After a day or two of painful awkwardness, I decided that I would go home for a while. I needed some time away from Louis. It probably wouldn't be a bad thing for him either. Since Thanksgiving was only a few weeks away, I'd stay at least through the end of the month.

I made up a story and called my dad, telling him that I was coming home to help Veronica and Danielle with their new business.

"You didn't tell me about this when I talked to you just a few days ago," he said.

"Yeah, well, I actually forgot that they had asked me about it, and then I wasn't sure when they wanted me to come, but it turns out they want me to come soon," I said, hoping to sound convincing.

"Is Louis coming home? I haven't told Mom just yet, but I'm buttering her up a bit," he said with a little laugh.

"No," I said, trying not to get emotional. "He's staying in Boston for a bit to get to know some Harvard students. He wants to build some relationships before starting med school. But then you probably know that he's going to Michigan for Thanksgiving."

"Don't you want to go with him?" My dad asked.

"We talked about it," I said, feeling the sting of sadness once again. We had indeed talked about it and planned on it, but now everything was different. "I decided to spend Thanksgiving at home this time." I hoped that would be enough of a reason for my dad to believe my story.

In the morning, before I left for New York, I went into the kitchen to get some breakfast. I started the coffee, and when I turned around, Louis was standing there, silent.

"You don't have to say anything, Ash, but I want to tell you everything. So please just hear me out."

"Fine," I said, not looking at him.

I pulled some eggs out of the refrigerator, and I grabbed a bowl out of the cupboard.

"You know that Katie's death devastated me. I thought I was over it, but, truthfully, I was kind of bitter about love and relationships before I moved out here," he began.

I nodded as I cracked the eggs into the bowl. I was finally learning how to do it without getting bits of egg shell into the mix.

He continued, "I told you I stayed with Zayn before I started the job at your place. We knew Harry from high school, and Zayn told me that he was living nearby. We weren't close or anything, but one night we all went out and got drunk. I was spouting off my cynical thoughts about love because I hadn't found anyone since Katie, and how I was so tired of working my ass off for the upper class and having nothing to show for it.

Harry laid into me, telling me I was too soft. He challenged me to go out and take something for myself. He talked me into this crazy idea that I'd be able to move on - or that I'd be empowered - if I just had an affair with a rich and corrupt woman and bled some money out of her. He said it would give me a fresh start. It's not an excuse for what I did, but that's where it started."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. It didn't sound like Louis at all. "You believed that rubbish?" I asked incredulously. "You really are an idiot."

"You don't have to be rude, honey," he said in a gravelly whisper.

"Don't call me honey," I said flatly.

"Ash, what do you want me to do?" Louis begged. "I'll do anything to make it up to you."

"Go back to Michigan," I said coldly.

"I'm not walking away!" He snapped and it startled me a little bit. He looked at me intently as he finished, "I love you and I know you love me. I'm staying right here!"

"What? To see if I'll give you another wad of cash before you screw me and leave?!" I shouted.

"That's not fair!" He yelled. "You were the one who practically begged me to take the admission to Harvard, and you paid for it before I even knew what was happening!"

"You played it really well then, didn't you?" I snapped. "And the whole I don't think you're ready for sex yet thing? I can't believe I actually bought that! You were just trying to make me think you were super sensitive or something, just so you could pull off your ridiculous con!"

"You can't tell me you believe that!" He shouted.

"I don't know what I believe anymore!" I yelled back. I went to my room, slamming the door behind me. I never ate breakfast. I just got my bags ready and then I told Preston to load them into the car.

I found Louis before I left. "I'm going home for a while," I told him.

He stood up took both of my hands in his. "Please don't walk away. I understand that you need space, and I'm happy to back off for a while, but I won't be able to live with myself if I can't convince you that I love you." He pulled my hands up between us and squeezed them and he repeated in a very firm voice, "I love you."

Then he pulled me into his arms and held me for a long time. It felt like it had been eons since he touched me and I didn't really want to let go, but Preston was waiting for me in the car.

Finally, I said, "I love you, too. But I don't know if I can forgive you." I turned and headed for the door. I stopped, and without looking back, I said, "You don't have to find another place to live." Then I left.

When I got home, I unpacked my things and laid on my bed. There was something comforting about being home. I closed my eyes and tried to pretend that it was the beginning of June, when I didn't know anything about a man named Louis Tomlinson. Life would be so much easier now if it hadn't been for him.

Or would it?

I remembered how much courage Louis gave me to take control of my own life. For all I knew, if Louis hadn't come into my life, I might be planning for my wedding to Richard right now, still foolishly naive about his true nature. I might have actually married him, never knowing what real love was and never knowing that Richard had a mistress and a secret identity.

Louis had helped me to discover who I really was and what I really wanted.

I got a key and went to his apartment, which was now vacant. I let myself in and sat on the sofa. It still smelled like him. I let my mind wander to all the time we'd spent there. From the night I told him I loved him to the night that he held me after Richard attacked me. I wished we could go back to that time in the summer when it was so new and exciting to be with him.

The tears began slowly. I remembered the first time I'd ever set foot in this place. I had only been down to the servants' quarters once or twice in my life before that. That was the afternoon that Louis was sick with a cold and I made him some tea. That was also when he invited me to go to Michigan with him. I remembered feeling like I was free for the first time in my life, impulsively running away with him for a trip right after I'd gotten engaged to someone else.

I closed my eyes to try to stop the tears from flowing, but as I remembered more and more about that trip, they flowed more freely. I remembered Louis giving me a piggy back ride and buying me that lapis lazuli heart necklace at the art fair. I remembered looking at his modeling pictures and singing by the campfire.

And I remembered kissing him on the boat. That was the first real kiss I'd ever had. With Richard, all of my kisses were given out of duty. When I kissed Louis, it was fueled with feelings that were more intense than any I'd ever felt in my life.

I cried a bit longer and then I had to force myself to leave. No good was going to come from living in the past. I now had to figure out whether Louis and I had a future.

After a day or two of trying to hide out at home and sort through my feelings, I was making myself crazy, so I decided to visit Danielle and Veronica's new office, since I'd told my father that was why I'd come home in the first place.

I called for Preston and met him out front.

When I arrived at their office, Veronica and Danielle swarmed me and almost suffocated me with hugs. Veronica had filled Danielle in on the latest with Louis. They offered me lots of hugs and chocolate while I poured out the entire story, most of which I'd already told them. But I told it again anyway.

They both agreed that it was very unlike Louis to pull something like that.

"I had no idea," Danielle assured me. "All I know is that, whatever his stupid plan was, he abandoned it pretty quickly because I know that he's truly in love with you."

I sighed and blew the air out in exasperation. "Well, I spent five years thinking that Richard's love was real, and look what he did to me - he had a mistress practically the whole time. As far as I know, Louis is the same way."

"Bite your tongue!" Veronica snapped at me. "Louis is one hundred times the man Richard will ever be and you know it!"

I whimpered a little and said, "I know, but how can I trust him again? He swept me off my feet during a time when I needed a knight in shining armor. Come to find out, his armor is pretty dented and worn."

"Isn't everyone's?" Veronica shrugged. "If his armor had no dings or dents, then it would mean that he'd never seen battle and that he'd never fought for something he truly believed in."

"I just feel stupid. I can't get past the fact that I was just supposed to be a fling, a con job."

Not wanting to dwell on it anymore for the time being, I changed the subject and took a look at some of Danielle and Veronica's work. My best girlfriends were phenomenally talented when they put their heads and skills together, so it was easy to get lost in their work. They were planning on a grand opening the following spring, and they were already getting some interest from famous European design companies and fashion shows.

On the way home that night, my phone buzzed. It was Louis. I wasn't ready to talk to him yet. He called a number of times over the next few days, each time leaving voice mails politely asking me to call him back so we could talk.

I finally called him back after about three days, and I asked him to stop calling me so that I could just think and try to straighten out my head and my heart.

He respected my wishes for a few days. But one afternoon, I was getting ready to go to Veronica and Danielle's office when Emma came to me with a letter in her hand. "This just came for you in the mail," she said.

I looked at the return address. It was from Louis. At my house in Boston. Funny, I didn't think I'd had much occasion to see his handwriting before. It was neat and tidy, with just a little flourish.

I opened it after I got into the limo. To be honest, I was excited to hear from him, and it was so unusual to get a letter in the mail these days.

Dear Ash,

You asked me to give you space, and I intend to do that. But I wanted to let you know that I'm so sorry that I lied to you. From now on, I vow to tell you the truth about anything and everything. My life is an open book. Whatever you would like to know, just ask.

To get you started, here are some things I thought you should know about me.

When I was 6, I chewed the arm off of Nicola's Barbie doll and then I blamed it on the dog.

When I was 9 or 10, Colum and I would ride our bikes to a little store about a mile from our house. One of us would stand guard while the other would load his pockets with Bazooka bubble gum.

My mother used to make liver when I was growing up. I didn't want to insult her, but I hated liver, so I would stuff it into my pockets and throw it out in the field after dinner.

When I was with Katie, she always used to complain about about having a fat tummy. But I always told her I couldn't see what she was talking about. I actually did notice it, but I loved her so it didn't matter to me and I didn't want to hurt her feelings.

When I was into drugs, I did marijuana, LSD, cocaine, heroin. I knew a guy who could get ecstasy and other date rape drugs. He offered me some, but I refused. I only dealt marijuana. I never took advantage of a girl who was high or drunk. All the girls I slept with were consenting partners. That doesn't mean I'm proud of what I did, but I wanted you to know that, just in case you ever wondered.

I honestly can't think of anything else to tell you, but if you ever want to know anything about me, ask away. I promise to answer you truthfully, whether it's about my sexual indiscretions, my involvement in drugs, or what sins I told the priest in the confessional. I will tell you anything, and I will never lie to you again. I just want you to be able to trust me.

I love you, Ash. I hope to see you soon.

Love,

Lou

The letter was sweet and surprising. I wouldn't have thought less of Louis if he'd told me those things before. I had never had a reason not to trust him, but the fact that he'd been planning to use me was a pretty big deal.

I spent much of my time at home completely absorbed in Veronica's and Danielle's business, which they formally named D&V Style. It was quite enjoyable, actually, and they used me as a model to design a number of pieces of clothing. We had a great time together, and it was a great distraction from the current drama in my life.

One afternoon, after spending most of the day at D&V Style, I climbed back into the limo feeling weary. I really didn't want to go home, but I didn't know where else to go. Veronica and Danielle wouldn't be free to go shopping, so I figured maybe I'd just go on my own.

I told Preston to take me to my favorite shopping district. I happily distracted myself with Christmas shopping for a good while, but soon Louis crept back into my thoughts. Suddenly everything in New York reminded me of him and I couldn't take it.

I went back to the limo and told Preston, "Take me to Central Park." I wanted to bring some happy memories into my head.

He dutifully drove to the green space in the heart of New York, which was now more like brown space since the grass had died and the trees were bare.

"Walk with me," I commanded him.

"It's freezing out there," he scolded me. "You're not dressed warmly enough."

"I'll be fine," I insisted. "Or are you too much of a wimp to walk in the cold?" I had to force myself to smile, but it felt good.

He turned off the car and locked it up. Then he came around to my side, opened the door and offered me his arm. We started walking through the park, and I noticed that there were Christmas lights and decorations adorning many of the streetlights and buildings.

I would have loved to spend this time of year with Louis. We passed one of the bridges where Louis made me stop and watch the people going by, when he told me to make up stories about their lives. I remembered that he told me I was a romantic.

Maybe that was it. Maybe I was too romantic, falling for his sweet nature and his good looks. I couldn't believe that I'd only had two boyfriends and they had both lied to me in a major way. My head was still telling me to give Louis another chance even though trusting him the first time proved to be foolish.

When we passed the carousel, I stopped. I watched the children going round and round, their parents bundled up beside them, making sure they wouldn't fall. Then I saw them, two young lovers, sitting on one of the benches, huddled together against the cold.

I closed my eyes and dropped my head. Louis had shown me so much. He had such an intense desire to help me overcome my awful childhood, to help me to create new and better memories. Everything he had ever done for me was out of his affection for me.

He did those things because he loved me.

If he just wanted to get me in bed or get money out of me, he wouldn't have gone to so much trouble, right?

Hot tears started pooling in my eyes. Preston wrapped his arm around my shoulder, and then pulled me closer so he could wrap both arms around me.

"I know that what he did really sucked," Preston said. "But if he still had the wrong intentions, he wouldn't have done so many awesome things for you. Like taking you to Disneyworld!"

I looked up at him and laughed a bit through my tears. "I was just thinking the same thing. If I really was just a conquest, then he sure as hell went all out to seal the deal."

"Right," Preston laughed. "He's not rich, but he invested a lot of himself as well as his time and money in treating you right. He can't go back and change the past, but I'm certain that he wants to make up for it."

"But he lied to me," I said mournfully.

"He lied to me, too," Preston shrugged.

"Really?" I asked, feeling fairly alarmed. I didn't want to find out anything else that would make it harder for me to love Louis.

"Yeah, when we went to get your bracelet back, all I did was drive him into the city. He asked me to park in a ramp and wait for him. He said he was going to the police, but he went to Harry's place."

I closed my eyes again, not wanting to face the truth.

"But if it makes any difference," he said. "That's the only time he ever lied to me, at least that I'm aware of."

"Good for him," I muttered.

"He was lying to protect you," Preston insisted.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I asked. "How did he protect me?"

"Let's head back to the car," he suggested. "It's getting late. And really cold!"

I agreed and he responded to my question. "So, Louis had the worst possible motives toward you when he first started working for your family, correct?"

"Yeah," I scoffed.

"Isn't it at least a tiny bit believable that he could have changed his mind, just like he said he did? He said that he dropped the stupid conquest thing as soon as he saw how scared you were after Harry came on to you."

"Yes, but then he lied to you the next day," I reasoned.

"Ashten, if he didn't care about you at all, he wouldn't have had to lie to me. He could have just told me what he was up to. And I probably would have hated him for it, but he didn't."

"Then why did he want you to go with him to retrieve the bracelet in the first place?"

He thought for a few minutes. "I honestly don't know. But I guess it had something to do with the fact that he really wanted to be your hero after putting you through that."

Preston opened the limo door for me and got into the driver's seat. But he didn't pull away just yet.

"So why didn't he just tell me?" I whined.

"Do you hear yourself?!" He asked incredulously. "If he was starting to win you over, how would you have taken the news? Imagine him telling you, Ashten, I have a confession to make. When I first met you, I just wanted your money and your body, but now I'm in love with you."

I laughed at Preston's impersonation of Louis. "You're right, I guess," I said, sighing.

"Just because his intentions were less than honorable, who's to say that he didn't abandon them completely when he started falling for you? And think about it - would there ever have been a good time for him to break it to you?"

I nodded, completely agreeing with him in my head. And I knew that this was what Louis had been wanting to talk to me about.

"He can't go back and change the past," Preston said. "But he's making every effort to change the future for both of you."

Even if it all made sense in my head, my heart was another story completely. My heart wasn't ready to take the risk just yet.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sorry about the lag in updates. It's been a crazy few weeks! I drove to Chicago for the weekend to bring my oldest daughter to meet my nephew and his wife - they all drove to South Padre Island in Texas to meet up with my sister's family and my mom and dad. I'm jealous! ;) Chicago was fun - we went shopping at Water Tower Place.

I've had SO many people make covers for the story. The current cover was done by @Rosalind_Monroe, so thank you!!! :D

Finally, I wanted to share where I got the inspiration for Louis' story about hating liver. My father actually did that exact thing when my grandma used to make liver for dinner. Sometimes, he even asked for seconds and then shoved it into his pockets. Then he threw it into the fields after dinner. When I was in high school, I was visiting my grandma one day, and I tattled on my dad. And this was her response: "That's funny. I always thought he liked liver!" Ha ha, so my dad had his mom fooled all those years!