Hope.....

I lost Hope Siddu.....

Iam being confused nowadays. You being nice to me, smiling at me, talking to me properly made me confused.

I am more scared than confused. Your smiles gives me some hope that I don't want to have.

In the recent check up of mine,  doctor told me that my time is getting nearer. Anything may happen anytime. I cried so much thinking about you that I will lose you again.

I want to live Siddu. I want to breathe happily without worrying about the future. But I can't do that and looking at you every day makes me want to live more.....with you.

But I can't do that to you. I can't ruin your life. I want you to be happy even if I am there or not. That's why I took this decision  Siddu. I know you will be worried and probably will hate me more but  remember that I will always love you.....only you until my last breath.

I have made a decision and I hope I can make it happen. Today when I saw you I just wanted to stare at you. I made you coffee today which you appreciated. I laughed internally when you freaked out when I smiled at you.

You found me on the road today after I started walking from the park where we usually used to meet. You were angry on me for walking alone on the road in the dark. But I was happy that I got to see you again and to spend some time with you. I don't know if I will be able to see you again or not. Unknowingly I hugged you at the thought of not seeing you again.

I am Sorry Siddu, I know I will hurt you and my friends by doing this but I have no other choice.

I am leaving.....

Goodbye Siddu.....

I Love You.

Siddharth cried silently reading the last page of her diary. He thought that at that time there was so much going inside her but yet she smiled for her loved ones. He slept hugging her diary  with many thought in his mind.

******

Siddharth woke up at the sound of the alarm. He looked at at his phone and realized that it was the reminder alarm. Then it hit him that today is the Anu's check up with the Doctor.

He got up from his bed and quickly got ready. He went downstairs and waited for her near the door. He looked at is watch and it was already 10am. The appointment is at 11am, so they had to reach early there.

" What are you doing here?" Anu asked looking at him all ready standing near the door.

" Uh....." He didn't know what to say.

" Siddharth, Are you going out beta?" Anu's mom asked smiling at him.

" Yes." He said smiling back at her.

Anu came outside taking her handbag bidding bye to her mother.

" I will drop you." Siddharth said and Anu stiffened.

" Umm.... No, I will go by myself." Anu said not looking at him.

" I am going to the city only. I will drop you on my way there." He insisted.

" I said No." Anu said stubbornly and walked outside.

" I said I am dropping you and that's final." Siddharth said sternly walking towards the gate.

" You can't order me like that." Anu shouted angrily walking towards him.

" I can. Now come." He said gesturing towards his car.

" No!"

" Yes!"

" No."

" Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

" You are going to be late, stop arguing and sit in the car." He exclaimed impatiently.

" Siddharth you can't force me like that. I don't want to come with you and I will not come." She said.

" Ananya, stop arguing for once and do what I say." He said angrily and she noticed worry in his eyes.

She doesn't want to worry him but she couldn't let him know where she is going.

" Anu, go with him. You are getting late and you should also come back home before its dark." Her mom butted in when these two people are not stopping their argument.

" But Ma....." But he didn't let her finish her sentence.

"Good, now come on." He said sitting in his car.

Muttering under her breath, she sat in his car grumpily. Siddharth smiled at her mom who smiled back while Anu sat worrying at what will happen.

Siddharth sighed in relief as they will reach to hospital in time now. He knows that she is worried that he will know that she is going to the hospital but he can't let her travel in public transport that too in such health condition.

" Why is your car here? Daily your driver will come and pick you up na?" She asked him frowning.

" I told driver to leave the car here and go as I will drive from now onwards." He said.

They both stayed silent in the whole ride as different thoughts occupied their minds.

******

They entered into the city and Anu sat quietly looking outside of the window.
When she realized that they are getting nearer to the hospital, she panicked.

" Stop, I will get down here." Anu said spotting a mall on her left side.

" Here?" He asked frowning.

"Yeah, I came for shopping." She said nervously showing the mall.

Siddharth clenched his jaw tightly and stopped the car. She got down immediately and waited for him to go.

He rode off rashly from there without glancing at her and saying nothing to her. She felt bad for lying to him but she does not have any other choice. She waited there until his car was out of her sight and started her walk towards the hospital which was just 5 minutes away.

Siddharth stopped his car in the parking lot of the hospital and banged his hand on the steering wheel angrily.

Why can't she let me in?

Why can't she just say the truth to me?

Then it would be more easy for us to deal with the things.

I feel like just to confront her but I don't want to cause any trouble to her health by worrying her.

He thought to himself shutting his eyes painfully and decided to wait for her in the parking lot.

She went into the hospital and waited for her turn to go into Doctor's cabin where her usual check up is done. Her name was called out and she went inside the room.

" Hello Dr. Gupta." She greeted her doctor smiling slightly.

" Hello Ms. Agarwal." He greeted smiling back at her.

" How are you?" He asked.

" Fine doctor." She said unsurely.

Doctor examined her eyes, her BP, her pulse rate and looked at her. She looked scared at him as what he will say.

" You are better now." He said.

" What?" She asked confused.

" Your health is improving Ananya. You look better now than your last two appointments. Your skin is less paler, you don't have dark circles and bags under your eyes, your BP and pulse rate are also normal..... These all means you are stress free which is a  very good sign and it will show a great impact on your health also." He said smiling proudly at her.

" Thank you Doctor, maybe your new medicines are showing good effect on me." She said smiling widely at him.

" No, no, no. Ananya, medicines just help to stop swellings and ruptures. But the improvement in you is not because of only medicines." He said.

" What do you mean Doctor?" She asked him confused.

" We will talk after doing some tests on you." He said and took her to the room where her usual tests are done.

After the sessions of X-rays and Scannings of her brain are done, they came back to the doctor's cabin.

" See, this is what I called Improvement." He said smiling looking at the reports.

He looked at her who is looking back at him confused and scared.

" There are things in this world which cures anything.... apart from medicines." He said.

" What?" She whispered.

" Love."

She heard and froze.

" Love heals. The love we get from the people whom we love makes us forget what we are suffering and makes us happy for the time being when we are with them. The happiness you get when you are with your love heals the deepest wounds in your mind and soul." He said and paused to look at her who is looking at him blankly.

" This is not some movie story or some fairytale I am talking about. This is a proved theory. Sometimes what all you need is Love..... Just Love." He says and she has tears in her eyes.

" The happiness and excitement you get when you are with your loved ones will generate some hormones in your body which relieves stress and anxiety. You are now stress free and also seemed to return to your previous glow also which is a very good of healing. It takes time but it's worth it." Doctor explained.

Listening to him, she realized that she is happy now a days. She doesn't get nightmares and doesn't cry when she sleeps. She doesn't feel dizziness or anxiety also. She doesn't get headaches and there is no loss of appetite also. She stood up and walked to the mirror in the room. She looked at her reflection in the mirror and blinked at it. Her face was normal like before and there were no eyebags or dark circles under her eyes. Then she realized she is sleeping peacefully daily with a smile on her face nowadays. Spark has returned to her eyes and face.

Doctor stayed silent when she was analyzing herself. He didn't say those things because he knows that Siddharth loves her but he said because the improvement is clearly standing before him. Siddharth was making her happy and also her life stress free.

She looked at her reflection and at the Doctor in disbelief. Then it hit her it was all because of one person who is her entire world.

Siddu.

My Siddu.

Tears flowed from her eyes just thinking about him. She is happy these days because he was making her happy. Seeing him daily, talking to him, fighting with him, teasing him, irritating him, star gazing with him..... all these things made her stopped worrying about him, all these things  made her happy, all these things made her feel close to him again, all these things made her feel alive again.

All because of him.

He is healing me.

In midst of all these feelings she is feeling right now, she couldn't ignore a feeling that has awoked in her heart now.

Hope.

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To be Continued..........

Sorry for the delay guys...... I was busy 😅

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Stay Tuned...............