Every time I think things are looking up, they are going straight downhill again!
My mom and I hadn't faught in days, but again, that was just the peace before the storm!
And today, the storm was really bad again!

I am starting to loose hope that it will ever turn out ok!
No matter what we do or try, my mom and I just can't stop butting heads with each other!

During today's argument, my mom asked me if I even want her to be my mother.
If I want to be her daughter.
If I want us to be a family.....!

The thing is, I do!
I do want us to be a family!
I do want her to be my mother!
But......I don't think I can ever be her daughter!

I can't even give her a clear answer if she asks me if I love her!

When I ask myself if I love her, there is nothing.
I just feel empty....!
Like I have no emotional connection to her........!

                                                
I swear, today I came this close to cutting myself for the first time!
I even considered looking if my mom has any more sleeping pills left and if the dose was enough to kill someone!

The only reason I didn't do it was because I had to clean up my room, and by the time I was done I remembered you guys would probably be sad if I'd die......!

*sigh*
Guess you guys saved me again.....!

Anyways, goodnight!