This Oc belongs to voidflower-
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Name: Fernwhisper
I love the name!

Past Names: Fernkit and Fernpaw
Makes sense

Name Reason: She was named 'Fern' kit because of her aunt, Brightfern, (her father, Puddleleaf's sister) because Brightfern got killed saving Fernkit's mother, Wanderingheart from a fiery branch falling when she was expecting kits (Brightfern was trying to save Fernkit's mother and all of the unborn kits).
Not sure what's up with the parenthesis since I get what you mean. Why was there a fire though?

Wanderingheart survived, but breathed in a lot of smoke from the fire so it infected one of her kits.
Nooo 😭

When they were born (Brightkit and Fernkit- in memory of Brightfern) Brightkit was fine, but Fernkit always had sort of a raspy voice.
Wait... what?? I don't think that's how smoke works on pregnant mothers.... wouldn't she be deformed or something? Having a scratchy throat or whatever would be if she was the one who actually breathed in the smoke...

It got better, but in memory of the hardships Fernkit/paw went through, at her warrior ceremony, Fernpaw was named Fernwhisper because of her quiet voice.
Sort of for disability but in a more sophisticated way

Appearance: Fernkit was ginger and pale gray and had brown eyes.
Which was her base color?

By the time she was an apprentice, the light gray became more of a sparkling white.
Uhhh sparkling?? And usually white changes to a different color not the other way around

And by the time Fernwhisper was a warrior, she had some black specks too,
Like all over?

as some of the light gray turned darker gray than white.
I thought all of the gray turned white??

(I know, I know, a lot of changes overtime 😀)
Um yeah 0-0. I dare say it's unrealistic and doesn't make sense 😭😂 Also need waaay more detail

Gender: She-cat
Yup

Age: 17 moons, young warrior, but trusted
Yeah she's super young 0-0. That's the equivalent of 20 in my chart. She must be pretty responsible though to be "trusted" in general

Personality: Loyal, passionate, brave, but not reckless, agile, fast, and a good friend to have
Sooo... good friend how? And again, loyal isn't a personality trait (in these instances) I swear to god I'm sick of seeing this on every form 😭😂 Agile and fast are also not personality traits and would be better on the appearance. Besides all that, this is literally just a list of positive traits, where are the negative ones??

Clan: Whimsicalclan (I made it up)
It's an interesting name! Be nice if there was some info about it *cough cough* like how it asks in the form *cough cough*

Rank: Deputy of Whimsicalclan
What!? She's only 17 moons and a deputy already? That's ridiculously young

Kin:
Mother: Wanderingheart- A ginger and white she-cat with bright green eyes
This is a very short description, needs a lot more detail

Father: Puddleleaf- A gray, muscular tom with sparkling blue eyes and white speckles and has a long scar running across his flank
I actually really like his description but it needs detail too

Siblings: Brightspirit- A small white, fluffy she-cat with dark blue eyes with black swirls, dots, and patterns across her whole body
Excuse me? Swirls, dots and "patterns"? This is and extreeeeemly unrealistical appearance and should be changed soon. Especially being white with like, black stripes. I haaate when people do that because it makes like 0 sense

Mate: Lionleap- A handsome golden dappled tom with brown eyes (brother of Whimsicalstar)
Ok, so shes mates with the leaders brother AND deputy. Also, why does the leader have the same name as the clan? Was it just created? Again, this wouldn't really be a problem if there had been some information in clan

Regarding his actual appearance, I'm a tiny bit confused. It says he a dappled golden Tom, but does that mean he's golden with another color of dapples, or darker/lighter specks on his pelt?? The description needs to be much more detailed to avoid this kind of confusion

Kits:
Bravepaw- A beautiful golden, dappled she-cat with bright green eyes (smaller replica of Whimsicalstar)
Are Lionleap and Whimsicalstar twins then? And again, 👏 needs 👏 to 👏 be 👏 detailed. You should add some small differences so they have separate but similar appearances

Spiritpaw- A pretty silver she-cat with black markings and blue eyes (like Brightspirit)
There's a lot of reused suffix/prefixes in this form. Not really judging as I've been guilty of this too, but maybe tone it down a bit

Appearance, of course needs detail. What kind of markings does she have? What's her body type? Etc. And both the names are a little odd

Past mentor was:
Wolfsong- Large gray tom with silver eyes-
Kind of boring description. He needs some good 'ole fashioned detail ✨

Strict, sarcastic, and at first glance might seem like a bad mentor, but is actually a very heartfelt tom and his mother and father passed away and his brother, Appledusk
AAH NO THAT'S A CANON NAME. Plz change it

left him to live in Celestialclan (another one of my made up clans).
Another interesting and pretty name, though I'm like 99% sure Warrior Cats wouldn't know these words

Apprentice:
Featherpaw- Calico she-cat with blue eyes-
ᴰᵉᵗᵃⁱˡ

Kind hearted, would do anything for her family or mentor (Featherpaw loves Fernwhisper very much) and is brave
Is Fernwhisper like a mother figure to Featherpaw? Also, her personality is very flat and one dimensional, if you're going to include it flesh it out more. Also also, Fernwhisper is quite young to already have an apprentice, I guess it could happen but usually people wait till their 20 moons or so.

Friends:
Brightspirit- Her sister, a small white, fluffy warrior she-cat with dark blue eyes with black swirls, dots and patterns across her whole body
You already described her so you don't have to repeat it :)

Whimsicalstar- A beautiful large golden dappled leader she-cat with bright green eyes
Oh, so she is basically Lionleap. And her appearance is sooo boring omg. All I know is her pelt color, eye color, and that she's beautiful. Nothing else. Please spice these uppp. Also why is her name Whimsical??

Swirlsplash- A pretty brown warrior she-cat with a white chest and amber eyes, she loves to swim
Solid brown? That's unusual. But why is her prefix Swirl- if she's a solid cat? Also the description is basic and theirs a weird detail about her liking to swim even though no one else has something like that

Ochreshine- Dark brown warrior she-cat with an earthy aroma like soil or plants and has silver-ish, blind eyes
Also solid brown? :0 Interesting that she's blind though, and I like that you described her scent, though like with Swirlsplash I'm confused why you didn't describe the others scents

Backstory:
When Fernwhisper was born, everybody loved her as her family was well respected in the clans.
Huh-ho! This Oc has been absolutely destroyed by the first sentence (touched on more in review but god why would you put loved by all, that's like a basic how to avoid being a Mary Sue rule)

She lived a pretty normal life until apprentice-hood.
That was when there was a rouge outbreak (haha)
You mean... a infiltration? Or "Rise in"? Rogues aren't a disease so there can't be an outbreak 😭😂

and the clans were force to take them all in, or drive them out, and surprisingly it was a tie.
This sort of makes sense

The apprentices of all of the clans weren't allowed to vote, but when it was a perfect tie they had to let them, so they all voted and Fernwhisper (paw) was the tiebreaker.
Oh, lucky special her

So she chose to let the roughest join the clans and so that is what they did. But the cats that didn't want the rogues to join were very...frustrated with Fernwhisper.
Yeah that makes sense

So half of the clan wasn't speaking to Fernwhisper all through her apprenticeship and so she was pretty much an outcast.
That's petty af. I don't like these cats >:/

Until her warrior ceremony and that's when the deputy died, when Fernwhisper had been through about five moons of her warrior-hood so when she was made deputy, everyone suddenly respected her.
I wanna really talk about this in Review, so for now I'll just say this is possibly the most unrealistic outcome of a deputy dying in such a situation

(Interesting turn of events...)
Indeed

Fernwhisper was still talked bad about behind her back, but then everything kind of settled down when the clan realized that everyone else who had voted for letting the rogues stay were just as responsible.
It took them that long? Jeez

And they couldn't really be mad at half of the clans. And most of the warriors came to appreciate the rogues anyway.
Heck yea

Review: I was gonna approach this delicately, buuuut I'm just gonna come right and say it. Fernwhisper is like, borderline Mary-Sue 😭😂 There's honesty a lot in this form that's kinda giving me a Mary-Sue vibe, but that's okay because we're gonna fix it!

~Appearances~
Surprisingly her appearance is kind of normal and a bit boring, ignoring the weird unrealistic gray-to- "sparkling white fur". I think that needs to be changed to just her being born with white fur as well as changing sparkling to sleek or glossy. Then there's the weird bit about her having some darker gray patches of fur and black spots?? I think you need to pick a pattern, because ginger patched fur doesn't work well with black spots or other gray patches (at least in the way I'm imagining it). I might be interpreting the appearance wrong, but it should be more detailed because it's kind of hard to figure out exactly what's going on (especially on body and fur type).

Some of her family definitely needs to change their appearance like Brightspirit. She has a very Mary-Sue appearance what with being a white blue-eyed she-cat with unrealistic patterns. I think you should change her to a silver she-cat with a black classic tabby pattern and keep the dark blue eyes (I actually love that part lol). It still gives her a pretty appearance but it's much more believable and aesthetically pleasing.

For the rest of her family (actually just parents lol), I would firstly make them much more detailed such as height, body type, fur type, etc. And then, I would change their appearances to make more sense with the kits, or add in family that would give their kits that appearance.

Her mate is kinda meh rn for me; same with the kits. First off, he is very undetailed and my mind is supplying the worst image of him. The kits are basically just copies of other characters, and their names are also quite weird. Change him and the kits to have more detail be more interesting, but also I think her kits should have different names. If you change Brightspirit's appearance to what I suggested it makes even more sense for Spiritpaw to be name after her, but maybe change it to moon, light, or beam. Something related to spirit/bright but not as weird sounds (let's be honest, what kind of suffix goes with Spirit-). For Bravepaw, I've actually seen Ocs with this name that are cool so I don't hate it too much, but it probably needs a reason to be included with it because I immediately have a bad opinion of her upon seeing it.

Oh, also Featherpaw and Wolfsong need more detailed and interesting descriptions as well.

~Clan~
Well, I don't know anything about her clan so that's the first thing to fix. Second, I think the name is just super odd, and I can't figure out why it would be named that; same with the leader. There definitely needs to be an explanation on the name, and all my criticism applies to CelestialClan too.

~Backstory~
Oh, boy. Where to begin. Well, let's start with the fact that it said she was named after Brightfern who saved them from a fire, yet there's no mention of that in the backstory. It literally says "She lived a pretty normal life until apprentice-hood." and last I checked, almost dying in a fire does not count as normal. In other things, the first line of her backstory is low-key the worst. NEVER say "everyone loves them" because that is just so Mary-sue it hurts. The rogue plot I actually quite like, but I think it could be written better. It's a little rushed rn, you could explain why there was a sudden increase in rogues and if some of them wanted to fight or what. It was also a little ehhhh that she got to be the tiebreaker, but it's an important plot in the story so I'll let it be. Oh and her mentor and relationship with him was never mentioned in the backstory so that needs to be added. Moving on, the little bit about a lot of the clan being upset or resenting her actually makes sense, but my BIGGEST PROBLEM EVER is what happens next. To quote this exactly, "Until her warrior ceremony and that's when the deputy died, when Fernwhisper had been through about five moons of her warrior-hood so when she was made deputy, everyone suddenly respected her." Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope this part is so bad and Mary-Sue I hate it. Ok, so I don't know what your exact thought process was while writing this part, but the first major problem is that your Oc needs to be AT LEAST 35+ to be deputy.  I mean obviously there's exceptions, but this is a good rule of thumb to be safe. Next, is that becoming deputy does not make everyone immediately respect you, in fact it would probably make cats dislike her more because they'd oppose her being deputy. The last thing about this is the fact the deputy died, and the leader immediately chose some random young warrior as deputy?? That doesn't even make sense, especially because they aren't mentioned to be friends at all in the backstory. The rest of it is fine ig, but her other friends listed and mate aren't mentioned at all either so that's a problem. It also says she has kits, AND OMG EW THAT MEANS SHE HAD KITS AT 11 MOONS WTF. Check your math people, she's 17 moons now and her kits would have to be at least 6 moons since they're apprentices so she had kits at 11 which is pretty weird. That's basically like having kids at 16 or so. 

Alright, that's a lot of stuff to change but this Oc will be so much better after everything is amended, promise. Make better descriptions, add her relationships into backstory, make it more detailed and realistic, and detail about the clans! Hope you enjoyed my review~✨