TBPAP: III

Everything doesn’t feel right anymore. I don’t even understand why the world would put me in this big chaos. Miguel’s words strike like thunder and lightning in the dark mad skies. He didn’t even mention what he wanted to point out but I know he knew something… something that would shake my whole life.

The routine repeats. Jace doesn't sleep beside me, he chooses to stay in his and Lara’s room the entire time. I’m just happy that I have Dawn who always distracts me, but sometimes it’s not even helping anymore. The more Miguel gets more rude than before, there’s this side of me that something isn’t right and I have to find answers to my queries. But how? Where do I even start?

Miguel’s anger toward me has something to do with Lara and Jace’s relationship. And maybe I ruined it, didn’t I? Jumping on my conclusion of a story that I haven’t even read or heard was like counting salts in the wide sea.

“Ma’am, may mail delivery po kayo,” napatingin ako sa maid dahil sa inabot niyang sulat sa akin.

Kinuha ko iyon at binuksan. Isang black invitation card, sa labas no’n ay nakasulat ang pangalan ko at ni Jace. It’s a party outside of the town we lived. Isang business party at invited halos lahat ng kilalang businessman and woman sa iba’t-ibang bansa. This must be a big grand party.

I’ve been avoiding people for almost half of my life ever since I woke up after my accident and all the stuff that my parents fed me was the only thing I could ever brag about… and I don’t even know if it’s true or what–so.

I have this social anxiety. I hate crowded places, that put my inner me think that I was like an existing alien who just came down from space. Wala akong kaibigan maliban kay Rika. At hindi ko nga matandaan kung anong nangyari o ano ako bago maaksidente, basta ang sabi ng parents ko ay ipapakasal nila ako kay Jace. I haven’t even meet Jace’s family. I marry him by signing in that marriage certificate while I was still recovering at the hospital. Imagine that stupidity, but I like him since I don’t even know.

Dawn is not even around here. Nasa bahay siya nila Miguel ngayon at doon siya hanggang matapos ang weekend kaya mag-isa ako dito ngayon sa bahay. I waited for Jace to come home but hours past and there is still no sign of him coming home. Gusto ko siyang i-text o tawagan pero para saan, panigurado naman alam niya ang invitation.

Mabilis akong napabalikwas ng bangon nang marinig ang malakas na pagbukas ng pinto mula sa labas ng silid. Lumabas ako at nakita siyang papasok sa silid nila ni Lara. Naagaw ko ang atensyon n’ya kaya napabaling siya sa akin. Malalim ang kanyang tingin sa akin na tila ba may ginawa akong hindi maganda.

“Late ka yata?” mahinang tanong ko. Hindi ko siya tinitignan sa kanyang mga mata. It’s hard to make an eye contact to him, it feels like competing of a statue.

“Yeah. Overtime lang. Go back to sleep. Huwag mo na akong pakialaman.” Matigas ang pagkakasabi n’yang ito at tuluyang pumasok sa loob ng silid nila ni Lara. Parang pinipiga ang puso ko habang nakatingin sa kanya.

Napasipat ako sa wall clock nang makapasok akong muli sa loob ng silid namin. 3 am. Madaling araw na rin siya umuwi kahapon, at ng mga nagdaang araw pa. Gusto kong alamin ang nangyayari at gagawin ko iyon sa paraan ko na lamang.

Early in the morning I was already up. Naabutan ko siyang pababa. Inabot ko sa kanya  ang invitation card. Binasa n’ya ito at muling tumingin sa akin. The way he look at me was something.

“You want to come?” aniya.

I swallowed hard. “Ikaw, kung pupunta ka, e ‘di pupunta rin ako.”

“Okay. I’ll tell Rika to buy you some clothes to wear. I’ll get going—” I immediately cut him off.

“Why her? I can go to the mall and buy myself. I don’t need anyone to do it for me. Hindi naman ako lumpo para ipagawa iyon sa iba.” Nakangiti kong sabi.

Malalim siyang huminga at umayos ng tayo upang makaharap ako. “Thala, you’re still recove—”

“I can handle myself, Jace. Hindi na ako bata. I know what I shouldn’t do and avoid something that may harm me or trigger myself. Will you let me?” I interrupt him once again.

“Bakit nga ba hindi mo siya hayaan, Jace?” pagsabat ng magkungsino.

Napalingon kami ng sabay at nakita si Miguel. Nakapamulsa siya na animo’y ikinagwapo niya. His furrowed eyebrows leaned to me.

“Mig—”

“What? Nandito ako para sabihin sa ‘yo na may update ako tungkol kay Lara,” ani Miguel at hindi man lang ininda na naroon ako.

Mabilis na hinila ni Jace si Miguel palabas ng bahay at narinig ko na lamang ang pag-andar ng kotse. Nagbihis naman ako kaagad at nagtungo mag-isa sa mall. Sa ‘di kalayuan ay nagulat na lamanga ako ng biglang may isang bakla ang lumapit sa akin at niyakap ako.

“Thalara omg! Bakit ngayon ka lang nagpakita? What happened on you? Nag-alala ako sa ‘yo!” bahagya pa siya nitong hinampas sa braso.

“Sino ka?” tanong ko sa baklang humila sa akin. The people inside of his boutique were shocked as I asked that question.

“Girl, ‘di mo na talaga kami natandaan? I’m Melisa. Isa ako sa mga pinagbintangan mo dati na babae ni Jace.” Isang babae ang sumabat habang nakangiti sa akin.

“Huh?” I was stunned by what she said.

“Oh, it must be her amnesia. Come on, Lara. How’s your daughther?” tanong naman ng isa pa sa akin.

Wait—did she just call me Lara? Hell, what’s on the earth is happening?

“Y–You must be mistaken. I–I’m not Lara. I’m Thalara Alonzo.” Giit ko.

“Yes, girl, we know. You’re Jace’s bride-to-be but it didn’t happen since you broke up with him. Didn’t you even know about that? And did Marco knew about your condition?” saad ng bakla.

Sa lahat ng binaggit n’ya ay ang pangngalan na Marco ang umagaw sa aking atensyon. That name is so familiar. It feels like I already hear  it somewhere. Sa hindi ko alam na dahilan, kinikilabutan ako sa pangalan. Cold–wind shivered my whole spine.

“Thalara!” Napalingon ako sa tumawag sa akin. Rika was walking towards on me, napatingin siya sa mga kausap ko. Her eyebrows immediately cross.

“Melisa, Sasha, Amy, ‘wag na muna ngayon. She’s not the Thalara we used to know,” ani Rika nang bumaling sa mga ito.

Nagbago naman ang ekspresyon ng tatlo sa akin. There eyes went on me, asking or maybe staring at me if Rika’s statement is based on fact.

“Mamili ka na lang d’yan, Thalara. Kausapin ko lang sila.” Nakangiting baling ng kaibigan ko sa akin.

Sinunod ko naman siya ngunit ‘di ko maiwasan na sundan sila ng tingin. Nagkunwari akong namimili ng damit ngunit bukas ang tainga ko sa kanila. This may be the first step where I can find my answers.

“Please, ‘wag niyo muna siyang lapitan or kausapin. She needs more time. At saka, huwag niyong banggitin si Marco sa kanya. Thalara is—just act as that you knew her because of Jace,” saad ni Rika sa mababang boses.

The questionable stares of the three was unexplainable. Napabaling sila sa akin, nakikita ko sila sa pheriperal view ko at alam ko na pinapakain nila ako ng kasinungalingan. Anong ginawa ko noon at gano’n sila sa akin? Ako ba ang naging dahilan kung bakit siya nawala? What did I do before I got into an accident? Damn, I need more answers!