Dying Fawn

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This Oc belongs to @Poke4life

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Name~Dying Fawn~
Beautiful name!

Past Names~Dying Fawn~
In the future just put "none" since Dying Fawn is her current name

Reason~Her Mother herd the loud BANG! of a gun over the hollow where she was giving birth, assuming an animal had died she named her Kit Dying Fawn.
Ooh I love this concept, though I'm curious how she knows what a gun is. Is hunting common around there?

Dying Fawn is also named for her light fawn coloured pelt that has white splotches, resembling a
young deer's~
Makes sense but it's a teeensy bit cliche to have a character exactly resembling the animal they're named after

Appearance~Dying Fawn has a long, scruffy and matted fawn coloured coat with tiny white splotches (barely visible) along her back.
Oh, interesting! I wasn't expecting her to be long-hair much less scruffy

Her legs are extremely gangling and long, like a foal, she sometimes doesn't know what to do with them. Her tail is short and white on the tip and under side. Dying Fawn's ears are very large and have stiff little tufts on them.
Ah-ah theres the too literal animal prefix to coat appearance. The only thing really putting off this design for me is the tail. It just happens to be short and white tipped like White-tailed deer while she also has all these other traits resembling the same animal? I think you should just make her tail a normal length (maybe a little shorter than average?) and if you want to keep the white tip maybe add white somewhere else on her body as well like chest, paws, muzzle, etc.

Her nose and paw pads are pink and her eyes are very large and clouded, almost looking like they are covered in dust. Dying Fawn is blind (explained in the backstory)~
It says "explained" so I'm guessing she wasn't born with blind blue eyes, so what is her eye color?

Gender~She-cat~
Right

Age~45 moons (3.75 years)~
Oh! This is older than I was expecting, it's a pretty good age (according to my chart it's 29 in human years)

Personality~Dying Fawn, due to her blindness, is physically a very cautious cat.
This is a really good trait and it makes complete sense. I imagine she would know her way around her home and surrounding territory but still be a little wary

Yet when it comes to words she is sharp and reckless.
Reckless? Does she say things she doesn't mean often?

Dying Fawn has an innocent aura due to her looks which make it easy for her to manipulate cats in her way.
Oh it's this kind of cat 0-0

She is vocally strong and dangerously persuasive.
Interesting

Dying Fawn is also very cunning, and also street smart.
Street smart? How? What does she know more than other cats?

She, surprisingly turns out to be very Motherly after being forced to care for an orphaned Kit named Fallen Bird~
Forced to care? Was there absolutely no one else willing to? I'm curious to find out

Sexuality~Bisexual~
Kay!

Clan~Dying Fawn is part of a rogue group named "The Group of Burning Leaves".
Love the name

The group was founded by an ancient, long forgotten tom named Burning Leaves, the only thing that remains of him is his name.
Ooh

They live in a dark oak forest that lies in the West, they feed themselves off of road-kill, crowfood and anything that is already dead.
.... The live in a forest.... Why are they eating crowfood when they could simply hunt

They are terrible hunters but great fighters.
Really, all of them? Not one cat has the basic skill to hunt something?

The different positions are Watchers, Fighters and Seekers. Seekers seek out dead prey and return it to their group, Watchers basically patrol their current territory and report and Fighters fight in any battles or skirmishes.
The rank names are pretty unique from other ones I've seen

They never stay put for long~
They're nomadic I guess?

Rank~Dying Fawn is the first ever blind Watcher (ironic I know)~
How does she do her job as a watcher? You said she's wary physically so wouldn't it take her a long time to patrol, also she would probably have more trouble deducing if something is wrong than a sighted cat

Kin~Brokenwing (Mother, deceased) has a long furred white pelt that is unusually sleek for a rogue group cat. Her tail is very long and tufty and her ears are extremely big, she has a lithe and a little bit malnourished (skinny, bony etc.) build, her eyes are a deep brown with specks of gold.
Oooh she sounds so pretty. Why is her name Brokenwing though? And why is it spelled like a clan name rather than the style of Dying Fawn and her father

Black Water (Father, deceased) has a thick, scruffy black pelt that's losing some tufts around his shoulders. It used to glow a healthy blue shade but doesn't anymore. Black Water had a very tall and lanky build and also a stubby tail with a white tip that resembles his daughter's. His eyes are a very dark brown, looking almost black in certain lighting and earning him the prefix of his name~
Good description, but I think it's a bit odd she doesn't really look like either of her parents, besides the tail thing.

Crush~Spoiled Milk
This name is throwing odd but sort of makes sense

has a ragged white pelt with light chestnut marbled tabby patterns.
Pretty but a little unrealistic.

She is very frail and fragile and seems to catch every sickness that comes along. Her eyes are a hazy light blue with a little bit of hazel, her tail is extremely long and has a brown tip.
She has nine toes which gives her complications while walking, however she has extra claws so she was appointed a Fighter~
Oh wow. You don't see a lot of extra toed cats in Ocs. I think it's weird she was appointed a fighter if she's frail and gets sick easily. Unless they're trying to kill her off?

Mate~None~
Makes sense

Kits~She has an adoptive Kit named Fallen Bird, he is quite strong for being orphaned at such a young age and has a thick and healthy blue calico pelt.
Ooh I love blue calicos

His ears look a little like devil horns, pointing inwards and very large. He is also missing one leg, it's just a stub.
Which leg?

His eyes have opened and are currently blue (like all kittens) but they will turn a golden shade of amber when he grows older~
This is a very nice description! How old is he?

Mentor~Cats in these rogue groups have to teach themselves how to survive, you do not get taught by a Mentor~
Okay....

Apprentice~See above~
...

Friends~Spoiled Milk (see description in "Crush") and Dying Fawn have always been close. Dying Fawn has always seen Spoiled Milk as a cat that could break at a moments notice, POOF! Gone. Spoiled Milk and Dying Fawn have a somewhat complicated relationship~"
Complicated how?

Backstory~Dying Fawn was the only Kit born to Broken Wing and Black Water. Black Water didn't get the chance to meet his daughter although he knew she was coming (he died knowing Broken Wing was pregnant but before she gave birth)
tHaTs sAd

The black tom died fighting off a rival group of rogues named "The Group of Wilted Gardens".
Interesting name again

Broken Wing barely had time to meet her daughter. The gun that killed the animal Dying Fawn is named after killed her shortly after as she tried to sprint through an open field back to her group with her newborn Kit in her jaws (the hunter thought Broken Wing was some type of fox).
Okay why was a pregnant queen just wandering around the territory? And if she was shot before making it how did the other cats know her name was Dying Fawn?

Dying Fawn was found with her Mother whose last words were "Dying Fawn", telling the cats the name of her Kit.
Oh, lucky

Dying Fawn was nursed by a Queen named Grey Dawn, a lithe chinchilla coloured she-cat with hazel eyes.
I like her

Dying Fawn grew up normally, becoming tough and hardened by her group and on the path to become a Watcher. Until she was blinded on an unauthorized expedition, she was blinded by lightning.
:00 How did that work?!

Dying Fawn was told she would never become a Watcher and would be cast out of the group. Instead she used her head and used her ears to watch her surroundings and her nose to picture the deep forests.
She must've learned that super quick to not be kicked out. Unless there was some kind of bargains made where she could prove herself

She became one of the best Watchers but was still extremely underrated and even pitied by the group.
Ehhh thats kind of contradictory. If she's in like the top 5 shouldn't almost everyone respect her but a handful?

Until one day she fell in love with a young cat named Spoiled Milk who was the worst of them all. She mocked Dying Fawn but during a confrontation at the Highway (Thunderpath) Dying Fawn saved the young cat's life by, despite her blindness took a risk.
Um, good for her for saving Spoiled Milk's life, but why would she "fall in love" with someone who constantly bullies her? That's infatuation not love~

Later on Dying Fawn discovers an orphaned Kit whose Mother was killed in a similar way to Dying Fawns.
I'm guessing hunters are common enough for there to be more orphaned kits

She took in the Kit and named him Fallen Bird,
Is there a reason behind the name?

finding him a Queen to suckle from and teaching him how to move despite his stumpy leg.
Who's the queen?

Dying Fawn pampers the young Kit and keeps him healthy, not letting him fend for himself despite the group's wishes
Yes, tend to your new son

Review: Again, fairly short

~Appearances~
The descriptions are actually fine on this form, but the appearances are a little weird for me. Like, Dyinf Fawn as I've already mentioned is a little too like a deer, it's uncanny. But I also think it's weird she doesn't really look like her parents besides the tail size and white tip from her father. If she looks like a family member not mentioned, you should add that as a not so it doesn't feel so weird (Leafpool looks like her aunt Princess despite being born from two gingers). Otherwise, consider altering her or her parents appearance to be more genetically correct (well, sorta).

~Backstory~
The backstory was mostly fine, but I think it could use more detail all around especially in her relationships. I'd like to know who her foster mother was, foster siblings (if the queen had milk she would've had kids at some point), and foster father if there was one. I'd also like to have more detail regarding her relationship with Spoiled Milk and how she came to like her?? Idk that part confuses me but whatever. Last thing for backstory is just continue it, more of her story would be cool! She should also have more friends in my opinion other than her crush who used to bully her because that's low-key sad 😭😂

Bye~ ✨

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