" ": You talking

' ': You thinking

* *: Narrator/Voice-off

3rd person POV:

???1: Where's the compass scroll ?

???2: I'm not sure.

???1: Oh ! Then which direction are we supposed to go ?

???2: I'm releasing them, the butterflies of hell.

???1: Capture her, otherwise... Kill her. This is not the job of a shinigami.

???2: ... Actually, not really.

Ochi: Ishida ? Why are you injured ?

Ishida: I fell down some stairs.

Classmates: 'Sucks./That is such a lame reason.../Didn't expect Ishida to be so lame.../Who's going to believe his reason.../ That really sucks...'

Ochi: Oh, nevermind. Go back to your seat, we'll continue the lecture.

Michiru: Ishida... What happened to him ? He's injured...

Rukia: Don't pay attention to it. It's not your fault. He caused his own injuries.

Ichigo: I... I didn't ! I'm not gonna worry about those kinds of injuries !

Rukia: Oh ? Who said anything about worrying ? What I said is don't pay attention to it ! Ohohohohoho...

Ichigo: You...

Keigo: I saw Ishida yesterday ! Him and Y/n were in the construction place ! I don't know what it was about, but it seemed very theatrical !

Mizuiro: Ishida is always kinda theatrical, isn't he ?

Ichigo: 'He was so close from the fight... So dangerous !'

Keigo: They must want to be actors ! There was also some weird guy and kids, and they were blowing up things. They must've been practicing with members from the theater !

Ichigo: 'Ahah.. God, thank you for making Keigo such an idiot...'

Mizuiro: Speaking of Y/n, I haven't seen him today, I wonder where he could be.

Ichigo: 'If only you knew... After he fell unconscious, Mr.Hat'n-clogs transported him who-know-where, and since that, we had no news from him.'

Your POV:

Ururu: Jinta, can you focus on sweeping...

Jinta: Be quiet ! This is the soccer that men go crazy for ! GOAL !!

Ururu: really... Hm ?

Ururu: Mr.Tessai, Mr.Kisuke, Mr.L/n... there's a meow-meow...

Kisuke: Oh ! Isn't that Yoruichi ! You're back !

"Um... What's up with the cat ?"

Tessai: This is Mr.Yoruichi. He is one of the boss's relatives.

"He has a cat as a relative... ? I'm not really someone to talk here, I did had a dog as a trusted ally."

Tessai: A... Dog ?

"I'll eventually come to that part of the story, don't worry."

Kisuke: So, what's going on, Yoruichi ? Do you think it's going to rain ? Here, have some milk.

Yoruichi: Stop acting, Kisuke. You should know very well. 'They' have already came.

"So, a talking cat ? I can work with that."

Kisuke: About that, we were kinda in the middle of something right now, so do you want to talk about it now or can it wait until we're done ?

"Where was I anyway ?"

Kisuke: He was licking that cherry very awkwardly.

"Yes, Rubber Soul..."

(Insert the entirety of "The seventh crusader")

3rd person POV:

Yuzu: Big brother ! You're taking the leftovers again !

Ichigo: This is my midnight snack. It's very tiresome during puberty.

Yuzu: I'm not going to care if you get fat !

Ichigo: Okay, I'll be careful. *Slam* Rukia, here's your dinner. Hm ? What's going on ? Where did she run off to...

Unknown to him, Rukia was running away in town, followed by two figures she hasn't noticed yet.

???1: height: 144 Cm ! Nervous synchronization: 88,5% ! No way, she's actually using an artificial body... I thought the information from the image office was unreliable... Kuchiki Rukia... We fouuund Youuu~ !

???2: Our orders are to capture her, and kill her if not possible

Rukia: 'When the time comes, when I have to leave... I'll have to cut myself from them all. Love, companionship, friendship... Really, it's really troublesome. Nothing but a saddening emotion. All shinigami... shouldn't have these unnecessary feelings ! What kind of disgraceful behavior is this ?! Rukia Kuchiki !'

Rukia: Am I... Getting too attached to this world ?

???1: YEEES !! So you knew after all ?!

Renji: Maaan, you're talking backwards. Because you've been enjoying this world for too long... You can only live for just a little while longer, Rukia !

Rukia: You !! Renji !! Could that be you... Renji Abarai ?!

Renji: Even though we've been following you for quite some time now, you were so lost in your own thoughts you couldn't notice, until I addressed you directly ! Even if you're in that false body, it's a pretty brutal change in two-three months.

Renji: Now tell us, Rukia. Who's the human that stole your powers !

Rukia: Wh... What are you talking about ? Just because I'm using an artificial body doesn't mean I lost my powers. And even if it was the case, it doesn't mean it was a human who-

Renji: It's a human ! Otherwise you wouldn't be wearing an expression that "Human" !

Renji: Even though we were two poor kids from Lukon street, you had the honor of getting adopted by the noble clan Kuchiki, and you were able to follow a curriculum that's not open for normal shinigami ! For someone like you, to look at me with that human face is unacceptable !! Don't you agree, captain Kuchiki ?!

Rukia: Byakuya... Brother... !

Byakuya: Rukia...

Renji: Giving your powers to a human is a very serious sin for a shinigami. You'd better be grateful they decided to send us instead of the army. Now... tell us where is the human that stole your powers. We'll arrest you, and kill that bastard. Don't even think about protecting him... You should know very well now, right ? The attacks from before, it wasn't you who escaped it, it was me who purposely let you avoid them ! The next hit, it will be serious !

An arrow and a lightning blast passed his face, revealing two people standing in the distance.

Your POV:

Ishida: An armed man attacking an unarmed woman ? This isn't a good scene to walk it on...

"This kind of thing... That's not something I appreciate."

Renji: You... ! Who the hell are you ?!

Ishida: Nothing more than some classmates of her, one of them hating shinigami.

Rukia: Y/n, Ishida... Why are you here ?

Ishida: This is merely a coincidence, Kuchiki. I didn't came here to help you, in fact... As you can see with this little bag, I just had a sudden urge to go shopping for sewing material, and since the only shop open all night is in this area, I stumbled into you completely by accident. I hope you're not assuming I felt those two shinigami's power, and that I went out in the middle of night because I was worried, or even that I brought this bag with me to use it as an excuse for my presence here. This is pure dumb luck.

"Do I really need to point out the fact that nothing he said is actually true, or... ?"

Rukia: No... This is even beyond being a bad liar, at this point. I'm starting to think this one's stupid too... But what about you ?

"Are you serious ? You're the one who told me I needed to learn how to detect high spiritual powers around me. And not notice these two would be pretty hard. They're leaking so much power, I wonder if it's not some form of incontinence-"

I was cut by a slash from our red-haired opponent, ricocheting on one of my gauntlets.

Renji: Stop saying shit. I already asked you, and I repeat, 'Who the hell are you' ?! Well, if you don't want to answer, it's fine by me. I'll simply kill you both here and now !

Rukia: Wait, Renji ! They have nothing to do with...

Ishida: What do you mean ? I already answered your question. We're just two classmates of Kuchiki. And I hate shinigami.

Renji: I don't care about that ! I'm telling you this isn't an answer !

"... Y/n L/n, nice to meet you."

Renji: Huh ? What made you change your mind ?

"Well, I just though, it would be really sad for you, dying not knowing the guy who defeated you, after all, it must be hard, leaking energy like that for you."

Renji: Alright ! I've decided !! I'll start by killing you right away !!

Rukia: No !! Don't do it, Renji !! Y/n !!

Ichigo: Ha... that Rukia... is she really not coming back tonight ? It's already past 2.A.M... Well, it's okay if she doesn't come back tonight, at least I can forget about those shinigami duties and just get a full night's sleep for once..

???: MMPH !!

Ichigo: Wh- What the... !! What's that noise ?!

???: MMM !! MMPPH !!

Ichigo: the sound's coming from behind the toilet bowl... You... KON ?! What are you doing there , Is this your new hobby ? It must be nice to play so much, but still...

Kon: Thank you so much, Ichigo ! For saving me !!

Ichigo: Yeah... No problem...

Kon: I couldn't tell who it was, so I had to guess it by the voice, and I was right !

Ichigo: Ho... You went through a lot...

Kon: Yes ! Not even 5 minutes before you, your dad...

Ichigo: You should've told me before ! No wonder you stink.

Kon: W-What are you doing ?! Is this how you treat an ailing friend ?!

Ichigo: Shut up ! You stink ! Don't touch me ! Stay away !! You bathroom dump !!

Ichigo: So tell me why you were all tied up ?

Kon: You're so stupid !! The only person that's able to get away with this is...

Kon: AUGH !! Ichigo !! Rukia is in big trouble !!

Ichigo: I told you to stay away !!

Kon: look at this !! She left this where it's easy to find !! You still haven't noticed ?!

Ichigo: Wh... What's this ?

Kon: I just told you !! It's a note !! Rukia, she left us !!

Ichigo: Left... Why ?! Without telling me anything ?!

Kon: Shut up !! Shut up !! How the hell should I know ?! I was with her before she left !! She just left me without any explanation ! So why should I care about you ?!

Ichigo: ... Shit ! In the end, it's only a single note that holds all our answers !! 'What the hell did she write ? What...'

Ichigo/Kon: 'She had the time to do this stupid word puzzle ?!'

Ichigo: 'What the hell is this ?!' Wait, is this monstrosity a raccoon ?! The words are in between the word 'raccoon' ! Let's see... I... Have... To... Leave...

Ichigo: "Do not look for me or worry, burn this letter after you finish reading it, and if you can... Go into hiding."

Ichigo: What is this all about ? In the end, she still didn't explain why she left...

Kon: You still don't get it ? Something bad must've happened ! "Burn the letter, go into hiding" Why else would she be worrying about us ?! It's so obvious ! Something bad happened ! She's in trouble with the Soul Society ! For us ! She didn't want something to happen to us ! that's why Rukia left !!

Ichigo: That's enough. One thing's for sure, nothing's going to get solved if we just stay here and talk. Let's go, Kon. I'll become a shinigami and find Rukia ! let's hurry !!

Kon: O... Okay !! But wait... How will you become a shinigami ?

Ichigo: I guess with that glove thing...

Kon: Rukia took it with her.

Ichigo: Then, the artificial soul pill...

Ichigo: Shit ! You're right ! I can't become a shinigami without Rukia !! What should I do ?! You're the one who told me she's in trouble with the Soul Society ! At least find a way for me to change into a shinigami to save her !!

Kon: How should I know ?! A plush's strength is not to be underestimated, but still !!

Kisuke: Good evening ! I see you're in a predicament here.

Ichigo: You're... ?!

Kisuke: Could I be of any assistance ? Don't worry. She's my valuable frequent customer, so just this once I'll help you under credit.

Renji: Just as I thought. All bark no bite.

He was referring to his sword impaling me right through the chest, thinking he just killed me, much to my interior hilarity.

'I'm gonna play a little with him.'

"Oh no, you've got me. I'm so going to die now. This is horrible, oh my god."

Renji: No god is going to save you now !

"i can see it already, the light at the end of the tunnel. I can feel the life slowly exiting my body. Aaaaaah. Aaaaaaaah."

Renji: Hum... Did... Did the pain and fear made him lose his mind or something ? His cries are really pitiful...

Ishida: You don't understand. When Kuchiki pleaded you to stop, it wasn't because she was afraid for him, but because she didn't wanted you to die.

Renji: What do you...

"Aaaaaaa. Aaaaaaaa. Aaaaaaaaa... Nah, just kidding."

In the blink of an eye, it was me who was in front of him, both my hands going through his chest.

"Now, I would recommend you to not make any sudden move. I have your heart in my grasp, so any sharp twitch and... Buh-Bye, adios, Kaput, game over."

Renji: What the... How did... What did... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH !!!

"Just a joke, I can't do that."

Renji: WHAAAAAAAAAAA !!! *Huff* *Huff*

"Seriously, if I could actually do that, you would've died the moment my hands went through your chest."

Renji: Gah... You... You... Get back here and let me kill you !!

"No, that's not gonna happen. You're becoming really boring here."

He was trying his bast to hit me, but all his swings were harmlessly phasing through me.

"Oh well, it was fun while it lasted, but the main course is coming now."

Renji: What...

Renji: Huh... ?! What now ?! Who the hell ?!

"Took your sweet time, Ichigo. Was Kisuke late or something ?"

Ichigo: He was. And about you, my name is Ichigo Kurosaki ! Remember it well, as the name of the one who's going to defeat you !!

Special chapter: Kon's bizarre misadventures

3rd person POV:

Kon: 'My name is Kon. K.O.N. is short for King of New York. Just kidding. Currently, I spend my life with a manly but useless orange-headed dimwitted violent third-rate shinigami/Highschool student... My captain, an ultra badass dimensional traveler stand user, and my goddess, a black-haired beauty, former shinigami. I'm a lone wolf though. I appear to be a plushie, but my heart is that of a wolf. It's that kind of meaning.'

Kon: 'I'm like that, but right now... I'm in deep shit.'

Yuzu: Wow ! Such a filthy stuffed animal ! I wonder if it's Karin's ?

Kon: 'So, how did I get into this mess ? Today, I should start with that, right ?

A few hours ago, Kurosaki house:

Kon: YEOOOOOOOWW !! Wha... What the hell are you doing, you... JERK !!!

Ichigo: What ? You're dirty, so I'm beating you clean.

Kon: Don't say it like it's no big deal !! If you want me clean, there are plenty of other ways to do it !! You don't need to beat me*POOMPH* clean !!!

Kon: Bastard*POOMPH*You*POOMPH*Don't*POOMPH*Listen*POOMPH*to*POOMPH*People*POOMPH*Do you ?! Help me !!

Rukia: Quit it, Ichigo ! If you need an implement to clean him up with, then I have arranged it.

Kon: T... Thank you, Rukia !! You thought of my sake...

Kon: Wha... AHH !! AHH !!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH !!!!

Ichigo: Wait, wait, wait, wait !! Isn't that the school's toilet brush ?! Where did you get that thing ?!

Rukia: Uh... From school, why ?

Ichigo: Take it back !!

Rukia: Damn... You're surprisingly strict...

Ichigo: I'm not strict ! it's common sense ! And don't lay that on the floor, it's dirty !

Kon: 'Damn... Damn it ! Why am I always treated this way ? Aren't I their companion ?! Aren't we equals ?! If that's how it is, I'm going to travel ! And I'll find it ! A person who will hold me gently !! A place where I truly belong !!'

Kon: Say... It's goo that I got eager and left, but... I wonder what I should do now... I said I'd travel, but without cash I can't even ride that train thing. I can't go all that far...

Orihime: Okaaay !! Come on, Tatsuki !

Kon: Ah... that's... Inoue !!!

*Target 1: Orihime Inoue*

Kon: 'All right ! I'll fall before Inoue and act like a lost doll !! This is Inoue we're talking about, she's like a saint ! She''l surely hug me warmly and welcome me into the valley of the gods !! (Her breasts). After that it will be Hehehehehehe...'

Tatsuki: DRAGON BAZOOKAAA !!!!

On the other side of the field, Orihime was waiting with a baseball bat.

Orihime: I did it ! One point ahead !!

tatsuki: Orihime, I think this "Base-soccer" idea of yours puts the defender at an overwhelming disadvantage. And don't prepare a beer shower after getting one point.

Orihime: Really ?

Kon: Ugh... Oh, man. I forgot to take Inoue's brain into account... To be blasted away by some sort of evil new age sport... What a blunder... Um ?

Kon: 'Ah... those are... From Ichigo's class, uhhhh... Girls !!! (Basically can't remember the names of flat-chested people.)

*Targed 2: Girls 1, 2 and 3 (Ryô Kunieda, Michiru Ogawa, Chizuru Honso)*

Chizuru: To be honest, I quite fancy Michiru too. Well ? How about the two of us in a hotel next time ?

Michiru: No way... Your way of inviting is too straight-forward...

Ryô: 'I just wanted to walk alone... Mh ?'

Kon: 'Heheh... How about this cute face ! This superb craftsmanship ! If you're a girl then you have to pick me up ! Now, do it ! Pick me up !! Then, carry me home, say "How dirty !" and take me into the bath with you, and- KYAAAAAAh !'

Michiru: Oh ! A cute stuffed-

Ryô: A filthy stuffed animal !

Kon: OOF !!!! 'Oh... Oh, no... that sudden, outrageous assault caused me to speak... Did... Did they notice ? They're looking right at me !!!'

Chizuru: that stuffed animal, it just spoke ! A talking doll... if we catch it and sell it to TV... AH ! It's escaping !!! let's go after it, Michiru !

Ryô: Leave it to me. It takes some guts to run away from me... the track & field team's first year star, Ryô Kunieda, who has ran the 100 meters... In 12 seconds flat !!

Kon: NOOOO !! Dammit !! Why is Ichigo only surrounded by these sorts of people ?!! I just want to be treated kindly !!

*Target 3: Chad, by coerced event*

Kon: WHY IS HE CHASING ME TOO ?!!!

(Chad is crazy about cute things)

Kon: I can't take it anymore ! I'm going home ! I'm definitely going back !!! Please god, let me make it back alive !

Kon: 'And so, I was somehow able to escape. However, I didn't feel like returning to Ichigo's room. I had no choice, so I went to another room and ran out of gas. I passed out. And, that's the story so far.'

Kon: 'Ahhh, do what you want with me, I give up. Turn me into a cushion, turn me into a dustrag, whatever... Well, no, actually, being a dustrag would suck...'

Yuzu: In any case, you sure are dirty. let's take a bath together !!

Kon: 'Huh ?!'

Kon: 'Ahhh... So warm... that's right, this is it... this warmth is what I've been searching for... A goddess was here !! Now if instead of a kid she was a big-breasted beauty I'd have no complaints... No, I shouldn't say that.'

Yuzu: Ah, that's right. You don't like being in your birthday suit, do you ? Good, because I made some clothes in case I buy a new baby doll.

Yuzu: Yay ! I knew it would look good on you !!

Kon: 'No, no, no ! What are you saying ? It doesn't look good at all !!'

Yuzu: You look so happy with mama and papa !

Kon: 'These are papa and mama ?! Hey, which one is the mama ?! And why am I wearing clothes while my parents are stark naked ?'

Yuzu: Listen to what Melon and Cookie tell you, Okay ? Bostaff.

Kon: 'Those are their names ?!! Why am I the only one with an aggressive name ?!'

Yuzu: And I should put on a mark to show who the baby is.

Kon: 'Wait a second. What's that ? Where do you plan to stick...'

Later that night:

Kon: ICHIGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO !!!

Ichigo: Wha... ?!

Kon: I'm sorry ! I'm sorry I ran away from home !! I really do love it in your room !!

Ichigo: '... I was wondering where he was... So he ran away... But, what's with this creepy get up ? Did he run away from home and come out of the closet ?'

Rukia: What's that ? It's noisy.

Kon: 'Ahhh... So warm... that's right, they're just... they're simply awkward and poor at expressing affection...'

Ichigo: You think this will come off if I give it a sharp yank ?

Rukia: The ear will.

Kon: NOOOOOOO !!!!

*Probably.*