Luther woke up and starts unfastening himself from the sleeping bag. It's been a year and a couple of months since he's been sent off to the moon, exactly second of May, Katrina's seventh birthday. Luther drifts away and heads to beside the sink, taking out a bag of soy paste.

"Happy birthday, Trina," Luther said as he made a toast motion with his bagged soy paste, before sucking the contents out like bagged drink. She would've hated him skipping her seventh birthday- yet again, she would've hated not seeing him for a year already or if she sees for what he truly is- a monster.

He drifts to his computer, turning it on. He's supposed to work on his report on the moon condition, but he supposed that he can do it in another time. He can do it at any time. Right now, this day, he wants to celebrate the day he became a father to a little girl. Luther sighed, this day would've been more fun if his daughter and his siblings were here to celebrate this day with him, but they weren't.

When Luther told his siblings about his pregnancy, it was through texts. Except for Diego, who already knew by barging into Luther's room when Luther was holding into his first USG result. Out of all, Allison validated his feelings first, immediately asking if he was hurt instead of who the father was (Luther almost cried when Allison said that, but he had to lie. No one can know Katrina's true parentage). Allison also asked about the next steps he'll take. Vanya asked if he was still asexual, in which he used the lie that he sneaked out to the rave and got drunk. Klaus congratulated him, so that's that. What would've been Five's and Ben's reaction? Would Five, as his twin, be happy yet worried for him, like Allison was? Would Ben, as his brother, be happy for him?

He hopes Allison is still frequently taking Katrina to see musicals (is she still in Hamilton or has it changed- he doesn't know anymore), he hopes that Diego is now a police officer (Luther must say, Diego is dedicated when he sets his mind to it), Luther prays that Vanya is already the first-chair violinist in an orchestra (last he heard, she's already a third-chair violinist), and Klaus is probably high off his/their arse in some club, running as the owner (he hopes that he's/they're the leader, Klaus' persuading skill is something not to be taken lightly off). Reginald insists that Five is still alive somewhere, sometime (he wants his twin here, but as long as they're alive, he'll take what he can get). And Ben-

Luther closed his eyes as he remembered that Ben is probably already moving on the next stage. As selfish as it sounds, he wants Ben back to them. Fuck, he truly regrets the day he killed him. Such a soft soul doesn't even deserve to be killed, all because of Luther's selfishness. If he hadn't been such a terrible leader, Ben wouldn't've died. What kind of teammate kills his teammate?! What kind of brother kills his brother?!

Luther can feel his hairy body rubbing against the clothes he's wearing and sighed. This is like gender dysphoria and pregnancy again, on top of post-pregnancy changes, Luther thinks. He remembers how outlandish he feels each time, how he hated his reflection in the mirror. How he hated seeing his feminine body, his pregnant body, and how he still hates seeing his post-pregnant body. It's like, they're all telling him that 'hey, I'm AFAB!'. He considers himself luckier than most trans people, he can gain access to HRT and SRS, but at what cost? At the cost of getting raped, pregnant, and turned to a human-ape so ugly?

Luther drifted out to his tiny plant, giving it water. Luther smiled sadly, the plant surely made him feel less alone in this mission. After he puts down the water, Luther ran his fingers over a picture of him and Katrina. It was when Katrina turned five years old, Katrina was wearing a part hat as she was laughing and clapping wildly to the camera, Luther smiling at her. Luther smiled whenever he sees that picture, how is she now? How does she look now?

Luther pushed himself to his study, opening a navy blue binder and taking out a pen, opening to the first poem he wrote after he decided to keep her.

Just By Existing

I'll hold you close here
In my heart, you'll always be
You'll bring joy to me

Just by existing

You'll make me happy, just by being here
You'll make me glad, just by touching my head
Cry, my darling, on your day of birth
Laugh more in the future, on this Earth

You'll face hardships, my sweet love
I'll stand by your side and guide you
No, life won't come easy to you
You can't have life without love

And my love will always be here

Luther sniffed as he turned the pages, remembering the memory that the poem brings. It was after he decided to keep Katrina after he begged Reginald to let him keep her. After convincing Reginald that he won't be put down as Katrina's legal dad and Reginald would only have to play Luther's dad in front of Katrina and promising that he'll always stay in the Academy that Reginald agreed. Not that he would want it any other way, Reginald hates children. Others might hate him, but Luther might say that Reginald is a life-saviour. He knew how important transitioning and Katrina is to him, and let him have them both. Will he have that privilege elsewhere?

Luther opened a new page on the binder, starting to make an incision on the pastel blue paper.

As Pure As Silver

Seven years have you
Been occupying my mind
And you'll never leave

Since you're born, you only made me smile
And it can only glow wider
'Cause my love's as pure as silver
Happy seventh birthday, my sweet girl

Luther closed the binder, kissing it softly, hoping that somehow it can reach Katrina's cheeks on Earth. He hopes that she'll never forget his love for her, even after years of departure and more to come. Time to work, honey.

Luther shook his head as he grabbed a spacesuit and wear the spacesuit on top of his casual suit, opening the latch. It's time to find another example of moon rocks and continue writing his research.