080921

"Fatigue it's common. Look at what just happened to Jungkook? The high elevation, the new places. The traveling. You were out early in the morning." All seven of us, including Sejin, turned towards Yoongi who was giving us a mini lecture.

"I'm sorry Namjoon," Sejin said, his arms folded across his chest and his eyes fleeting from me to him every other second, "but that wasn't the best idea."

"I instigated it, I'm sorry. I was feeling fine when we left, I didn't think I was that exhausted."

"Neither did we," Yoongi said as sat on a table and he crouched over his legs with his arms folded in front of him. "We're sorry if we pushed you, too."

"This whole tour is a bit much for everyone, and you haven't been training for four years for this type of thing," Jin added. "That's a mistake on our part."

"The whole thing with Suho could have been one-too-many things, too," commented Taehyung under his breath.

"I don't think it was. I've dealt with... things before." The leather examination bed I was sitting up on only had a small layer of foam underneath, and my bottom was starting to feel the hard wood below the padding.

"Obviously, it was," Yoongi said, "whether you thought you could or not, your body couldn't handle it."

Jimin rolled the ice pack in his hands a few times, watching it as the condensation got his hands cold and wet. He looked up at me before coming and sitting beside me on the bed and pressed it lightly to the front right of my head.

"It's fine," I told him, shooing the pack away, but he didn't move. "We'll be more careful moving forwards, I promise."

"What does the medical staff say?" Jungkook asked from a chair in the corner of the room, his doe eyes watching the scene carefully.

"Rest, water, the normal for fatigue. We know the drill, it's time for Sujin to adopt it," Namjoon said with a nod to himself. He'd been standing to the left of me, as if it was his turn to protect me after he'd let me get hurt.

But it really hadn't been his fault.

"That's doable," Hoseok said.

"Yeah, but what about all the exploring we wanted to do around Santiago during our last days here?" Taehyung asked, getting a nod from Jungkook.

Namjoon swallowed. "I'm sorry, we'll have to squeeze something in after a day or two of rest."

"Just take care of yourself really well for now, dongsaeng," Hoseok said with a reassuring smile. "We'll for sure go out after that, we'll wait for you."

"Thank you Hobi. I'll take care of myself."

"Good," Jimin smiled, extending his pinky for me with a soft smile. I laughed a little, taking his pinky and shaking lightly. Jimin and his pinky promises.

--------

It wasn't the first time I'd gone out into the halls of the hotel at an odd time of the night. In fact, it wasn't really an odd time of the night to me anymore.

This time it just felt different. It felt like I was supposed to be awake because I'd slept for the last two days without end.

I was concerned about myself, and certainly the boys were too.

After my crash during the outing with Joon and I was checked up on by some medical staff, they ordered me to rest. I agreed, but ended up not really leaving my bed, or room for the rest of that day and the next until about two in the morning.

Part of my exhaustion, I figured, was me blaming myself. Had I really gotten that unfit? Mentally, physically, both?

I danced every day for two hours before the tour, so I thought I was in good shape. But the boys had agreed I'd been pushed over the edge.

Instead of letting that hinder me, I was determined to make it my motivation.

The boys had guided workouts with their trainer, but that ensured every hotel the company booked included a gym accessible to us. So I was on my way to find the one at our current destination.

The bottom floor was twice as long as all the others, and had hallways that wound around each other in a dizzying circle. I peered into every large window as I passed that was lit from inside.

The carpet was soft and masked my footsteps, helping me feel reassured I would stay incognito. The only noise was my water bottle, with the ice cubes rattling inside like the chorus of a song as I held it with my index and thumb fingers at my side. The condensation rubbed against the side of my dri-fit leggings, chilling my skin under the thin fabric. The halls smelled like fabric softener and vacuum cleaner as I kept going, the soft padding of my feet in my comfiest sneakers following me.

A large window came up, which was followed by two glass doors. My water bottle hit the wall as I creeped up to glance inside. All the lights were on inside, and a sign on the first glass door read '24-HOUR GYM'.

That was it.

I got my room card out to get access inside, but noticed the door was left slightly open.

I pursued my lips. Hopefully I could be alone, and no random stranger or staff member would be there. Especially if they thought I shouldn't be, and would tell the members.

The door opened easily, making a weird image of buff men using the door so much the hinges were loose enough to let it move swiftly pop into my head.

Travelling was so weird.

Once inside, I took a moment to look around. There were many assortments of equipment, most of which I didn't know how to use, and a few I recognized from my brother's workout sessions.

I set down my water bottle at the base of a treadmill, something I knew I could figure out at least for now. Cardio would have been my problem when we were "hiking" up to the stargazing platform, so maybe if I could build that up...

"Oh, you're just Sujin."

The familiar voice didn't surprise me. It was as if the voice belonged around me. But that didn't keep me from turning around to see Jungkook sitting on at the end of a bench press wiping sweat off his forehead with one of the bleachy-white towels hotels often offered. He laughed lightly to himself. "I thought you were a random person joining me and I was about to panic. You're the last person I expected to see in the middle of the night at a... gym."

I pushed my lips into a thin smile, "Yeah, that's why I hoped I'd arrive here alone." A line of air sifted through my mouth. "But it's okay, I really didn't think you'd be here either. I'll just... mind my own business."

I turned away from Jungkook, feeling his eyes burning into my back with curiosity. Feeling self-conscious, I took hold of the top part of the treadmill and then stepped on, hoping I could figure it out without looking like a fool.

If I pressed the large 'Start' button, would it begin moving? Where did you set the speed? My eyes scanned the information, but wouldn't retain any of it.

"Do you need help?"

I blinked a few times. Of course he was going to be the know-it-all.

"Just need to find the start, I think." What if I started it and it started going really fast?

"It should be right there-"

"Yeah, found it. Alright." I turned around. "Are you going to keep staring at me?"

"Maybe, just until you realize you're standing on a sign that says that the treadmill is out of order."

My head shot down, where I was indeed standing on a crumpled piece of paper underneath my gym shoes. Sliding my left foot away, I read the sign that indeed told me the same.

My voice was flat as I stepped off the treadmill and took a step towards the one next to it. "Thanks a lot, JK."

I felt him smile at my back as I set down my water bottle and discovered the other treadmill had an 'on' button which I pressed before it let me push the mile setting.

Reluctantly, I turned around. My brother was getting settled and ready to use the bench.

"JK?"

"Hm?"

"What speed do you usually start with? Like how many mph or whatever that is?"

He thought for a moment, lying down and staring at the bright ceiling. "You could start with fifteen."

"Fifteen?" I turned to check the settings. That was the max.

"Yeah, that's what I always do."

"That's the top speed-"

"Yeah, it must be one of the slow ones." He turned his head to me and then smiled. "I'm kidding again Sujin!"

"Yah!" I pointed a finger at him. "JK I'm asking for help here so I don't fall and crack my head open."

He laughed, "I'm sorry," but then his expression turned thoughtful. "I just... I don't know why you're here."

"Do you want me to leave?"

He shook his head, "No, no." He let out a puff of air. "Start at like three, okay? It's like a normal walk but you need to warm up first. I usually start at six for a jog though but I wouldn't recommend it. And no offense but I don't know what kind of endurance you have, so adjust it to whatever kind of workout you're going for. Okay?"

I nodded, "three sounds more manageable but is that too slow?"

"Try it and see for yourself." He paused for a moment as I stared at him, still questioning with my eyes. "If you're wondering, no, that speed isn't not going to catapult you across the gym."

His focus went back to the weight above him as he got ready for his reps.

Success was found at the new treadmill, since the start mph buttons were easily displayed. I placed each leg on an opposite side of the treadmill and pressed start, then the three mph button. The surface underneath me started moving, so I stepped on and started. I was just walking to keep up with it, so after several minutes I upped it to five, and eventually six. It was a brisk jog, but it felt good.

My legs still felt heavy and my lungs felt a little tight, but I figured it was from the time I'd spent with Namjoon the other day. My body was sore, but I knew exercise usually seemed to help with that.

I kept going for another fifteen minutes, starting to welcome the burning feeling that increased with every step. It was usually after a little while that my body would warm up to the exercise and it would become easier. I was hoping to upgrade my speed a little before I slowed down.

My wireless earbuds had been put in from the beginning, but I heard some shuffling behind me, and took them out when I saw Jungkook heading towards the door.

"I'm going to take a break for some water and the restroom, and then I'm gonna wrap it up. It's getting pretty late, okay Sujin?"

I nodded and watched as he left the room. He was probably right, it was the middle of the night and time was passing.

As soon as he was down the hall, I surveyed the display board and considered moving up a mile or two. I was still at a jog, but I thought about doing a few minutes of running before I cooled down. Jungkook was away, so I wouldn't have to be embarrassed if it were to cause me to trip or realize it was too much.

I pressed the button that indicated '8 mph' and was surprised at the advance in pace at first, but eventually adopted it. My mouth opened a little more to help me get breaths inside of me. I wanted to be sure I was fueling my body enough.

I kept going until Jungkook came back a few minutes later, taking large portions of his water before heading back to one more equipment piece that I assumed was his last. I lowered my speed one mph every thirty seconds or so until I reached a slow walk and stayed there until I heard my brother start to pack up his things.

Satisfied, I turned off the machine and grabbed my water bottle, eager for a drink. I wasn't sure how my workout would have compared with anyone else's, but it was good enough for me to start.

Neither of us talked as we finished grabbing our stuff. Kook held the heavy glass door as we exited, and then started down the halls that smelled like cleaning detergent. Our footsteps pattered on the floor almost in unison.

"So what's your plan? Will you come back here tomorrow?"

"Maybe. I'm not really sure why I'm doing this."

"Tell me before you do. After the other morning... I'm just not sure-"

"Yeah, I know." I looked up at him and met his doe eyes. "I was thinking maybe this could help with that."

"Why? We're leaving in... a couple days, anyways," he shrugged, his water bottle slinging back and forth from his arms as he took large strides I attempted to keep up with.

I took a few moments before replying. "It's not just this. A lot has been going on lately." We got ready to turn the corner, and I stopped in case we were about to run into someone. "I've been getting head and body aches a lot. More than usual, and you know how many headaches I get."

"Sujin," he said, mixed with a sigh. "That's okay. You're adjusting to the current situation. There's been a lot going on." His tone changed. "When we started training, that happened a lot. I was juggling school, and training, which was basically my job. And there were still family matters to attend. So much to worry about." He paused and shook his head. "I was getting used to it right before we debuted, and then wham. I was back at the beginning. I don't know how they expected me to focus so much on school when I had what felt like a full-time job."

"Was that a huge weight off your shoulders when you graduated, then? Because I think you continued with being an idol the same way you'd started."

"It was a good total weight afterwards, not that I let it bother me too much anyways. There was pressure to maintain good grades in the case I continue to a university or school later on, which I think I'd like to do, but if our career keeps climbing the way it has these three years, there would be no possible way. As for whether I started continuing being an idol the way I had when I was in school, not really. It felt different."

"How so?"

"It was like when I was in school, I was a student by day and an idol by night, like a superhero." I chuckled. "I was an idol for my peers at school since SOPA is a performing arts school, but what I did at the company and what I did at school were two separate worlds. And school was always a part of my life growing up, so it was a part of me. It involved my parents more." He looked down. "When school finished, an idol became who I am. I feel like a different person. My home is the BigHit building, for real this time. Sejin is like... my uncle too." He rubbed the back of his neck and I hid a smile as I looked away. "Which is why he'll be there for you as you finish your school, and maybe your adjustment to the tour at this age will get you ready for your career when you leave us and go off to be the best female idol ever. We know how it feels, and we'll be there."

I nodded, "Thanks JK. I'm sure I'll be fine soon, I just want to get more fit, that's all."

"After all those dance lessons and the extra time you spend for fun and with Hobi hyung? I know you seem to like it, but I don't get why you want to..."

"I'm looking at my career moving forwards, really soon. Companies only take the best."

"BigHit would take you right off the bat because they know how hard and good you work, I don't know what you mean."

"Me either. But I'll find out soon and your support plus this extra work will pay off when I do."

So sorry about missing the update last week! I've been going through a ton of cruddy stuff lately. It's been crazy even though I'm about halfway through my summer break. It's getting better though! Hope you're all staying healthy, safe, and happy!

See you next week!

Rose