Thorin, Fili, and Kili were strolling through Mirkwood as if they owned the place.

"Do you know where you're going?" Kili asked Thorin.

"Not really," Thorin replied in a very sure manner.

Suddenly, a big black spider dropped to the ground in front of them.

Kili screamed as it grabbed his foot and tossed him into the air.

"KILI!" shouted Fili. (A popular line of his.)

Kili fell back down and landed on the spider's back. He quickly grabbed its 'neck' and held on for dear life.

"Toss him a rope!" Thorin said to Fili.

"Here, Kili!" Fili yelled and threw a random rope at him. Kili caught it and roped the spider. He then began riding it like a pony.

"YYEEAAHHH! SO FUN!" he yelled, taking off.

"We should get spiders of our own, too," Fili said.

"That's what you young people do. I'm way too old and majestic for that," Thorin replied.

"BALIN is old. You're still young," Fili argued. Two spiders came climbing down a tree just then.

"YAH!" Fili yelled, roping them together. Then he drove them right in front of Thorin.

"Get on!" he said.

Thorin stared at him and the spiders for a long time. Finally, he slowly got onto one of the spiders and sat side-saddle style.

Fili hopped onto the other and snapped their reins. They instantly shot off, and Thorin had to grab Fili's belt to avoid flying off.

"KILI! WE'RE COMING!!" shouted Fili, raising a valiant sword into the air.

They hadn't gone far when suddenly a hail of arrows blasted their spiders and they were sent flying through the air.

"Huh, it's kinda weird flying without an eagle," Fili said to Thorin. Then they both crashed into the ground with meteor-force.

"AARGH!" Thorin exclaimed. "I BROKE MY ARM AGAIN!!"

"That ought ta hurt," Fili said.

"Not helping!" Thorin grumbled.

Legolas and Tauriel came sliding down a tree branch, each wielding a bow. They quickly landed right next to Thorin and Kili and pointed arrows right at them.

"FILI AND THORIN??" Tauriel exclaimed.

"SMELLY DWARVES??" Legolas said, surprised.

"What are you two doing here?" Fili asked, getting to his feet.

"Killing spiders, what else?" Legolas replied like Fili was a peasant or something.

"We were using those spiders, actually, elfling," Thorin said, brushing some cobwebs out of his hair.

Legolas instantly got mad and pointed his bow at Thorin. "Do not think I will not kill you, Dwarf," he said angrily.

Thorin rolled his eyes as if there were no threat of death at all. "Where's Kili?" he asked.

"Right here," answered Kili, walking over. "I got a hair from my spider's leg as a souvenir," he added, holding up what looked like an eyebrow.

"Gross," Tauriel said.

Suddenly more spiders came crawling down the trees. Kili instantly drew his bow and shot two hundred of them. Then Tauriel and Legolas shot 2,000 more together.

While they were dashing about, Fili noticed something fall out of Legolas's pocket. He picked it up and realized that it was one of Thranduil's crowns.

"What are you doing with this, Legolas?" he asked.

Tauriel looked at it  and said, "Oh no, Legolas, you've been pretending to be king again, haven't you?"

"NO!! Wait, how do you know about that?" Legolas asked confusedly.

Kili grabbed the crown from Fili and put it on. "Am I majestic yet?" he asked.

Thorin did a double-take. "Are those my robes?" he asked.

"No...I just found them...in the dirty-clothes bin," Kili answered.

"AARGH! KILI!" Thorin yelled, and chased him out of Mirkwood. "WHEN I CATCH YOU, I'M GOING TO SNAP YOUR IBINDIKH!!"

"What does that mean?" Legolas asked.

"Do you know anything about Dwarvish?" Tauriel asked.

"Hey, you didn't know what 'amralime' meant," Legolas retorted.

"HOW DARE YOU BRING THAT UP!!?!!" Tauriel yelled.

Fili was just staring at them.

Tauriel looked at him. "I will say that you two are a little majestic," she said.

Thorin and Kili ran by.

"It's my majestic genes!! You're welcome!!!" shouted Thorin.

"But you're not even our dad!!" Fili said, wide-eyed.

Thorin shrugged and kept chasing Kili.

"Orcward," Legolas said.