070124

It took a bit of courage to head to the check-out by myself, readying my English. When it was my turn, I stepped up and placed the items on the counter. The lady, her eyebrows busy and her face uneven, seemed to have a scowl as her resting face. Her hair was in a messy bun that had strands falling out from every angle.

She scanned the items and placed them in a plastic bag, putting it on the counter before typing a few things on her computer. What had happened to our 'hello's and 'how are you doing's?

"$47.59 is your total."

"Ah," I nodded, counting my dollar bills. Three tens... a five... two ones... Change was too hard to work with, so I handed her another one. She took them, counting as I held my breath hoping I was doing the right thing with the unfamiliar currency. When she put the dollar bills into her cashier and then grabbed change, handing it back to me, I took a breath.

"Would you like a receipt?"

"Uuh, receipt?" She nodded. "Oh, yes, please!"

She stuck it in the bag and handed it to me, giving me a "have a good night" which I returned with "you too", and then I was off to find Jimin again.

When I got to him, he was comparing ice cream flavors.

"Do you think... Jin hyung would like rocky road or chocolate cherry swirl more?"

"Uhh, I think he's Jin. So he'll eat anything."

Jimin laughed and looked at me. "Very helpful."

"I know, but I can help you decide between the two if you'd like. How much are we getting?"

"I'm sure you know each of us can go through an entire tub in like... a two days, right?"

"Pft, of course I did. What was I thinking? You have five picked so far, right? I'll choose the last two."

"Three, what do you want?"

"Oh, I got some sorbet."

"Yum."

"I know. My mouth is watering just thinking about it."

"Alright, then. Let's head off," he said with two more cartons of ice cream picked.

We checked out with minimal English conflict and started our walk back to the hotel.

I dropped my bag into my room, grabbed my snacks from it and joined everyone in Hoseok's room where we were going to watch a movie as a group.

I knocked on his door before hearing rustling inside, as well as laughing. Jungkook answered the door, giving me a smile as I came in. All the boys were piled onto Hoseok's king-sized bed and they were getting things set up on the TV.

"Welcome back, Sujin," Jin said, his eyes glued to the screen as he got situated with pillows behind his back, "what did you get at the store?"

I raised my goods. "Apple chips and lemon sorbet."

"That sounds really good," said Jimin who was sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Yep," I agreed. With the bag of goodies in hand, I climbed on top of the bed and found Jin, his back propped against the bedrest. Plopping beside him, I opened my bag of apple chips and raised one to his mouth, knowing he'd ask if I didn't deliver right away.

We settled in, watching a show I was unfamiliar with with a storyline that felt right to watch in America.

--------

I was at the kitchen table, finishing music theory homework. I'd saved the subject for last, knowing getting my English and math homework out of the way beforehand would make the load feel lighter.

The front door opened and in came some rustling, the slipping off of shoes at the inside porch, the clicking of keys as they were placed on the holder, the taking off of a jacket. I wasn't sure which brother it was since I couldn't see the front door from my spot, though Jimin, Hoseok, Taehyung, and Yoongi were already home that I knew of. I turned down my music in case words needed to be said when the member walked in but continued my work.

The fridge opened, making me lift my head to see who it was. Jungkook. I took out one earbud. "Hey, Kook."

"Hey Sujin."

"Would you mind cutting up an apple for me?"

He opened the door again without a word, so I took it he didn't mind.

A couple minutes later he placed the bowl along with a spoonful of peanut butter next to my work before sitting down himself in his own corner of the table with some leftovers.

I wasn't sure what it was, but I wanted to take a break from the schoolwork. Something was upsetting. It was something I needed to tell him, because I trusted Jungkook in that way, him being the closest to my age and all...

"Sujin?"

I opened my eyes to Jin's finger tapping my arm.

"Your phone's ringing. Sorry, it's Aecha. Thought you'd like to take a look."

"Oh." I looked down lazily before picking up my phone and sitting up, shaking off the dream that doubled more as a memory. "I'll be right back."

I headed to the entrance of the room that was separated by a wall from the rest of it. I wouldn't disturb their show there, so I put the phone to my ear and hit answer. Aecha didn't call often, but I found that when her name lit up my phone, a pleasing conversation usually came out of it.

I immediately heard a few rustling noises on the other end, so I asked, "Aecha?"

A sniff. Then a voice I'd never heard before, except it was one I surely had many times. I'd just never heard it hysterical before. It took me a moment to realize what she was saying.

"... he's gone and I just don't believe it, I'm going back tomorrow to make sure but I wanted you to come, but you're in America so I don't think you can, and I just wanted to have- to have-"

"Chinhae?" I didn't even need to hear his name. Who else would she call me like this about. "Is it Chinhae? Aecha, is it Chinhae?"

"It's Chinahe, yes it's Chinhae, Sujin this isn't fair I'm so sorry-"

My breath stopped.

I didn't believe it either. There was something we could do- they had the wrong person-

I wasn't in Korea, how was I supposed to believe that? Yes, I was across the world, but how could this have happened without me knowing?

Surprisingly, my voice was soft when I responded. I gathered words in my head and they came out of my mouth in a smooth fashion, despite the growing clog in my throat coming to choke me. "Aecha, what even happened? Are you sure... did he... die?"

And if he did, what was new? This was how my life went. Of course another person would be taken from me that I cared about.

"Sujin I don't know what to do," she sobbed, "I don't know what to do! And I'm so sorry to you because you cared about him and he loved you, Sujin he loved you but this isn't right he didn't deserve this."

She was right. He didn't deserve this. What was happening?

"There was an accident yesterday, they said he was going to be fine. But now he's not and I don't know why but it took a really steep turn and I meant to tell you tomorrow when we were sure, I'm so sorry- But he's not waking up and I don't think he will, I'm just so scared. Oh, my gosh."

Being in America made it feel fake. I couldn't feel anything but the sixth sense of death. How had Chinahe died? How had something tortured him until it stopped his body. Had there been pain?

I was left there, wishing I wasn't still getting over the death of Jiho so I could feel something about it

Chinahe couldn't be gone. Jiho was one thing, but how could the same sick evil that took Jiho's breaths steal Chinhae?

"Aecha, I'll be there. I'm coming home. I'll text you when I arrive. Take care, Aecha. Call if you need something else. I'll be there. I promise."

Before I could rationalize what I was saying, Hoseok and Namjoon were peeking around the corner, pouring reality into my head.

Right, I was still in America. The boys were on tour, yet I needed to go back to Korea... back to the land of hauntings.

I hung up the phone. "I need to go home."

Namjoon looked like he wanted to say something but couldn't. His brows were furrowed, but softened after a second. "What?"

I pursed my lips, then advanced, grabbing my hoodie from the bed next to Jin forcefully.

"I'm going home. I'm going home now, that's all." I said the 'now' more forcefully than I'd wanted to, but softened the last two words.

The silence in the room made me realize the TV was paused. I rushed past the standing members, and after grabbing my hoodie, I headed for the door.

"Sujin, Sujin," Namjoon called after me softly, "are you okay?"

My fingers touched the handle of the door but then I turned back at him. "I'm okay, at least right now. Chinhae's not. I'm going home. He can't be gone,and I have to go prove it to myself. I mean- I have to see it. He can't be gone after Jiho, he can't be the second. There's no way life would be this cruel."

I opened the door and headed into the hall. The door shut behind me, making me think I was off the hook, but I heard it open again behind me.

"Hold on," Joon called again. I turned to look back at him and slowed my pace. He looked more confused than concerned.

After watching my face for a second, he stepped out into the hall. "I'm sorry Sujin- What do you need, can we help? We need to know what's going on, I don't know why you think you need to leave like this."

"I don't know either, Joon. Aecha says there was an accident. I don't believe it. And he could still be okay, I don't... I just don't know. I need to go see because if there's any chance there's not much time. And I can't be here. I can't believe it while I'm here."

My voice was strong as I said this, shocking me.

Joon couldn't stop staring, but I didn't mind. I knew I wasn't making sense, and deep down I felt bad. He gulped. The other members started peeking their heads into the hall.

"Please get me a flight home."

"Sujin, we just haven't thought this through, I- I don't know if-"

"Yoongi told me earlier that if I was homesick I could get a flight home, so please don't tell me the death of my dongsaeng isn't a good enough reason."

He went quiet. His eyes begged me to let go of my argument because it was true, but so hard. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and turned back to the hotel room door as Hoseok and Jin came behind him.

Flustered by the attention, I took that as my signal to turn and keep walking.

------

My hands moved, flying across clothes as I shoved shirt after pants into the case, not bothering to fold them. I wasn't sure at this point whether that was going to make my efforts worse or not, but I kept moving. Once I felt my clothes were adequately shoved and zipped up, I ran around my room, fingers fumbling to throw makeup into bags, chargers, cords to my music setup, and more into my backpack. I threw all my bags to the door, running around the room and giving it one last look. It was messy as heck, but none of my things were left in it. The room was now lifeless.

I slipped on my white leather sneakers and a puffy jacket, hoping Yoongi had gotten a flight as he once said he would. If not, I'd be doing it myself and confirming with Sejin, only because I knew I might be physically stopped by bodyguards if I weren't to check with him first.

Suitcase in hand and backpack on, I entered the hall. I knew this plan really wasn't the smartest. The boys would be around the corner, and for some reason I knew they'd try to talk me out of it. But really, did they know how this felt? How it felt to be this scared of death again? The least I could do was experience it for myself and move on from there. I just knew one thing, and it was I didn't want to run away from the news by hiding in America. Though I wasn't ready to let the pain of losing Chinahe sink deeper into my skin, the sickening feeling was familiar and it was starting to make me feel crazy. I could feel it coming on.

I found myself at Yoongi's hotel door, anxious about the other members for no good reason and having no excuse for letting this stop be part of my plan.

The door opened.

"Yoongi, I'm so sorry and I don't know if anyone told you but I just need help and I can pay but I need to get a flight-"

"Yes. Round trip, Korean Air, leaves in an hour and 45. I already paid-"

"Yoongi you don't have to pay, that's like twelve-hundred dollars," I said, my voice shifting from frantic to soft. "I'm sorry, I didn't really think about it."

"You look like you did," he said softly, eyeing my suitcase. Then he sighed. "I'll take you to the airport."

The lump in my throat seemed to shift into tears of relief because of his kindness, but also from the accumulation of guilt. "Thank you, Yoongi." I knew I didn't need to say more than that.

We walked silently down the halls, into the elevator, and into the hotel lobby. As we walked outside into the night and foreign-flavored air, I looked back and eyed the top of the building. I hadn't said goodbye to the members. I was leaving in a hurry. I knew I was going to regret it, but we had to go.

We waited for a company car to pick us up and take us to the airport. Standing there with all my luggage, I realized I was really doing it. "Tell the members I'm sorry- er, that I'll miss them. And I'll be back as soon as I can."

"The flight returns in four days."

I looked up at him. His expression was hard, but not mad. Was I asking too much? Was he offering too much to help me out here?

"Oh," I said, "okay." I didn't know if that'd be too long or too short yet. It made me uneasy, but it was four days or none.

If Chinhae really was dead, I'd be attending the service and mourning with Aecha. But something kept me from thinking that way. There was no way that was what was going to happen. I was going to see Chinhae for the relief of the nightmare I'd been occupying. That's what I told myself.

The car pulled in front of us, and back to our silent ways, the driver put my luggage in the trunk and Yoongi held the door open for us to climb into the backseats.

I glanced at the hotel windows one more time, wondering if any of the members were watching us start out into the night. If they saw, I didn't know. We pulled away. 

Yes, Rose is back for some time :) I graduated high school, I'm getting ready to head to college this fall to study Commercial Music and continue to take after our boys, but I'm taking a lot of time to myself this summer to get back into old hobbies and focus on who I am before I start the next chapter of life. So! I'm planning to update ever Monday for the next few months, and hopefully keep going until I make it to the end of this book. Thank you for those who just joined the series or are returning. I've had so much support for this series in the past, and while I know I've lost quite a few, I'm glad for anyone still here. I'm writing this for you all  <3 I hope chat with ya'll soon.

Safety, happiness, health!

Rose