turned bright red. "Oh!? An ignorant borderland heathen seeks to educate me on the matters of the court!?"
Mir was unfazed. "I would be surprised if they'd overhauled the entire government bureaucracy in the space of a few years."
Two broad-sword-wielding Martial Artists in Weiyang's party burst out laughing. "Haha! So it ends our grand journey to the capital... The cart finally makes it past a thousand miles of checkpoints, only to get gridlocked like this at some tiny little inn out in the wlderness!"
Qin stared intently at Weiyang's crimson-colored cheeks before suddenly declaring: "You're a woman! A female officer disguised as a man!" The claim was accentuated with a prod of his finger.
"An astute observation," came the response from one of the martial artists. "She is in fact the Secretary of Ceremonies. The two of us are military officers. One from the Imperial Guards, the other from the Imperial Escorts, both versed in polearm and sword. We are serving the office of the Imperial Grand Minister on secondment, and we are here under orders to retrieve the Ominous Swords."
"Although the part about the Great and Glorious Gen... General, haha... Although that's made up, the bit about being here on official court... uh, business is not," the other Martian Artist chimed in to say.

The Ominous Swords were something that Mir had heard of. The story was that an iron meteorite had fallen from the sky five or six years ago, and convention dictated that as nature's treasure it belonged to the imperial family.
However, a swordsmith by the name of Feng had taken it for himself and used it to illegaly cast nine swords. It was said that the Ominous Swords were cursed by the meteorite and could drain people's intellect. Naturally, they had caused quite the stir in martial artists' circles.

"Good for you," said Mir as he shut the toilet door.
"It'd be even better for me if you got yourself out from that toilet... now!" Her disguise exposed, Weiyang gave up trying to compose herself and spoke in her normal voice.
She sounded more charming than one would expect, given the circumstances.
"Officer Weiyang is a cultured lady of the court. Unlike us, she cannot resolve her pressing official business by simply finding a discrete spot in the wild. Please, hurry up!"

Mir washed his hands and exited the toilet, then sat down at the table with the two Martial Artists.
"it is not at every border town that we encounter one so familiar with court affairs." The one that seems to be the Imperial Escort officer sizes up Mir. "Might I inquire as to your personal history?"
"My father, Mi Tingren, was Minister of Imperial Banquets. He was framed for embezzlement of funds intended for the imperial cuisine. He then resigned from his post and returned home." Mir paused to scratch his chin before continuing, "My old man's not been himself ever since that happened. I still intend to go back to the court one day and clear the Mi family name."

Vol. 2
Mir, having stumbled onto the journey to retrieve the swords by accident, encountered a huge crisis before the journey had even begun. Imperial Guard and Imperial Escort elites were slain by enemies holding the Ominous Swords. Amidst grave danger, Mir recalled a spell taught by his father. Legend has that, the Celestial Emperor has a young daughter whose name was not known to the world; she now possessed Weiyang's body and revealed herself. Who would prevail? The wielders of the Ominous Swords who had turned into ferocious demons? Or Mir who could somewhat hold his own in a fight?

—A Matter of Possession—
"Yum. Very nice."
Now that the spirit had possessed her body, Weiyang was of a much sweeter and gentler disposition. She took a tiny bite of one of Mir's stuffed pies, but it was too hot, so in an effort to avoid burning her tongue she stuck it out of her mouth and panted for breath frantically. Truth be told, it was all rather cute.
"That came unexpectedly. I need some time to process." Mir, who had given up one of his eyeballs to appease the spirit, helped himself to a pie and asked, "Can you go over it again?"
"Very well. The 'meteorite' was in fact a Divine Halberd. It was snapped into pieces by a commoner and made into nine cursed swords — the Ominous Swords. This one is the Sword of Mist, adding in that pair I've found three of them to date."
"And what's your place in all of this?"
"I was once the daughter of the Celestial Emperor. But I have long forgotten my name. I was in charge of conducting trials and sentencing at the end — a judge, to use your parlance."
Since the Court of Imperial Entertainments was responsible for sacrifices and offerings, Mir's father had forced him to learn every last detail and word uttered in every known court ritual. And because most rituals involved encounters with bizarre forces and temperamental deities, he also knew a thing or two about how to deal with them. For instance, he knew that deities tended to guard their names closely, for knowledge of a deity's true name allows a human being to exercise absolute control over them. So he wasn't convinced this one had simply forgotten her name.

"So the court wants to retrieve the swords to reconstruct the Divine Halberd?" Mir forced himself to entertain the reasonability of this line of inquiry.
"I don't know. The master of this body knows nothing else. She is just... deeply angry. She wants to prove herself." Weiyang puts her hands on her chest.
"So what's the next step? Do I have to perform some sort of farewell ceremony for you?" Mir stroked the bandaged and sightless eye. "And then do I get my eye back?"

"Give me a name." She raised her head, oblivious to the crumbs at the edges of her mouth.
"Don't be ridiculous. The imperial civil service examinations are overseen in person by the Emperor himself. How will I claim the title of Minister of Imperial Banquets with only one eye?"
"Well, I have things to reclaim too: the remaining pieces of the Divine Halberd," she responded. "Otherwise, this world and everything in it is going to burn in hellfire."
Mir kept looking at her, but did not respond.
"You do not need to go with me. But with the fate of all living things at stake, please allow me to hold on to your eyeball for the time being."

Vol. 3
"Just stay with the name 'Weiyang' for convenience's sake on the road. With the official documents from the government in hand, you should be free to go as you wish throughout the kingdom." Still worried about Weiyang, Mir decided to accompany her on her journey and kill any demons they may encounter. Though they had already collected five Ominous Swords and all seemed to be well, they knew in their hearts that the way forward would only get more treacherous and perilous.

—A Dark Westward Journey—
"This is all that I can do fo you," Mir said as he placed a series of dishes onto the table. He then sat down opposite Weiyang.
Weiyang's right arm, which was broken in the fight to the death that had just taken place, was still wrapped in bandages. She stared intensely at Mir for a long while, but Mir just sat there resting his jaw on his hand and looking downards. Neither of them spoke.
Finally, Weiyang attempted to use chopsticks with her left hand. But alas, her dexterity was found wanting, and she failed to procure a single meatball from the murky depths of the hot broth. Mir sighed, took the chopsticks from her hand, and said, "Fine, I'll feed you."
"So there is still more that you can do for me," Weiyang suddenly quipped a few mouthfuls in. Her mood remained unchanged.
"The Court of Imperial Entertainments is dedicated to worshiping and making sacrifices to all you divine beings up above. Serving you is my family's job."
And in any case, when the gods make their move, what can mere mortals do but look on helplessly and accept their fate?
— At least, that's what Mir thought. But he also thought it was better to keep that part to himself.

"Couldn't you use your powers, though? I thought you said that each time you fight a Omnious Sword owner, you use telekinesis to make your polearm levitate, swing your sword around, and so on. Surely chopsticks can't be any harder?"
"That is a power bestowed upon me by my father. Only I have this power. It is solely for use in sentencing the guilty. I mustn't..." Weiyang's voice changed in tone. "I mustn't use it lightly."
"Before he died, that guy said something really strange about the situation with my father." Mir flicked the candle flame while he spoke to relieve his boredom. "'Minister Mi was neither innocent, nor wrongly accused.' What on earth did he mean by that?"
If the court was unwilling to reconstruct the Divine Halberd, then being with the celestial emperor's daughter that had possessed Weiyang's body makes him an enemy of the imperial court.
As if to signal that she had understood what Mir was thinking, Weiyang's face grew dark in the candlelight.
She said, "You don't need to help me any longer. Your are a mere mortal, there is nothing to be gained from settling a score with the court."
Mir replied, "Speak no more of this matter, I must get the truth out of my old man first."
Weiyang said, "Oh.. we will pay a visit to your esteemed father? Then I must buy some fresh silk garmets and makeup first thing tomorrow morning."
Mir replied, "He's just a regular old man. There's no neeed for all that."
An unusually stern expression appeared on Weiyang's face. "Is this not your sworn duty?"

Vol. 4
"Calm down, my son. Listen, Mir. I am not your real father..."
"Noooooo!"
The once Mister of Imperial Banquets was, in truth, Khan the Asura from Jotunheim. Leaving the capital was but an act in collaboration with the Minister of Ceremonies and the Grand Secretary to protect the daughter of the Celestial Emperor.
"The late Celestial Emperor Shenxiao, the now Contra Mundi, was once a dear friend of mine. But now, knowing that you have successfully summoned her, all my wishes have been fulfilled."

—Master Plan—
Even a Buddha or an adeptus would have found themselves powerless to do anything in this situation.
"This is the Sword of Flame, the 'Katakugosha.' It was made from the shard of the Divine Halberd that was the Dharani of the fire realm. Sorry... in language that your Majesty would understand, it's made with the runes of the fire realm, one of the God King's nine realms."
How could this westbound warrior display such mastery of the sword? Most who had been stripped of the intellect by an Ominous Sword lose their fighting instinct and any martial arts they had learned.
Weiyang nursed her broken arm and panted in the scorching hot air. Normally her abilities would enable her to fix broken bones, but the unquenchable flames burnt relentlessly at her wound.
Her sight grew blurry as she lost blood. Mir stepped in from of her, guarding her from the warrior.
"I can see that would have a lot of questions. Fine, I'll tell you everything! I killed your father because he tried to stop the resurrection of the God King. And the reason I can manipulate the fire realm runes rather than the other way round is because..."
The warrior from the east raised the Ominous Sword. "Is because I am a warrior of Hunt From Above made flesh..." Legend has it that the Celestial Emperor once went to war with the Asura. To prepare for the war, the Celestial Emperor selected soldiers from three realms and made them ascend to become his celestial army after death. Sometimes, they were best by inclement weather on the marsh, with thundercloud tornados surrounding them. The people of Zhongzhou referred to it as the soldiers of the celestial army "hunting from above."

"No... Impossible!" A look of disbelief appeared on the warrior's face as the Ominous Sword broke into pieces, and he, too, was sent flying from his own soldiers towards whatever destiny had in store for him next.
In the chaos, Mir hand brought out the sword his father had left him as inheritance. It was intended as more of a gesture of defiance than a genuine attempt to fight back. But unbeknownst to him, this was the greatest cursed sword of all, that had once burned the entire world to cinders: Laevatain. If the fire-realm runes constituted the mystery of the fire realm, Laevatain was its pure unadulterated, unquenchable reality.
The sword had extinguished after the world was burned, but having assimilated the rune of the fire realm, it burned bright once more.

"The whole world... destroyed again..." Weiyang fell unconscious as she spoke.

Vol. 5
"There are many among the military officials who wish to unseal Axis Mundi since the world in chaos would greatly elevate the position and importance of the Martial Artists."
"They want to wage another War of the Asuras?"
"He does."
The tug-of-war between the civil and military officials and the schemes of the past gods once again threatens all of the nine realms!

—Legacy of a Goddess—
"Your deeds have saved the people. You are indeed a great warrior." The crown prince, hands clasped behind his back, walked in circles around Mir, who lay prostrate on the ground. But Mir was unmoved by his words.
"Hand over the Divine Halberd and you may have the title of Minister of Imperial Banquets. Grand Secretary will be yours too within a decade, if you want it." The crown prince sat down. "Well? What is your response?"
"A lowly commoner dares not speak till His Majesty permits him to rise."
"Hmm... but now if I granted you permission to speak, it would be because you instructed me to do so... We can't have that! As future lord of all the land—"
"Pff. What a charade this is," said Mir as he switched to a more relaxed position. "The official etiquette of the ruling dynasty does not require kowtowing for an audience with the crown prince. It should just be the regular thrice greeting. I noticed that you were on track to become Emperor, so I thought I'd come pay my respects. There's just no need to lord it over me like this."
"You... you..."
"What about me?" Mir snapped as he stood up. "I will give you half of the Divine Halberd. The Dharani of the fire realm, I will offer to father. Mostly to avoid another situation where we have remnants trying to stir up trouble."
"Can't, uh, can't hurt. As long as the portion I get looks the part it'll be fine. This is gonna be known as the new national superweapon! Hahaha..."
Mir sat down impatiently right in front of the crown prince. "I don't understand how you are such a fool when we were both raised under the same mother's milk!"
"How dare you! I have nothing but respect for Lady Mi serving as my wet nurse. And it's only because of the virtues she instilled in me that I am able to put up with your—"
"Give the title of Minister of Imperial Banquets to someone who cares. I'm going home."
The crown prince said nothing.
"How about Weiyang?" Mir chewed his food and acted nonchalant.
"Oh, for the meritous act of retrieving the swords, she was promoted to Secretary of Ceremonies. She was not implicated in the evil plot by her father, the Imperial Grand Minister. The Minister of Ceremonies and the Grand Secretary both testified. I will see her every need is met."
Something sounded odd about that.
But that was fine.

She was gone, and his eye was restored. But to this day there was still a dull ache, like the phantom pain of a missing limb.

Vol. 6
Mir once again chanted the forgotten spell. The maiden was reunited with him again. "So, this is what you truly look like."
"The world is beyond repair. It shall be born anew from the ashes of the last." The mad Celestial Emperor sentenced all living things of the world to a hard punishment.
"But you, you would understand me, wouldn't you?" The nameless thief who stole the national treasure said this to his lord.
"No. No apologies necessary, for you are benevolent."

—Nothingness—
"Oh my daughter, the one in whom all my hopes are placed! Did I not bring you into existence that you might one day pierce me with a halberd?" Awakened at last, the God King floated in the heavens to the claps of thunder and the dancing of the wind, rejoicing at his return.

But she was no longer afraid. This was the moment she had been waiting for her entire life, the moment she had been made for all those eons ago.
No — that was not it. The true source of her courage was the time she had spent with him.

The first Divine Halberd, Irmin, once pierced the Axis Mundi and connected the nine worlds. Now, its replicas had proliferated across the heavens.

Fearing the madness that would ensue following his death, the God King made one final Divine Halberd, and named it the Prinzessin der Verurteilung. In this moment, it — nay, she — could finally unleash her true self.

...

A commentary from the editor appears at the end of the book:

Legend of the Shattered Halberd was a successful first attempt by Inazuma's Yae Publishing House to incorporate elements of Liyue culture in one of their novels. The first five volumes were wildly successful, becoming something of a cultural phenomenon in both Inazuma and Liyue. Commercially, the fact that a sixth volume exists at all speaks to its success.
I trust that the abrupt finale to this epic saga brought by volume six will not be to our readers' displeasure.
I hope.

Though the ending reads like a different story entirely, I must stress that this did not arise from any attempt on our part to pressurize Mr. Nine, the author, into developing material for a new series. The truth is that in his rush to meet the publishing schedule, Mr. Nine ended up diverging somewhat from his usual style. Mr. Nine simply wished to challenge himself as a writer. ♡

Naturally, we are sympathetic to the fans of the original First Five volumes. In this spirit, we would like to announce that a special First Five collector's edition, the Blackwood Box Set, is currently in the making. Those who have grown up reading Legend of the Shattered Halberd in bookstores: this is the time to finally buy it for yourself! Also, expect to hear more tales of the Prinzessin der Verurteilung in the future.

Chief Editor, Yae Publishing House

Vladimir Pudding

P

aimon: Wait, wait, wait! "Prinzessin der Verurteilung"!? Fischl!?

Y/n: Oh boy. This is interesting. A good book I guess, but the last volume mentioned about her, maybe the out of print edition that they were talking about back at the bookstore was about her story... Hmmm...

Paimon: But Paimon didn't see anything special about her... Except the way she talks... And Oz.... Y'know ignore Paimon, she is a whole lot of mysterious. But isn't that odd how she  said her eyepatch would cause a great catastrophe, but didn't?

Y/n: Eh, this is a novel. She either got transported from the book to here... Or... I dunno... Weeb?

HA! LOOK WHO'S TALKING!

Y/n: Okay... I admit I might roleplay as some characters, but not to that level!

HmMMMmmmMm.

Y/n: Timeskip-no-jutsu!

TIMESKIPPUUUU

Chang IX: Finally, you're back! This morning, pawn broker showed up and gave back my entire collection! I'm positive that you must be behind this once again. Thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Y/n: Physically, yes. Financially... It wasn't us. But I'll take these praises.

Chang IX: The Chang family was a prestigious household back in the day in Liyue. Unfortunately, after I took the business as a hear, lots of setbacks showed up and devoured our fortune...

Chang IX: Since then, I've been doing my best to restore the household to its former glory, Cor Lapis was my best field of work. Were it not for you, this barren place up in the mountains would become my final resting place.

Paimon: Wow. That's the second heir we've met in this town.

Chang IX: I'm sorry, what?

Paimon: Oh--nothing! Uh. Here's your book back!

Chang IX: Oh, the Legend of the Shattered Halberd! I was beginning to think that Guhua rascal swindled me!

Y/n: He had some business to attend to... AKA his father. He asked us to return it.

Paimon: Do people really look down on Guhua Clan that much?

Chang IX: Actually, the art is centuries old, and was once held in high esteem. But now, it's recognission has faded. To instigate revival, you need to enject some fresh blood, but it's hard to attract bedding young talent to a dying art... And so it became a viscose cycle

Chang IX: But Guhua kids these days... Take that rascal Xingqui for example, all his talk of repaying kindness with kindness. What has he done? You, however, showed genuine kindness and sense of responsibility!

Y/n: Me? Dude, that's funny, you got the whole squad laughing.

Chang IX: Oh right! You wanted Liyur's volume of Teyvat's Travel Guid, right?

Paimon: Yup!

Y/n: ... I forgot about that.

Chang IX: Don't worry about returning it, it's yours to keep. Consider it a small token of my appreciation to your huge generosity. Heh... My ores are sold and my treasured books returned, I can't believe it...

He opened his Legend of the Shattered Halbed book, and from it fell a strange book mark.

Chang IX: Hm?

Paimon: What was that? Paimon saw something fall out.

Chang IX: Oh, it's nothing... (This little rascal... Surely he isn't...)

Y/n: "Bonus", huh? Let's go, I'm tired.

Paimon: Yeah, this has been a long day.

TIMESKIP BROUGHT YOU BY ZA BOOK

Teyvat's Travel Guid: Volume 2

A magazine by the Adventurers' Guild. Each issue introduces great sceneries across Teyvat. This issue includes a short traveling diary of Alice the Traveler in Liyue.

—Liyue Chapter—
Teyvat Geographic Special Edition – Alice's Travels in Liyue

-Dihua Marsh-

The northern stretch of the Bishui River turns into a wetland. If you look south beyond the Stone Gate you will see a Silvergrass marsh as far as the eye can see. At the southernmost point of the marsh is an inn sat atop a giant rock. That is the Wangshu Inn, the highest point on the entire marsh. Look south from there and you will see the Guili Plains. You can also make out the Guyun Stone Forest across the sea. Also – there's a weirdo staying at the inn on the top floor. I don't think I've ever heard him say a single word.
Lunch is a true feast at the Wangshu Inn. The kitchen is equipped with every utensil you could imagine – perfect for getting some practical alchemy experience.
On the topic of alchemy practice, I've got a few new things to test out in my search for an explosion catalyst. If everything goes smoothly, I'll spend a few more days here then head to the Guili Plains.

-Guili Plains-

In the end, I came to the Guili Plains a few days earlier than I'd originally planned.
Records suggest that prior to the Archon War, this area was a thriving marketplace.
The foxes and wild finches are stunning here, their fur and feathers have a certain glow about them. But I hear that they can be pests, too. Liyue locals complain that they keep eating their fruit offerings to the Geo Archon. I wonder if that gives them a fruity aroma when roasted? Maybe I should go hunting.
They run a strict operation at the checkpoint on the main road, but the guards who work there are friendly people. I made a potion from some local herbs and gave it to one of them for his stutter – it cured him, but it did have some minor side effects. He now can't help but constantly imitate everyone he comes across. Not just what they say, but the way they say it. It's uncanny how spot-on his impressions are.

-Jueyun Karst-

I'm told that somewhere amidst the misty peaks of Jueyun Karst lives an adeptus, the exact location hidden somewhere in the ocean of cloud. All the Liyue herb gatherers claim to have seen the realm of the adepti in all its glory revealed before their very eyes in the clouds. Based on personal experience, I can say that over-indulging on certain types of mushrooms can induce visions of a similar nature.
The terrain here fascinates me. So many of these Stone Pillars look like they belong deep underground, not here on top of a mountain. There is supposed to be an underground reservoir here. Part of me wonders if all the water was drawn out, perhaps Jueyun Karst would find itself back on the ocean floor where it belongs.
My travel companion Zhongli is the sternest person I know, but he seems most entertained by this theory. He won't stop laughing.
What an odd fellow.

-Yaoguang Shoal-

I've heard that the fog often rolls in off the sea onto Yaoguang Shoal, and when it's at its thickest you can barely see your hand at the end of your outstretched arm.
Unfortunately, I didn't make it here in time to see a foggy episode. It's a bit of a shame.
There are so many lovely shells on the beach. I wonder how many of them have been there since the Archon War? I strung some of them together to make a necklace, but unfortunately that fisherman from the inn sat on it and broke it... Every last shell, brutally crushed beneath his merciless buttocks. None were spared.
Not only that, but because he injured himself on the shards of broken shell, I had to pay his medical bills.
A giant sea-snail shell stands on the beach where the Bishui River enters the sea. A kind old lady lives inside. Her family is said to have sailed here on the giant shell, and she spends her time rescuing shipwrecked people who end up drifting near the shore. I think that repurposing the giant shell as a self-propelled boat would make it much easier for her to rescue people from the sea.
But after I lost control of my third prototype seashell-boat and it blew up, the kind old lady decided she was not going to rescue me from the sea anymore.

-Guyun Stone Forest-

This is the site where the Geo Archon defeated the sea monster. Some of the great stone Poles that pierce the ocean floor still tower above the surface of the sea, though many snapped long ago. The hexagonal Stone Pillars, formed from a conglomeration of Geo energy, are quite intriguing to look at. Viewed from above, one gets the impression that they were deliberately arranged in their current form to make a specific shape on the ocean surface. Maybe that was the real reason the Geo Archon rained down destruction on the ocean floor with his stone Poles? Maybe it was all just a big joke, albeit in extremely poor taste?
Zhongli from Liyue Harbor seems extremely knowledgeable on Liyue folklore, but I've never actually seen him come here. I can see the Wangshu Inn in the distance. I'll bet that weirdo I met there last time is still staring this way now.
The flow of the ley lines around here are unique in all of Liyue. Much more dynamic, somewhat unstable... It's as if a great, relentless power stirs somewhere in the depths of the ocean. Perhaps it is the defeated sea monster, still writhing on the ocean floor.

Obama Prism

P

aimon: That "weirdo" is probably that Vigilant Yaksha.

Y/n: Nah, it's definitely him. But it seems like Zhongli is quite knowledgeable around Liyue. If he has some sort of relationship with the Fatui and with that beautiful character design, he is definitely a powerful and important one.

Paimon: Guess we'll see who he is tomorrow, considering from what we read about his knowledge, maybe he even knows some about the twins!

Y/n: There's hoping...

Currently with your Jackie attire, you walked the streets of Liyue, you could just camp outside but decided to re-visit Wanmin.

You see Xiangling and her fahher currently about to clean the dishes.

Mao: *Sigh* I've always hated washing the dishes...

Like any normal person would, you burst through the front door.

Y/n: HONEY, I'M HOME!

Mao: WHAT THE FU-Ahem! Who are you!?

Y/n: I'm known by many names... Mountain Slayer, Thunder-Lion, The Chocolate Axe... But you... You may call me............. Tiffany.

Mao: Tiffany...? That's.... A masculine name.

Y/n: It shouldn't be, it's a girl's name.

The orange panda-boi seems to have realized who you are, as he was jumping up and down while waving.

Y/n: Yo, Guoba.

Xiangling: Nice Out-fit, Y/N!

Mao: Wait a second... That's Y/n!?

Y/n: No, I'm Tiffany.

Mao: Wha-wha... I'm not even gonna ask... Xiangling, you surely have the most interesting friends... I still remember that blue-haires boy throwing tap water at you and yelling "Purify!".

Y/n: Oh, tell me more.

Xiangling: *Giggles* It's fine! Apparently hot food makes him his true self with Yang or something.

Y/n: Is that so?

Guoba: *Nods in Guoba*

Y/n: Good point, Guoba.

Paimon: Definitely worth thinking about.

Mao: How...?

Y/n: Yes.

Paimon: Anyhow, we're here to greet Xiangling... And if it isn't so much trouble can we stay here?

Mao: Eh? Why?

Y/n: Have you ever seen a banner you really wanted to get that limited character, but ran out of wishes? Well, i may or may not have spent my money.

Y/n lied as naturally as he breathed. He didn't want to take a chance of going to the hotel only for him to get ambushed by spies or some sort.

What about outside? He didn't want to be getting interrupted in his dreaming about stealing the declaration of independence.

His imagination goes wild. That's for sure.

Mao: (For some reason I feel like he is making a valid argument, but...)

Y/n: I can wash the dishes.

Mao: You go ahead! But please... Don't break anything.

Y/n: Gotcha.

Mao: Oh, bed. Here I come!

How lovely. As Y/n proceeds to take off his hat, coat and gloves. Wears an apron, and thus his fight against un-clean dishes has begun.

Xiangling: I can help!

Y/n: Eh, sure.

Not really as dramatic as I thought it'd be... But... Let's make it.

AS Y/N PROCEEDS TO SCRUB THAT FUCKING PLATE CLEAN, WITH XIANGLING TO HIS RIGHT CLEANING THE SCRUBBED FUCKERS.

HE PROCEEDS TO YEET THE PLATE UP-WARDS WITH SOAP IN HAND AS HE YEETS IT TOWARDS IT, MAKING THE FUCKER FLY HIGHER AS Y/N JUMPS WITH A BOOST OF ANEMO, CLEANING THAT FUCKER AS IF IT WAS HIS EYES AFTER WATCHING BOKU NO... WE DON'T TALK ABOUT IT!

HE GETS HOLD OF THE CLEAN SCRUBBED PLATE, AND AS IF IT WAS A FRISBEE HE THROWS IT TOWARDS PAIMON, WHO PUSHED IT TOWARDS GUOBA, WHO HEAD-BUTTED IT TOWARDS THE XIANGLING, CAPTURING IT, SHE SPINS HER CLEANING CLOTH WHILE THE PLATE IS SPINNING AS WELL.

WHAT THE FUCK AM I NARRATING ANYMORE!? AAAAAAAAAAAH-

Oh, look. They're done.

They sit back with a sigh.

Xiangling: That... Was... Overdramatic and a bit tiring... I loved it!

Y/n: Of course, you did... Who wouldn't...?

Xiangling: So... What happened back in Mondstadt? Why did you come to Liyue... I'm not complaining... *Le Chuǎnqì* Did you come for me?

Y/n: You wish. I came for Guoba.

Guoba: *Smug Guoba noises*

Xiangling: Awww...

Y/n: Maybe a bit for you... Just a teeny-tiny bit.

Xiangling: Aw, you can't deny it!

Y/n: Shut it, idiot... Let me tell you what the hell happened because I feel like it.

Somehow you explained the whole situation and she understood it... Somehow.

Xiangling: Whaaa!? So the Dragon is a good guy? Aw... And here I wanted to cook it...

Paimon: That was her main focus...

Guoba: *Nods in Guoba*

Y/n: Indeed, Guoba.

Xiangling: I heard about what happened at the Rite of Descension, but for them to blame you!? My cooking buddy!? THEY SHALL BE COOKED AS A PUNISHMENT, WE'LL SERVE THEUR ROASTED SELVES AS AN OFFERING TO THE ADEPTI!

Paimon: ._. Okay... A bit extreme, but it's good to see her on our side.

Xiangling: Of course, I'm on your side!

Y/n: Who knows, maybe I'm a lying fellow?

Xiangling: Hmmm... Guoba, what do you think.

Guoba comes closer to you as if he is scanning your face.

Y/n: Personal space never existed.

Guoba just smiles and hugs you.

Y/n: (That's... That's adorable...)

Xiangling: See! Even Guoba thinks so too! And... *Yawn* Sleepy... Do you mind if I... Zzzzzz...

Y/n: Oi, oi, I didn't give you permission!

She was sleeping soundly on your lap. Oh, boy. How the turn-tables.

Y/n: Wakey, wakey, it's time for school.

You shake her for a bit, but she didn't even flinch. She is quite the heavy sleeper, isn't she?

Y/n: *Sigh* Guoba, help me ou-

Guoba: Zzzzzzz....

He was sleeping to your left, leaning on you.

Y/n: You've got to be kidding me. Paimon, I swear if you are sle-

On your right side, a sleeping Paimon was leaning on you.

Y/n: And she is... Great! Fantastic! I became a bed... *Sigh*

You take a look at the idiots sleeping on you, before a small smile comes to your face.

Y/n: Well... No one is here. So my pride is saved.

You take a look at the world eater that is sleeping on your lap.

Y/n: (I guess she looks cute... Idiot. Heh all of you dolts are adorable for some reason... And making me kinda sleepy...)

And this, you proceed to close your eyes, as your adventures for today has finished. Tomorrow was another big day, you were going to meet Childe back at Northland Bank... And most importantly make that damn scarf.

The front door opens and from it comes a sleepy Mao.

Mao: Hey, Xiangling. Where have you be-Oh... I see.

Everyone was sleeping safe and soundly.

Mao: Ah, crap... Well, that happened. Y/n, this day I trust you for a bit with my daughter... You better not screw it up.

Ah, a protective father. Good job, Mao.

He slowly beings to close the door, until it was finally shut.

_______________________________________

AND THUS A CHAPTER HAS BEEN RELEASED! FINALLY!

HOLY SHIT 18K WORDS! Including the copy pasted books of course.... Holy shit though!

I wonder how long it took you to read all of it though. Sheesh.

So... I'm sorry if this chapter took longer to release... Stuff happened.... By that I mean mostly school... Sigh...

Oh well, it happens. Can't cry about it that much.

Soooo.... How was the chapter? Good? Bad? You yee'd your last haw?

... Sooo I was looking at some Xi gqui fan-art because I was thinking of using fanart instead of the original pictures for the introduction... And found this...

Why... Why does it work so well? Damn you, talented artists!

This is probably your reaction...

Until then... Goodbye, comrades.

Dashing outta here!