Zayne

Naina had been amazing today. In fact, she had done really well throughout the train journey as well, except for the one time I had called her princess. It was something that had slipped out when she told me about the jewelry she wanted. She really did have a princess-like aura sometimes in the way she spoke or carried herself—so careful, polite, yet firm and assertive. Though, as the years passed, I had seen less of this. I had noticed her become more timid and unsure of herself. And I knew it had to do with that asshole, Advik.

I worked in the same hospital as him and had even stayed with him for three months. I knew he had been cheating on her—one of our interns had told me she had had a one-night stand with him. I had seen the careless way he treated her, how she would wait for him in his apartment, only for him to blame her for spending time with me while waiting. I warned her time and again, yet she had gotten defensive, protective of Advik, not heeding my warnings. And I had given up. I should never have given up.

I should have picked up on the subtle signs of her dissatisfaction. Her asking to do papers with me when her area of interest wasn't cardiology. Her accepting my necklace, going out with me for lunch and dinner while waiting for Advik, knowing he would get angry with her after.

I remembered how excited she had been when I had helped her get accepted for a two-month cardiology rotation at Manipal. I remembered how angry Advik had been that she was be working under me. I bet it put a damper on his plans to sleep around. To have the 'little princess' around when he could be with his whores.

I closed my eyes, remembering what she told me he had made her do. I never brought it up with her again, but the agony she had been in—it ate at me even now. My Naina.

"I gave him my dignity."

"I just wanted him to love me."

As we made our way to my room, I took her hand in mine. She was quiet, unlike the talkative and free-spirited version of her I had seen today.

Upon reaching my room, I performed my namaz, taking the time to pray for guidance and patience. I prayed for her and for us.

By the time I was done, I saw that she had already changed and was in bed, her eyes closed. I felt a twinge of disappointment. Had she fallen asleep?

I climbed into bed next to her and placed one arm around her. The panda, silly as it was, sat across the room from me, looking as though it was judging me.

"Go away, you stupid shit!" I muttered under my breath as I pulled Naina closer to me.

She giggled, her voice soft. "Who are you talking to?" she asked without opening her eyes.

I smiled. She was awake. "The panda. He was giving me a hard time about holding you," I complained in jest.

"Stupid panda," she agreed with a smile. "He wasn't around when Vijaya aunty was asking us to make babies."

I laughed at her unexpected joke. Was she hinting at something? I was patient. But I was a guy lying next to my wife—the woman I was in love with. I couldn't help but imagine the things I would do to her if she would let me. Maybe she would let me.

I placed a hand on her stomach, lifting her pajama top slightly and drawing circles on her abdomen with my fingers. I heard her sharp exhale and felt her quiver under my touch. I drew larger circles with the lightest of touches, letting my fingers feel her sides and then linger on her lower abdomen. Her chest rose and fell rapidly. Her eyes were open now, staring at the ceiling.

I admired the silhouette of her curves. My hand ventured north, but just before I reached her breast, something made me stop.

"Naina, are you doing okay?" I asked her, my voice gentle.

She nodded but didn't speak. She didn't look at me.

I cleared my throat. "Do you want me to touch you, Naina?" I asked, trying to gauge her comfort. I wanted to. I wanted to feel every bit of her, and make her feel every bit of me.

She nodded again.

I placed my hand on her breast, squeezing it gently while watching her face. She closed her eyes, biting her lip. Kneading her breast with one hand, I used the other to turn her face towards mine, leaning down to kiss her, but paused when I noticed the small signs of her inner struggle. Her quivering lips, shaky breaths, and the tiniest of whimpers. Or was it a moan? She was clearly turned on, but there was something disturbing about her expression.

I pulled away, my concern mounting. "Are you okay, Naina?" I asked her again.

She nodded slightly, but her response was ambiguous.

"You are a guy, you have needs. I am your wife, so..."

"She doesn't know how to say no."

"There are no lines between husband and wife."

I needed space to collect myself. I distanced from her slightly and stared at the ceiling, wondering if we would ever be a normal couple. Should I give her space, or should I lead her, helping her break free from the shadows of her past and step into our present?

I stole a glance at her. She was still breathing hard, staring at the ceiling. Her eyes were bright, and her cheeks were wet with tears.

I was lost, confused. She was everything I wanted, and I had her, but I didn't really. I stood up to walk to the window, seeking breathing room to clear my head.

"Please don't leave me..." Naina's soft voice interrupted my thoughts. She wanted me. On some level, she wanted me. Maybe even needed me.

I turned back to look at her. She was looking up at me, her eyebrows furrowed, her hands clasped together.

"I'll never leave you, Naina," I told her with conviction.

She let out a shaky breath, and I walked back to the bed, sitting down beside her. I reached out and gently cupped her face, wiping away the tears that had streaked her cheeks.

"Naina," I began softly, "whatever you're feeling, whatever you're going through, I'm here. With you. Forever and Always."

She nodded, biting her lower lip as more tears spilled over. "I'm sorry for being so...complicated," she whispered.

"You're not complicated," I protested. "You're healing. And that's okay."

She sniffled and gave a small, shaky smile.

I lay back down beside her, pulling her close into my arms. She rested her head on my chest, and I kissed her hair. I held her tighter, wanting to shield her from all the pain.

"Zayne," she murmured.

"Yeah?" I asked, gently stroking her hair.

"Can I come live with you after I'm done with my course?" she asked, her eyes searching mine for reassurance.

"I would love that," I replied without hesitation.

She would be done with general medicine in about three and a half months, but I still had a year left to complete my cardiology fellowship. Advik would complete his post-graduation in a couple of weeks and would be out of here too.

I held her until she fell asleep, her breathing becoming slow and steady. But sleep eluded me. I tossed and turned, unable to figure out how I should be handling things. How I should be handling her.

Maybe things would be better once she came to live with me. Three months and we'd be together, I thought. I took a deep breath, trying to calm my restless mind.

I knew it wouldn't be easy; I had to learn to balance my desirefor her and her need for space to heal.

I don't know when I finally fell asleep, but by the time I woke up, the lighting in the room was harsh. I checked the time—11 a.m. Naina was nowhere to be seen. I could hear sounds coming from downstairs, as though we had company.

I felt tired and achy, the remnants of a restless night weighing heavily on me. I groggily went through my emails and WhatsApp messages, procrastinating the inevitable. Finally, I got up, showered, and got ready to go downstairs.

But something was wrong. I heard raised voices. My mother's raised voice. Alarm bells went off in my head.

I hurried down the stairs, my heart pounding as I followed the sound of the commotion to the living room.

There, my mother stood opposite Naina with her arms crossed, her face flushed with anger.

"Get out of this house, you shameless prostitute," she yelled at my wife.

Naina stood her ground, looking down, her posture both defiant and defeated. Vijaya aunty stood behind my mother, her hands on her hips.

I froze. The next few minutes felt like they went in slow motion, with me unable to react or even think.

"I'm not a prostitute. I'm your daughter-in-law. Your son's wife!" said Naina, her voice shaky but firm.

My mother's hand flew across her face, throwing her to the ground with its impact.

I couldn't believe what was unfolding before my eyes. Vijaya aunty now had her hand to her chest, shock clearly written on her face. I was rooted to the spot.

My Naina was on the floor. She wasn't getting up. I needed to go to her, I needed to comfort her. But my legs didn't move. My mother, the woman who loved me more than anyone else in the world, had called my wife a prostitute and had hit her.

A voice in my head screamed at me to take action, to do something, anything. But I couldn't save Naina from the violence and abuse. I couldn't save her.

**********************************************

Thank you for reading.

Remember that you are amazing, and there is a reason for everything. You are going to be okay.
❤️Faiza